Why??!!
Posted: Wed Jan 29, 2025 9:34 pm
I was listening to a podcast earlier and was reflecting on my own kink. I have been married for over three decades to my high school sweetheart. We dated for several years, and years two and three were long distance while we were at different colleges. Before we began dating, she had a long time boyfriend for around a year and she lost her virginity to him. I never looked at her as a possible companion until I gave her a ride home from a school event and we began talking. We talked about everything under the sun and realized how compatible we were. In our discussions, she shared her sexual experience with me and I found it oddly arousing, but of course didn't mention my arousal to her. We talked for hours every day before we had sex after only one week. It was my first time, and she must have been very disappointed with that first performance. I came so fast that she had no way of even getting close herself. lol I had no experience, so to say that I was afraid of not "measuring up" was a very real fear for me. I was worried about my size as well as what to do with it once I got it in her. We were nearly caught by her parents and I left really quickly after I had finished. My mind was racing and I am sure hers was too and I couldn't wait to debrief with her.
As I lay in bed thinking of losing my virginity, one of my thoughts surprised me. As good as if felt, and as excited as I was, just before I entered her, I thought about her previous boyfriend's cock penetrating her so many times. When we talked about our session the next day, I apologized and asked for a second chance. I also asked her how I compared in hopes of a better performance the next time. I was afraid my dick was too small. I knew my timing was going to have to improve. I had pulled out and wondered if I had a normal amount of ejaculate. All of these thoughts came from fear of measuring up to someone that was completely out of the picture. She would not open up and tell me what she really thought. She told me her ex was a little bigger and that I did cum too quickly for her to really enjoy it, but it was fine. She didn't want to talk abut her ex since it was a bad breakup and he was out of the picture. He was out of the picture, but I still imagined what his cock must have looked like as it went in to her. I didn't bring him up but I still thought of her under him.
She shared several sexual experiences that she and her boyfriend had. She was certainly no prude. She had a quicky with him while his mother was preparing dinner by taking a short ride on a 4 wheeler and had they sex outdoors, at the edge of a field by some woods. She had given him head. He had come in her mouth but no swallowing. She snuck back to the middle of his parents' RV and had sex from behind while his parent were 10 ft away. I remember so many of the stories, but she shared one logistical detail that had never entered my mind. When she told me about the RV sex, I asked if he had pulled out or used a condom. She said he did not pull out, came insider of her, and she just snuck back to the front bed after they had finished. That made sense to me since that way, there was no mess to deal with. She quickly informed me that all the cum runs out after a short while. I had never given a thought about what happens to cum after it is inside a woman. I just assumed it was absorbed some how in some magical baby making way. He knowledge of this very carnal detail was intoxicating to me. This epiphany would have an impact on my sex life and what turns me on for the rest of my adult life.
We dated and went parking to have sex every night that we could. I had put her comments about cum leaking out in the back of my mind and was learning new sex skills daily. One skill that I didn't realize I needed was oral sex. I had learned to slow down and I could give my girlfriend countless orgasms by hand. She would occasionally cum while we were having sex, but I would usually finger her until she tapped out and I would then mount her. I felt I needed to expand my kisses from mouth, neck and chest to her whole body. When I reached her pubic mound with my kisses, she pushed me away. She was still young and embarrassed by her body and her sexuality. I kissed all around for a very long time and went back towards her vagina. The pushing was less persistent and I told her to relax. I then realized that I had NO idea of what to do or how to do it. She was moaning and was more wet than I had ever seen. That is when my epiphany came back to me. As I parted her lips, I thought of his cock entering her. She was so wet and that is when I remembered that the cum leaks back out. I was about to dive in and I was thinking about cum from her ex leaking out of her pussy. As I ate her to multiple orgasms, I couldn't shake the thoughts of her fucking another guy. I came too quickly again that night, but she wasn't even disappointed. She had discovered how good she is at receiving oral. It was shortly after this that I told her that I thought it was hot to think of his cum running down her leg. That is the last thing that she wanted to hear since he was her ex for a reason.
I thought my girlfriend had the best pussy in the world, but I was clearly not experienced enough to say that. I was proud that I was getting to have sex with her and I was glad and proud that she was fucking me and no longer fucking her previous boyfriend. We had sex as often as we could and spoke openly about what we were liking and what we wanted more of. I was opening up and talking about sharing her and other fantasies. She actually agreed to a FMF with one of her cheerleader friends. The catch was that she also had to have a threesome with her friend and the boyfriend. We had our FMF and it was awesome although I actually never came. I fucked both of them for an hour, they were both sucking my cock and I wanted to make sure that they came first. By the time that happened, I never came. The really hot thing was when it was time for my girlfriend to make the reciprocal threesome I was at the same party and got to watch the proposal to him take place. Her friend told my girlfriend that tonight should be the night. It was already late at a farmhouse party that the boyfriend's parents owned. The time was one issue and the other issue was that my GF's friend had not mentioned to her boyfriend that he was part of this arrangement. He had no idea that she had cheated on him with me and he had no idea that he could have a threesome that night. My GF was given the task to convince him.
