One concern …

[HappyMan1212]

I’ve noticed quite frequently that breakups are often not far behind entering the Hotwifing lifestyle for more than I thought would be the case.
My partner and I have dipped in and out of the lifestyle for the last 4-5 yrs and we’ve reached a point where we’re considering her having a regular boyfriend/sex before day on the side. However, we be concern we have is the very real prospect of ‘feelings’ throwing a spanner into the works of our own very long term, loving relationship. If f course, we both know that a ‘connection’ is always needed for a longer term, meaningful boyfriend type scenario, but how do you put in place certain boundaries to ensure that the connection doesn’t boil over into relationship ending feelings for the other(s) ?

[a51anh0tw1fe]

You have to look at her personality. Some ladies can compartmentalize their emotions properly. They are able to let go and enjoy the emotional connection, adoration, the euphoria of being loved and to love, but still be able to differentiate logically that which is for temporary fun and which is longlasting forever. Usually if the lady is quite alpha, I.e. more like a guy, they are more capable of doing so.

[Coolcalm]

I’ve noticed quite frequently that breakups are often not far behind entering the Hotwifing lifestyle for more than I thought would be the case.
My partner and I have dipped in and out of the lifestyle for the last 4-5 yrs and we’ve reached a point where we’re considering her having a regular boyfriend/sex before day on the side. However, we be concern we have is the very real prospect of ‘feelings’ throwing a spanner into the works of our own very long term, loving relationship. If f course, we both know that a ‘connection’ is always needed for a longer term, meaningful boyfriend type scenario, but how do you put in place certain boundaries to ensure that the connection doesn’t boil over into relationship ending feelings for the other(s) ?

Oh my god! Why doesn’t anyone ever realize (that in most cases) a regular boyfriend scenario is not optimal????
That’s where feelings become involved. The wife will, most times, choose the “partner” without all the baggage! The more exciting one. Unless you’re someone like “Angela Plays “ who is self actualized like her and emotionally as mature as she and her husband are, then a boyfriend thing probably won’t work.
I’m convinced (past sociological and psychological student here) that men who are into this “pushing and encouraging the wife to develop hardcore feelings for the new man” are going on ego. The excitement and thrill of seeing whether their sweet and loyal wife would actually leave them for someone. Russian roulette my friends.

[hardk]

I’ve noticed quite frequently that breakups are often not far behind entering the Hotwifing lifestyle for more than I thought would be the case.
My partner and I have dipped in and out of the lifestyle for the last 4-5 yrs and we’ve reached a point where we’re considering her having a regular boyfriend/sex before day on the side. However, we be concern we have is the very real prospect of ‘feelings’ throwing a spanner into the works of our own very long term, loving relationship. If f course, we both know that a ‘connection’ is always needed for a longer term, meaningful boyfriend type scenario, but how do you put in place certain boundaries to ensure that the connection doesn’t boil over into relationship ending feelings for the other(s) ?

This is something I’ve thought about a lot, and I’ll be honest—there aren’t easy answers. I thought I had a good grasp of the risks. We talked a lot. But I was wrong about so many things.

The biggest mistake I made was thinking I’d be aware of when things changed. That if feelings started creeping in, I’d see it happening in real time and we could adjust. Instead, what happened was this: she started seeing someone, and I didn’t even know for two years. Because I encouraged her to do so, she felt like she had permission to do this. By the time she told me, it wasn’t a new thing for her, it wasn’t an experiment—it was established. She had already lived in this reality, had already adapted to it, and I was just finding out after the fact.

And even after we did try to set new boundaries, after I asked if she wanted to stop, neither of us could. That’s what I don’t think people really understand until they’re in it—this isn’t something you just switch on and off. There were times when I wanted her to stop. Part of me still does. To really stop. And she tried as well. But the desire crept back in. The feelings, the craving for it—it doesn’t just go away. And when she did try to stop for an extended period? She became irritable, restless, frustrated. She missed the freedom. She complained about feeling limited now in a way she didn’t before. It’s hard to admit but I didn’t like it either. It’s a love hate dynamic.

