Convincing wife to be honest

[Rockhard70]

My cliff notes. My wife and I have been together for 26 years. We’ve done almost everything you can think of together sexual, except swinging or hotwifing etc. I am pretty sure that she needs to get fucked by a bigger, thick cock than I possess. I am about 6 in but thinner than what’s probably average. She’s never complained and the sex has been good.

I decided to spice things up one Valentines Day and purchased a hollow strap on to surprise her with after dinner and drinks. We had sex as usual and then I told her I had a surprise and blindfolded her. I then inserted the new strap on with a condom on it and lube, after warming it up with a neck warmer. I slid it in and after her initial surprise, began to really enjoy it. I started slow to stretch her slowly because she is always extremely tight ! I noticed immediately the difference in her body language and noises made as I worked it in. It was obvious she was really enjoying it. After a short while of slowly working it in I started to fuck her. That’s when she really came alive. To this day I’ve never heard so many oh my gods and loud moans! She completely relaxed and opened up, while getting soaking wet. She had numerous multiple orgasms. It was really enjoyable to watch her enjoy it so much.

It was obvious it was something she really needed. She downplayed it afterwards and said it was fun but she preferred mine. I didn’t really believe it for a minute. I’ve never gotten the kinds of reactions from sex with her that I did with that big thick strap on.

I believe she downplayed it to spare my feelings, as she knew how much she loved it and knew that I knew as well.

I’m fine with it and know that’s what she needs. Even if it’s only occasionally. I think most women do. A good session where they get completely filled and stretched much more than normal and just get pounded out. She admits she loves getting stretched.

So the dilemma is, How do I get her to admit she needs and wants it? She has a problem opening up to me sexually about her wants and needs. I’ve told her many times I’d do whatever she wanted and always make her wants and desires happen.

I also think she’s cheated in the past. I remember fucking her one days years ago and she was hesitant to have sex but decided to. I noticed she was really loose, it was so noticeable because she is always extremely tight, which I think is because I just cant stretch her the way she needs. I do the best with what I have but I know it’s not enough. So it lead me to believe that she had probably come home from her outing with coworkers and had gotten fucked by a coworker with a much bigger cock than me. There was a guy she used to always talk about negatively, that she claimed she couldn’t stand, but I saw text msgs that said otherwise. I never said anything and let it go. It doesn’t appear to have happened since.

Any ideas on how to get her to open up sexually and be honest in her needs?

[hubudig2]

In her defence, enjoying bigger and preferring yours aren't mutually exclusive.
There must be features about other women that you admire but would ultimately say you prefer your wife's?
We have a wardrobe full of restraints and toys, we've roleplayed all sorts of scenarios and played all sorts of games. They're all fun to use occasionally but we both prefer it with just our bare bodies and minds, there's just something more raw, real and personal about it.

I do agree that you should work on being able to open up and be honest with each other though, it'll do wonders for a whole range of things.
As for how you do that, usually I suggest that you suggest the concept to her and start by telling her something that she doesn't know about you, something you feel uncomfortable telling her. She will probably respect that it was difficult for you to tell her and might feel inclined to tell you something in return. If she doesn't, don't pressure her. Maybe ask her something harmless, allow her to trust that you won't overreact. If she tells you something, comfort her, appreciate that it would've been uncomfortable for her. She might get a rush from it, a feeling of vulnerability and closeness and she might be inclined to share more.

Don't try to unearth loads of secrets in one session, try to feel when it's been enough, end on a high and bring it up again when the mood is right for it on another day.

I don't know what your preferences are, usually I would look at your post history but that could take days the way this forum currently is.
I'm guessing from this post that you like the idea that she would enjoy a bigger cock? But she doesn't know that?
If you told her that the thought of her enjoying bigger excites you, she's more likely to answer in the way you'd like to hear.
The same with the cheating. If you can be honest with her about how you'd feel if she told you, she's more likely to open up about it. You can understand why she wouldn't assume it would be something she could just confess to.

