Our Hotwives

First post here. So for a long time, i've been hinting at a 3some with a woman and the thoughts of my wife being with another woman. Recently my wife went for a weekend away with college friends to a hotel. She had her own room and I commented when she got back that what if one of the cleaners had come in and tried it on with her. I was thinking a female cleaner but she thought a male cleaner. Anyway, after a conversation about her being with someone else, I think that she brought up the subject of an open relationship and seemed very keen on the idea, to give her freedom and choices. So this developed into a thing about having sex dates with men, through a dating app and that she may be interested in going for "just a date" to see if she still could chat people up, possibly out of state as she has 2 brothers that could know some of these guys through work. So the initial response when SHE mentioned an open relationship was very positive and yes. I cant believe that when she said this, i was shaking inside and my heart was pounding in my head. I never realized at all that her going off to have a date with another man was going to give me this reaction. We even wrote out all the rules the next day. It has all gone quiet since then as she needs time to think about it all and process it. Plant the seed and let it germinate....the ball is in her court now, but she has brought it up, querying some of the rules so she has been reading through them. I don't know how I feel - unlike others, this wasn't something that I had been planning, rather something that just came about through conversation. My idea was with me there too as a participant and preferably with a woman as the third. I’d never considered her going away alone and the emotions that this will introduce. With a full load, I’m really excited about the idea and the reclaim, but with an empty load it’s a different prospective What do y'all think?

Well, good for you. I bet it was quite the surprise to find out that you are excited by the thought of her being with another man? We've been there. Women who are in a threesome with a couple are called a "unicorn" for a reason, they are pretty rare. And that's why most men spend their whole life fantasizing about it without it usually happening. But I think it's great that this evolved into something else that you seem very much into. She is probably in the same shoes you were in, thinking this wouldn't happen but hopeful that it would one day happen. So as long as you're both honest and happy about, then enjoy the ride.

The last sentence confuses me a bit. "but with an empty load it’s a different prospective What do y'all think?" You mean after you cum you dislike the thought with post nut clarity and don't want this? Or am I misreading that? Some guys that's an issue, and this life is better spent as a fantasy rather than reality. But I think that usually decreases the more you imagine it as well.

Thanks for the reply. Yes to clarify - post but does feel a bit like “what are we doing?” Anyway, lots has happened since I posted. So much I can’t keep up. She has now set up an account on a dating app and had lots of attention. One that seems to sit well with her. Unfortunately she is away this weekend so this revelation was revealed to me by text and it seems to be something that she is going to take the plunge on. Unfortunately with her being away, we haven’t had the discussion about it that I had planned but hopefully we will when she is home again. There are bits that we will need to discuss in more depth. Like messages she is getting sent and sharing the details with me as I don’t really have anything yet. Also in regard to timing - like when I’m away or at work and I feel that this could all play havok with my emotions - especially the first meet and I’m not sure if I’d be happy not being at home for her return.

There are definitely some strong feelings once they “agree in principle”. If you’re not comfortable with the proposition, now is the time to say it, not after she travels a few more miles down the road.

Post-nut clarity is a thing for many of us I’d say. If you’re not 100% ready for her to become non-monogamous, though, you need to communicate that. For some this works and for some it’s probably better left in the fantasy realm. Open, frequent communication is going to be a must.

So it only seems like a few days since I posted and so much has happened. The dating app exploded and my partner is now sorting between all the messages and moving serious ones over to WhatsApp. She had her first "date" yesterday which was a cup of coffee and chat meet up just to suss things out. That went well and there was nothing particular to mention. She has another coffee meet this morning, so this is quite a possibilty that in the next week or so, she might be a Hotwife! The pattern that seems to be emerging is the idea of having 2 seperate guys on the radar and being able to choose - if things change with one, then the other is there while looking around. Does this seem to be the way that other people do this?

So really we have now moved from a fantasy being born, to reality, with the goal only around the corner. Exciting times indeed!

Well that's good I guess. You seem to be ok with it so far. This does seem to be moving rather fast without a whole lot of communication happening, and I will say that this isn't a great sign that this isn't going to have it's share of issues. But as long as you're able to communicate eventually, and the post nut clarity issue goes away, I do hope this works out great for all involved. She's definitely taken a passion in the idea and is excited, so that's great that she's enjoying herself so much so far. Hopefully you are also enjoying the process as it develops.

I am struck with how much your wife wants this and how very little time she is needing to process it after you gave her a green light.

Yes, it is definitely the case some women are just born to want multiple men, and your wife may be one of those. But I hear you need more time to process your feelings. I also suggest you come to learn more about your wife's unmet sexual needs. Sharing can be a wonderful opportunity to deepen knowledge of each other and feel closer in the process. Dive into understanding her needs, experiences, dreams, and missing pieces. It would be sad to miss out on all that.

Do keep us informed of how all this works out. Not a time to be silently stoic.