She had ridden to the party with me and asked me how she would get home. I told her I would just drive around in the country and come back and pick her up. She thought that would work and asked me if I was OK with her going through with this. I simply said "A deal is a deal. You have to do it." She asked me if I was going to stick around while she asked him and of course I said yes. She teased me and said something to the effect of: "You know when you come and pick me up, I will have been fucking another guy. I might even let him cum in me. Would you like that? Do you think my lips will be swollen from sucking his cock?" She already knew my thoughts, but I kissed her deeply and told her I could not wait to pick her up. I got to watch her approach this 21 year old boy, whisper in his ear and then lead him to a back carport area. Her friend and I were both in the garage and she asked me where her BF and my GF were. When I told her, she asked me if we should go and watch. Of course I followed her. When we got into the shadows and could see them talking, we were too far to hear, but they were well lit and we could see everything. I saw my GF lean in and shake her head yes. I saw her shake her head yes again and put her hands behind her back to offer up her tits that were being covered in a summer V-neck sweater. I saw her whisper some more and I got to see him reach under her mini skirt, pull her panties to the side and start to finger her. She arched her back and spread her legs to help give him better access to her pussy. More words were exchanged and my GF nodded each time. I was so hard. I was so proud! I was so incredibly horny! I was standing right behind the girl in our threesome and she had a miniskirt on too. It seemed fair that if her BF is fingering my GF, I should be able to do the same. I touched her ass and worked my way to her pussy. She was incredibly wet as she watched her BF fingering another girl...MY GIRLFRIEND! I began to finger her and the stars of the show were interrupted and pulled apart. We quickly went back around to where the remaining partiers were. My GF found me after just a few minutes. I thought I was getting a kiss goodbye but instead, she told me we should find her friend and then she was ready to go home. She found her friend on the other side of the barn, whispered in her ear to be heard over the music and then made a quick exit with me in tow. I was asking what was happening and she couldn't really answer with so many people around. We stopped on the road to kiss and I put my hand up her skirt and was met with deep moans. She pulled away to get to the car that was 1/4 mile down the road. Once we were in the car, she asked me to get my dick out so she could suck it. I loved it, but she couldn't tell me what is happening with my dick in her mouth. I was asking, but she was way too hot with my dick in her mouth and me reaching under her skirt. She finally pulled back and told me to drive her someplace to be fucked. On the drive, she told me that she was very aroused and wanted to fuck this guy, but he couldn't believe that his GF would agree to a threesome. He thought it was a trap. He thought my GF would not let him do anything sexual and pushed to test her. That is why she offered her tits. That is why she let him finger her. He was starting to believe, but then the person walked in and asked about where his GF was. That is when they split up to go back to the party. We fucked and we both came quickly. She asked if I would still want her and love her if she would have gone through with it. I explained how hot I thought the whole scenario was. It seems my kink was set for life after this situation.
We had a couple more close calls with her almost fucking a few other guys, but she has never been willing to go through with it. After so many years, she is fully aware of how often I think of this. We have a dildo (named Phil) that fucks her frequently. I found out a few years ago that she was really surprised at how small I felt as I entered her that first time. She said she could tell immediately that her boyfriend was bigger, quite a bit bigger than I am. She does admit now that I don't fill her up, but Phil does. I have never seen her cum on my dick like she does this large dildo. Phil usually fucks her to several orgasms and then she cleans him off while I fuck her. I have told her many times that I want to witness the real thing. She has a physical response but assures me that she doesn't ever want to do that. When I eat her out, I sometimes still think about her first BF's cum leaking out of her nearly 40 years ago.
My question is this: Why?? Why would I want to see another man fuck my wife? Why would I want to see her enjoy a larger dick? Why would I want to see my bride sucking another dick? Why do I still think about her first BF leaving a load of cum inside her? My wife and I are best friends. We both retired recently, travel, and have a great deal of fun together. We have built a comfortable life which allows us so much freedom. We have a family that we travel to spend time with. We have sex a couple of times a week and, after menopause, she is taking HRT to continue this act. After all this time, I still want to share her. Why?
