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Wife talks herself out of it
Posted: Sun Jul 21, 2024 8:16 pm
by Badapple39
My wife wants to do it. We take pics of ourselves and videos. More for my pleasure. She will have a margarita and would tease me to post them here but doesn’t allow me to so I don’t.
She said she loves sex with me but the thrill of fucking other guys is unmatched. She doesn’t want to ruin our marriage, even if accidentally ruining it. She wants me to feel important but gets lost in the thrill, and fears she may hurt me by being satisfied and not satisfying me because she’s ‘good’ or maybe it increases my appetite for more and she’s not as interested. She doesn’t want me to be a pussy free cuck. She knows I have an almost unquenchable desire for her. We both agreed we could swing under the right circumstances.
But now I’m kind of lost on how to progress this.
She doesn’t want to use internet sites and we have no time to ‘hunt’ really.
She’s quite a flirty girl when she has alcohol but I become more protective then because I don’t want her to fuck around and blame the drink. I really believe the decision has to happen prior to alcohol consumption.
I also dont want to push her.
Maybe she doesn’t want to do it?
So we talk about it a lot. It’s a lot of mental gymnastics right now.
She is also not a one night stand kind of girl. She would rather have a regular.
Just playing patient now. I’ll take any advice.
I always bring it up. I’m hoping for the day she does.
Re: Wife talks herself out of it
Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2024 6:48 am
by Pufferfish
Well, from what little you've said, it sounds less to me that she's "talking herself out of it" and more "looking for validation" from you. It's not something that she doesn't want to do, she's looking for assurances, confirmation, permission, desire, etc from you before moving forward. It's not pushing her to do it, if it's something she wants to do. You have to do some more talking to make her fears subside and set some scenarios or ground rules to pursue. You might want to protect her from doing something she regrets when she's drunk, but if you talk to her when she's sober she might just tell you that she wants this to happen but would need or prefer to be a little intoxicated to go through with it, and for you to just encourage it and let her. She seems to not know how you would really feel about it, so you aren't articulating it clearly. Also you've said a lot about what she doesn't want, like not wanting you to be "pussy free". Is that something that is important to you? Or not? The issue here is communication. You two are hinting, guessing, assuming a lot to each other about what you want, but don't seem to be clearly articulating it so there's no confusion. Work on that.
Re: Wife talks herself out of it
Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2024 7:22 am
by BBCfan
Badapple39 wrote: ↑Sun Jul 21, 2024 8:16 pm
My wife wants to do it. We take pics of ourselves and videos. More for my pleasure. She will have a margarita and would tease me to post them here but doesn’t allow me to so I don’t.
She said she loves sex with me but the thrill of fucking other guys is unmatched. She doesn’t want to ruin our marriage, even if accidentally ruining it. She wants me to feel important but gets lost in the thrill, and fears she may hurt me by being satisfied and not satisfying me because she’s ‘good’ or maybe it increases my appetite for more and she’s not as interested. She doesn’t want me to be a pussy free cuck. She knows I have an almost unquenchable desire for her. We both agreed we could swing under the right circumstances.
But now I’m kind of lost on how to progress this.
She doesn’t want to use internet sites and we have no time to ‘hunt’ really.
She’s quite a flirty girl when she has alcohol but I become more protective then because I don’t want her to fuck around and blame the drink. I really believe the decision has to happen prior to alcohol consumption.
I also dont want to push her.
Maybe she doesn’t want to do it?
So we talk about it a lot. It’s a lot of mental gymnastics right now.
She is also not a one night stand kind of girl. She would rather have a regular.
Just playing patient now. I’ll take any advice.
I always bring it up. I’m hoping for the day she does.
I'm in a different situation but similar in that my wife and I did talk quite seriously about her hooking up again last year after an ex-lover reached out to hook up again with her.
We fantasized and talked about it together quite often but then life got busy and in the way and it's taken a back burner.
I wanted to know she really wants to do it and is doing it for the right reason so I stop bringing it up at all unless a quick joke or something presents itself.
I'm going to wait for her initiate talking about it otherwise.
You say she says she finds the thrill of hooking up with guys unmatched.
Do you mean she finds the thrill of thinking about it unmatched, or has she done it in the past?
My wife brought up similar things in that she might be very satisfied or might want his big dick more than mine once she has it again.
I think she was somewhat trying scare me more than it being a big fear.
Of course it could totally happen.
