Our Hotwives

Hi all,

I’m new here and have introduced myself over in the appropriate forum. I have decided that an ongoing post that I can update, receive feedback on and be held accountable to would be very handy.

It has been a while since I last sat down to have a proper talk about my desires to my wife of 3 years. She knows about my kink and has participated in roleplay which I have found very exciting. I would like to translate this slowly to encounters with real men, however she has said in the past she wants it to stay fantasy.

The main reason I think this may not always be the case, is that her objection is mostly around not wanting to be perceived as “slutty”. At least this is my interpretation, and I would like to dive into this with her. If we can take down the hurdles around why she doesn’t think the reality is a good idea then I think we can start with baby steps.

The hottest thing we have done is back when we were dating, we were out drinking and I got her to go into somewhere for 15 minutes before me and sit at the bar. When I got there some guy was sitting with her and she was fully into flirting with him. They then danced and I came over and hand to “win her back” from him. We have both agreed this was really hot, and have spoken of it only a few times since.

I think I’d like to start with doing something like this again, only encouraging her to flirt and dance for longer. Maybe a kiss and give him her number, or I come over to try and steal her back and she rejects me.

So my next step is to flag a time to have a “what we want out of sex” conversation together. We’ve had these conversations around money and other future plans and they’ve been very successful. As part of this convo I would like to plan for 3 different types of sex:

Just us romantic, passionate sex with no real kink or dirty talk.

Sex that explores cuckolding/hotwifing links within the limits we are both currently comfortable with.

Sex that explores her kinks - light bondage, spanking, etc. I enjoy this stuff too and we used to do it quite a bit. I want to encourage her to ask for anything she wants to try and I’ll give it my best.

Thanks for reading this far and I’d love some feedback or support. I will update around this conversation and would like to be held accountable if I let it lad.

Cheers!

Welcome, I’m a newbie here too. I’m looking forward to updates as they come. I like seeing the similarities and differences between my progress and other peoples progress.

My only advice is to be prepared to be met with some pushback even if you are being extremely reasonable and approaching this like another important conversation. I guess we will all get to know your wife with your updates, but I’ve come to notice that the “hot wife” dynamic doesn’t come easy to discuss. The expectation of the “good wife” and how it’s been engrained in women at a young age makes this a hard kink to accept, at first.

Yes I agree, I’m not expecting this to be a straight line. But hopefully the conversation can steer her in that direction. Now we have a bit of marriage behind us, I think she may be more accepting of me not wanted anyone else nor seeing her differently.

She did have a catholic upbringing so has lots of deep seated guilt around being promiscuous. I think that’s slowly unwinding though as we get older.

VwatchesK92 wrote: ↑

Sun Nov 24, 2024 4:23 pm

Welcome, I’m a newbie here too. I’m looking forward to updates as they come. I like seeing the similarities and differences between my progress and other peoples progress.

My only advice is to be prepared to be met with some pushback even if you are being extremely reasonable and approaching this like another important conversation. I guess we will all get to know your wife with your updates, but I’ve come to notice that the “hot wife” dynamic doesn’t come easy to discuss. The expectation of the “good wife” and how it’s been engrained in women at a young age makes this a hard kink to accept, at first.

I'm far from a newbie here but still a wannabe nonetheless. I have also seen lots of similarities and recognized the differences in the progress I've made. I've also noticed some people that have had such horrific experiences that I'm a lot more particular about what it is I really DON'T want.

What may feel completely "reasonable" is understandably objective. Bringing up the Hot Wife/Cuckold dynamic is not easy at all. It's much worse if you have that wife that has been deeply ingrained to be a "good wife". So, as you say, be prepared for push back and negative reactions when you enter into any conversation, especially those regarding sex.

It's taken me years to learn that a "seed" has very little chance to grow if it doesn't have some fertile soil to grow in. If your wife is already sexual your task of building an interest is much more likely. If your wife is not so sexual or inhibited, your task becomes infinitely more difficult. I swear sometimes I'd have better luck getting information out of a terrorist in Guantanamo Bay then I do getting my wife to talk about sex.

I have shared with my wife that I find the "hot wife" idea exciting. What I've learned is to focus on the things that makes your sex life better. My wife gives better head than she ever has. I always tell her something positive during and afterwords about her amazing skill. I do that with ANYTHING she does or tries sexually with me. If she tells me she feels unattractive, I go out of my way to tell her she looks good when she's dressed for work or I tell her out of blue that she looks hot to me.