So, with my first question stated, another question is this: Was I predisposed to have Stag/Hotwife/Cuckold tendencies, or is this urge from what I experienced with my first love/partner? Did my early sexual experiences and insecurities thinking about fucking a girl who had sex countless time with a larger cock set my brain to desiring that thing? Why would I be willing to risk a lifetime of hope, success and family to see my wife with another dick in her? If anyone can explain, it might save me some money on a counselor.
If you have made it this far, thanks for letting me rant ; )
Stoked
As I lay in bed thinking of losing my virginity, one of my thoughts surprised me. As good as if felt, and as excited as I was, just before I entered her, I thought about her previous boyfriend's cock penetrating her so many times. When we talked about our session the next day, I apologized and asked for a second chance. I also asked her how I compared in hopes of a better performance the next time. I was afraid my dick was too small. I knew my timing was going to have to improve. I had pulled out and wondered if I had a normal amount of ejaculate. All of these thoughts came from fear of measuring up to someone that was completely out of the picture. She would not open up and tell me what she really thought. She told me her ex was a little bigger and that I did cum too quickly for her to really enjoy it, but it was fine. She didn't want to talk abut her ex since it was a bad breakup and he was out of the picture. He was out of the picture, but I still imagined what his cock must have looked like as it went in to her. I didn't bring him up but I still thought of her under him.
She shared several sexual experiences that she and her boyfriend had. She was certainly no prude. She had a quicky with him while his mother was preparing dinner by taking a short ride on a 4 wheeler and had they sex outdoors, at the edge of a field by some woods. She had given him head. He had come in her mouth but no swallowing. She snuck back to the middle of his parents' RV and had sex from behind while his parent were 10 ft away. I remember so many of the stories, but she shared one logistical detail that had never entered my mind. When she told me about the RV sex, I asked if he had pulled out or used a condom. She said he did not pull out, came insider of her, and she just snuck back to the front bed after they had finished. That made sense to me since that way, there was no mess to deal with. She quickly informed me that all the cum runs out after a short while. I had never given a thought about what happens to cum after it is inside a woman. I just assumed it was absorbed some how in some magical baby making way. He knowledge of this very carnal detail was intoxicating to me. This epiphany would have an impact on my sex life and what turns me on for the rest of my adult life.
We dated and went parking to have sex every night that we could. I had put her comments about cum leaking out in the back of my mind and was learning new sex skills daily. One skill that I didn't realize I needed was oral sex. I had learned to slow down and I could give my girlfriend countless orgasms by hand. She would occasionally cum while we were having sex, but I would usually finger her until she tapped out and I would then mount her. I felt I needed to expand my kisses from mouth, neck and chest to her whole body. When I reached her pubic mound with my kisses, she pushed me away. She was still young and embarrassed by her body and her sexuality. I kissed all around for a very long time and went back towards her vagina. The pushing was less persistent and I told her to relax. I then realized that I had NO idea of what to do or how to do it. She was moaning and was more wet than I had ever seen. That is when my epiphany came back to me. As I parted her lips, I thought of his cock entering her. She was so wet and that is when I remembered that the cum leaks back out. I was about to dive in and I was thinking about cum from her ex leaking out of her pussy. As I ate her to multiple orgasms, I couldn't shake the thoughts of her fucking another guy. I came too quickly again that night, but she wasn't even disappointed. She had discovered how good she is at receiving oral. It was shortly after this that I told her that I thought it was hot to think of his cum running down her leg. That is the last thing that she wanted to hear since he was her ex for a reason.
I thought my girlfriend had the best pussy in the world, but I was clearly not experienced enough to say that. I was proud that I was getting to have sex with her and I was glad and proud that she was fucking me and no longer fucking her previous boyfriend. We had sex as often as we could and spoke openly about what we were liking and what we wanted more of. I was opening up and talking about sharing her and other fantasies. She actually agreed to a FMF with one of her cheerleader friends. The catch was that she also had to have a threesome with her friend and the boyfriend. We had our FMF and it was awesome although I actually never came. I fucked both of them for an hour, they were both sucking my cock and I wanted to make sure that they came first. By the time that happened, I never came. The really hot thing was when it was time for my girlfriend to make the reciprocal threesome I was at the same party and got to watch the proposal to him take place. Her friend told my girlfriend that tonight should be the night. It was already late at a farmhouse party that the boyfriend's parents owned. The time was one issue and the other issue was that my GF's friend had not mentioned to her boyfriend that he was part of this arrangement. He had no idea that she had cheated on him with me and he had no idea that he could have a threesome that night. My GF was given the task to convince him.
