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A marriage not suitable for this…
Posted: Sat Jun 29, 2024 6:13 am
by nks
I have been on the forum from quite some time, but I have not yet talked about my situation. For me, the lifestyle is mostly a fantasy and I did not seriously consider getting into it. Of course, I do like the whole idea and in an ideal situation I would be more than happy to be a permissive husband. However, I do not have the ideal relationship with my wife for this. We do not have the best trusting relationship, and I’m not sure she would stay with me once she finds others.
Before getting married, she often said that she was intrigued about extramarital affairs, especially sex. She even said that she wants the option to have extramarital sex on business trips maybe not immediately, but sometime later. After marriage, she no longer remembered saying this, even though it was quite a serious talk. She seems to have become more conservative. I am fine with it. However, I am not too good in bed and she is quite unsatisfied. She is so sexy and deserving of good sex. To be honest, I would really like her to have a great sex life…
Years ago, I told her about my desires, and that I am not against her seeing others. She had the usual reactions: thinking that I want to cheat, thinking that I was weird, etc. the usual. She told me that she was not interested to do it. So, that’s that. But then, she did talk about sex on a business trip again a few years ago, but not in a serious way. I told her that perhaps it’s better to have a boyfriend. She said that sex was better, and if she falls for someone then she would want to switch to that person and start a committed relationship. This made me nervous.
We have little sex and I would love to have a better, deeply trusting relationship where she can still love me even if she does things on the side. But, it seems impossible at this point.. I am now simply into the fantasy and try to do my best to satisfy her needs…
Re: A marriage not suitable for this…
Posted: Sat Jun 29, 2024 6:47 am
by Statein88
Maybe you guys could try some couple’s therapy or counseling. You definitely want to have a solid relationship with communication and trust before doing anything else. Sounds like she loves you and wants to stay committed to the relationship.
Satisfying a woman in bed is about way more that size, following a script, etc. and much more about effort, attitude and the ability to learn what THEY specifically want and need.
Re: A marriage not suitable for this…
Posted: Sat Jun 29, 2024 6:51 am
by philxxo
How long have you been married? I think you are being very wise. From the sounds of it, you should leave it a fantasy. Of course, she may be cheating on you anyway. It's always a risk. Many cucks get dumped. Especially the guys who let themselves get "pussy free." If you think about it, why is there any reason to keep you? Maybe financial reasons, or kids. Even if she stays with you, the other relationship could become primary and you become the third wheel. I was listening to the podcast "Strictly Anonymous" and there is a story on there about a guy named "Scott", and that's exactly what happened to him. His wife wanted to play around, so he let her play around with other men. She had a number of bulls. Some bull encouraged her to cut him off from any pussy, he started doing cleanup etc. He became content with watching and hearing about it only. Eventually the last bull became a BF. The BF was very handsome and capable in bed. They started going on vacation together as 3. The cuck just became a third wheel. The BF eventually made a play for the wife and essentially said he wanted to be with her, and she divorced her husband for the BF.
I am still a wannabe, but my wife has said similar. She essentially said if I don't want to lose her then don't push her into the arms of another man. She is telling me that's a risk. I think doing 3 somes as "Stag- Vixen" is the safest way to go if you are going to do it. If you let your wife spend time alone on dates, or overnight alone, that's a risk. It works for some couples and they still stay together. But seems risky to me. I think a safer way to do it, is just give her a hall pass on out of town business trips. Or if she plays locally, get much younger guys, so she won't be inclined to leave you for one of them. Or set some rules so that you are there every time or 3 somes only.
Re: A marriage not suitable for this…
Posted: Sat Jun 29, 2024 9:10 am
by isinlarsa
Never say never. My wife was rather free with her favors before we married, and I hoped she would continue afterwards. But she didn't, saying she wanted to be monogamous, and even chastening me for wanting her to be a "porn queen."
But after sixteen years of marriage, she was in a job where she traveled a lot for business. She admitted having one man come to her room and they kissed, but she said it went no further.
