The journey to a vixen, hopefully.

[hope2explore]

Hey everybody. So after reading this site for the better part of two years, I figured it was time to register and share my story and get opinions on my situations. I’ll condense things but I’m open to questions to clarify / provide more detail. The other thing to know right off the bat is I know I am playing a long game here but things have moved faster at times then anticipated.

I (52) and my wife (59) and have been married for 20 years, together for 23 in total. Our sex life has been non-existent at times but over the last few years, it is definitely changing. In November 2023, after years of joking about it and even telling her that I would be open to a threesome or foursome, I told her about my hotwife fantasy, wanting to share her with another man for her pleasure. I also expressed an openness to a female, couple of group and told he that I want to have her experience pleasure however she wants to. Well, let just say it didn’t go over to good. She’d had all the normal reactions from what people write about her - No, No way in hell, that’s cheating, Why, I could never do that, etc. Little did I realize what that first gut wrenching chat would lead to.

Since that time, we have had a number of heavy chats about this. Some in bed and some either sitting in the evening or out for a walk. I have answered any question she has and have told her as much as I could about why this interests me, often time taking time to think about her question. I have come out as bi and shared details of my past sex life with her (up to a certain point at that time) and told her that I am open to this because I love her and trust her more than anyone I have even known. Many of this conversations have been one sided with my wife not sharing a lot of information unless I asked her direct questions. She has stayed firm in her No to the idea of opening our marriage to play with others and I have told her that I will respect that but want to keep talking about sex and explore sex as a couple. She had not been overly keen on the idea but I suspect it was the lesser of two evils for her. She was also okay with using the fantasy, kind of, as dirty talk during sex and maybe try playing with toys again (did 15+ years ago).

Life continued and we would have chats every once and awhile. To take the pressure off the hotwife fantasy idea, I decided to focus on approaching life differently with my wife. We began having conversations about where we want to end up after retirement and when we are empty nesters, what experiences we want to have in life, what we want to see and do. We talked about not wanting to be life friends who have loved their partner due to an illness and never did what they wanted. We also had a bunch of friend fall sick and looked at how they always put things off. Our conversations began to focus on allowing ourselves to have an experience as a couple. I also told my wife that I do not want to be the reason why she doesn’t try or do something in her life, especially if it something that will bring her pleasure. I also would bring up opening up sexually to explore those experiences that her and I have, including our fantasies. Sex began to change and she was becoming more receptive to being pleasured and dirty talk.

Went on a family trip and she was living this new attitude. Bikinis, strutting and being free. She even allowed me to take a few photos posing sexy against the backdrop of the ocean. And then two weeks after we got back, everything came to a screeching halt again despite a great time, including lots of looks from other men and a very responsive husband as a result. I think she got spooked and backed off of sex with me as a result because she starting putting off sex again. I shared some articles about how healthy and normal sexual exploration is in a marriage as well as one about sharing fantasies and using toys during sex or solo to learn about pleasure. After a few weeks and a few hard rejections to sex that actually hurt me they way she did it, we had one of the hardest chats yet.

I explained my desire for exploring sexually with either within our marriage only or with others letting her know that despite telling her my fantasies and desires over a 1 1/2 years ago, I’ve gotten nothing about her fantasies and desires in return. I pointed out how her rejections hurt me and how I need her to recognize that we both have needs and desires. Told her I know she has fantasies but she won’t share them and how it makes me question if she trusts me to be vulnerable. I eventually told her that I only want her to trust me that I will not make her do anything she said she is not interested in doing, nor will I cross a boundary she set but I might push it til she is not comfortable. I explained that instead of saying no, I want her to ask herself why not? And that I want her to be open to having experiences and seeing where they go as she will always be in control.

For the last few months after this chat, things have changed in and out of the bedroom. My wife is more receptive to attention including sexual innuendoes and touch. Frequency has increased slightly and there is a big difference in openness during sex. I have been consistent weight talking dirty to her during sex and have definitely changed how I do it and what I say based on her response. As we are fucking, I tell her that I want her to take cock like this (referring to the way she’s getting fucked) or that I know she wants cock to fuck her like this. She gets wet and starts moaning, which set me off to talk dirtier telling her to take that cock and on a few time I’d say that I wanted her push full of cum. The end result is always us both getting off and when the dust settles, she acknowledges the moment with “really….” To which I reply, yep, love you.

This is probably long enough for now. I can definitely fill in missing pieces and answer questions. But, where do you guys and gals think things are going? What should I be doing more of or less of?

[Deeperlove1369]

Your wife sounds much like mine was. I begged her for her fantasies for over 20 years, she always said she didn't have any...and she wasn't necessarily lying, she has them, just buried deep inside her and I'd say even into her subconscious. I, as well as most men, have very explicit fantasies, and she likes to hear them, she just had a problem letting her own genie out of the bottle. I began to write fantasies down, specifically hotwife fantasies, and she loved them. She ended up flirting with a guy she knew from a work relationship that was giving her a lot of attention, and it took off like a cannon from there. She had 4 FWBs over a 3-year period before we took an unintentional hiatus from the lifestyle as life happens with or without us, the daily monotony is easy to get lost in, and the spice in our bedroom faded away just like yours. We just started talking about giving it another go about 4 months ago and the spice returned almost immediately, so we both know this lifestyle kicks her libido up 1,000%.