[aztd]

My cliff notes. My wife and I have been together for 26 years. We’ve done almost everything you can think of together sexual, except swinging or hotwifing etc. I am pretty sure that she needs to get fucked by a bigger, thick cock than I possess. I am about 6 in but thinner than what’s probably average. She’s never complained and the sex has been good.

I decided to spice things up one Valentines Day and purchased a hollow strap on to surprise her with after dinner and drinks. We had sex as usual and then I told her I had a surprise and blindfolded her. I then inserted the new strap on with a condom on it and lube, after warming it up with a neck warmer. I slid it in and after her initial surprise, began to really enjoy it. I started slow to stretch her slowly because she is always extremely tight ! I noticed immediately the difference in her body language and noises made as I worked it in. It was obvious she was really enjoying it. After a short while of slowly working it in I started to fuck her. That’s when she really came alive. To this day I’ve never heard so many oh my gods and loud moans! She completely relaxed and opened up, while getting soaking wet. She had numerous multiple orgasms. It was really enjoyable to watch her enjoy it so much.

It was obvious it was something she really needed. She downplayed it afterwards and said it was fun but she preferred mine. I didn’t really believe it for a minute. I’ve never gotten the kinds of reactions from sex with her that I did with that big thick strap on.

I believe she downplayed it to spare my feelings, as she knew how much she loved it and knew that I knew as well.

I’m fine with it and know that’s what she needs. Even if it’s only occasionally. I think most women do. A good session where they get completely filled and stretched much more than normal and just get pounded out. She admits she loves getting stretched.

So the dilemma is, How do I get her to admit she needs and wants it? She has a problem opening up to me sexually about her wants and needs. I’ve told her many times I’d do whatever she wanted and always make her wants and desires happen.

I also think she’s cheated in the past. I remember fucking her one days years ago and she was hesitant to have sex but decided to. I noticed she was really loose, it was so noticeable because she is always extremely tight, which I think is because I just cant stretch her the way she needs. I do the best with what I have but I know it’s not enough. So it lead me to believe that she had probably come home from her outing with coworkers and had gotten fucked by a coworker with a much bigger cock than me. There was a guy she used to always talk about negatively, that she claimed she couldn’t stand, but I saw text msgs that said otherwise. I never said anything and let it go. It doesn’t appear to have happened since.

Any ideas on how to get her to open up sexually and be honest in her needs?

I bet she does prefer your penis because it it your her love

Sex with other people one night stand multiple people at the same can produce great sexual pleasure, but will never come close to live

Women are built that way more than men

[Wantsomefunto]

Like most say in here, just be open and honest with her that you really feel she deserves to try someone new and bigger. Suggest ways she could look for someone, get her to go out to flirt if she will.

[Wantsomefunto]

Like most say in here, just be open and honest with her that you really feel she deserves to try someone new and bigger. Suggest ways she could look for someone, get her to go out to flirt if she will.

[JR1966]

My cliff notes. My wife and I have been together for 26 years. We’ve done almost everything you can think of together sexual, except swinging or hotwifing etc. I am pretty sure that she needs to get fucked by a bigger, thick cock than I possess. I am about 6 in but thinner than what’s probably average. She’s never complained and the sex has been good.

I decided to spice things up one Valentines Day and purchased a hollow strap on to surprise her with after dinner and drinks. We had sex as usual and then I told her I had a surprise and blindfolded her. I then inserted the new strap on with a condom on it and lube, after warming it up with a neck warmer. I slid it in and after her initial surprise, began to really enjoy it. I started slow to stretch her slowly because she is always extremely tight ! I noticed immediately the difference in her body language and noises made as I worked it in. It was obvious she was really enjoying it. After a short while of slowly working it in I started to fuck her. That’s when she really came alive. To this day I’ve never heard so many oh my gods and loud moans! She completely relaxed and opened up, while getting soaking wet. She had numerous multiple orgasms. It was really enjoyable to watch her enjoy it so much.

