How easy is it to find Men in non lifestyle places that are totally okay with it?

[Wifesharing]

So when we started playing we met our extra men through the web, sex clubs or places that were geared more towards this kind of thing. So back then every man with met was totally down with sex being it a threesome or me just watching.

As we have played longer we don't go to these type of places as much and meeting on the Web is a grind trying to filter out the trash. So in the last several years lets say 10, 90% of her men have come from what you would call vanilla places supermarket, events , or gatherings of much more vanilla nature. In this group of men I would say about 75% are not okay with a husband being involved. Actually about half of those that are, are not even okay with the husband knowing. My wife just engages guys and feels them out on how much to reveal, she just keeps our status vague a lot of the time. Some of them are okay with me knowing but don't want me around during sexy time. the 25% that seem okay with it are a mixed bag but I see that most prefer I be involved with her more traditional Threesome then me just watching ( which as I get older and not as hard as I use to be I prefer). In the start she would tell everyone everything and if they didn't like it that was okay we moved on, now if she is attracted enough to them she will play along. We have went from no alone play when we started to 14 years later about 75% alone time I enjoy it all so it is okay. There is actually some enjoyment bump we get from a regular organic meet up then a planned put one.

I Am not complaining and I understand that men with meet in the wild as you would say are going to be less likely to be 100% into this. I am just curious what others are noticing.

[Iamgroot]

We find many of our guys on sites. They get filtered by me since she knows I know her type, yet still run their photo by her since she requires face pics first. Then, we meet either at a swinger club, a party, or occasionally at a bar before she makes the decision after seeing if there's chemistry. She's very selective, so I can only promise the guy a possible meeting. The rest is up to her and how he treats us. She doesn't let me get humiliated by anyone but her.

[Wifesharing]

We find many of our guys on sites. They get filtered by me since she knows I know her type, yet still run their photo by her since she requires face pics first. Then, we meet either at a swinger club, a party, or occasionally at a bar before she makes the decision after seeing if there's chemistry. She's very selective, so I can only promise the guy a possible meeting. The rest is up to her and how he treats us. She doesn't let me get humiliated by anyone but her.

That is very close to how we did things in the start. It was the filtering that really took time and she just really hated that part I did it for her for a while but we just don't have the time for that anymore. We do still meet some from online and they are great (well most of them are). We just started to meet more organically as time went on she really likes it gives her a bigger ego boost, but the trade off is most the guys are not going to be aware of or even into the the kinky stuff with the husband involved.

thanks for the reply

[Gulfcpl]

She meets men from swinger type sites. This is my opinion and only mine but if we meet a guy that doesn’t want me to know, it’s a no go from the get go. For us, he’s a cheater and it speaks of his character. Again, this thinking is ours. If others choose differently, it’s certainly their right.

[Mkliny442015]

My wife has evolved from SLS and lifestyle people and only focuses on men in normal settings. She just got out of a long term relationship with her boyfriend and of course the reactionary thing to do would be to go back on SLS. She found almost two years later its the same men and the same stories, plus she also didn’t want her ex boyfriend seeing what she was up to since he reactivated his profile as well. Soon after her breakup she went on an SLS date and she said it was horrible. The guy looked nothing like his
Pics and was clearly lying about being married. She ended the date politely short and headed over to the next bar for a drink alone since she didn’t want to come home yet. She said within minutes she was approached by a hot guy and struck up a conversation. She explained she was a hotwife and the guy had never heard of it but was intrigued. Within 20 minutes they snuck to the bathroom and were making out. She was tempted to have a one night stand but didnt want to go to a strangers house. Two weeks later she was out to dinner with her sister and she decided to stop by a bar after her sister left. Immediately she was approached again by an older guy and they hit it off. Another non lifestyle guy . Within 2 hours she was in the backseat of his car fucking him and she had her first official post breakup rebound fuck. Nothing came of it, just a one night stand that could have happened if she wasnt a hotwife too. This weekend she is going on a second date with another non lifestyle guy she met last week at a bar. She said this is effortless, a lot less work than SLS and the immediate expectation isnt always sex so its less transactional. She said the guys treat her differently this way VS meeting men on a sex website. She forms a better connection this way.