I still have difficulty squeezing fantasies out of her, so we ride with the ones I express verbally and in writing (texts, emails, etc). I'd say your wife is quite interested, but probably very traditional and reserved, but that tiger is in there I assure you. What I found helpful was lots of encouragement and go at her pace with a good little nudge to push her out of her comfort zone when the situation is ripe...then back off. Teasing is great, role-playing is very fun, but attention from another man will likely get her out of the starting gate as it did for us. That could come in many forms from casual meets in everyday life to online dating apps. For my wife, she got blind to the attention other men gave her and didn't even notice anymore, so getting her interested in looking and acting sexy as well as aware of her surroundings took quite a bit of effort. You could also set up anonymous accounts and meet some hungry single males, or even couples, and let her do some online chatting and flirting to see if that gets her motor running. Pay her lots of attention, encourage her daily, but know when to back off and go at her pace. Good luck.

[hope2explore]

Thanks @Deeplov1369

The lack of fantasy is I bit of a downer at times but at least she is open to me talking about Milne during sex. I think a big shift was when I stops saying “my cock” and started to just say “cock”. I have even told her to think about what another cock would feel like fucking her and after the initial shock, she was grinding away and moaning, so I know she was allowing herself to enjoy the moment. I might try the writing approach.

Also backing off from hotwifing and making it more about having shared experiences has definitely taken the edge off of it.

On holidays, I pointed out that she was getting lots of attention. Her response was they just looking at me like a bunch of pervs. Told her that may be the case but they find her sexy and want to want her. Lots of confidence came out and sex the next morning was hot AF. The icing on the cake was when a twenty something year old started checking her out and making small talk at the bar by the pool. He stepped back at one point to get a better look and even came back after leaving to get another look. She downplayed it as being”in your head” but I told her I know what I was watching happen.

Right now, we are working through me finally sharing part of my sexual past with her. I told her the genesis of my hotwife fantasy. I explained that during my mid 20’s, I was a bull for hotwives, fucking them in front of their husbands, husbands joining in, with their husband waiting elsewhere, husbands in another room, or taking pics for them later. Told her that I want us to have those experiences and to know what that pleasure is. Told her that I want to be in the room and watch / participate (more Stag oriented) because I found that the couples who did this were deeply in love and had unmatched trust for each other. Since this talk, we had sex with the lights on for the first the time in a very long time and she let me watch her sucking my cock, which she something she’s never been open to due to confidence.

[bbarnsworth]

H2E, it sounds very much like you have a work in progress...a good work in progress! I mean that whether it some day works out that she enjoys having sex with another man while you watch or it's always just the two of you. I think you are approaching this right. There's an old saying about this; you have to go at the pace of the slower of the two of you. You're ready. She isn't and may never be. You're cognizant of that, and are taking it slow.

I especially like the conversation where you talked about the rejections. This is important. Rejections undermine foundations. It's not that she has to do everything you want, but outright rejecting you is hurtful and undermines intimacy in the relationship (I'm talking emotional intimacy).

I really don't want to get into stereotype territory, but there is the reality that many women are raised...even in today's society...to believe that their own sexual needs and wants are either not important or speak to her being an immoral slut. It can be difficult for women to verbalize their fantasies. It can be even harder for women to comprehend their fantasies themselves, much less put them into words. Her physical reactions to you saying "cock" instead of "my cock" speak to a deeper desire, but verbalizing it may be nigh on impossible for her.

I've seen it many times before that women who have been married for a long time think they're no longer attractive. Age sets in, they're not the cute little 20 something brunette they used to be, and they start to feel ugly in comparison to younger women. No man could find them attractive, could they? So they're left with this subconscious idea that only their husbands find them attractive, and that only because their husbands have no other options. It's an irrational thought, but it is very, very common. In my job, I am surrounded by young 20 something women every day. Nice eye candy, but I find my late 50s wife to be far more attractive to me, and there's a woman for whom I'm a bull on occasion who is in her 60s who is far more attractive too. Women don't understand men's perspective on this any more than men understand women (and no man has ever achieved that!). YOU saw that attraction in play, because you know how men will act and react, being one yourself. It'll be more difficult for her to comprehend.

Reality? Men are visually attracted. That doesn't make them pervs. Were you a perv when you first met your wife? If you get to a point where you could try the following it's an interesting experiment; Scout out a nice nightclub, perhaps in an upscale hotel somewhere. A classy place, nicely appointed, with a nice ambiance. Have your wife dress up in something nice. Not too nice, a semi-casual dress with some low heels, her hair done up nicely but not overtly. Her appearance shouldn't scream "I'm looking to hookup". More, it should be "I've had a long day, and I just want a cocktail". Have her precede you into the club by a few minutes, and take up a stool at the bar, order a drink. You should follow a few minutes later, but take up a seat somewhere else, somewhere you can watch, and intervene if necessary. Chances are, one or more men will take the opportunity to talk with her while she sits there sipping her drink. She doesn't need to do anything more than sit there and look pretty. She doesn't have to leave with them, lead them on, or even flirt. Just the simple reality that men will be drawn to her will be a confidence booster to her, as well as some excitement for both of you. You can have her give a signal when she's ready for you both to leave.