Thanks for the replies Zorro and Pufferfish. Hopefully I haven't given the wrong idea. We are communicating lots, in fact more than ever now. All communications have been really positive and we have both worked through a list of rules and revised it a few times now, as things crop up that you never thought about. But as it stands, she is chatting to a few different people on apps, and really only gives me an update if there is anything worth giving an update on. I'm sure that lots of people are the same but it seems that the first few weeks, it is all we are really talking about. Lots of deep conversions about what we want from this, what we dont want from this and where we are going next. My wife does jump feet first into anything she does, and like she said, at the moment this is just a process of weeding through tons of messages and likes but she tells me about everyone she is chatting to and information that she feels I should know about. And yes, it has lead to frank (sometimes even close to the bone) discussions about our own sex life which is really good in general, but has maybe stagnated and always has room for improvement, but I can take a few bits of advise from. While the fact still remains that "we are going through this whole process of apps and messaging in order for her to find someone that she would like to have sex with" (how many times does that sentence go through my head), it is bigger than that. I don't think this is all about sex for her and more about having that freedom to make up her own mind if that's what she wants to do. Obviously i'm not psychic and do we really know what another person is thinking all of the time, but I completely trust her and why she wants to do this. It is more of a sexual awakening than about the physical act. I'm sure that like all of us, she has her own thoughts about some of it - like "this guy would absolutely wreck me and i'd love him to!" but I think its human nature to not always divulge "everything" that your thinking.

Hopefully this all makes sense. I'm probably not the best at conveying exactly what is going on!

I'm glad communication is happening and everything is moving in a great direction. She seems to be very eager and excited and I hope this ends up being the greatest improvement to your marriage as it has for us. Looking forward to hearing about how it develops.

Double post

Just adding my two cents. First, remember that each person has an opinion and their own fantasy and journey as they envision it. These may or may not match up with some of yours. This is just my opinion and may not fit anyone else's life.
I am a little concerned about the dynamics that are being laid out by you and your wife.
Being in a hotwife relationship, usually consists of a couple laying out their expectations on what each person thinks will make the experience great for themselves. But the other person needs to be heard and understood. Know what their expectations are. Both parties need to have similar expectations of how it will not only affect themselves but just as importantly their spouse.
As a simple example, if the male is expecting a MMF, taking part or watching, sitting home while your wife is out getting fucked silly, might not work for them. The husband may not get any satisfaction unless he is somehow involved. Being there, participating, hearing the juicy details immediately after, eating a creampie, pics, video, etc, need to be understood and agreed upon by both of you.
My concern for you is what your wife is saying, and possibly thinking. An open relationship may be that you both have freedom to act as a single dating person and that there is little need to share what is happening with their spouse at all. That's because you have agreed and understanding each other's expectations and needs. You are both living and sharing responsibilities and financial matters the same as it has been, but in terms of a sexual relationship, you are just another guy she is dating. You (M) are also at a disadvantage in a few ways. First, she doesn't need your input into her dating and sex life, nor you hers. NRE is a drug. It feels so fucking good.
The new guys are looking and acting their very best in hopes of getting laid. They are out to impress. You on the other hand have played your sex card already which after a while is stale and routine, just like any other thing you have done over and over many times.
She sees and has seen you farting, belching, unkept sometimes, scratching your balls, angry and every other bad situation that happens in real life. (Just using examples)
A friend (F) and her husband, who were divorced when I met her while I was trying to get into her pants. What happened is that her husband had suggested an open relationship and she whole heartedly agreed. She was cute and he was less so.
She started dating and could get laid multiple times a day, every day, if she wanted. He found it much tougher to find women. Even when he found a date, manywomen won't hop into the sack on the first date(s).That Vagina thing between a womans legs (typically where it's found) is magic and a huge advantage. Any female can get laid any night they want. Maybe not the person they want but there is always a guy wanting to get in there.
So while she was having a great time and enjoying herself, he found himself beating off because he didn't find a willing partner that night.
Her husband realizing the odds sucked for him, decided he wanted to call it off. She said NO and continued on having a great time. (She was great fuck BTW). So they ended up divorced. That is what I saw with an open relationship.
A hot wife should be something that is enjoyable for both. Comparison is usually what the guy gets while the woman gets to date. Often, with a hotwife, she will try and fulfill the needs of the husband while she is free to date and fuck. Many couples discuss and participate in all aspects of the LS from picking suitable FB's for her together and possibly to participating.
As usual, I went on way to long but wanted you to know what I saw as an open relationship vs a Hotwife relationship.
Make sure you both understand what the other is expecting and saying.

