How many Hubby's are Patient in letting it evolve?

[GSBchCpl]

About us.
We've participated in Soft Swing for several years with other cpls. Over time my wife learned she has a Jealous Streak when it came to me pleasuring other women. So we'd discuss it afterwards and this is when I suggested Her and other guys. This discussion Always got her Horned Up!
So she tells me if the Right Guy is in the right place, many Many times. To this day, I don't think the Right Guy has arrived. When she doesn't have a buzz - It's a hard conversation. But when she does have a buzz (2-3) Cocktails she'll bring the conversation up.
This is where I bring up (Patience). I'm letting her move at her own pace. I let her know often that I'm more than Ok with whatever she chooses. She's in a line of work that has her crossing paths with many Male counterparts on a daily basis. She'll come home and tell me how other guys are asking her to go to lunch and have cocktails. I always give her encouragement to go.
I truly believe that if a guy were to approach her and Befriend her that it would lead to something more.
BTW, she's a Realtor on the Coast in Lower Alabama.

[cdb]

If I were to compare my patience these days compared to 20 years ago, I’m one thousand-fold more patient. She did all sorts of fun exhibitionist & teasing type things directed towards other men in public during that time. She even had a flirtation going with a professor. But my intensity turned her off from the fantasy for many years until she met someone she found attractive that she interacted with regularly.

Compared to 7 years ago, I’m 100-fold more patient. About seven years ago the right guy was in the picture but it never got past friendship and heavy flirtation because it turned out he had a girlfriend.

Now there is a new candidate in the picture and she spent a weekend trip of ours acting and talking in a way she hasn’t for 6-7 years. It was amazing.

That was a little over three weeks ago and I’ve only brought it up once since in a non-sexual moment. She’s mentioned him once in a non-sexual way by saying she saw him at work. Compared to how I was when we first explored this fantasy, I’d say my patience is at the level of plate tectonics, moving so slowly it’s as if nothing is happening and it’s not on my mind. In fact, I rarely even become aroused at the thought (maybe for a few minutes, once a week). That’s how disciplined I am these days.

However, it’s in the back of my mind every day at some point. I’m playing the long game and not making and moves even at the slightest level that could be motivated by my arousal. My late-20s self would see my current state as an impossible state for me to be in. But here I am!

Like your wife, my wife is the “right guy, right place” type of person. Now I know the “right guy” is out there. So I’m thinking about how to help her create the “right place” situation. I’m going to wait a couple more weeks to see if she comes up with something on her own, which would be the most optimal.

But if she doesn’t, I’m going to suggest some sort of platonic challenge for her (she loves challenges in other aspects of her life, she’s a very disciplined, driven person) to get them in the same place with no one else around. If that happens, her own attraction to the guy will motivate her to develop a relationship with him. At least that’s what happened last time and one other brief time.

The problem is that he works in another building at her massive facility. So they rarely see each other. The two guys that she was flirting and fantasizing about in the past were people she saw almost every day.

Right now I know that she’s concerned that he might be in a relationship like the other two, which would kill her desire for something to happen. So I need to make figuring out his relationship status part of the plan. Since he’s in his mid-20s, barely makes any money, and is shy around women, I doubt he’s in a relationship.

Good things come to those who wait. But if you aren’t slowly moving the chess pieces behind the scenes to create an environment where something can happen, you’ll be waiting forever. If I knew how my wife’s — and most womens’ — minds worked 20 years ago like I do now, she would’ve been a hotwife a long time ago. Unfortunately, I was too impulsive, horny and naive. And to be frank, I was inconsiderate to her feelings. Even though it was unintentional, it still wasn’t right. I won’t make any of those mistakes again.

[GSBchCpl]

CDB,

Great response!!
My wife comes home and tells me how other Male Realtors are asking her to join them for lunch and cocktails during the day. Every time she tells me this I give her encouragement to go.
Funny thing is, if these guys were to ask her in an evening setting where she's had 1-2 cocktails she'd quickly accept. She knows where I as her hubby stands in regards to her having a Hall pass and becoming Shared.

[stillhopeful]

I'm at 25 years of patience and still counting. She has done a little exhibition before and we had a soft MFM once that she said felt really good, but it also felt wrong. The "good girls don't do this" remains even though she will frequently bring up strangers in bed, and often more than one. That upbringing seems to be hard to overcome, but I remain hopeful.
BTW, we are also in LA.