It is true that hotwife couples usually do have an immense amount of trust and a deep, deep love. But a bit of caution; that type of relationship is what sets the table for hotwifing, not hotwifing setting the table for that type of relationship. I trust my wife implicitly, but trust isn't really the main factor; it's how deeply we love each other, and can't imagine a world without each other. When she's bedding another guy, I know she's having a great, great time. But, even the sexiest, richest, most perfect love making man couldn't take her away from me.

[hope2explore]

Thanks for your reply @bbarnsworth, much appreciated.

Trying, despite how hard it is, to keep the long game perspective and taking in slow. That's thanks to this forum and the consistent messaging of this to others.

Interesting thing about the "cock" talk during sex. I pushed a bit the other night, pointing out that she was super wet as I gave her cock and told her that her pussy doesn't lie, she likes cock. Asked her to tell me she likes cock. She asked me if the fact she gets wet isn't proof enough? I was floored and took it as a green light and things got hot. keep telling her how good she is at taking cock, how sexy it is when she takes cock, how I want her cumming on a cock and how I want to watch her cum on a cock. As she was moaning and getting wetter, I keep encouraging her to think of taking that cock and lost it when I told her to think about cumming on the cock you are fucking and she responded by cumming, letting to a deep moan as she did. After the dust settled, she simply said "really..." (this was the first time she made an admission to the idea that she likes taking cock.)

We were out the bar last weekend and saw a couple where the wife was dressed for action and attention - semi sheer top, short skirt, fishnets and knee high black boots. Came up in conversation last night as we were talking about an upcoming 80's rock show we are going to. She told me that if I expect her to dress like "fishnet" girl I would be sorrily mistaken. Told her that I don't as that is not nor has it ever been her, but I do want her to accept that she is sexy AF and be confident in showing her sexiness when we go out. Told her that she has a very sexy body and should be proud and confident about it. She said she'd figure some out to wear.

At bed, as we were cuddling, I ran my hand up her thigh and noticed different panties then the usual. These were a high hip cut that showed more cheek. Pointed out that they were new and she responded "can't I get new underwear?" Told her absolutely, I love them, they're sexy and highlight her body. Suggested we need to find a bikini body that has this type of cut for the beach this year. Got a hmmmm back.

She is definitely processing things and testing my responses. Trying to keep the eye on the prize for sure.

Not sure where to go from here but definitely realize that things are moving in an interesting direction.

[Deeperlove1369]

Thanks @Deeplov1369

The lack of fantasy is I bit of a downer at times but at least she is open to me talking about Milne during sex. I think a big shift was when I stops saying “my cock” and started to just say “cock”. I have even told her to think about what another cock would feel like fucking her and after the initial shock, she was grinding away and moaning, so I know she was allowing herself to enjoy the moment. I might try the writing approach.

Also backing off from hotwifing and making it more about having shared experiences has definitely taken the edge off of it.

On holidays, I pointed out that she was getting lots of attention. Her response was they just looking at me like a bunch of pervs. Told her that may be the case but they find her sexy and want to want her. Lots of confidence came out and sex the next morning was hot AF. The icing on the cake was when a twenty something year old started checking her out and making small talk at the bar by the pool. He stepped back at one point to get a better look and even came back after leaving to get another look. She downplayed it as being”in your head” but I told her I know what I was watching happen.

Right now, we are working through me finally sharing part of my sexual past with her. I told her the genesis of my hotwife fantasy. I explained that during my mid 20’s, I was a bull for hotwives, fucking them in front of their husbands, husbands joining in, with their husband waiting elsewhere, husbands in another room, or taking pics for them later. Told her that I want us to have those experiences and to know what that pleasure is. Told her that I want to be in the room and watch / participate (more Stag oriented) because I found that the couples who did this were deeply in love and had unmatched trust for each other. Since this talk, we had sex with the lights on for the first the time in a very long time and she let me watch her sucking my cock, which she something she’s never been open to due to confidence.

Great progress, good for both of you! You nailed it, it's not that she's not interested in being fucked by other men, it's her lack of confidence and it sounds like you are making great strides in that area. You're out of the barn for sure and waiting for the gates to drop. How did she respond to you being a bull?

[hope2explore]

hey @deeperlov1369.

I think that me telling my wife that I was a Bull and what that meant maybe had a bigger impact than I realized it would have. If that makes sense. She is definitely processing what it means and told me as much. She said that it was a lot to take in and something not expected (I'm thinking she is aligning it with an escort?). But after learning this, she finally admitted that she likes taking cock while I was fucking her and that night, let me push the doc talk further than before. Lately it is almost as if she accepted that she can trust me on this vixen hotwife fantasy because I've lived it before as the Bull......

There have been a bunch of other smaller things that have recently been changing that makes it clear to me that it is not "if" she will move forward with the idea of being a Hotwife, now it is "When" she becomes one. She is seeking assurances to the small things while asking for clarity bout the fantasy, whether directly or indirectly. At first I thought I was reading too much into this stuff when I would notice something but, now I just let it happen and I enjoy it as part of the journey. I know it is going to come down to the right place, right time, right person. I try to be as open as possible to everything that comes up.