That either awakened something in her, or it went further than she admitted. Soon after she said she wanted to date other men, and that's when she openly became a hotwife.
Re: A marriage not suitable for this…
Posted: Mon Jul 01, 2024 4:31 am
by nks
Statein88 wrote: ↑Sat Jun 29, 2024 6:47 am
Maybe you guys could try some couple’s therapy or counseling. You definitely want to have a solid relationship with communication and trust before doing anything else. Sounds like she loves you and wants to stay committed to the relationship.
Satisfying a woman in bed is about way more that size, following a script, etc. and much more about effort, attitude and the ability to learn what THEY specifically want and need.
Thank you for the suggestions. We are trying to sort out some of our issues. And yes, I agree with what you write about satisfying women. I really want to get better and satisfy her to be honest. She deserves more. When we met, she was quite sexual and loved sex. We had some good sex, but it felt like she needed more. Despite some effort, I was never really good in bed. Sometimes we talk, but she seems to be more interested in non-sexual stuff these days. Still, she is not satisfied. That much is clear. Nevertheless, I will keep trying.
Re: A marriage not suitable for this…
Posted: Mon Jul 01, 2024 4:48 am
by nks
philxxo wrote: ↑Sat Jun 29, 2024 6:51 am
How long have you been married? I think you are being very wise. From the sounds of it, you should leave it a fantasy. Of course, she may be cheating on you anyway. It's always a risk. […]
I am still a wannabe, but my wife has said similar.
Yes, I think the fantasy is enough. It is a pretty hot fantasy and in fantasies everything can be ideal. There are just too many complications for us at this point. It’s just in the past, she showed interest in all this and originally it was her idea to consider extramarital sex. She used to be quite sexual and was really intrigued by the idea. Men always hit on her and she did tell me about men showing interest in her on business trips, but she was not interested in them. Of course, she might be cheating already. I won’t encourage her, but if she wants to have sex, I think I would probably say yes. Though with a bit of worry.
Re: A marriage not suitable for this…
Posted: Mon Jul 01, 2024 4:57 am
by nks
isinlarsa wrote: ↑Sat Jun 29, 2024 9:10 am
That either awakened something in her, or it went further than she admitted. Soon after she said she wanted to date other men, and that's when she openly became a hotwife.
Yes, my wife’s sexual interest seems to awaken sometimes. We were on the beach last time and she commented that being surrounded by almost naked men and women was arousing. She also suddenly wanted a tattoo. So, yes, sometimes she too has her own desires.
Re: A marriage not suitable for this…
Posted: Tue Jul 02, 2024 5:41 am
by philxxo
Definitely try to get better at pleasing her sexually, that's always a good thing. Bad things happen when women are not sexually satisfied. Men for that matter too. Eat her pussy more, use toys, do whatever you have to do. I just had a fight with my wife last night over this same issue. She isn't satisfied and apparently I am not able to last long enough to satisfy her. It's more complicated than that, but that's the gist of it. This is my opportunity to bring up hotwifing again though.
Re: A marriage not suitable for this…
Posted: Tue Jul 02, 2024 7:01 am
by nks
philxxo wrote: ↑Tue Jul 02, 2024 5:41 am
Definitely try to get better at pleasing her sexually, that's always a good thing. Bad things happen when women are not sexually satisfied. Men for that matter too. Eat her pussy more, use toys, do whatever you have to do. I just had a fight with my wife last night over this same issue. She isn't satisfied and apparently I am not able to last long enough to satisfy her. It's more complicated than that, but that's the gist of it. This is my opportunity to bring up hotwifing again though.
I know. I really want to satisfy her more, but it’s not going very well. I understand your wife. I mean my wife is also frustrated and they have a right to be angry, I feel. However, sometimes she seems not to be interested in sex all that much. I don’t know if it’s because she is less interested, given up trying, does it by herself, or sometimes meets someone and has sex, but I do now that she is really unsatisfied in bed with me. I would not be against she having extramarital sex (as you can imagine). I mean if we can still keep our love for each other, then I would like to encourage her, but whether she can still stay interested is a question. The priority now is to get better and work hard. I’m completely in love with her, so I really, really want her to have good, satisfying sex.
