Our Hotwives

My very conservative, religious wife, who for years denied all fantasies, and who has been mostly a hard no in regard to the idea of ever playing, said something I thought I would never hear.

We were fooling around last weekend and in the heat of the moment she said" I should have had a slut phase". I asked her why she didn't. She said because she was always a good girl. I asked her when she was younger, if she ever wanted to be a slutty girl. She admitted she did. Then she went on to say she wished she would have had a phase where she fucked any guy she wanted. I told her its not too late.

Thoughts?

It's never too late in this LS. Give her the support and encouragement and see where it leads.

I have. It's been a long process. I think she had a hard time letting information like that go because she always tried to be a good girl, and she didn't want to admit that she has thoughts like that. I find it very exciting.

Oh it's nevertoolate, and I approve this message!

It is exciting. We don't know too much about you, so apologies if any of the following is too obvious/repetitive:

Just keep encouraging wherever you can, in moderation, at appropriate moments. Joking about it is a way to keep it light and non-pushy.

She has a husband (family/career/kids/social position/whatever) and she has been a good girl. She did it. So now, with a husband who actively wants her to dabble in being a bad girl, and some mild regrets about never having been a bad girl ... well where's the harm? Tell her you'll keep her - and the life she has - safe. Tell her she has nothing to lose, and if either of you don't like it, you can stop, and call it an experience.

But as 2inUP and others have said, the biggest obstacle is her self-perception and identity as a monogamous wife. Making the decision to step out will require a fairly major psychological shift, and a decision to try on a new identity. It's a big deal. So, slow and steady positivity is the way. She has to come to a big decision, on her own, but hopefully assisted by your support and encouragement.

Make sure that she knows it isn't a sneaky ploy on your part to get with other women. And make sure she knows you want this - that it's a kink that turns you on - and not just that you'd be "ok with" it [ i.e. not caring ]. Own this, be vulnerable, discuss it outside of the bedroom, and tell her you have this (common) kink. Really have "the talk" if you haven't already.

Pro tip though, that the 9 year journey to hotwifing with my wife, leggysandy, was accelerated with rocket fuel when I found this site. I told her about OHW. I asked whether I could post about us (in my sig). She got curious and started reading. She realized that I wasn't all that weird (lots of guys fantasize about this) and that lots of normal women in happy marriages are hotwives. Then she began to participate on OHW. She got encouragement from Farmgirl and others. She got verified. Within a couple of weeks, she had decided. She talked to interested guys online, and suddenly it went from abstract fantasy, to something real she could easily choose. About six weeks after my first post, she was a hotwife. She's been taking a break from dating recently, but she will return

Tell her everything. Tell her about OHW. Get her interested in the idea.

BTW, leggysandy was raised as an observant, religious Catholic. Her faith has softened in recent years, I think, partly due to my quiet, keep-it-to-myself atheism. But to be fair, I always knew she had that "bad girl" inside her, and she wasn't shy about sexuality in her life before we met -- so I don't think religion was ever a major obstacle for us.

I’m inspired. Sharing this website with the wife sounds like a great next step for us too.

Welcome to the forum dantesdumas.

There are so many ways to positively support and encourage her. Especially now that she's opened up to you about truly wanting "a slut phase" in the past. It's clearly a life regret that while she may have been perfectly fine to go her life without, if she knows she has you, and your support, and your love, it may be even easier for her to finally give in and have that phase. I think when she knows how much you want this, and how much you'll continue to love and support her, she might just be keen enough to let go a little. I'm hopeful for you.

I’m just another wannabe, but that sounds very promising to me. I think that a lot of women who ‘behaved’ themselves may end up wishing they’d had more partners later in life, especially if they settle into routine sex with one guy for the rest of their lives. In that respect they’re no different than men who’ve had few sexual partners.

It’s not too late for her to have a ‘slut phase’ inside a loving relationship with you and none of the social stigma.

Good advice and tips! She has always known I was turned on by the idea of other guys seeing her, but at some point I explained my desires in detail, and that it is a fairly common fantasy.

Initially she was surprised, and like many said it would never happen, but occasionally when I asked if she would ever do something like a threesome she might say maybe, then the next time she might go back to saying no. I try to keep it light, and have told her I never want her to do anything she doesn't want to do, and if she asks me to, I won't bring it up again -- she didn't ask me to.

I was surprised when she said what she said, because she usually doesn't freely admit to desires or fantasies. I think she likes to keep her cards close to the chest, but I have pointed out that I've pretty much shown all mine, so nothing she can say will shock me.

I'm not sure anything more will come of this, but it's kind of exciting to hear her opening up about her thoughts.

Being open about our fantasies can keep up much of the excitement in our long term relationships. Being romantic, dating each other, never stopping to share our thoughts on matters of interest and intimacy. Being naughty is really fun.

Right now I am cage up and no would ever expect that my wife and I do such a thing.

Enjoy your time together.