She is still very much not open to the idea IRL but the fantasy is definitely there. As everyone says, once the sed is planted, it will grow and I can honestly say, yes it will. I am doing everything I can to nurture that seed as it is growing and give it the proper attention - answering questions, giving reassurance, pushing pleasure boundaries between us. But most of all, I am constantly stressing the desire to communicate about exploring experiences together. We are hading tot he show this coming week and I am interested to see who she acts there, especially after a drink or two. Not that I expected anticipate that she is at the point where she'd go for it but I am interested in seeing if she pushes boundaries in any way.

As some point, I am assuming sooner than later, I will need to present my boundaries to the fantasy. I have been doing so when we have chats about things like the way the woman was dressed but I know it has to be very clear. from what I have read. Although she also knows that I want this to be our shared experience and have framed it as threesomes / me being there, I want to make that clear. Not that I would be accepting of her returning home with a confession, my preference is to be there for the transformation to a vixen hotwife.

I use to read that the lifestyle is only successful if there is a strong foundation between the couple and lots of communication. I never realized the level and amount of communication that would mean.

[hope2explore]

Okay, not sure what to make of this so advise and comments wanted.

The other night, we were going at it and I started with the "cock" talk. On e again, no reference to my cock just about her taking taking it and wanting her to take it, cum on a cock etc. After we were done and cuddling, my wife asked me "what if I don't want your cock?" replied, "you don't have to take cock if you don't want to but your pussy says otherwise." and left it there. Didn't distinguish between my / others etc just that she is in control over the cock she takes.

The next day, she came home from her fitness class and was getting ready to shower, she was stripping down and I playfully took out my phone and pretended to snap pictures of her naked. Instead of saying anything, she give me a great hip out ass pose but quickly ran away before I could take the actual picture. Not normal for her.

Last night as we were getting ready for bed, we were joking around and she made a comment about me being old and decrepit. Told her she didn't seem to complaint when I was fucking her the other night. She looked at me and asked "was that you?" Without missing a beat, i told her that "it was however you want fucking you like that" and went and got ready for bed. Instant, visible hard on. When I got to bed, there was a "tension" in the bed that felt different. Asked her what she was thinking about and she replied sleep. A moment later, she asked me what was on my mind. I decided to let her sit with the comment and come back to it later.

This morning we got up and as we stood in the kitchen getting things ready for the day, grabbed her and kissed her, grabbing her ass and making it very clear that I was craving her and her body. She responded with her "really..." statement for when she likes what happened. In someways though, I am kicking myself for not following up with her about her choice on who fucks her but I also know its okay to not get into the fantasy every time it comes up. Do I circle around to it later or just let it lay knowing she is well aware that I am game for her being with another guy?

Plus, tonight we head out to a General Admission show at a local venue where I am sure she will be getting some attention from others. Have encouraged her and will do som again to dress as sexy as she's comfortable with so..... Who knows what the outcome will be.

For the veterans in this lifestyle, how do things look (recognize you don't know the minutia of the details but open to your thoughts)?

[hope2explore]

Decided to use this as a bit of a blog to keep track of things and process what is happening.

The other night, after a day of making it clear I wanted her, we ended up having sex. My wife usually starts off by sucking me for awhile and she got really into it. She gets super turned on and wet from sucking and this night, she took it up a notch without a doubt. We started having sex and I got right into talking about her taking cock and how wet she was. it was too much and a lost it, blowing sooner than I wanted to. She still commented "really..." after I blew my load. She was cool with it but was off the next few days. Not sure if it was because the sex was faster than she wanted or how verbal I got with her or both.

Last night, we were laying in bed and she turned over, facing away from me. I told her no man could resist not cuddling up against her and pulled in tight to her. She replied that there were lots of guys that wanted to be with her. I was dumbfounded and shocked that she made this direct comment about other men, her first ever doing so, because she has been adamant that she is not open to my vixen hotwife fantasy. A gave myself a second and told her that now I am going to have dirty thoughts for the rest of the night. I then told her that she is and will always be the main character in my dirty thoughts. Told her how turned on I was by her and let her feel my hard cock on her backside. She grabbed my hand and arm, pulling it tightly against her body, gave a sigh of contentment and fell asleep.

This morning, there was definitely something different about her, her attitude, her movements etc. She picked up a shift and dressed more carefree.

Last night was the first time she made a direct reference to other guys and I have been hard as a rock all day. Is she finally opening up to the idea?

[Lucky Dog]

A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.

[bbarnsworth]

I use to read that the lifestyle is only successful if there is a strong foundation between the couple and lots of communication. I never realized the level and amount of communication that would mean.

Different couples approach this from different ways. But, a common thread among the vast majority is this deep level of communication. As I mentioned before, even if she never has sex with another man, reaching this level of communication will do wonders for your marriage.

Do I circle around to it later or just let it lay knowing she is well aware that I am game for her being with another guy?

I would exercise a bit of caution in not trying to play every scene out as motion towards the goal of her having sex with other men. This may cause the opposite effect; "He always brings it up! I don't want to hint at anything..." sort of an effect. This is her fantasy that's growing. She knows of your fantasy; but this isn't about your fantasy, but about hers. She knows now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you will be exceptionally happy watching her have the time of her life while she's fucking another man. Allow her fantasy to grow organically. Nudge it, encourage it, discuss it, ..yes, but don't try to make everything into another step forward.