I feel that because it's such a hot fantasy that we share together, that she would still want to share that aspect of it together with me.
It feels we have a very strong partnership so I'm not too worried about that personally.
But then again it could a 100% be something she could see happening in both our cases so I think we should take that to heed.
That partly why I'm not gonna push it if possible and I'm gonna let her take the reins so to speak from now on if possible.
We do have a cock sheath I enjoy wearing to fill her the way she has told me he does, for me just requesting that once in a while is enough of a thrill for me for now.
Perhaps you could try just letting her initiate it and see how long it takes and that might show her true interest.
Re: Wife talks herself out of it
Posted: Mon Jul 22, 2024 11:42 am
by Shiphead
Excellent advice from Pufferfish. I agree about letting her have a drink or 2 to help ease her fears and inhibitions. You and she knows her tolerance. Just don't get drunk. Just feeling free a bit.
Re: Wife talks herself out of it
Posted: Sun Jul 28, 2024 4:07 pm
by Badapple39
Update. She told me she will tell me when she’s ready.
She explained her desire is to have sex in front of people and then let the people who were watching, ‘fuck her pussy’.
Not exactly sure how the exhibitionism will start.
I know she is most worried about me and my feelings but my wife doesn’t communicate with just words per se. She wants to see my behavior when she’s flirty and she definitely wants me to be a part of what happens, in a sense, she wants me to grant permission with actions in real time. Telling her she has permission isn’t enough. She needs to feel the encouragement? I don’t know. I’ll keep ya posted. It has been about two years now since I told her I wanted to do spit roast her and since I’ve given her verbal permission.
Our sex life has been great. Really great. We use dirty talk all the time. So. I’m not unhappy about that. I do wish I could convey with more sincerity. But. The stars may align soon or in ten years.
Re: Wife talks herself out of it
Posted: Mon Jul 29, 2024 6:57 am
by Tryn
Perhaps it’s a good time to ask her how she might feel about going to a swinger’s club and letting others watch the two of you having sex? Keep it to the two of you until she hopefully gets comfortable with the idea or trying it before incorporating others into the scenario.
Re: Wife talks herself out of it
Posted: Mon Jul 29, 2024 7:27 am
by Badapple39
Without speaking to her before I reply. She doesn’t get excited about going to a swinger club. Yet? We have a few dates planned. A concert, a night over near the ocean and a family vacation . I’ll run it by her that she should have a drink to loosen up and let her flirt with guys at bars, on the beverage line, hot tub or on the beach.
She might not be very social on the beach. I bought her Sierra Simone books that she’s heavily into. She’ll probably read them and get ideas for later.
Low expectations. Just flirt.
I think the hang up with swinger bars, she thinks they are ‘automatic’ and that might take away from taboo. lol
Isnt that funny. No taboo in those clubs, once you’re there. What kind of inappropriate affair would that be ?
Re: Wife talks herself out of it
Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2025 5:06 am
by Badapple39
Last week my wife told me that the hotwife fantasy is more my own and not hers. She said she doesn’t like the one sided of it. She would prefer we both get to play. I told her that I would get off with someone else because I’d be thinking about how much fun she is having. She said “that would be hot”.
Admittedly we are A) not very good at talking about this and B) very busy reading our two kids.
Our social life and current suburbia life keeps us away from popular bars as well. We can’t meet people that are not near to our circle of friends.
My wife doesn’t like to talk about it so much either. It’s easier for her to talk about any explorations through text messaging than it is in person.
I can’t stop thinking about her and the fantasy is usually what I need to get off. Except she’s great at oral. Ha. And that’s sometimes enough.
I think I’ve lost myself a little in this fantasy. She can’t keep up with my dirty thoughts and the reality is I should take a break, if I can.
I feel guilt because we aren’t on the same page.
Life is an evolution.
If she thinks swinging is for her more so than hotwifing. I’ll try to settle down and play that route.
In the meantime I told her I still read this site. She said, “remember, those aren’t stories about us.”
I’m just too much inside my own head.
We do have a date weekend planned at the ocean before our kids go back to school. I need to settle down. Take a breath and just try to enjoy my time with her.
I might be lacking in the confidence department.
Sometimes I’m just the prepubescent boy when I get riled up.
Movie reference. In Tommy Boy when Chris Farley is explaining to the waitress how he always destroys his own sales pitch. That’s me.