It was obvious it was something she really needed. She downplayed it afterwards and said it was fun but she preferred mine. I didn’t really believe it for a minute. I’ve never gotten the kinds of reactions from sex with her that I did with that big thick strap on.

I believe she downplayed it to spare my feelings, as she knew how much she loved it and knew that I knew as well.

I’m fine with it and know that’s what she needs. Even if it’s only occasionally. I think most women do. A good session where they get completely filled and stretched much more than normal and just get pounded out. She admits she loves getting stretched.

So the dilemma is, How do I get her to admit she needs and wants it? She has a problem opening up to me sexually about her wants and needs. I’ve told her many times I’d do whatever she wanted and always make her wants and desires happen.

I also think she’s cheated in the past. I remember fucking her one days years ago and she was hesitant to have sex but decided to. I noticed she was really loose, it was so noticeable because she is always extremely tight, which I think is because I just cant stretch her the way she needs. I do the best with what I have but I know it’s not enough. So it lead me to believe that she had probably come home from her outing with coworkers and had gotten fucked by a coworker with a much bigger cock than me. There was a guy she used to always talk about negatively, that she claimed she couldn’t stand, but I saw text msgs that said otherwise. I never said anything and let it go. It doesn’t appear to have happened since.

Any ideas on how to get her to open up sexually and be honest in her needs?

I bet she does prefer your penis because it it your her love

Sex with other people one night stand multiple people at the same can produce great sexual pleasure, but will never come close to live

Women are built that way more than men

Spot on!

[Zoxxx]

I cannot give you advice because I have from word to word same situation with my wife, except we are 16 years married.

Everything other is same, except we didn't use dildo but my fist.

[Rockhard70]

Thanks everyone, for the replies, I appreciate it. No new news really. I rack my brain trying to get her to open up to me sexually and tell me her truthful feelings.

[Rockhard70]

I cannot give you advice because I have from word to word same situation with my wife, except we are 16 years married.

Everything other is same, except we didn't use dildo but my fist.


Wow, I couldn’t imagine her letting me fist her.

You know your wife enjoys bigger and won’t admit it also?

[hwlurker88]

I "think" I have gotten my wife to confirm she likes bigger. We use an very thick dildo and she admits she definitely enjoys it. Through my prompting during dirty talk, she has said she likes it better than me, but that was during dirty talk. She hasn't been as willing to say it in the light of day though. I can't quite tell if she is to embarassed to admit it outside of the bedroom fun, or if it isn't really true and she just says it during dirty talk for fun in the moment. However, even though it is in the bedroom, I feel her statement of liking it more is true based on how she says it. I'd give it a score of 96% for being true. But, she just won't say it in the light of day. Admittingly, talking about such things in the light of day can sometimes be awkward even without it being the topic of if you enjoy a dick bigger than your husband's.

[Midnight Joker]

No woman "needs" a bigger cock. Plenty of stories out there of woman who find it uncomfortable if not painful. Your wife married you because she loves you, not your penis size. Even if she did enjoy the dildo, that doesn't equate to the same level of satisfaction with another man. After all, she's still having sex with you. Women bond with their sexual partners. They remember the sex, too. That's why once she's had a taste of a different man, who may be better in bed (regardless of the size of his cock), she may be dissatisfied with status quo sex with you.

If you're interested, the is a chart illustrating marriage satisfaction by by Nicholas Wolfinger. The chart, based on a study, shows that women who have had only one sexual partner (their spouse) are most likely to report being in a "very happy" marriage, with a rate of 65%. The data indicates a decline in marital happiness with an increasing number of sexual partners, reaching the lowest odds of marital happiness at 52% for women who have had six to ten lifetime sexual partners. For women with 11 or more partners, the rate of very happy marriages increases slightly to 57%. The study also notes that men show a less pronounced dip in marital satisfaction after one partner compared to women.