For the veterans in this lifestyle, how do things look (recognize you don't know the minutia of the details but open to your thoughts)?

I think it sounds very, very promising. There's some hurdles to be overcome. Her comment about fishnet girl shows that she doesn't want to be viewed as a slut, a tramp, what have you. She wants to be treated like the lady she is. This may also show the possibility of tension in her that a nice lady wouldn't want to bed a man other than her husband. I mentioned before about how a number of women are raised to think negatively of this. Perhaps she has as well. Her confidence is growing, but might not be all the way there yet.

It is possible she is drawing some attention at the fitness club. Prior to your discussions, it was probably something she ignored or if she noticed it, dismissed it with scorn. Now I think there's a possibility she's embracing it a bit, even playing into it a bit.

I thought of another experiment that might increase her confidence. Again, have her dress in an attractive dress, low to moderate heels, hair done nicely, etc. Again, not screaming "I WANT ATTENTION!" but rather a well put together woman. The two of you can go to a well populated mall (there's still a few of them around! ), or some other area where there's bound to be lots of people. Have her walk ahead of you by some distance, but not too far. You keep out your phone and, without being too obvious, video record her walking. There's a fair chance you're going to catch a number of guys taking a chance to have a look at her when she's not looking in their direction. Heck, I do this all the time when I see a woman nicely dressed, and I see other guys do it too. I'm sure it's similar for you. If she sees video of this happening, she may have quite a confidence boost. I saw this in person one time, my wife and I were coming back from some event, and she was rather nicely dressed. We happened across a tag sale (which she really likes to go to to find interesting deals). I stayed behind in the car, waiting. She walked up the driveway, past a gentleman who was sitting in the chair twiddling with something. He barely paid her notice until after she passed. Once she passed, he turned around and kept watching her. I loved it I told my wife about it when she returned and she was smiling

[Deeperlove1369]

hey @deeperlov1369.

I think that me telling my wife that I was a Bull and what that meant maybe had a bigger impact than I realized it would have. If that makes sense. She is definitely processing what it means and told me as much. She said that it was a lot to take in and something not expected (I'm thinking she is aligning it with an escort?). But after learning this, she finally admitted that she likes taking cock while I was fucking her and that night, let me push the doc talk further than before. Lately it is almost as if she accepted that she can trust me on this vixen hotwife fantasy because I've lived it before as the Bull......

There have been a bunch of other smaller things that have recently been changing that makes it clear to me that it is not "if" she will move forward with the idea of being a Hotwife, now it is "When" she becomes one. She is seeking assurances to the small things while asking for clarity bout the fantasy, whether directly or indirectly. At first I thought I was reading too much into this stuff when I would notice something but, now I just let it happen and I enjoy it as part of the journey. I know it is going to come down to the right place, right time, right person. I try to be as open as possible to everything that comes up.

She is still very much not open to the idea IRL but the fantasy is definitely there. As everyone says, once the sed is planted, it will grow and I can honestly say, yes it will. I am doing everything I can to nurture that seed as it is growing and give it the proper attention - answering questions, giving reassurance, pushing pleasure boundaries between us. But most of all, I am constantly stressing the desire to communicate about exploring experiences together. We are hading tot he show this coming week and I am interested to see who she acts there, especially after a drink or two. Not that I expected anticipate that she is at the point where she'd go for it but I am interested in seeing if she pushes boundaries in any way.

As some point, I am assuming sooner than later, I will need to present my boundaries to the fantasy. I have been doing so when we have chats about things like the way the woman was dressed but I know it has to be very clear. from what I have read. Although she also knows that I want this to be our shared experience and have framed it as threesomes / me being there, I want to make that clear. Not that I would be accepting of her returning home with a confession, my preference is to be there for the transformation to a vixen hotwife.

I use to read that the lifestyle is only successful if there is a strong foundation between the couple and lots of communication. I never realized the level and amount of communication that would mean.

You definitely get it, likely since you saw it as a 3rd. I don't have any boundaries, she can play solo, I can listen or watch, and of course participate in MFM. Whatever churns her butter I'm all for. You are 100% right though, if this is not a shared experience, then it is not hotwifing but rather a 1-sided open relationship and that would never work for us. 2 things are essential to not only be successful, but to thrive and deepen your relationship: Unconditional trust and wide-open communication. You'll reach levels you never even knew existed. Also, your rules and boundaries will change over time, we started with dozens and now have just 2: Be safe and have fun. I'm excited for your journey, it is a beautiful world my friend. Feel free to tell your prospective hotwife that everything she is thinking and feeling is quite normal, and you 2 will find your way, just keep in mind that there will be disappointments and challenges along the way - celebrate all of it.

[hope2explore]

great advice and very much appreciated @bbarnsworth and @deeplover1369

last night was a very interesting night and definitely an interesting turn of events.

During this past week, we have been unable to connect sexually and she knew I was wanted her. Yesterday, she was definitely feeling there desire for sex and was letting me know in her usual way - she gets very punchy and physical. We headed to bed and she was definitely wanting sex. She started off with a mind-blowing blowjob that took everything I had not to nut. The last few blowjob she has given she have been absolutely amazing and its almost as if she is possessed in wanting to suck cock. She is definitely very into it and it is like her sole mission is to make me moan and try to get me to cum. despite how good it was and how much I wanted to let a load go, I told her that if she wants cock, she better stop. Before I even finished, she was moving positions for me to spoon up against her.