She’s had two regular partners over the years. She doesn’t want to sleep with randoms; she wants something steady, something that gets better over time. That’s another thing I didn’t expect—how much better the sex gets for her the more she sleeps with the same man. She says her feelings toward them change, that the more she fucks them, the more she enjoys them. It’s not romantic, but it is a bond. And that bond absolutely makes the sex more intense.

This is all playing with fire. There’s no way around that. You can put up walls, set rules, agree on limits—but at the end of the day, the second sex becomes routine, when another man is fulfilling her desires regularly, it changes something. You can manage it, you can try to control the trajectory, but you cannot fully stop feelings from evolving.

I feel like I’m walking a tightrope between having the marriage I always wanted and losing her entirely. This is my weekly reality. And I have no idea how it ends. That’s the honest truth. There are nights where I think we’ve struck the perfect balance, where we’re in complete harmony. And then there are nights where I lie awake and wonder if I’ve set the foundation for something that will one day collapse underneath us. Both seem very possible.

So if you’re thinking of taking this step, just know this—you might be able to control the beginning, but you cannot control where it ultimately leads.

[namitha157]

I feel that I am developing feelings for one of my side bfs...

Hardly any sexual feelings with my main bf compared to the other guys.
I still like having him. But I don't respect him as much no.

I'm still new to this, so I'm still navigating through this.

[a51anh0tw1fe]

I’ve noticed quite frequently that breakups are often not far behind entering the Hotwifing lifestyle for more than I thought would be the case.
My partner and I have dipped in and out of the lifestyle for the last 4-5 yrs and we’ve reached a point where we’re considering her having a regular boyfriend/sex before day on the side. However, we be concern we have is the very real prospect of ‘feelings’ throwing a spanner into the works of our own very long term, loving relationship. If f course, we both know that a ‘connection’ is always needed for a longer term, meaningful boyfriend type scenario, but how do you put in place certain boundaries to ensure that the connection doesn’t boil over into relationship ending feelings for the other(s) ?

This is something I’ve thought about a lot, and I’ll be honest—there aren’t easy answers. I thought I had a good grasp of the risks. We talked a lot. But I was wrong about so many things.

The biggest mistake I made was thinking I’d be aware of when things changed. That if feelings started creeping in, I’d see it happening in real time and we could adjust. Instead, what happened was this: she started seeing someone, and I didn’t even know for two years. Because I encouraged her to do so, she felt like she had permission to do this. By the time she told me, it wasn’t a new thing for her, it wasn’t an experiment—it was established. She had already lived in this reality, had already adapted to it, and I was just finding out after the fact.

And even after we did try to set new boundaries, after I asked if she wanted to stop, neither of us could. That’s what I don’t think people really understand until they’re in it—this isn’t something you just switch on and off. There were times when I wanted her to stop. Part of me still does. To really stop. And she tried as well. But the desire crept back in. The feelings, the craving for it—it doesn’t just go away. And when she did try to stop for an extended period? She became irritable, restless, frustrated. She missed the freedom. She complained about feeling limited now in a way she didn’t before. It’s hard to admit but I didn’t like it either. It’s a love hate dynamic.

She’s had two regular partners over the years. She doesn’t want to sleep with randoms; she wants something steady, something that gets better over time. That’s another thing I didn’t expect—how much better the sex gets for her the more she sleeps with the same man. She says her feelings toward them change, that the more she fucks them, the more she enjoys them. It’s not romantic, but it is a bond. And that bond absolutely makes the sex more intense.

This is all playing with fire. There’s no way around that. You can put up walls, set rules, agree on limits—but at the end of the day, the second sex becomes routine, when another man is fulfilling her desires regularly, it changes something. You can manage it, you can try to control the trajectory, but you cannot fully stop feelings from evolving.