Re: Wife talks herself out of it
Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2025 9:24 am
by Tryn
Don’t try to put your play into some type of way or another. Instead, just focus on what’s fun for you both and seek out environments conducive to what you find fun. Go to a swingers club as a means of checking out that scene. Go with the understanding and agreement that you won’t play with others. That’s its “research” into the scene. Go with whatever rules you’re comfortable with and expect nothing, other than people watching. Think of it like a concert, only the show you’re seeing is the swingers at the club.
Re: Wife talks herself out of it
Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2025 11:29 am
by cdb
Badapple39 wrote: ↑Mon Aug 18, 2025 5:06 am
Our social life and current suburbia life keeps us away from popular bars as well. We can’t meet people that are not near to our circle of friends.
My wife doesn’t like to talk about it so much either.
I can’t stop thinking about her and the fantasy is usually what I need to get off.
I think I’ve lost myself a little in this fantasy. She can’t keep up with my dirty thoughts and the reality is I should take a break, if I can.
In the meantime I told her I still read this site. She said, “remember, those aren’t stories about us.”
I’m just too much inside my own head.
I can relate strongly to all these comments.
In my late 20s I was well on my way to having a hot wife but then she shut down because I was way too obsessed with it. It became all about my male fantasy and not about her and us, even though at the time I would’ve insisted that it was mostly about her and us. I was in an almost delusional mindset.
If I would’ve been as low-intensity as I am now, she would’ve been a hot wife by our 30s.
Now it’s 20+ years later and it’s still hasn’t happened. After she shut it down it took about five years until we slowly started working the fantasy into our relationship again. But it’s not nearly as intense.
We’ve had two times where it almost happened but she ended up learning that the guys had girlfriends and that was the reason why they weren’t taking the intimate flirtations further. And she had no interest in messing with another woman’s relationship so she stopped those relationships.
Based on what you’re saying, I’d recommend dialing it way back and letting her guide things as much as possible. If it happens, she’s going to be the one taking action, so it’ll have to be on her terms. If you smother her with your obsession, she won’t have the breathing space she needs to figure out where she stands on the whole thing.
Re: Wife talks herself out of it
Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2025 11:47 am
by Badapple39
I do need to dial it back for sure.
I need to find ME again.
She’s not a woman who came from a provacative lifestyle to begin with.
I really just want to get our communication skills on point and increase trust, be a better parent and husband.
Re: Wife talks herself out of it
Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2025 11:30 am
by cdb
Your situation sounds so similar to mine. It’s seems that both of our wives are intrigued by the idea. But are not the type of people to make an intentional “lifestyle” out of it.
My wife grew up in a very religious, political family in a rural area in South America. Since her father, grandfather, and other extended family members were politically influential in their region, the whole family was trained to be part of the country’s elite. People who don’t live that life don’t understand that in exchange for the benefits of being part of the elite, you’re basically “working” 24/7/365 to represent your family and the training for that starts at a young age, around the same time you start learning to talk.
So being a classy woman (which I absolutely adore) is deeply engrained in my wife’s mind. That imprint is so strong that every escalation of action she has taken towards the hotwife direction has “surprised” her, and “wasn’t on her mind at all” and “wasn’t what she was planning on doing until it happened.” I used to get frustrated thinking that she wasn’t being truthful and she did do some preplanning. Now I know that that’s really how she consciously thinks and her subconscious desires are what take over in those situations.
If your wife was raised conservatively, she may have a similar thought process. If that’s the case, I found that the key way to move things along is to increase her opportunities for things to randomly happen. But you need to do it in a positive way without talking about sex or her meeting other men at all.
For example, I built several social media profiles for my wife that were connected to her profession where she could engage with people from around the country and the world in her field of work. I knew she’d get attention from men immediately because she’s attractive, has a unique background, and is gifted at engaging with people (trained that way since childhood). About three months into participating in these communities, on a Saturday morning she woke up and wanted sex immediately. Then we did it two more times that day and she kept saying “I don’t know why I’m feeling like this.” Well, I knew the last time she was that way is when she was flirting all the time with a trainee at her work. So I started snooping a bit. Sure enough, she’d been messaging with a young executive at a fast growing company in her industry for the past few days. The messages were all professional. But obviously the attention from him got under her skin. However, she would never, ever admit that to herself until the connection became clearly flirtatious.