[vrmtr]

I'm at 25 years of patience and still counting. She has done a little exhibition before and we had a soft MFM once that she said felt really good, but it also felt wrong. The "good girls don't do this" remains even though she will frequently bring up strangers in bed, and often more than one. That upbringing seems to be hard to overcome, but I remain hopeful.
BTW, we are also in LA.

Congrats on the one mfm...how did that happen? Who was it with and how was it set up?

[stillhopeful]

Congrats on the one mfm...how did that happen? Who was it with and how was it set up?

We were apart from a party when a friend walked by and I asked if he would like to join us. He accepted and for a few minutes my wife's breasts were the center of attention before our friend went back to the party. She has expressed some curiosity about it going further, I've had lots of wishful thinking that it had gone further.

[BBCfan]

I know when I first had these cuckish/hot wife desires for my wife with an ex, It was overwhelmingly obsessive and I likely pushed a bit too hard which turned her off I imagine.
After Backing off it's now something we can Play with at times in fantasy, but it may just stay there so indeed I believe you have to completely Let it go at your partner's pace or you will likely spoil any chance.
Perhaps I'll be a wannabe forever but the only chance of not being is to refrain from pushing any agenda and it let it unfold if she ever decides to.

[newtonmenlo]

I feel as if I have no choice but to be patient and let her "evolve".
Her nerves get in the way, her lack of confidence gets in the way, and a lack of opportunity doesn't help.
In 20 plus years I've tried many angles and approaches. She has no doubt about my sincerity.
Sometimes the vagaries of life don't permit us/me to pursue this, family issues, medical issues and the like.

[ucaneffher]

While I was a tad pushy in the sense that I discussed the lifestyle a lot, I had no choice but to be patient.

Funny enough, once I stopped talking about the lifestyle and gave her weeks/months of no lifestyle talk, she randomly called me one day from work asking me if I still had that fantasy of her seeing other men. A simple "Why?" In return resulted in her telling me that she was only waiting for the right guy to cross her path and that exact guy just walked out of her workplace minutes ago.

She explained that he was a customer and he asked her to hangout with him that weekend at his place. Let's just say that I became a cuckold that weekend after delivering my girlfriend to him early evening, then picking her up hours later, and as we are driving off she decides she wants to go back for more so I turn back around and drop her off again. Shortly after that weekend, his house became the normal and frequent place where I'd drop my girlfriend off throughout the week and eventually taking her Fridays and picking her up on Sundays.

For us, once she started, there was absolutely no going back. My girlfriend was never faithful to me after her first taste of promiscuity and I was in heaven seeing her so into the lifestyle. We had 3 years of just us alone and 7 years whole years where our relationship revolved 100% around her and other men.

With my current GF, the seed has been planted and she has even played with other men short of getting penetrated. I am being extremely patient but I absolutely cannot wait for the day she calls me and tells me she wants to be with another man and will be coming home late after work.


Moral of the story: plant the seed by telling her your fantasy, make sure she knows it truly turns you on, let her know she has the ultimate decision to give it a try, and just back off completely, don't ever say anything again unless she brings it up or hints about it somehow. She will think about it and when the opportunity arises, you'll find yourself with a promiscuous partner.

Let's be patient and hope for good news!

[JR1966]

I disagree. Plant the seed yes. But there are zero guarantees it will EVER happen. It’s ultimately up to her.

A girlfriend that fucks others guys is a lot different than a woman whom you’ve devoted your life to and took vows with.

I’ve been 10 years in the waiting with my wife and it hasn’t even came close to happening and it most likely never will at our age.

[Marksmall5]

Always patient and hopeful. And fully reprogrammed myself so as to where/when something happens between her and another man, my external response is supportive, understanding and ensure she can florish. Meantime l focus on other things like being pussy free.

[JaBe]

It took my wife seven years, five of which we were married. She'd never had sex with anyone before me so I wondered if she was curious, so gave her permission if ever she was interested. I never pushed it, wasn't bothered if she never took me up on my offer, but I just reminded her the offer stood on the odd time the occasion warranted (she always said she wasn't interested).

But I guess the right guy came along at the right time and made the right moves, because she asked one day if I was serious.

[Heathenix]

I disagree. Plant the seed yes. But there are zero guarantees it will EVER happen. It’s ultimately up to her.

A girlfriend that fucks others guys is a lot different than a woman whom you’ve devoted your life to and took vows with.

I’ve been 10 years in the waiting with my wife and it hasn’t even came close to happening and it most likely never will at our age.

