Next steps and how to progress?

[Zxcv1029]

Hi all,

We're a married couple of 2 years and I (24M) have introduced cuckolding to my wife (22F) a couple of months ago. Initially it was a hard "no" but recently my wife have opened up to having a bull in our life.

Our sex life has been stagnant recently and my wife rarely gets turned on, so I'm hoping this new lifestyle can spice it up and allow her to experience some great feelings and orgasms.

Upon discussion, my wife's only interested in average dicks (not too large as it'll be painful) but this might change, no preference in ethnicity, does not prefer too muscular men, and only wants a bull who she is comfortable with and can form an emotional attachment with (ie she won't just fuck a random stranger). This is important as she had some abusive BFs in the bast, so she'll only get along with nice, comfortable and respectful bulls.

The problem is I'm not sure what to do next? Didn't think she'll ever agree so not sure how to proceed. Do we now just go find bulls (in which case where do find a good respectful bulls) or test the water more? Any other advice? As a cuck I'd also love to be humiliated and be a sub while my wife and bull be the dom but how would I get this message across? Appreciate any advice on the next steps!

[bbarnsworth]

I'm sorry your wife rarely gets turned on Don't look to hotwifing as a way to solve that. Some people have lower sex drives than others. On its own, it doesn't mean anything is 'wrong' with her, you, or your relationship. Just understand that ultimately hotwifing isn't going to 'solve' that problem, if it even needs to be solved. Hotwifing can offer some serious spark to a couple's sex life, but the newness of it eventually wears off. It's still fun (lots of fun!) but it won't necessarily provide the intense sparks it will do at first.

On average dicks; there's no way to know ahead of time whether a guy is going to be well endowed, rather small, or just average. That is, unless he posts dick pics of himself. But, that's usually not a good sign of a good prospective bull. It's kind of a rule of thumb for most couples that a guy's profile being littered with dick pics is an easy way to deselect the idiots.

It's very understandable that your wife wants an emotional connection. Whether a woman has had abusive relationships in the past or not, this is a common thing. I don't like stereotypes, but I think there's some truth to the idea that men can separate sex and emotions easier than women can. My wife can just have sex with a guy if she's attracted enough. But, she prefers an emotional connection. The sex is better. She's never had an abusive boyfriend.

It's critically important that you and your wife talk through all of this beforehand. Understand where both of you are, especially about emotions developing. It's a flawed idea that a person can only romantically love one person at a time. This is simply not true. But, we aren't raised to think that is the case, and society places a lot of pressure on the idea that you must have only one. You aren't raised with the relationship tools to manage a relationship where one or both of you are emotionally involved with more than just each other. Walk carefully, and walk together.

Finding a good, respectful bull is going to take some work. There are a lot of men in this lifestyle and there is far more supply than there is demand. You and your wife can and should be very selective. Find the guy that works for both of you.

There are plenty of online dating sites that support this sort of lifestyle. Find one or more that work for you. When you make a profile showing you're interested in single males, you're going to be flooded with messages, most especially if you put pictures (even fully clothed) of your wife on the profile. So how do you filter down? As mentioned, any single guy with a bunch of dick pics on their profile, I recommend just moving on.

Two, it's a good idea to place a sentence somewhere down in your profile that asks the prospective bull to tell you something in their contact email. It can be innocuous, like what is his favorite color, or favorite time of the year. Something simple. If they don't include that in their contact email to you, then you know they didn't really read your profile. Delete, block, move on. There are a lot of single males who will just throw out the same copy/paste contact email to as many potential women/couples as possible, hoping something sticks.

Three, while communicating through email and/or text is great, move quickly to meeting in person. There's a few reasons for this. One, it will rapidly filter out the flakes who are in it just for the communication, or are inexperienced and afraid. Two, your wife won't really know if she's attracted to the guy until she meets him in person. Get through the base particulars in initial communication, then move to a casual meet up for drinks early on.

When you meet in person, you will also get a better understanding of the guy in observing how he treats you. This is often overlooked. If the prospective bull isn't respectful of you, there's a problem. Ok you want to be humiliated, I get that. But, him being immediately humiliating to you and focused solely on fucking your wife is a very bad sign.

Try to gain an understanding of why this guy is in the lifestyle. Why does he want to find a married woman playing with permission rather than finding a single woman? What's in it for him? In my wife's case, the two long boyfriends she has had were victims of marriages that had gone very bad, and in one case the guy traveled around the region very frequently, making starting a relationship difficult. Neither was looking for a relationship that required commitment, required being present most of the time, required them to think more of the future with a woman. For both of them, they got to have sex with my wife many, many times. They got to have several day long dates with her, and got all the trappings of having a relationship without having to invest fully in it. Both developed emotions for her, but neither wanted or needed a full blown relationship. It worked very well for those reasons. If your prospective bull doesn't have a solid basis for why he wants to be doing this, there's a fair chance he's in it for a quick fuck. If that's what you want, great. If you want a long term boyfriend for your wife, look for more.