I reached for the lube and she told me that it won't be required and she was absolutely right. She was soaking wet and more than ready. She wanted it and I gave it to her. I also got right into talking and telling her hot it is that she gets so wet when she takes cock. Despite how good it was, no matter what I did, I could get over the hump because the sex felt so good, I wanted it to last. She had to tap out but told me that I can finish myself if I wanted. So, and I laid beside her I began stroking as I felt her ass up. I steady my nerves and figured its now or never.

As I was jerking off, I told her that I want to watch her get fucked by another man, taking his cock and moaning. She immediately replied "who said you'd be there to watch?" I was floored, she is obviously thinking about it. I told her that "I would want us to have the experiences first together. to share in the pleasure. But, if she wants to solo and get fucked by another guy, that's something could talk about happening at some point." Got a hmmm. Figured, in for a penny, in for a pound and let it all out. Told her aspects of the fantasy that I think about when I fuck her or when I am jerking off alone, without getting too graphic as not to scare her off. As I kept jerking off, I told her the following, getting more bold as I talked with her:

"I want to watch you get fucked by another guy. I want to watch him fucking your wet pussy, watching his cock slid into you and how wet it gets."
"I would love to have you sucking another guys cock while my cock is fucking your wet pussy."
"I'd love to have you try sucking my cock while another guy is fucking your pussy like you like it fucked."
"I want you to get fucked by another guy and look over to see me jerking off like this to you taking his cock. I want to watch him make you cum, I want to hear you moan on his cock. I'd love to watch him cum in your pussy with you looking at me, knowing that I am going to reclaim you and give you the best fuck of your life because of what we just shared." The only thing she questioned was "reclaiming". I told her that I would reclaim you pussy as mine after he fucked you and filled you up. she responded weight a hmm. I picked up my stroke pace and as I was cumming I was telling her how hot it would be to fuck her with another guy, making it very clear to her how much this excites me. Also told her how fucking turned on I was sharing these details with her.

At no point did she say it's not going to happen, she has no interest, no denial of my fantasy, no usual comments at all.

This morning, we both seemed a bit sheepish but it could have just been me. I gave her a hug and told her that last night was hot and really enjoyable as I started kissing her neck. If I could have, I would have taken her again right then and there. She replied with her patented "really". Things are definitely shifting more lately with her considering 6 months ago she was adamant that she'd never do this and is now hinting that she would get fucked without me. I foresee a few conversations about the fantasy in the coming days or weeks as she processes the confessions about the fantasy. As well as a need to check in about boundaries, desires and wants if we proceed.

[bbarnsworth]

Some women who get into hotwifing don't want their husbands around, at least not at first. They want the ability to focus on their lover without the distraction of their husbands. Non-monogamous sex can seem strange enough without having your husband around too.

That said; I agree with you, starting out I definitely wanted to be there with my wife while she was getting fucked by another man. We did that several times before she played solo. I was a bag of nerves that first time she played solo, but also absolutely turned on. For my wife, at first she wanted me not to just be there, but to be directly involved and always touching her in some way. That shifted after a couple of experiences, and she understood how much I enjoyed just watching. That moved into a foursome, three men, including me, having sex with her, and me having the absolutely delightful experience of watching her getting fucked by another man while the other man was getting a blowjob from her. Just mind blowingly hot. Solo play happened after that.

So, it evolves. Or, at least it can evolved. Some couples always wanted to play together. Some never want to play together. Your style is whatever you and your wife agree on.

It does sound very much like she's embracing this fantasy. Let it build! I think she'll soon be a hotwife! I'm really happy for you and her!

[Deeperlove1369]

great advice and very much appreciated @bbarnsworth and @deeplover1369

last night was a very interesting night and definitely an interesting turn of events.

During this past week, we have been unable to connect sexually and she knew I was wanted her. Yesterday, she was definitely feeling there desire for sex and was letting me know in her usual way - she gets very punchy and physical. We headed to bed and she was definitely wanting sex. She started off with a mind-blowing blowjob that took everything I had not to nut. The last few blowjob she has given she have been absolutely amazing and its almost as if she is possessed in wanting to suck cock. She is definitely very into it and it is like her sole mission is to make me moan and try to get me to cum. despite how good it was and how much I wanted to let a load go, I told her that if she wants cock, she better stop. Before I even finished, she was moving positions for me to spoon up against her.

I reached for the lube and she told me that it won't be required and she was absolutely right. She was soaking wet and more than ready. She wanted it and I gave it to her. I also got right into talking and telling her hot it is that she gets so wet when she takes cock. Despite how good it was, no matter what I did, I could get over the hump because the sex felt so good, I wanted it to last. She had to tap out but told me that I can finish myself if I wanted. So, and I laid beside her I began stroking as I felt her ass up. I steady my nerves and figured its now or never.

