Our Hotwives

A quick background; married 20+ years, I've spoken about my desire to share her many times over the years and their has been many fantasies involving other men. Her response has always been "I couldn't do that".
Now to the question: there is a guy she works with that has been the topic of conversation, I call him her work husband, she says just a friend. She said a customer asked if they were married, which I chalked up to the customer recognizing the NRE. My wife has talked for the last few years about wanting to lose weight but never acted on it, until about 2 months ago. Since then she has lost somewhere around 25 pounds. She has been reading romance novels and acting more romantic towards me, which could be from a couple different factors. We were recently invited to a party on a day she had to work and she was going to try to get off. She did go to work an hour early a week or so ago and I assumed it was to get off for the party, but on the day of the party she said "I'm gonna skip", saying no one would work in her place. When she got off work she washed her clothes and showered before I got home from the party.
Therefore the question in the subject line. Part of me will be disappointed if she didn't, a part of me will be excited if she did, and a part of me hurt that she felt she couldn't be honest.
Sorry for the disjoined post, many thoughts are racing through my mind.

stillhopeful wrote: ↑

Sun Nov 17, 2024 11:42 am

part of me hurt that she felt she couldn't be honest.

Of everything in this post, this is the most important phrase. Openness, honesty and trust are the most important part of a successful hotwife setup. The other guy may think that hubby is unaware, but you and your wife need to able to able trust each other completely. This is not something that is done behind each other's back. Otherwise, it is just cheating.

Now that's out of the way, the other signs are positive: recent weight loss, interest new sexual activities, romance novels, finding excuses to spend more time with her "work husband", having others notice their physical/emotional closeness. I know my wife got really freaky in bed when she had an intense online boyfriend.

Even if your wife did not do it this time, be open with her and encourage her, because one day the starts may align and she might just do it. My wife often goes on solo dates with guys I know are interested in her, and am always disappointed when she comes back and nothing's happened, but one day it just might. Increased opportunity = increased chance of eventual success. Think of each encouragement from you and each time they are together as steps in the right direction.

One last word of advice - jealousy is a huge turnoff. One of my wife's biggest fears was how I would react if she ever really did sleep with another guy in real life. A couple of times she was close, but I retrospect I showed some tinges of jealousy. This always made her also question whether to take things further. I regret not being more reassuring and unambiguous.

ursamajor69, thank you for the comments. I understand the difference between consensual and cheating and should have included that in the original post, but like I said, my mind is a jumbled mess at the moment.

stillhopeful wrote: ↑

Sun Nov 17, 2024 11:42 am

A quick background; married 20+ years, I've spoken about my desire to share her many times over the years and their has been many fantasies involving other men. Her response has always been "I couldn't do that".
Now to the question: there is a guy she works with that has been the topic of conversation, I call him her work husband, she says just a friend. She said a customer asked if they were married, which I chalked up to the customer recognizing the NRE. My wife has talked for the last few years about wanting to lose weight but never acted on it, until about 2 months ago. Since then she has lost somewhere around 25 pounds. She has been reading romance novels and acting more romantic towards me, which could be from a couple different factors. We were recently invited to a party on a day she had to work and she was going to try to get off. She did go to work an hour early a week or so ago and I assumed it was to get off for the party, but on the day of the party she said "I'm gonna skip", saying no one would work in her place. When she got off work she washed her clothes and showered before I got home from the party.
Therefore the question in the subject line. Part of me will be disappointed if she didn't, a part of me will be excited if she did, and a part of me hurt that she felt she couldn't be honest.
Sorry for the disjoined post, many thoughts are racing through my mind.

Well, I'll try to contribute with my limited experience.

My wife is on the "Never" team. Recently, she changed her behavior, lost weight, started going out more, was always well dressed, concerned about healthy eating, started going to the gym frequently, and stayed on her cell phone until late at night. In addition, she started shaving everything, becoming completely smooth.

I dealt with feelings like yours. A feeling of anxiety and excitement left me in a delicious state at the thought that she could be having great sex with someone else, especially knowing that I am weak in bed.

I confront her and received very convincing answers, which cooled my excitement.

I understood that these phases and doubts are important to keep my fire and I started to love feeling this way, even with the possibility that she was doing things behind my back.

The phase passed and she went back to her usual behavior. I don't know if something happened, I think so, at least online, but it didn't distance us, we maintained the affection and good relationship.

I don't know if focusing on the actions behind our backs is a good thing. Today I would do things differently. I wouldn't question her and I would try to create a parallel dynamic, giving her lots of lingerie and reinforcing my desire to see her well served in bed because I miss a lot that feeling of anxiety and excitement...

stillhopeful wrote: ↑

Sun Nov 17, 2024 11:42 am

Therefore the question in the subject line. Part of me will be disappointed if she didn't, a part of me will be excited if she did, and a part of me hurt that she felt she couldn't be honest.
Sorry for the disjoined post, many thoughts are racing through my mind.

That can be, and is, very common for many wives first exploring this. They have, they think, your permission, yet they are still unsure if it will all blow up in their face. They worry that the husband can't truly handle it and will blame them.
If this is what you want, do everything you can to assure her that you are proud of her.
If she did, and you decide you don't want this, forgive her completely.
Either way, now is the time for both of you to learn to be open and honest with each other. You start first.