I feel like I’m walking a tightrope between having the marriage I always wanted and losing her entirely. This is my weekly reality. And I have no idea how it ends. That’s the honest truth. There are nights where I think we’ve struck the perfect balance, where we’re in complete harmony. And then there are nights where I lie awake and wonder if I’ve set the foundation for something that will one day collapse underneath us. Both seem very possible.

So if you’re thinking of taking this step, just know this—you might be able to control the beginning, but you cannot control where it ultimately leads.

The conflict is real. On one hand, the idea that the wife is forming bonds with another man can be very intoxicating. Yet, once the lust fog clears, the risk of losing her forever to another man is also very real.

Having sex with a random stranger cannot be compare to someone she has emotional investment with. The connection and build up is so much more intense for her. She will be more likely to do crazier shit with someone she feels strongly for. In my case, my wife had a guy who she spent over a year developing a connection with online. When they finally met up irl, the sex was mindblowing for her. So much so, she went back and fuck him 3 days in a row. They did it raw and she allowed him to cum inside her pussy unprotected, much like a real bf fucking her.

[leo-cpl]

I think this question has no correct answer, there are so many variables the couple, their backgrounds, their marriage, the guy, first timer/experienced, personalities of the individuals etc

The only thing which can "limit" a potential disaster is good communication, ground rules and respect for ground rules!!!

Not trying to put the onus on just on the hotwives here, but the fact is the hotwife has the driving wheel. Very early on in our journey (the very first guy we met together as a cpl) we ended up meeting casually on a few occasions, she interacted with him much more since it was a new experience there was definite NRE, she wanted to develop some comfort and they became very friendly texted everyday and he eventually developed feelings for her (not strong ones, but he definitely expressed his feelings) and she was attracted to him, loved the attention she got. Before the soft fun and making out went any further she decided she did not want to complicate things and we didn't explore any further with the guy. (its a different story we connected 12-13 months later and had a one off MFM, which wasn't WOW for her after which we have not been in touch LOL)

Since the experience, I feel she's consciously decided to text and interact only up to a point she's comfortable in taking a decision about the guy rather than having a "connection" and being too friendly or texting everyday. I don't mind her texting or chatting often since the NRE can be fun and sexy, I do encourage her but she is not interested to take the texting beyond a point, she would be friendly with the guys but definitely doesn't text everyday.

Just to clarify we have never looked for a longer term "boyfriend" scenario but we do now know guys we have known for 3+ years and play occasionally. For us now things are simpler I guess.

[54321]

One 'antidote' is to find another boyfriend.
A) That tends to defuse the intensity of the feelings for boyfriend no. 1
B) Reminds her that this is non monogamy. It is NOT monogamy in which you must choose between husband and lover.

54321

[Her number1]

I’ve noticed quite frequently that breakups are often not far behind entering the Hotwifing lifestyle for more than I thought would be the case.
My partner and I have dipped in and out of the lifestyle for the last 4-5 yrs and we’ve reached a point where we’re considering her having a regular boyfriend/sex before day on the side. However, we be concern we have is the very real prospect of ‘feelings’ throwing a spanner into the works of our own very long term, loving relationship. If f course, we both know that a ‘connection’ is always needed for a longer term, meaningful boyfriend type scenario, but how do you put in place certain boundaries to ensure that the connection doesn’t boil over into relationship ending feelings for the other(s) ?

There are as many answers to this as there are couples involved.
You can read of those where they failed in the LS. My opinion is based on my long-term experience in this LS and life in general dealing with people. The marriages that fail, would fail whether LS involved or not. They fail due to a lack of meeting each other's needs. I've given this advice to many men, be the husband she wants and needs, not the one you think you are.

My wife and I began our journey with rules and boundaries in place. We soon found they caused more problems than they could ever hold off. Rules etc. are crutches for a couple that can't communicate and that don't have real trust in each other.

Communicate openly and honestly with each other. If you feel you need rules, work on that together until you don't need them. You either trust each other or you don't. No amount of rules/boundaries will make another person behave, they have to want to, and that is based fully on your relationship with them and their character.

I don't have rules or boundaries for Farmgirl, I trust her. She has a boyfriend, she loves him, I trust her.