As I was jerking off, I told her that I want to watch her get fucked by another man, taking his cock and moaning. She immediately replied "who said you'd be there to watch?" I was floored, she is obviously thinking about it. I told her that "I would want us to have the experiences first together. to share in the pleasure. But, if she wants to solo and get fucked by another guy, that's something could talk about happening at some point." Got a hmmm. Figured, in for a penny, in for a pound and let it all out. Told her aspects of the fantasy that I think about when I fuck her or when I am jerking off alone, without getting too graphic as not to scare her off. As I kept jerking off, I told her the following, getting more bold as I talked with her:

"I want to watch you get fucked by another guy. I want to watch him fucking your wet pussy, watching his cock slid into you and how wet it gets."
"I would love to have you sucking another guys cock while my cock is fucking your wet pussy."
"I'd love to have you try sucking my cock while another guy is fucking your pussy like you like it fucked."
"I want you to get fucked by another guy and look over to see me jerking off like this to you taking his cock. I want to watch him make you cum, I want to hear you moan on his cock. I'd love to watch him cum in your pussy with you looking at me, knowing that I am going to reclaim you and give you the best fuck of your life because of what we just shared." The only thing she questioned was "reclaiming". I told her that I would reclaim you pussy as mine after he fucked you and filled you up. she responded weight a hmm. I picked up my stroke pace and as I was cumming I was telling her how hot it would be to fuck her with another guy, making it very clear to her how much this excites me. Also told her how fucking turned on I was sharing these details with her.

At no point did she say it's not going to happen, she has no interest, no denial of my fantasy, no usual comments at all.

This morning, we both seemed a bit sheepish but it could have just been me. I gave her a hug and told her that last night was hot and really enjoyable as I started kissing her neck. If I could have, I would have taken her again right then and there. She replied with her patented "really". Things are definitely shifting more lately with her considering 6 months ago she was adamant that she'd never do this and is now hinting that she would get fucked without me. I foresee a few conversations about the fantasy in the coming days or weeks as she processes the confessions about the fantasy. As well as a need to check in about boundaries, desires and wants if we proceed.

That's exciting, you 2 are well on your way. Take your time, it will pay off larger than life!

[hope2explore]

Looks like we are back in the two steps forward and a slide back stage.

My wife reacted to the luba and it caused some irritation which cooled things down. She was aware that I was still turned on from Saturday night but the irritation killed her openness to anything sexual. I didn't push or hint about sex in any way and it was Monday where it was clear that she was getting sexually frustrated. I asked her her how things were and she quickly replied "good and we might see what happens later". Hope shot up as she has not been this forward in a bit but as luck would happen, life got in the way. At bed, she told me that she'll give me a blow job tomorrow (again, more forward) but nothing happened as it was "too late" but tomorrow.

Last night we are laying in bed and a very clear vibe that she is not into having sex was present. She told me we can have sex tomorrow unless I really wanted to tonight. By this point, I was despondent as we've talked before that hearing "tomorrow" is rejection of me and my desires and wants yet she keeps doing it in moments like this. I had no desire at this point so I figured fuck it. I told her that its up to her. If she wants sex, we will have sex and if she wants sex, she needs to let me know. She took a second and replied that we will wait until tomorrow. So, closed me eyes and fell asleep.

It is so frustrating. When we are having sex, she is so sexual and enjoys it. She is letting me push her boundaries and is getting pleasure out of it. But she keeps pulling away. It's like she wants to but doesn't think she should so retracts. These moments are hard because I question why I'm putting out the effort when I get denied and rejected regularly and continued progress is always blocked.

Right now, I could care less if we have sex tonight. As turned on a get for her, "tomorrow" is a buzz kill and I don't know how to get that across to her.

[hornedhubby]

I get the impression that you never eat her pussy. Is that accurate? Is there a why?

[Deeperlove1369]

Looks like we are back in the two steps forward and a slide back stage.

My wife reacted to the luba and it caused some irritation which cooled things down. She was aware that I was still turned on from Saturday night but the irritation killed her openness to anything sexual. I didn't push or hint about sex in any way and it was Monday where it was clear that she was getting sexually frustrated. I asked her her how things were and she quickly replied "good and we might see what happens later". Hope shot up as she has not been this forward in a bit but as luck would happen, life got in the way. At bed, she told me that she'll give me a blow job tomorrow (again, more forward) but nothing happened as it was "too late" but tomorrow.

Last night we are laying in bed and a very clear vibe that she is not into having sex was present. She told me we can have sex tomorrow unless I really wanted to tonight. By this point, I was despondent as we've talked before that hearing "tomorrow" is rejection of me and my desires and wants yet she keeps doing it in moments like this. I had no desire at this point so I figured fuck it. I told her that its up to her. If she wants sex, we will have sex and if she wants sex, she needs to let me know. She took a second and replied that we will wait until tomorrow. So, closed me eyes and fell asleep.

It is so frustrating. When we are having sex, she is so sexual and enjoys it. She is letting me push her boundaries and is getting pleasure out of it. But she keeps pulling away. It's like she wants to but doesn't think she should so retracts. These moments are hard because I question why I'm putting out the effort when I get denied and rejected regularly and continued progress is always blocked.

Right now, I could care less if we have sex tonight. As turned on a get for her, "tomorrow" is a buzz kill and I don't know how to get that across to her.