Shiphead, thanks for your reply. I've read it a few times and it all makes sense. I think that initially, neither of us had ever heard of a Hotwife. Or really knew anything about open relationships. As this has all evolved, we've actually dropped the open relationship name as that isn't really what either of us wanted - we both want to still have our own personal sex life, our own relationship and without it being watered down at all. She does want to meet other men and to be honest, the only sticking point that we have found so far is if there is someone that she wants to hook up with and that I am not in agreement with. Its something that we never thought about in the initial stages and will be something that we discuss more, as in, an assumption was made that she could see "anyone she wants to" where as my thought is that it needs to be someone that I approve of.

I think that's just a small miscommunication because at other times, she will ask me how I feel about her meeting a certain person for coffee, and seeks that approval. Saying that, I fully take on board what you are saying and think that there will be another conversation just to make sure we are both on the same track. But, the Open Relationship, was probably more, not fully understanding the terminology.

So far we are treading cautiously and she is being very open with me about everyone that she is chatting to and what she sees down the line with them. But again, thanks for the feedback. Food for thought and I will make sure that we are not getting into anything that we are not both 100% happy with

I'm glad it opened up more thoughts, questions and communication.
It sounds like you have it under control. Terms in this LS cause a lot of confusion. Usually it's pretty easy to understand what they are trying to say in spite of whatever they call it. But whenever I hear "open
relationship", it takes me back to that couple immediately and I see how they failed. I'm sorry I didn't understand and wrote a long post that wasn't positive and fun. This LS should be exactly that, Positive and fun.
There are so many sub divisions in Hotwifing. Cuck, degrading, stag, etc. That's why it's so important to know exactly that you are both on the same page and in complete agreement.
If I may ask, what is your reason you have a problem with the one guy she wants and why is he important to her especially if she knows it will be a problem for you? If you don't want to share in a post, I am always open to speak by DM. Ii can think of a number of guys that I felt were off limits. We talked about each person she wanted to see. But that was my ex and definitely not my current wife. I don't even fantasize nor want my wife in the hobby. She wouldn't in the first place and she is very negative about any sex. Almost frigid. She fooled me pretty well until we got married. After that, she started being as interested. Once we had a son, I just pretty much became the handyman around here. No sex, no pay, just a long honey do list. Good luck to you both. You are at the most exciting time of this LS. Enjoy it. I enjoy reading and following your story as it progresses. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

On a positive note, I was exactly like you with my ex. I wanted a two women threesome. But most men are somewhat limited in continuing after we cum. Women can chose to keep going. So after reading stories about MMF, it started becoming my new fantasy. I would imagine the scenarios and masturbate very often during those images in my head of my wife getting well fucked by another man and me. The problem was, that as soon as I came/cummed, I would lose interest and become rather confused about wanting that scenario at all. That's what I have learned on OHW is referred to as port nut clarity. In fact someone mentioned that earlier in your responses. But eventually compersion eventually kicked in. I was so turned on thinking of watching my wife's multiple orgasims that it stopped the post nut clarity and I remained interested all the time.
So I understand what you are going thru and am excited to live a little vicariously thru you.
Do you think you may post a picture of my vicarious wife sometime? Helps with the images of your story.

Hey bud. I can’t post any pics yet at this time - I don’t actually have any myself! - I’ll work on it. She’s actually very quiet and reserved like that. About the guy you asked about - basically there was very little respect shown to me with some of the comments during the first meet. I just found it quite disrespectful. I’m not against dirty talk but there’s a time and a place and first coffee meet wasn’t it. Anyway she has actually told him that she isn’t interested now and not even a reply so that one is behind us and my wife is totally in agreement that he didn’t show either of us any respect.

Your earlier comments did spark a clarification discussion and we are totally reading off the same page so thanks for that.

Thanks for the response. I am eagerly excited for you both.

AgentOrange wrote: ↑

Fri Jun 28, 2024 9:39 am

Hey bud. I can’t post any pics yet at this time - I don’t actually have any myself! - I’ll work on it. She’s actually very quiet and reserved like that. About the guy you asked about - basically there was very little respect shown to me with some of the comments during the first meet. I just found it quite disrespectful. I’m not against dirty talk but there’s a time and a place and first coffee meet wasn’t it. Anyway she has actually told him that she isn’t interested now and not even a reply so that one is behind us and my wife is totally in agreement that he didn’t show either of us any respect.

Your earlier comments did spark a clarification discussion and we are totally reading off the same page so thanks for that.

Veto power is an important subject to cover. Recently, I questioned the character of a guy based on M's description of their meet and great conversation. I voiced my concerns but left the decision up to her. If I had safety concerns, that would be different.

M eventually invited him to our house. I still think he's a bit slimy.

In our discussions, M is comfortable backing off if I object. That's reassuring. At the same time, I want M to experience all she can. I would never use a veto flippantly.

Good for you both for communicating.

She should be selective, there will be plenty of candidates.

I'm sure I'm not alone, I get the biggest charge out of M's dates when she's had the best time. If she has a sub-par experience, that's a major downer for me.