[mychubbyhotwife]

Great sex causes great emotions. I'm sure after all this time

My partner and I have dipped in and out of the lifestyle for the last 4-5 yrs

that you know this. You can't put a boundary on an emotion. It just happens.

[Mustang1]

I think the guy,bull whatever the term she wants is best set up by the husband. HW can say hey baby, text (fill in the blank) and set up a fun weekend. Then you set it up to her requests. The guy will say yes or no. Then you help her get ready. Drive her to wherever and plan on next morning pick up or a time. No phones. Or it stays in her purse. No numbers exchanged. That way she has to go through you. And the guy knows this and is ok with it. But I might be wrong….

[Her number1]

I think the guy,bull whatever the term she wants is best set up by the husband. HW can say hey baby, text (fill in the blank) and set up a fun weekend. Then you set it up to her requests. The guy will say yes or no. Then you help her get ready. Drive her to wherever and plan on next morning pick up or a time. No phones. Or it stays in her purse. No numbers exchanged. That way she has to go through you. And the guy knows this and is ok with it. But I might be wrong….

Realizing we are all different , if Farmgirl had to do it that way she would have never started.

[SheLikesWhenIWatch]

I’d read this thread earlier last night when there were just a few posts. It really hit a nerve for me because I’ve been feeling conflicted about her relationship with her boyfriend…worried that he’s really in it for the long game and wanting to steal her away.

When she came to bed, I opened the thread and showed it to her. I read the posts with her aloud (up through hardk’s long post above) while she read along on the screen. (She knows full well that I rely on OHW for mental support. She doesn’t want to be a VHW, but we’ll occasionally read posts together…and she often sees some of my posts.)

It gave me an open door to start a brief mental health conversation with her.

I told her that I’m unsteady lately about her relationship with him…….that I feared I was losing her to him…..that he’s really in it for the long game and that he ultimately intends to swipe her from me.

He’s been “flexing” lately, I feel. He just bought a brand new house (new build) and a second new car. Gotta admit—It’s a fucking nice house…..in a nice neighborhood. And it’s nice and clean…..brand new furniture throughout. Everything is new.

Our house, while nice, is not brand fucking new…our garage is filled with shit we just haven’t gotten rid of. It’s a good home, but it’s got some maintenance needs. Y’know what I mean?

It’s like he’s just baiting the hook and saying, “You see what you can have? A clean start!”

So…..That said, after reading the posts and talking to her about how I feel like he’s flexing on her, she ASSURES me that she’s not going anywhere. She admits that she’s having fun with all of the furniture shopping and making him set aside a drawer in his new dresser for her panties and socks…a part of his (gigantic) walk-in closet for some of her clothes. But she swears that I am her rock. I’m the father of our children. I’m her original knight and that I shall always be so.

I told her that I feel like I’ve trashed our entire marriage for a sexual thrill…..that the intoxication I feel knowing that his dick has been in her and that his sperm is swimming inside her……and that she enjoyed having him put it there, in her. (She describes their time for me when she comes home, and it’s always that “perfect,” back-arching sex where they moan together ecstatically as his cock swells inside of her as he makes his deposit. I am a hopeless cuck! I get dizzy, sort of, as the blood leaves my brain and heads straight for my cock.)

Again, she assured me that my fears are baseless and unfounded.

She recognized, of course, that I’m insecure in these heart-to-heart moments, and she got closer, as she often does when I have these moments with her. She wanted to cuddle with me as we watched TV until we fell asleep.

Tonight, however, she is spending the night with him.

While I wrote this post, she texted me to say that they would be going to bed soon.

I asked her if he had fucked her yet. (We have a codeword so I can ask without anyone else knowing what we’re talking about. It’s softer than asking, “Did he fuck you yet?”)

“Yes.”

So, as I sit here alone tonight, writing to you, he fills her with his cum. And again, I feel that intoxication. I am dizzy again.

But at what cost?