Open and honest communication is imperative, I can't stand playing hide-n-seek and guessing games. My wife's libido was very low when life got in the way with us as well, and I'm all too familiar with the too tired, tomorrow, etc rejections. It took a long time for my wife to wrap her head around talking openly and honestly about another man to her husband, not to mention the difficulty of sharing some of her fantasies that did not include me. But once it all came together, she blossomed and we share no off-limits thoughts or conversations, I even high-five her when her FWB texts her something sexy and things like that. Sounds to me like your wife is holding things back, maybe as to not hurt you or she's just wrestling with what a good wife is supposed to think, do and feel.

[Jefft]

Looks like we are back in the two steps forward and a slide back stage.

My wife reacted to the luba and it caused some irritation which cooled things down. She was aware that I was still turned on from Saturday night but the irritation killed her openness to anything sexual. I didn't push or hint about sex in any way and it was Monday where it was clear that she was getting sexually frustrated. I asked her her how things were and she quickly replied "good and we might see what happens later". Hope shot up as she has not been this forward in a bit but as luck would happen, life got in the way. At bed, she told me that she'll give me a blow job tomorrow (again, more forward) but nothing happened as it was "too late" but tomorrow.

Last night we are laying in bed and a very clear vibe that she is not into having sex was present. She told me we can have sex tomorrow unless I really wanted to tonight. By this point, I was despondent as we've talked before that hearing "tomorrow" is rejection of me and my desires and wants yet she keeps doing it in moments like this. I had no desire at this point so I figured fuck it. I told her that its up to her. If she wants sex, we will have sex and if she wants sex, she needs to let me know. She took a second and replied that we will wait until tomorrow. So, closed me eyes and fell asleep.

It is so frustrating. When we are having sex, she is so sexual and enjoys it. She is letting me push her boundaries and is getting pleasure out of it. But she keeps pulling away. It's like she wants to but doesn't think she should so retracts. These moments are hard because I question why I'm putting out the effort when I get denied and rejected regularly and continued progress is always blocked.

Right now, I could care less if we have sex tonight. As turned on a get for her, "tomorrow" is a buzz kill and I don't know how to get that across to her.

I see a lot of similarities between your situation and mine. Though my wife and I are at the point of looking for the right person to have a threesome/hotwife experience with, I experienced similar things on the journey. One thing that stood out to me was the really great blow jobs. When my wife and I discussed the fantasy, the first time we hit a hotel with ambitions of it happening on the trip she gave me one of the best blowjobs as soon as we got there. There were other situations as well. She has since told me that she started fantasizing about being with two guys so even when she’s just giving me a blowjob she’s fantasizing about getting pounded too. We have played with toys while she does it to amp up the experience.

Another aspect was the hot and cold in the bedroom. She does more of the dirty talking and I had to really coach her up, and I know sometimes after or the next day she felt silly. I made a point to ask what was up knowing it was likely tied to the sex the night before (even though it was amazing for both which makes things confusing at times). From my wife’s perspective she has said that she feels anxiety, especially when we have been close to sealing the deal, that when it hasn’t worked (we are still wannabes though we have been close) that there’s a bit of a anxiety dump. I think barnsworth gave really great advice, some of the things he mentioned have worked pretty well for my situation. It sounds like the communication is really strengthening the relationship as you’re now talking about things together that you maybe you couldn’t have imagined before opening up about your desires. My partner has always trusted me but she has even said it’s different when you’re able to share your deepest fantasies. For my wife and I we even acknowledge that if it never quite works out, the fantasy has had a massive positive effect on our connection, intimacy and relationship as a whole.

[hope2explore]

I get the impression that you never eat her pussy. Is that accurate? Is there a why?

I am going to assume that this is a real and curious question although it feels like a high school bro statement / question.

Yes, I eat her pussy regularly and ensure that she is satisfied, emotionally and physically, when we have sex. I don't see or feel a need to devulge every last aspect of how I pleasure my wife.

[hope2explore]

So, last night my wife initiated sex and clearly wanted to but also told me that the irritation is still not settled. I told her that we can wait and she was not having it. When I slide into her, it was clear that waiting was not an option as she was dripping wet. This set me off big time and it took everything not to lose control.

Keeping with the attitude of no holding back, the talk got heavy fairly quickly as did her bodily responses and moaning. I told her to think of that cock fucking her pussy and she started responding to it. I then told her to think of that big cock fucking her pussy right now. Another deep moan. It was getting too much to handle so I went for it. Told her I want her taking another guys big cock like this, I want to watch her pussy getting filled by a big cock. That did it. She got into it really fast and I was only able to hold on a few more thrusts before I started cumming. Kept thrusting as she started to orgasm too. Finished off just spent, cuddling. No words, just resting in the aftermath.

This morning, made sure to let her know how much I love her and how good it was.

She is well aware of the fantasy now and has examples of what that looks like. Figured I am going to pull back a bit and let her digest and process it for awhile before I bring up the fantasy again. I got the sense the last couple of days that she is needing to talk so I am going to sit back and wait for her to bring up sex and he fantasy and see where it goes.

Also floated the idea of heading out this weekend. The weather is suppose to be nice so maybe, she might dress a little more relaxed and carefree if we do.

[Deeperlove1369]

Sounds like a solid plan of attack, and you 2 are on your way to brighter days!