She's fucking him.

Hopeful
I agree with Happy. Obviously just my guess but.... SHE DID!! The washing of the clothes immediately upon returning home from "work" is NOT a normal thing. You've been cucked and she's been fucked. All direct evidence got washed away but her actions say it all - you know it, that why you made this post. Congrats and sorry you only found out after the deed was done.

Please keep us updated!

stillhopeful wrote: ↑

Sun Nov 17, 2024 11:42 am

Part of me will be disappointed if she didn't, a part of me will be excited if she did, and a part of me hurt that she felt she couldn't be honest.

So, you've got three 'parts', or reactions to what you suspect she might, or might not have done.

Question is, how do these 'parts' proportion out? About equally, or are one or two of them bigger or smaller than the others?

Parts one and two are actually just two sides of the same coin.

The third part, however, is the one that you need to deal with.

"I've spoken about my desire to share her many times over the years and their has been many fantasies involving other men"
Ok, I understand your "hurt" that she felt she couldn't be honest. But, if you want the situation to progress, if you want her to have sex with another man, then you will need to move on from that dissapointment. Don't be hurt, be proud. Proud that your wife had the courage to take such a difficult step. Sometimes people need to do things in secret at the beginning.
Forgive her. Because you love her.
If you don't forgive her for not being honest, then you are going to make the whole sharing of the idea become toxic.
And any future opportunities will be lost.

It's possibly a tough time, emotionally, for you. Now is the time to be the man, to be the loving husband of your wife.
Let her know that you are happy, if she has had some fun with her work colleague.

As to your other question, which is basically, "has she or hasn't she?", there certainly appears to be some good evidence that she has. The washing of clothes and showering, though circumstantial evidence, certainly indicates 'yes'.

I am by no means an expert and above comments have some very sound advice. I think the fact she went in early and then also cancelled on plans is a pretty solid indicator something happened especially when coupled with the laundry after.

Gearup wrote: ↑

Sun Nov 17, 2024 9:35 pm

...you know it, that why you made this post...

That's the point.

An alpha male once told me that when we see signs that our wife is having sex with someone else, when we start to doubt her fidelity and we start to feel anxious (a sign of something that our body has already perceived, but that we often still do not understand), it's because something is really going on...

Human beings are very skilled at observing changes in patterns. Changes in patterns are usually associated with efficient causes...

I don't know if he was right, but his argument makes a lot of sense.


PS. Topics like this are the most enjoyable to follow : )

Hmm…I’m not expert, but the washing of the clothes seems odd unless she has like a service industry job(maybe I missed what she does for work).

Honestly, if I was in your shoes, I’d just ask her. I’d want to know. Just don’t do it in an accusatory manner. Just a “hey…soo…did something happen the other day at work?” And just tell her you’re not mad if it did, and don’t be.

stillhopeful wrote: ↑

Sun Nov 17, 2024 11:42 am

Therefore the question in the subject line. Part of me will be disappointed if she didn't, a part of me will be excited if she did, and a part of me hurt that she felt she couldn't be honest.
Sorry for the disjoined post, many thoughts are racing through my mind.

I’m going to go the opposite route and suggest that your kink obsessed brain is connecting dots that are unrelated and the chances are that she did NOT have sex outside your marriage but you’re thinking with the little head, not the big one and you want it so bad, you’re willing to go out on a limb and use it to satisfy a bit of your fantasy. Confirmation bias…

Yes, I could be wrong and I don’t even be think on it’s all bad, but I’d suggest just keeping your eyes open and be more aware.

Two months ago, she lost weight…. Good for her. Maybe some attention inspired her, maybe she has been wanting to for a while and finally got to a place she really wanted it.

Romance novels led to hotter nights in bed? I think that actually points to he opppsite of what your head wants to believe. Why read romance novels? Because you’re graving the excitement you don’t have. If she was having an affair, she wouldn’t be reading romance novels, she’d be reminiscing about her own exiting times.

Washing some clothes after work? Wow, there could be a dozen reasons why she did so…. Spilled some food or a drink on it…. Felt she looked good and it gave her confidence after the 25 lbs she’s lost and wanted to wear it again soon…. Came home, saw a messy house her husband left as he went to to party and thought, “I might as well do something about it” and ran some laundry…

COULD something have happened? Sure.

I also don’t think you hold it against her if she she’s keeping it to herself for now…. She may be processing, she may be coming to grips…. The reality is that she may not be withholding anything because you’ve made it up in your head. She may be trying to square her own feelings with trying not to be just your fantasy fulfiller and feeling used.


Could be anything…. Talk about your fantasy, talk about you desire to have her express herself sexually with someone else, like the wine in her romance novels…. Comment how great she looks with the weight loss and ask if she’s received compliments or noticed anyone checking her out…. Use all of this as a way to discuss the fantasy in a positive way and she how she reacts.