Agreed with this, different level of commitment and circumstance,
About 9 years since her affair, salvaged the marriage and moved on, been pretty good since,
Been nudging the idea since the affair, upping the ante the last couple of years, I thought with the way her affair went on she would pick up my cues rather easily and act upon it,
At the moment, she is less modest, getting naughtier and more confident in showing off her body and interacting/socializing with other men, but other than that still quite tame,
Still building up momentum

[Scud Farcus]

We've been married over 40 years and in our first month, she went on a date with an old flame. It's an interesting story for another post...
After that date, her old flame married and moved away but she still thought about that date. Kids and life kept things close to home and our sex life was lousy. She was really involved in the kids sports and I worked late most nights. One evening I got away from work early and decided to surprise her at our daughter's volleyball game. I looked around the bleachers and saw her with another guy, I'd say in his late 40s, dad bod. They were laughing and carrying on, his hand on her thy as they cheered on the girls. I watched for around 15 minutes as they touched and flirted with each other before heading home to start dinner. She was surprised to find me home when she and my daughter came back from the game and asked why I didn't just come to the game. "I did and noticed that you were with someone a d decided to not bother you two." She told me that he's just a dad that she hangs out with at the games with her. I gave her a verbal hall pass if she wanted to take it further but she denied even thinking about it. I mentioned that I watched him and her getting very hands on with each other and it gave me an instant erection and I m okay as long as she tells me. My daughter came in so we dropped it. I might have pushed the pass a bit too much as she didn't want to discuss it. That's been a few years now and I bring up her hall pass and maybe having a 3 some and it just makes her angry.
She still gets flirty with guys, especially when I'm nearby. Im hoping one day she takes me up on the hall pass.

[DCaftermath]

Mine was a more a learned patience. Been in the lifestyle for over twenty years. Have had the privilege of several unforgettable adventures. If there are any men reading this that have not yet had the talk or have had it, and run into coolness towards it, I have one valuable piece of advice. Cool your jets. It’s easy to make this your favorite topic but it’s perhaps better to gently, clearly and confidently sow your seed and let it grow. A woman will never forget that you support and welcome her to fuck other men. Instead of repeating your desires, a better investment of your time will be to finding the best way to please her between the sheets and being her best partner. If there is any hope for your fantasies they will be best manifested and better enduring with the foundation you build. Patience is your friend.

[parklife]

When we started (about 11 or 12 years ago), it came up as fantasy talk…. I knew when I was pushing the limit as it became something I talked about nearly every time w head sex. I quickly learned what others have said and cooled my jets. One thing we did partake in was me sharing memes that were just playful enough about hot wives but nothing that was too extreme. I’d share them throughout the week… sometimes one a day, sometimes a week without before reminding her it was hot. We used the fantasy in bed and she bought a dikdo we nicknamed after one of her old partners. She enjoyed th fantasy but was adamant it would never happen for real…. Until it did…. With that same old flame we used in our fantasy world. From there she branched out and engaged with others… always people she already knew so they were all Friends-With-Benefits.

She has had extended breaks in those 12 years (once 2 1/2 years and currently on. 3 year break). But, over the years, I’ve learned the patience game and while we still use it as fantasy fodder to n the bedroom and she knows I’d like her to find another FWB, she insisted that time of her life is over. I have my doubts and she has engaged in some sexual talk with another ex fairly recently. She’s attempted to engage with him in th roast and things have never worked out…. I suspect if I just let nature run its course, she’ll have at least one encounter with him. It’s hard sitting back and waiting, but it’s really the only way to let it transpire.

[Dream Weaver]

Many good replies.

Patience, I think, doesn't mean you never bring it up or do anything. It means you don't make it your go-to sexual kink talk every time. I really have this problem and it's been nothing but bad for me. I hate to admit it, but it's true. That being said for the first 15 years of our marriage she was open to try it "with the right guy", and she got rejected a couple of times before "the right guy" seduced her. It was a beautiful thing. Then she didn't want to do it anymore. So 15 more years of basically sexual misery for me. I don't bring it up every time we have sex. I RARELY bring it up because she told me not to. I hate it.

You still have to have "the talk". You still have to have the balls to make a suggestion here and there. You still have to have an open sexual communication system where you CAN talk about it and she feels safe discussing it.

I had a friend who basically bundled his wife up into a car and went to a sex club AS A SURPRISE and it was off to the races. I couldn't believe it. It violated all my instincts. It worked.