Re: A marriage not suitable for this…
Posted: Tue Jul 02, 2024 1:17 pm
by philxxo
nks wrote: ↑Tue Jul 02, 2024 7:01 am
philxxo wrote: ↑Tue Jul 02, 2024 5:41 am
Definitely try to get better at pleasing her sexually, that's always a good thing. Bad things happen when women are not sexually satisfied. Men for that matter too. Eat her pussy more, use toys, do whatever you have to do. I just had a fight with my wife last night over this same issue. She isn't satisfied and apparently I am not able to last long enough to satisfy her. It's more complicated than that, but that's the gist of it. This is my opportunity to bring up hotwifing again though.
I know. I really want to satisfy her more, but it’s not going very well. I understand your wife. I mean my wife is also frustrated and they have a right to be angry, I feel. However, sometimes she seems not to be interested in sex all that much. I don’t know if it’s because she is less interested, given up trying, does it by herself, or sometimes meets someone and has sex, but I do now that she is really unsatisfied in bed with me. I would not be against she having extramarital sex (as you can imagine). I mean if we can still keep our love for each other, then I would like to encourage her, but whether she can still stay interested is a question. The priority now is to get better and work hard. I’m completely in love with her, so I really, really want her to have good, satisfying sex.
That's exactly how I feel! I think my wife deserves to have great sex. My wife is drop dead gorgeous. She could have any man she wants. I am going to bring it up again tonight.
Re: A marriage not suitable for this…
Posted: Tue Jul 02, 2024 4:15 pm
by bbarnsworth
nks, this has DISASTER written all over this if it happens. There's a saying about this from swinging, that applies to hotwifing as well; what it finds, it magnifies. If there's love and deep commitment, it magnifies those. If there's problems, it will make them a LOT worse. Keep this hotwifing idea firmly and permanently as a fantasy of your own that you keep to yourself. If you value your marriage, you will do this.
You have serious problems to work through, and a lot of learning to do about you, your wife, and your relationship.
Re: A marriage not suitable for this…
Posted: Tue Jul 02, 2024 4:38 pm
by nks
bbarnsworth wrote: ↑Tue Jul 02, 2024 4:15 pm
nks, this has DISASTER written all over this if it happens. There's a saying about this from swinging, that applies to hotwifing as well; what it finds, it magnifies. If there's love and deep commitment, it magnifies those. If there's problems, it will make them a LOT worse. Keep this hotwifing idea firmly and permanently as a fantasy of your own that you keep to yourself. If you value your marriage, you will do this.
You have serious problems to work through, and a lot of learning to do about you, your wife, and your relationship.
Thank you all. I hear this a lot, agree with it, and I am sticking to your advice. To be honest, it is a nice fantasy, and in an ideal situation it might be even achievable, but after all it is a sexual fantasy, and not everything is about sex. It is simply not an option now.
Re: A marriage not suitable for this…
Posted: Tue Jul 09, 2024 9:15 am
by aztd
nks wrote: ↑Sat Jun 29, 2024 6:13 am
I have been on the forum from quite some time, but I have not yet talked about my situation. For me, the lifestyle is mostly a fantasy and I did not seriously consider getting into it. Of course, I do like the whole idea and in an ideal situation I would be more than happy to be a permissive husband. However, I do not have the ideal relationship with my wife for this. We do not have the best trusting relationship, and I’m not sure she would stay with me once she finds others.
Before getting married, she often said that she was intrigued about extramarital affairs, especially sex. She even said that she wants the option to have extramarital sex on business trips maybe not immediately, but sometime later. After marriage, she no longer remembered saying this, even though it was quite a serious talk. She seems to have become more conservative. I am fine with it. However, I am not too good in bed and she is quite unsatisfied. She is so sexy and deserving of good sex. To be honest, I would really like her to have a great sex life…
Years ago, I told her about my desires, and that I am not against her seeing others. She had the usual reactions: thinking that I want to cheat, thinking that I was weird, etc. the usual. She told me that she was not interested to do it. So, that’s that. But then, she did talk about sex on a business trip again a few years ago, but not in a serious way. I told her that perhaps it’s better to have a boyfriend. She said that sex was better, and if she falls for someone then she would want to switch to that person and start a committed relationship. This made me nervous.
