Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water

[slenderfish]

I’m not sure if I missed the details of her sex with Mr. M or if just didn’t provide them. Her voicemail on it wasn’t detailed but I’d love to learn the details of her and Mr. M! Maybe you intentionally withheld those details, which is certainly your prerogative.

Really enjoying your thread!

I have two additional encounters to provide more illustrative, descriptive details. Mr. M encounter from that Wednesday night, and then the second encounter with Mr. S on that (following) Monday night.

[samlowen]

My point here is that she presently states she can't see doing any hotwife activities with me physically present, in the face of knowing in no uncetain terms that it's something I'd like. Never say never. I presently can't see her traveling to another continent with another man. Never say never. Perhaps if she wants to travel like that, to visit him, we'll have to be in a place within our relationship and with him, such that she and I travel to visit him. That'll end up being her challenge

I'm a big fan of compromise and this idea of your's seems like a wonderful goal for her to strive for. I've sent my wife on an international vacation with another man without me before. The worst part wasn't wondering what they were doing, it was that I wanted to vacation there too and be a tourist, taking in the sights. I hope you two can find your compromises as you continue down this path.

[slenderfish]

My point here is that she presently states she can't see doing any hotwife activities with me physically present, in the face of knowing in no uncetain terms that it's something I'd like. Never say never. I presently can't see her traveling to another continent with another man. Never say never. Perhaps if she wants to travel like that, to visit him, we'll have to be in a place within our relationship and with him, such that she and I travel to visit him. That'll end up being her challenge

I'm a big fan of compromise and this idea of your's seems like a wonderful goal for her to strive for. I've sent my wife on an international vacation with another man without me before. The worst part wasn't wondering what they were doing, it was that I wanted to vacation there too and be a tourist, taking in the sights. I hope you two can find your compromises as you continue down this path.

Diplomacy and compromise are my two middle names.

[slenderfish]

SW's reconnecting encounter with Mr. S on Sunday, November 29:

I normally only cum with visuals but this scenario was too much for me to resist

On this board I believe you just offered up the ultimate compliment to Pinky. To celebrate, two things:

1) Now fully transitioning terminology from SW to Pinky.

2) New avatar. Hope you like it.

[XYAlpha]

Very nice Avatar!

XY

[BallSpanking]

Thanks for your updates so far, they are sexy and indicative of SW's acceptance of her new role as HW.
Of course I defer to your greater knowledge of SW's preferences and personality, and perhaps I am reading something that is not there (at least, not in the words written), but, if inviting her trainer Mr G to your home is out of the norm, I see this as significant.

Moreover, now she is entering the HW mindset, I think he presents an excellent entrée to her at least flirting with him and looking sexy for him during their workouts.

I realize this is not something that might immediately 'take' in her future planning, but I think that the proper suggestions in the proper context can lead to her developing an interest/fantasy in this aspect, especially as regards to finding a local FWB (you mentioned at some point this is not something SW would usually countenance except when she is about to cum). So, as her 'baseline' considerations change, I think it could be a fruitful avenue of inquiry/exploration between you.

As you now know, the 'never happen' considerations continue to lose ground as she grows more sexually confident.

[yielding william]

After that mention about Des I began getting PMs asking where to find his writings. The first page is found at this website at viewtopic.php?f=5&t=50057

It's all pretty amazing I think.

[Whosbeensleeping]

Yes, great avatar!

[AstaSilva]

Beautiful new profile photo SlenderFish!

[slenderfish]

I have a present idea of how I'd like our relationship to become; it'll probably change over time, but if I had my wish it would be an amalgamation of Des 31 and his hotiwfe, mashed up with AZ Vixen and her husband.

I'm not actually too confident in anything other than my patience and understanding of SW (before she became Pinky) and my knowledge of her devotion to me and our life together. We have been through some challenges that often spell the end to marriages and have now proven we can tough it out together.

I've been a student of hotwifing for many years now, and am putting all this to test in real life now.

If I were actually fully confident, I wouldn't be on here asking for people's comments and suggestions.

[afagehi7]

Nice avatar fish. I don't think she needs new tits but I've not examined them up close.. yet.

Fish, I was going to ask where you wanted to go and you said des and azvixen. You would be cool with her having a borderline poly relationship like gigi and des? How about her being pinky and hooking up with guys as much as gigi? Listening from the hallway and jerking?

Azvixen and des are very different ends of the spectrum. I'm not saying one is better than the other just very different. Perhaps you could elaborate on your ideal situation.

If it was me, when I tried to take this journey, I wanted it to be infrequently such as during work travel or vacation. A few times a year. You obviously want more than that.