She had ridden to the party with me and asked me how she would get home. I told her I would just drive around in the country and come back and pick her up. She thought that would work and asked me if I was OK with her going through with this. I simply said "A deal is a deal. You have to do it." She asked me if I was going to stick around while she asked him and of course I said yes. She teased me and said something to the effect of: "You know when you come and pick me up, I will have been fucking another guy. I might even let him cum in me. Would you like that? Do you think my lips will be swollen from sucking his cock?" She already knew my thoughts, but I kissed her deeply and told her I could not wait to pick her up. I got to watch her approach this 21 year old boy, whisper in his ear and then lead him to a back carport area. Her friend and I were both in the garage and she asked me where her BF and my GF were. When I told her, she asked me if we should go and watch. Of course I followed her. When we got into the shadows and could see them talking, we were too far to hear, but they were well lit and we could see everything. I saw my GF lean in and shake her head yes. I saw her shake her head yes again and put her hands behind her back to offer up her tits that were being covered in a summer V-neck sweater. I saw her whisper some more and I got to see him reach under her mini skirt, pull her panties to the side and start to finger her. She arched her back and spread her legs to help give him better access to her pussy. More words were exchanged and my GF nodded each time. I was so hard. I was so proud! I was so incredibly horny! I was standing right behind the girl in our threesome and she had a miniskirt on too. It seemed fair that if her BF is fingering my GF, I should be able to do the same. I touched her ass and worked my way to her pussy. She was incredibly wet as she watched her BF fingering another girl...MY GIRLFRIEND! I began to finger her and the stars of the show were interrupted and pulled apart. We quickly went back around to where the remaining partiers were. My GF found me after just a few minutes. I thought I was getting a kiss goodbye but instead, she told me we should find her friend and then she was ready to go home. She found her friend on the other side of the barn, whispered in her ear to be heard over the music and then made a quick exit with me in tow. I was asking what was happening and she couldn't really answer with so many people around. We stopped on the road to kiss and I put my hand up her skirt and was met with deep moans. She pulled away to get to the car that was 1/4 mile down the road. Once we were in the car, she asked me to get my dick out so she could suck it. I loved it, but she couldn't tell me what is happening with my dick in her mouth. I was asking, but she was way too hot with my dick in her mouth and me reaching under her skirt. She finally pulled back and told me to drive her someplace to be fucked. On the drive, she told me that she was very aroused and wanted to fuck this guy, but he couldn't believe that his GF would agree to a threesome. He thought it was a trap. He thought my GF would not let him do anything sexual and pushed to test her. That is why she offered her tits. That is why she let him finger her. He was starting to believe, but then the person walked in and asked about where his GF was. That is when they split up to go back to the party. We fucked and we both came quickly. She asked if I would still want her and love her if she would have gone through with it. I explained how hot I thought the whole scenario was. It seems my kink was set for life after this situation.
We had a couple more close calls with her almost fucking a few other guys, but she has never been willing to go through with it. After so many years, she is fully aware of how often I think of this. We have a dildo (named Phil) that fucks her frequently. I found out a few years ago that she was really surprised at how small I felt as I entered her that first time. She said she could tell immediately that her boyfriend was bigger, quite a bit bigger than I am. She does admit now that I don't fill her up, but Phil does. I have never seen her cum on my dick like she does this large dildo. Phil usually fucks her to several orgasms and then she cleans him off while I fuck her. I have told her many times that I want to witness the real thing. She has a physical response but assures me that she doesn't ever want to do that. When I eat her out, I sometimes still think about her first BF's cum leaking out of her nearly 40 years ago.
My question is this: Why?? Why would I want to see another man fuck my wife? Why would I want to see her enjoy a larger dick? Why would I want to see my bride sucking another dick? Why do I still think about her first BF leaving a load of cum inside her? My wife and I are best friends. We both retired recently, travel, and have a great deal of fun together. We have built a comfortable life which allows us so much freedom. We have a family that we travel to spend time with. We have sex a couple of times a week and, after menopause, she is taking HRT to continue this act. After all this time, I still want to share her. Why?
So, with my first question stated, another question is this: Was I predisposed to have Stag/Hotwife/Cuckold tendencies, or is this urge from what I experienced with my first love/partner? Did my early sexual experiences and insecurities thinking about fucking a girl who had sex countless time with a larger cock set my brain to desiring that thing? Why would I be willing to risk a lifetime of hope, success and family to see my wife with another dick in her? If anyone can explain, it might save me some money on a counselor.
If you have made it this far, thanks for letting me rant ; )
Stoked
We'll be happy to answer!