It’s all good, just don’t put the cart before the horse or you may never get out of the barn…

parklife wrote: ↑

Thu Nov 21, 2024 5:29 am

I’m going to go the opposite route and suggest that your kink obsessed brain is connecting dots that are unrelated and the chances are that she did NOT have sex outside your marriage but you’re thinking with the little head, not the big one and you want it so bad, you’re willing to go out on a limb and use it to satisfy a bit of your fantasy. Confirmation bias…

After some thinking time, I would suspect @parklife is probably on the right track. Fortunately I resisted the urge to ask directly.
We made love a couple days later and she asked what had me so horny, to which I simply replied "my dirty mind". She just smiled and didn't say any more. If/when it does come up I'm thinking I will pass it off as imagination stirred by my 'kink obsessed brain' and see what happens from there.
Thanks all for the comments and support, more are still welcome. It's a wild ride isn't it?

Reading you story, I was agreeing with what Parklife said. Chances are she just went to work like she said.

Nevertheless, the HW game, for the hubby, can be a lot more fun when one is delusional. When I get into that zone, especially when my wife travels somewhere without me, I enjoy it while it lasts, too.

any discussion about her "work husband" since that day?

Gearup wrote: ↑

Fri Nov 22, 2024 11:56 am

any discussion about her "work husband" since that day?

No discussion, but she has mentioned his name a few times. Just 'WH said this', or 'WH asked about that' type comments.

My wife had had a work husband for several years. She even introduced him to me at one office Christmas party. When she decided she wanted to have sex with other men, she went to him to initiate her into being a hotwife.

stillhopeful wrote: ↑

Fri Nov 22, 2024 8:11 am

We made love a couple days later and she asked what had me so horny, to which I simply replied "my dirty mind". She just smiled and didn't say any more. If/when it does come up I'm thinking I will pass it off as imagination stirred by my 'kink obsessed brain' and see what happens from there.

Exactly, I think you had a bit of a missed opportunity here (though you'd hardly be the first to miss one, in the moment).

Your answer could have been more like "my dirty mind had me imagining that you had sex with WH after work the other day, because you did X, Y, and Z, and it's got me so turned on"

Not an accusation - just (truthful) pillow talk - but handing her an opportunity to confess on a silver platter, as it were. If she felt like she had something to confess. But even if nothing happened this time, it might further your cause.

I have fucked a few married women in my time. Usually there is a big build up, lots of "almost" situations that never quite got physical but could have which I always out down to her testing her own resolve, and usually when it finally happens it is when the husband is doing something else and is occupied, and there is zero chance of being disturbed by a phone call, text or whatever. Usually the husband is doing something fun that she can feel a bit jealous of, like a stag weekend or a party or work out of town.

After the first time she usually feels guilty and her behaviour changes a little, she cools off for a short spell while she comes to terms with it and tries to erase the evidence before, usually, a little later things go down the "fuck it, that was gold, lets do it again!" road.

Did your wife cheat? Honestly, only you know the answer to that.

We had an interesting conversation yesterday;
She said she had woken up early due to having a bad dream
Me: "What was the dream about?
Her: "You were being bad"
Me: "How was I being bad?"
Her: "You were having an affair"
Me: "It was your guilty conscience"
Her: (chuckles) "Whatever"
Me: "That's the difference between you and me, I have fantasies of you having an affair and get horny."
At that point she shushed me as we were in a public place, and because of some unrelated things going on I didn't have a good opportunity to bring it up again. With Thanksgiving coming up I'm not expecting anything new for a bit.

stillhopeful wrote: ↑

Mon Nov 25, 2024 4:38 am

We had an interesting conversation yesterday;
She said she had woken up early due to having a bad dream
Me: "What was the dream about?
Her: "You were being bad"
Me: "How was I being bad?"
Her: "You were having an affair"
Me: "It was your guilty conscience"
Her: (chuckles) "Whatever"
Me: "That's the difference between you and me, I have fantasies of you having an affair and get horny."
At that point she shushed me as we were in a public place, and because of some unrelated things going on I didn't have a good opportunity to bring it up again. With Thanksgiving coming up I'm not expecting anything new for a bit.

SH
-Perfect opportunity to remark that you "Bet she wishing she was getting as well stuffed as that turkey."

I agree with Parklife. After reading his post it made me think of how action/suspense movies make you want to believe something is obvious and then twist it to where it's not. When you're sensitized to perceive things that appear to have unspoken intentions it's easy to misread them. The chances that all your wife's behaviors are just random are more likely than being clandestine.

On the other side, she has lost weight, she does casually mention the "work husband", and been more amorous. What has her behavior and demeanor been like since the party?

coastalkid wrote: ↑

Mon Nov 25, 2024 1:43 pm

On the other side, she has lost weight, she does casually mention the "work husband", and been more amorous. What has her behavior and demeanor been like since the party?

Very affectionate.

stillhopeful wrote: ↑

Mon Nov 25, 2024 3:48 pm

coastalkid wrote: ↑

Mon Nov 25, 2024 1:43 pm

On the other side, she has lost weight, she does casually mention the "work husband", and been more amorous. What has her behavior and demeanor been like since the party?

Very affectionate.

More so than normal?