[Gulfcpl]

My wife has evolved from SLS and lifestyle people and only focuses on men in normal settings. She just got out of a long term relationship with her boyfriend and of course the reactionary thing to do would be to go back on SLS. She found almost two years later its the same men and the same stories, plus she also didn’t want her ex boyfriend seeing what she was up to since he reactivated his profile as well. Soon after her breakup she went on an SLS date and she said it was horrible. The guy looked nothing like his
Pics and was clearly lying about being married. She ended the date politely short and headed over to the next bar for a drink alone since she didn’t want to come home yet. She said within minutes she was approached by a hot guy and struck up a conversation. She explained she was a hotwife and the guy had never heard of it but was intrigued. Within 20 minutes they snuck to the bathroom and were making out. She was tempted to have a one night stand but didnt want to go to a strangers house. Two weeks later she was out to dinner with her sister and she decided to stop by a bar after her sister left. Immediately she was approached again by an older guy and they hit it off. Another non lifestyle guy . Within 2 hours she was in the backseat of his car fucking him and she had her first official post breakup rebound fuck. Nothing came of it, just a one night stand that could have happened if she wasnt a hotwife too. This weekend she is going on a second date with another non lifestyle guy she met last week at a bar. She said this is effortless, a lot less work than SLS and the immediate expectation isnt always sex so its less transactional. She said the guys treat her differently this way VS meeting men on a sex website. She forms a better connection this way.

I always feel whatever works best is the way to go. Sounds like she is having fun. That’s the main thing.

[Wifesharing]

She meets men from swinger type sites. This is my opinion and only mine but if we meet a guy that doesn’t want me to know, it’s a no go from the get go. For us, he’s a cheater and it speaks of his character. Again, this thinking is ours. If others choose differently, it’s certainly their right.

I totally agree if presented to a man and he doesn't want me around then for sure it is a no go. The thing is she found that she was missing out on the guys she was the most attracted too so we decided to just play it by ear and not really force the issue, but if we ever did say I want to be there and he said no he would be gone.

Of course meeting on SLS or something like that it is a given they know and should except it.

[Wifesharing]

My wife has evolved from SLS and lifestyle people and only focuses on men in normal settings. She just got out of a long term relationship with her boyfriend and of course the reactionary thing to do would be to go back on SLS. She found almost two years later its the same men and the same stories, plus she also didn’t want her ex boyfriend seeing what she was up to since he reactivated his profile as well. Soon after her breakup she went on an SLS date and she said it was horrible. The guy looked nothing like his
Pics and was clearly lying about being married. She ended the date politely short and headed over to the next bar for a drink alone since she didn’t want to come home yet. She said within minutes she was approached by a hot guy and struck up a conversation. She explained she was a hotwife and the guy had never heard of it but was intrigued. Within 20 minutes they snuck to the bathroom and were making out. She was tempted to have a one night stand but didnt want to go to a strangers house. Two weeks later she was out to dinner with her sister and she decided to stop by a bar after her sister left. Immediately she was approached again by an older guy and they hit it off. Another non lifestyle guy . Within 2 hours she was in the backseat of his car fucking him and she had her first official post breakup rebound fuck. Nothing came of it, just a one night stand that could have happened if she wasnt a hotwife too. This weekend she is going on a second date with another non lifestyle guy she met last week at a bar. She said this is effortless, a lot less work than SLS and the immediate expectation isnt always sex so its less transactional. She said the guys treat her differently this way VS meeting men on a sex website. She forms a better connection this way.

I think what you described here is what my wife went through as well. She said it is actually easier less work to find guys she likes in natural settings then online. She said she does get treated different mostly from online guys then ones she meets natural. She said there are good ones in both method just that natural is just easier and feels better.

She has ran into many that totally get the hot-wife thing some that never heard of it but are interested and some that get turned off and drift away after hearing about it. Although most are intrigued for sure and stick around it is when I am to be involved that a majority just can't get past that hurdle at least that is what we are seeing.

Again we are having a blast enjoying life and are not having issues, this is more just curious what others are seeing and doing. We do still meet online as well just it is just not as much as it was in the start. I agree with your wife you can take a 2 year break and go on the sites and its the same guys.