Link to a chart: https://i.imgur.com/T6ROEpfh.jpg

[hwlurker88]

I agree with your statement concerning the word "needs". I actually think the use of the word "need" is greatly overused in life (including by me at times). That is why I would prefer to use the word "likes" or "desires" for this situation. For me, I am in no way concerned my wife would leave me for someone with a larger dick. However, I bet I would have a difficult time getting her to slow down how often she would have sex with one if we found the right guy! But, does she need one? Absolutely not. If she could use a magic wand and change my dick to the size of her favorite dildo, would she? 100% yes.

[firef503]

I'm a single bull sometimes lurk on here to give wannabe cuckolds different perspective. In my experience MOST wives want to have secrets from their husband. They could be as open as can be and they still want some secrets. I've also had situation where a husband brings up his desire for her to have sex with other men. She immediately shoots it down, even completely blasts him for it. But often she might secretly be thinking, "well It's good to know I have a free pass I can take if the right opportunity comes along but I will never tell him that." So I hit on his wife. Even when I'm successful, she has sex with me, she would rather lie to him and continue to pretend she's a faithful wife than tell him about it. I've had situations where I've had sex with the wife and not even 2 hours later she comes home to the husband and picks a fight with him about the fact he brought up wanting her to have sex with other men, suggests he goes to therapy because that is such a fucked up idea (talk about gaslighting)! Then I see her again a few days later. Often even if a woman likes the idea she still wants to think of her husband as someone jealous and possessive.

[MartasBoy]

My wife and I have been together for 26 years......

I decided to spice things..... and purchased a hollow strap on to surprise her with after dinner and drinks. ....

It was obvious it was something she really needed. She downplayed it afterwards and said it was fun but she preferred mine. ......

***********
I believe she downplayed it to spare my feelings, as she knew how much she loved it and knew that I knew as well. *********,

.....So the dilemma is, How do I get her to admit she needs and wants it? She has a problem opening up to me sexually about her wants and needs.......

Any ideas on how to get her to open up sexually and be honest in her needs?

It's hard. You are going up against what I call Soccer Mom / PTA Mom Syndrome. When a woman finally attains that married family life she has thought about since she was a little girl, it's very hard for them to wrap their head around the idea of embracing some slut wife identity.

We men are generally better able to compartmentalize our kinky fantasy life, and our vanilla family life, and switch modes and identities more easily, than most women generally do. We can be up in our study, looking at the raunchiest kinkiest porn, then go downstairs and kiss our wife and kids and quickly ease back into vanilla family life.

Many women have a harder time doing this. Most women have had an image in their head, since they were very young girls, of what their married family life would be like someday. Most of it is based on the vanilla world they experienced and saw around them, when they were little girls growing up. It originates in some very sweet and naive little girl fantasies. It's well steeped in princess stories, and Hallmark movies.

I can't imagine that there are very many girls who, in their teens and twenties, think, "One day I'm going to meet a really nice man, who loves me sweetly, who is a good provider, and we will get married. We will have a lovely home, and raise wonderful children, in a good neighborhood, with a good school district. Then I will become a hot wife, sleep around with other guys, embrace my inner slut, and go wild sexually, concealing it all from my children and family and friends." No, I don't believe there are very many girls who have that on their radar, until we bring it to them.

As teenage girls and young women, they are told that we men are very sensitive about her masculine identity. They are told we have a fragile male ego, and that they must be careful not to harm that, or make us feel belittled or humiliated in any way. They are taught from a very young age, that their job as a good wife, will be to try to meet their husbands needs, and to be a loving supportive wife, who feeds her man's pride, and sense of manly accomplishments. Then, we come along and tell them that we actually get turned on by them humiliating or degrading us. That goes against everything they were taught.