You get the message across by being communicative Seriously; you can't get what you want by not talking about it, whether it's to your wife or to the bull. Same goes for your wife.

Lastly, there's no deadline here. There's no need to rush. Talk thing through with your wife, and move at her pace...not yours.

[SilverStag]

I'm sorry your wife rarely gets turned on Don't look to hotwifing as a way to solve that. Some people have lower sex drives than others. On its own, it doesn't mean anything is 'wrong' with her, you, or your relationship. Just understand that ultimately hotwifing isn't going to 'solve' that problem, if it even needs to be solved. Hotwifing can offer some serious spark to a couple's sex life, but the newness of it eventually wears off. It's still fun (lots of fun!) but it won't necessarily provide the intense sparks it will do at first.

On average dicks; there's no way to know ahead of time whether a guy is going to be well endowed, rather small, or just average. That is, unless he posts dick pics of himself. But, that's usually not a good sign of a good prospective bull. It's kind of a rule of thumb for most couples that a guy's profile being littered with dick pics is an easy way to deselect the idiots.

It's very understandable that your wife wants an emotional connection. Whether a woman has had abusive relationships in the past or not, this is a common thing. I don't like stereotypes, but I think there's some truth to the idea that men can separate sex and emotions easier than women can. My wife can just have sex with a guy if she's attracted enough. But, she prefers an emotional connection. The sex is better. She's never had an abusive boyfriend.

It's critically important that you and your wife talk through all of this beforehand. Understand where both of you are, especially about emotions developing. It's a flawed idea that a person can only romantically love one person at a time. This is simply not true. But, we aren't raised to think that is the case, and society places a lot of pressure on the idea that you must have only one. You aren't raised with the relationship tools to manage a relationship where one or both of you are emotionally involved with more than just each other. Walk carefully, and walk together.

Finding a good, respectful bull is going to take some work. There are a lot of men in this lifestyle and there is far more supply than there is demand. You and your wife can and should be very selective. Find the guy that works for both of you.

There are plenty of online dating sites that support this sort of lifestyle. Find one or more that work for you. When you make a profile showing you're interested in single males, you're going to be flooded with messages, most especially if you put pictures (even fully clothed) of your wife on the profile. So how do you filter down? As mentioned, any single guy with a bunch of dick pics on their profile, I recommend just moving on.

Two, it's a good idea to place a sentence somewhere down in your profile that asks the prospective bull to tell you something in their contact email. It can be innocuous, like what is his favorite color, or favorite time of the year. Something simple. If they don't include that in their contact email to you, then you know they didn't really read your profile. Delete, block, move on. There are a lot of single males who will just throw out the same copy/paste contact email to as many potential women/couples as possible, hoping something sticks.

Three, while communicating through email and/or text is great, move quickly to meeting in person. There's a few reasons for this. One, it will rapidly filter out the flakes who are in it just for the communication, or are inexperienced and afraid. Two, your wife won't really know if she's attracted to the guy until she meets him in person. Get through the base particulars in initial communication, then move to a casual meet up for drinks early on.

When you meet in person, you will also get a better understanding of the guy in observing how he treats you. This is often overlooked. If the prospective bull isn't respectful of you, there's a problem. Ok you want to be humiliated, I get that. But, him being immediately humiliating to you and focused solely on fucking your wife is a very bad sign.

Try to gain an understanding of why this guy is in the lifestyle. Why does he want to find a married woman playing with permission rather than finding a single woman? What's in it for him? In my wife's case, the two long boyfriends she has had were victims of marriages that had gone very bad, and in one case the guy traveled around the region very frequently, making starting a relationship difficult. Neither was looking for a relationship that required commitment, required being present most of the time, required them to think more of the future with a woman. For both of them, they got to have sex with my wife many, many times. They got to have several day long dates with her, and got all the trappings of having a relationship without having to invest fully in it. Both developed emotions for her, but neither wanted or needed a full blown relationship. It worked very well for those reasons. If your prospective bull doesn't have a solid basis for why he wants to be doing this, there's a fair chance he's in it for a quick fuck. If that's what you want, great. If you want a long term boyfriend for your wife, look for more.

You get the message across by being communicative Seriously; you can't get what you want by not talking about it, whether it's to your wife or to the bull. Same goes for your wife.

Lastly, there's no deadline here. There's no need to rush. Talk thing through with your wife, and move at her pace...not yours.

Exactly.

This hobby won't fix relationship problems, it will magnify them. Better that you and your wife communicate about all of this including what each of you wants to get out of it and why. Discuss whether you want this (cuckolding and humiliation) to be a 24/7 thing or just for special occasions. I.E. Do you want it as a lifestyle or just a part time diversion?

[Natatude]

Your wife sounds a lot like me, when I am chatting with a guy I ask pretty much right up front how big they are, because if they have a 10-12 inch cock I am not interested and don’t want to waste my time or his.

[Wantsomefunto]

Like others said, this may not make things better. With that said, ask her how she would like to meet someone. She can use a dating app or does she know someone she could approach