[hardk]

I hear you, SheLikesWhenIWatch. You might think you’re secure, but the reality is, you’re not. None of us really are—not in the way we want to be. Not when the mental images we have aren’t just fantasies anymore, but real. She’s not just telling you stories to fuel your kink—she’s actually living them. Right now, while you sit alone, while you type this post, she’s wrapped around another man, her legs tangled with his, her naked body pressed against him, and his cum still deep inside her.

You know this, and that’s why you feel what you do. The dizziness, the intoxication—it’s because this isn’t hypothetical anymore. She’s really there. Right now, as you read this, her body is still sensitive from him. Maybe she’s curled up against his chest, still flushed and warm, while you’re at home, picturing it all. Maybe he just rolled over, spent and satisfied, while she drifts off to sleep next to him, her skin still carrying the scent of what they just did.

That’s what makes this different from just fantasizing. Your mind doesn’t have to imagine what she looks like under him, her back arched, moaning as he buries himself deep inside her—you know exactly what it looks like, because she describes it to you in perfect detail. You know how she sounds when he pushes into her, how she grips his arms as she takes him, how her body shudders when he finishes inside her. These images aren’t going anywhere. You can’t just shake them off. They’ve burned themselves into your brain, permanently.

And once this door is open, you can’t close it. That’s the part I don’t think most men truly understand until it’s too late. You might be able to set boundaries, you might be able to talk through your fears, but the fact remains—she has already crossed into a world where another man is fulfilling her in ways you can’t erase. She’s built a space for him in her life, in her body, and in her bed. She has a drawer in his home. A section of his closet. This isn’t just sex anymore.

So what are your options? You can try to communicate, try to keep the illusion of control, hope that what she says is true when she tells you she’s not going anywhere. But the reality is, you don’t know that for sure. You have no control over how things evolve, how feelings shift, how power dynamics subtly change over time. All you can do is try to ride the wave and hope it doesn’t pull you under.

Or, you leave. Walk away. Start over. But I think we both know that most men in this situation can’t do that. Once your brain has been hardwired to crave this, to need the arousal that comes from knowing she’s being taken by someone else, it’s almost impossible to go back to a normal relationship. The addiction to the feeling, to the imagery, to the rush—it stays. It becomes part of you.

So now, as you sit there alone, knowing exactly where she is, exactly what she’s doing, you’re left with the same question that haunts all of us in this situation: At what cost?

The reality is you and I paid already even if we don’t yet understand or appreciate the cost.

[Shadnaster]

I've know a couple of couples that "Thew a regular BF into the mix" and she ended up leaving him for the BF.

[namitha157]

Great sex causes great emotions. I'm sure after all this time

My partner and I have dipped in and out of the lifestyle for the last 4-5 yrs

that you know this. You can't put a boundary on an emotion. It just happens.

Yes this is true.
Good sex steals your love from your primary partner. You don't even realise its happening.

Given the right circumstances. i feel like i might leave my main bf for one of the more favourable one who gives me sex. my main bf does not.

[D+D]

It can certainly happen. My wife fell in love with her main boyfriend several years ago and he tried to convince her to leave me. She was really torn but she wouldn’t. He eventually broke up with her and she went into depression then he decided after months that he wanted to start seeing her again and she was so excited but it was never the same with them again. She now advises any couple that gets into the lifestyle have a rock solid marriage because the heart plays strange games with people. It’s okay to love someone else besides your partner but just not in the same way. She has guarded her feelings very closely ever since.

[Desiplayer]

Yes love can play dangerous games …
My wife has been in deeply in love with few men…
The key is communication and trust for one another and how you support each others needs. So far it’s working for us , we did run into few occasions where my jealousy kicked in… and we resolved it. Both occasions it made our marriage stronger …

[a51anh0tw1fe]

I totally agree that this is something best not to try. A marriage might be strong as it is right now. But when you introduce a new and seductive element into the picture, the dynamics change and the strength of marriage may not be the same as before. Moreover, if the bull is close in proximity, and she can easily build a new life with the bull and without the husband, then the risk of replacement is very possible.