Many women are fed the entire fantasy of love, and one day meeting their manly knight in shining armor. Women often talk about finding their perfect mate, someone with whom they have natural chemistry, and how love will be natural and magical. These more modern-day women, are also taught that it is important to find a man with whom they feel a close emotional and physical connection. So, when we are dating them, sex usually begins in a very natural and organic fashion. We have sex, and then their girlfriends ask them what sex with us is like, and, "Is he a good lover." It's all of this fantasy stuff, and natural chemistry, on which they base their decision to marry us. I doubt that there are very many women, who on their wedding day, are thinking ahead to whether or not they will be able to be a swinging wife, and live out some married woman slut fantasy. There are many women who are uncomfortable with bringing artificial devices and kink fantasy play into their loving fairy tale marriage. They believe that they are supposed to love our natural and organic love making, with their husband just the way he comes to them.

I've also heard a lot of women, when their husbands encourage them to get kinky, say things like, "Oh my god, I hate to think what the other women on the PTA, or the other snack coordinator moms for our kids' soccer team would think if they knew I was doing these things."

I've heard my wife, and other women, say that they sometimes imagine that other women can look at them and tell what they've been doing in the privacy of the bedroom, like it's written on their face somehow.

I believe this Soccer Mom Syndrome, is behind most all of the discussions we hear on here, about men having difficulty getting their wife to loosen up and cut loose, to enjoy whatever kink activities we are involved in.

I use paradox and joking with my wife, to help her get past her fears related to Soccer Mom Syndrome. There are times when I ask her to engage in some of my kink interests in the bedroom, and it is funny when she will say things like, "You mean now, you want to do that this morning? You know we have that wedding this afternoon." I will point out that the wedding is 5 hours away, and we have plenty of time to present ourselves as a respectable vanilla husband and wife couple, by the time of the wedding.

Then I will do paradoxing statements at the wedding, whispering to her, "Do you think any of these people suspect that, just a few hours ago, you had me tied up in bed, with a ball gag in my mouth, whipping my bare ass with your riding crop?" She will say that of course they don't know that. Then I might say something like, "I don't know, you still have that dominatrix glint in your eye, and you walked in here with that dominant woman swagger, of a woman who just whipped her husband and put him in his place. And I'm sure I have that just-been-whipped-husband look about me. I bet the ones who know can tell." She will tell me that I'm talking crazy talk, and to quit talking about it, lest someone overhears me.

Sometimes when we are around others, she might say, "Hey, you had said you would bring me a plate of food from the buffet table, then you got talking to someone and forgot." Then I will apologize and say something, so that everyone can hear, like, "Damn Honey, you're right. I am so sorry. Well now I'm in trouble, and she's probably going to give me a whipping when we get home."
Everybody will laugh, and my wife will say something like, "No, I wouldn't do that, you'd probably like that, weirdo."

[MartasBoy]

My wife and I have been together for 26 years......

I decided to spice things..... and purchased a hollow strap on to surprise her with after dinner and drinks. ....

It was obvious it was something she really needed. She downplayed it afterwards and said it was fun but she preferred mine. ......

***********
I believe she downplayed it to spare my feelings, as she knew how much she loved it and knew that I knew as well. *********,

.....So the dilemma is, How do I get her to admit she needs and wants it? She has a problem opening up to me sexually about her wants and needs.......

Any ideas on how to get her to open up sexually and be honest in her needs?

It takes a lot of discussion to overcome their vanilla wife, PTA / Soccer mom syndrome. The first time I convinced my wife to go to a BDSM play party with me, in the big city that is 2 hours from our home, she was very nervous about it. My wife is well known throughout the state, in her professional community, related to her career.
She expressed fear that we might run into someone that she knows professionally. I pointed out, that if they were there at that BDSM play party, they are also kinksters who are into BDSM. I pointed out that they would not want their involvement there to be revealed at work, any more than she would. And I pointed out that, more likely than judging her, it would probably elevate their respect for her, because of feeling a greater connection with her.

It takes a lot of work to overcome soccer mom fears.