So, in the past I would’ve pointed out the obvious trigger for her super horny behavior and wanted to talk about it. But that would’ve ruined the illusion for her and ended it all. So I was just quiet about it and enjoyed her increased desire to be sexy and lusty.
So maybe an idea for you is to back off talking about it so much and instead focus your energy on creating an environment for her to explore her feelings. That’s how I’m approaching things now and it seems to work, albeit slowly. My level of talking about the topic is 1% of what it was many years ago when I was obsessed.
Re: Wife talks herself out of it
Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2025 12:35 pm
by Greywolf and Vixen
cdb wrote: ↑Wed Aug 20, 2025 11:30 am
The messages were all professional. But obviously the attention from him got under her skin. However, she would never, ever admit that to herself until the connection became clearly flirtatious.
She sounds like a natural flirt, same as my wife! Doesn't even think about doing it, it just happens and it gets to her!
Re: Wife talks herself out of it
Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2025 1:33 pm
by Badapple39
cdb wrote: ↑Wed Aug 20, 2025 11:30 am
Your situation sounds so similar to mine. It’s seems that both of our wives are intrigued by the idea. But are not the type of people to make an intentional “lifestyle” out of it.
My wife grew up in a very religious, political family in a rural area in South America. Since her father, grandfather, and other extended family members were politically influential in their region, the whole family was trained to be part of the country’s elite. People who don’t live that life don’t understand that in exchange for the benefits of being part of the elite, you’re basically “working” 24/7/365 to represent your family and the training for that starts at a young age, around the same time you start learning to talk.
So being a classy woman (which I absolutely adore) is deeply engrained in my wife’s mind. That imprint is so strong that every escalation of action she has taken towards the hotwife direction has “surprised” her, and “wasn’t on her mind at all” and “wasn’t what she was planning on doing until it happened.” I used to get frustrated thinking that she wasn’t being truthful and she did do some preplanning. Now I know that that’s really how she consciously thinks and her subconscious desires are what take over in those situations.
If your wife was raised conservatively, she may have a similar thought process. If that’s the case, I found that the key way to move things along is to increase her opportunities for things to randomly happen. But you need to do it in a positive way without talking about sex or her meeting other men at all.
For example, I built several social media profiles for my wife that were connected to her profession where she could engage with people from around the country and the world in her field of work. I knew she’d get attention from men immediately because she’s attractive, has a unique background, and is gifted at engaging with people (trained that way since childhood). About three months into participating in these communities, on a Saturday morning she woke up and wanted sex immediately. Then we did it two more times that day and she kept saying “I don’t know why I’m feeling like this.” Well, I knew the last time she was that way is when she was flirting all the time with a trainee at her work. So I started snooping a bit. Sure enough, she’d been messaging with a young executive at a fast growing company in her industry for the past few days. The messages were all professional. But obviously the attention from him got under her skin. However, she would never, ever admit that to herself until the connection became clearly flirtatious.
So, in the past I would’ve pointed out the obvious trigger for her super horny behavior and wanted to talk about it. But that would’ve ruined the illusion for her and ended it all. So I was just quiet about it and enjoyed her increased desire to be sexy and lusty.
So maybe an idea for you is to back off talking about it so much and instead focus your energy on creating an environment for her to explore her feelings. That’s how I’m approaching things now and it seems to work, albeit slowly. My level of talking about the topic is 1% of what it was many years ago when I was obsessed.
Thanks for the reply cbd!
My wife did not grow up in an elite household but definitely in a strict religious home. On top of that, appearances mattered and there was a sense of competition among family and neighbors.
She definitely got the message of being classy so much that I don’t think she enjoyed being so boring.
I will say she doesn’t want to be boring anymore.
I’m going to back off but I’m sure if she gets hit on by the perfect match, at this point, she’s still years away from exploring anything beyond what’s publicly acceptable (flirting).
Our trip to the ocean this weekend will be an experiment for me. :To back off and just enjoy whatever venue we are at. I’ll play wingman while being her husband.
But I won’t talk about any role I’m playing. She’s definitely has the fun factor built into her. She knows my fantasy so in order to get me going she probably thinks (after a a drink) what would make me have fun.
She’s so loving and caring for me. I’m lucky to have her in my life. Too bad she has to deal with the 13 year old I can act like I’m in the mood.
Re: Wife talks herself out of it
Posted: Thu Aug 21, 2025 7:34 pm
by aztd
Enjoy