[glassfull]

In my older wife and my quest to rekindle our hotwife lifestyle, so far I've been meeting all prospective men alone first. The if I like them she also meets them alone. I feel men who are aware and willing to meet me are far less likely to be jerks or disrespectful to my wife. But so far, despite my meeting several men and her meeting 3, it's going slowly with only one viable prospect.

Sometimes I think she'd rather handle it all on her own from ad to first date to whatever might happen. I might be willing for her to try this, but I do think it greatly increases the risk to her emotionally or even physically. Men who think she's cheating think she won't complain to her husband no matter how they treat her. For this reason and others, I'd rather they be aware I know. Personally, I'd even like to be casual friends with them.

I'd be interested in hearing others' opinions and experiences with either approach...

[Wifesharing]

In my older wife and my quest to rekindle our hotwife lifestyle, so far I've been meeting all prospective men alone first. The if I like them she also meets them alone. I feel men who are aware and willing to meet me are far less likely to be jerks or disrespectful to my wife. But so far, despite my meeting several men and her meeting 3, it's going slowly with only one viable prospect.

Sometimes I think she'd rather handle it all on her own from ad to first date to whatever might happen. I might be willing for her to try this, but I do think it greatly increases the risk to her emotionally or even physically. Men who think she's cheating think she won't complain to her husband no matter how they treat her. For this reason and others, I'd rather they be aware I know. Personally, I'd even like to be casual friends with them.

I'd be interested in hearing others' opinions and experiences with either approach...

I do agree that if you are placing ads or meeting off online that the the other man needs to be fully into all of the lifestyle, I agree that a man that meets you in a lifestyle place or a lifestyle site, or answer a ad and then wants her alone is a huge red flag.

It was just in our search that way we got so many replies and request by so many men that really were just trash. My wife just couldn't stand reading through the messages and most even if they get past the first screening they can't make it too far before they get creepy. She loves the thrill of being somewhere and flirting and that first exchange of words the excitement of the chase. We think that the pleasures she gets from that are worth sometimes having a guy that is not going to be into me watching or being in a threesome.

Guys she meets out at a bar or a charity event might not be comfortable with the dynamic we have found that most are not into me being present, and a lot are get weirded out with the idea of the husband knowing. My wife most the time can tell which ones will be okay with what and just plays along. She says that in most cases the subject actually doesn't come up for ONS or a ocassional fling it only comes out when a deeper connection is made and he is looking for a girlfriend, however most guys know the ring means she is married and are not looking for a girlfriend.

[MarknSusan]

It’s not easy at all.

Based on several studies over the years, show that about 5% of the population are non monogamous (although new data shows it is increasing or at least becoming more accepted).

My wife Susan is at the point she doesn’t even want to consider a vanilla guy because in her words “they just don’t understand how it works, and I am not even going to try train them”.

Her comment is based on real world experiences over more than 30 years. Having said that, she has hooked up with vanilla guys, but they have never become reliable FWB’s which is what she wants.

[Wifesharing]

It’s not easy at all.

Based on several studies over the years, show that about 5% of the population are non monogamous (although new data shows it is increasing or at least becoming more accepted).

My wife Susan is at the point she doesn’t even want to consider a vanilla guy because in her words “they just don’t understand how it works, and I am not even going to try train them”.

Her comment is based on real world experiences over more than 30 years. Having said that, she has hooked up with vanilla guys, but they have never become reliable FWB’s which is what she wants.

This is what we see. My wife still prefers these meet ups but yes are data shows this.

[Long Lurker 34]

WS - Interestingly in my one paper of the week, there was a fair sized article, though not LS related, about dating. The general gist was dating sites costs have risen dramatically, with different and varying levels. The picture and description thing etc and basically the algorithm does all the matching despite any questionnaire that is filled out, so the cost is not worth while.

Apparently a number of 'old time' meet and greet, speed dating, event dating and social clubs are starting up once again or are seeing a resurgence in attendance and memberships. And of course the old fallback of bars, friend and relatives 'introductions' and just plain talking to people when you are in a normal situation.

Actually having written this, it makes me wonder what effect remote work is having on NOT meeting people. My understanding is, for many office workers in the past, work is where many met their mates or sideways with other activities that would get included, such as shopping, dining and commuting.