That positive reinforcement has paid off. She's still in the "never gonna happen" camp but she is more willing to talk and do more things than ever before. Our sex life is admittedly the best it's ever been. All that said I still have some boxes to check off.

Laughingcuck wrote: ↑

Sun Nov 24, 2024 9:01 pm

Yes I agree, I’m not expecting this to be a straight line. But hopefully the conversation can steer her in that direction. Now we have a bit of marriage behind us, I think she may be more accepting of me not wanted anyone else nor seeing her differently.

She did have a catholic upbringing so has lots of deep seated guilt around being promiscuous. I think that’s slowly unwinding though as we get older.

I know my wife was raised in a very, very conservative Christian household. In her formative years she witnessed countless "Church Wives/Moms" that were the cornerstones of the church she attended. Her ingrained perception of what it means to be a "good wife" has stood in the way for so long. It has "unwound" over time but it's still formidable. In that unwinding she has become open to more things with less objection and even admitting deriving pleasure from things.

Right now I'm NOT looking at my goal of experiencing having "my version" of a hot wife lifestyle. I'm focused on building the things that make our sex better and more desired. I make it a point to compliment her about anything anytime in and out of the bedroom. Her self-esteem and self-value are critical to any potential success. Some of us just have a bunch more steps to take than others do.

I can say that my wife now does more things she never did before and our sex life is more fun than it's ever been. I guess it's just human nature to always want more and I'm obviously no exception.

First, welcome to OHW. I hope you find the experience beneficial and, ideally, a part of taking things from fantasy to reality.

I wanted to offer a perspective and some thoughts on your wife's concern about not wanting to be perceived as "slutty." I think a common (mis)perception from outsiders is that the lifestyle is focused on the quantity of partners, which some people, like your wife, perceive as being "slutty." While there are certainly people in the lifestyle who like to have lots of partners, many of us also prefer quality over quantity.

Almost all of my experiences with couples have been long-term, steady relationships that last several years. For starters, I have high standards for my women and won't just sleep with anyone who has a pulse. Next, it's simply safer, especially from an STD perspective, to be with one or two couples vice several. Finally, I think sex gets better with time. Experience allows you to build trust and comfort, enabling you to explore so much more. The sex six months in will be better than the sex during the first month.

That last point is particularly true when it comes to exploring kinks, such as your wife's desires for spanking and light bondage. The first sessions with a new couple are really about getting to know each other and proving whether I am "brilliant at the basics." I know they're judging my physique and sexual ability. It's like a tryout. If I do well, I will get invited back and we can slowly start exploring together.

That's all a long way of saying that you may want to tell your wife that getting started doesn't necessarily mean that she is going to sleep with a lot of guys. You two may find that you prefer one or two lovers who match what you're looking for in a partner.

Good luck!

Laughingcuck wrote: ↑

Sun Nov 24, 2024 1:29 pm

her objection is mostly around not wanting to be perceived as “slutty”.

But who is going to perceive her as "slutty"?

Unless you are going to make it obvious to friends and family, then there's only you, her and any boyfriend that could pass judgement. I presume you wouldn't view her that way. A boyfriend might, but hopefully you'll weed him out well before he gets too close.
Is it just her perception of herself?
And anyway, "slutty" isn't automatically bad.

This is a great point and I’ll definitely make that to her. Sometimes this stuff is so baked in we don’t even know why we feel that way.

Very minor update. She has agreed to and is happy to have the conversation, hopefully tonight. Thanks everyone for your input, I’ll update on all the outcomes.

Cheers!

Secretly embracing a subversive, naughty identity, such as 'slut', can obviously be a turn-on for a lot of people.

My wife has found that she loves it when I (or her dates) talk about her that way during sex. A fella has to pick his moments though. It's good once she gets really fired up - not so much during foreplay perhaps

Laughingcuck wrote: ↑

Tue Nov 26, 2024 7:39 am

Very minor update. She has agreed to and is happy to have the conversation, hopefully tonight. Thanks everyone for your input, I’ll update on all the outcomes.

Cheers!

Good luck! Try to stay calm and open to anything she says. If you overreact it will have consequences.