We have little sex and I would love to have a better, deeply trusting relationship where she can still love me even if she does things on the side. But, it seems impossible at this point.. I am now simply into the fantasy and try to do my best to satisfy her needs…
How about doing some reading about being a better lover
Re: A marriage not suitable for this…
Posted: Wed Jul 10, 2024 4:11 am
by Shiphead
There are therapists that specialize in couples, some are very well versed in ENM relationships. There are therapists that deal with sexual problems and often they have surrogates they can refer you to.
Do some research before you lose her. There are also sex aids that can help. I have heard of people using a penis extender or sheath. They can make you bigger if that's a problem and help you to keep from cumming too quickly.
Go online and read about how to make love to a woman. Learn how to give awesome massages. Buy some oils and then tell her you want to do something nice for her. Don't push sex with it at first, just lay her on her stomach and do her back and legs. But know what you are doing and don't forget massage cream or oils. Set them in hot water a little before starting. Putting cold lotion on her won't be good. Put in the effort dude. And don't forget to try different positions. Doggy is probably most popular. If you are just a vanilla missionary guy, you have a lot of work to do. It's all online. Just read and practice. And learn how to eat her pussy. Numerous uno!
Re: A marriage not suitable for this…
Posted: Thu Aug 22, 2024 6:01 am
by nks
Thank you all for giving so much good advice. To be honest, I was not very great, but also not all that bad with my ex-s. I have read books and did all kind of stuff. I was good at sensual stuff and was able to satisfy them. My wife prefers just vanilla sex and that is what I am not that good at. She just wants someone to fuck her hard without foreplay and anything else. Perhaps, we are not a perfect match in bed. I guess she wants someone hot who can just do her. This is another reason why I would like her to find better sex. Despite all the difficulties, I still feel that we could have a deep relationship if she became a hotwife. I still have not given up. I think she would enjoy the lifestyle very much.
Re: A marriage not suitable for this…
Posted: Thu Aug 22, 2024 8:26 am
by Marinecuckplease
Sensual/erotic massage was my steping stone to getting her to open up sexually. But really. Like and hr massage slow and meticulous. This allowed for toy introduction and for her to be satisifed more frequent.
Re: A marriage not suitable for this…
Posted: Fri Aug 23, 2024 11:36 am
by stevens4fun
Hi nks. Sounds like you've commited to your marriage and opened the door a bit for your wife to enjoy some fun with another guy at her discretion. and it's great that you really love her! I think it's great that you are working hard to be a good husband and meet her needs as well. To me, that's a good foundation.
Based on our experience - pushing one's spouse too hard = bad outcome, - you already figured that out - good work. If your fantasy is perceived as a "campaign" by your wife, she'll just shut down. There's no need to go there. Just step back and let it ride for a while while the two of you build up communication and trust.
nks wrote: ↑Sat Jun 29, 2024 6:13 am
We have little sex and I would love to have a better, deeply trusting relationship where she can still love me even if she does things on the side. But, it seems impossible at this point.. I am now simply into the fantasy and try to do my best to satisfy her needs…
Re: A marriage not suitable for this…
Posted: Sun Aug 25, 2024 8:47 am
by nks
Thanks again. I do massages sometimes, but I do need to get better, so thanks for the advice. I will look into it. And, yes, I don’t want to push her into anything. I did tell her that I would not be against her having sex, but I don’t talk about this anymore. I think she could really enjoy being a hotwife or at least a wife who has some sex/romance on the side, and at the same time have fun in the marriage, but we need to build trust and make the relationship better. Now, I simply feel like giving her more space, letting her explore the things she is interested in and we’ll see. If she feels like seeing someone, and she brings up my offer, then we can discuss it. In the meantime, we work on communication.