[lionbrand]

Thank you for the new avatar and description of the Sunday - both really hot. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. All the best!

[slenderfish]

Fish, I was going to ask where you wanted to go and you said des and azvixen. You would be cool with her having a borderline poly relationship like gigi and des? How about her being pinky and hooking up with guys as much as gigi? Listening from the hallway and jerking?

Azvixen and des are very different ends of the spectrum. I'm not saying one is better than the other just very different. Perhaps you could elaborate on your ideal situation.

If it was me, when I tried to take this journey, I wanted it to be infrequently such as during work travel or vacation. A few times a year. You obviously want more than that.

Des and Gigi - I like that she is so comfortable in expressing her desires and kind of makes it a challenge between her and Des regarding how her target may develop, etc. Also that she is quite open to various adventures and various partners (even a woman sometimes). Not sure about the poly aspect but Pinky and I have discussed a wide variety of possible outcomes in our journey and this did come up at least once. I don't/can't see it at this point.

AZvixen - She has a lot of verve and spice and seems to be in touch with her body and its sexuality, but at the same time she makes it all about her husband. I like these elements of what I've garnered from her/their posts.

Pinky generally (and thus far) operates more in her own space, for herself, and has to remind herself (or be reminded) to not forget about my part in this "doing this together" effort. This is how she is anyway in life, kind of a tunnel vision on the task or matter at hand, so it's less automatic for her to think of me as integrated into her hotwifing.

As an example, she would NOT make a good intelligence agent. She is so fully aware of what's in front of her that she is almost completely unaware of what's in the periphery.

[slenderfish]

Quick notes:

I am incredibly appreciative of Pinky and the effort she has made to accommodate my kink and has been for the past few months attempting to find for herself a situation that is fully within the hotwife lifestyle and at the same time works for me. As we have been getting more into the reality of it, the details started showing themselves and these details are where her concept and mine proved to be different. We are presently working through these details and going through the layers of give- and take- to find a rewarding balance.

If we stopped today, I'd be very happy for her effort and for the memories.

Of course, based on Pinky and her momentum, it's not realistic to even consider stopping. The brakes would heat up and then catch the whole thing on fire, the train would jump its tracks and there would be mayhem and destruction on a scale far greater than our present effort of sorting out these details.

Pinky has been sharing with me the texts that come from time to time (they arrive from time to time and she shares from time to time). I've noticed that she tends to share by telling me that she received a text, and perhaps goes generally into the content, but she doesn't bring her phone over to me and show me. I also yesterday realized that she doesn't say anything about her replies to the texts. I went ahead and asked her yesterday about her reply/replies and she had to take a beat before answering.

She did ask if her sharing of the texts continues to be important to me, and I said it is far better at this point to over-share than to be seen as under-sharing, if she wants to avoid my getting into my head about possible hidden conversations and secret stuff.

I've previously noted that she is not very good at hiding things. Also that I know her quite well.

A couple of days ago we were watching tv with her niece and discussing the nieces plans to join her family in Florida for their Christmas week trip. Pinky then said that she believes Covid will still be here in early February during her birthday time, and that she prefers at this point to defer any real celebration until later in the springtime. Noted to niece that SF (me) will want to have weekends free at that point for ski trips, etc. I observed to myself that it was a bit odd that she was going into this much detail with her niece, putting words into my mouth, etc.

So I started thinking about what she may be up to. I then remembered a brief observation back in September of a coincidence that Mr. S' birthday is the exact same date as hers!

Should I be pleased at this hotwife thinking? Or dismayed that she would even think to celebrate her birthday with Mr. S and shoo me off to a ski weekend?

In subsequent conversations between her and me, she did note the calendar and that she would like Mr. S to come visit her in early 2021, and that we should look for dates that might work, so she may communicate to him. She noted at that time her birthday in early February and that she, of course, would be celebrating with me unless there arises a conflict with my calendar and plans.

At this point she has suggested to him to visit over the third weekend in January. She asked him about it in a text message last Friday and he hasn't yet even acknowledged her suggestion.

I also wonder how she envisions such a visit would occur. She seems to have a general concept that he will take a hotel room in the area. How will she explain any absence, late nights, etc. to her niece? Will she propose some kind of protocol to me? She is not a strategic planner so it's interesting to watch. I believe it will ultimately fall to me to recommend a solution and cover stories, etc.

[Tryn]

Perhaps Pinky is thinking that Mr. S cumming inside multiple times is the perfect birthday present for you! As a wannabe, that would be an ideal birthday present for me! Just providing some alternate perspective for you to ponder.

[slenderfish]

Perhaps Pinky is thinking that Mr. S cumming inside multiple times is the perfect birthday present for you! As a wannabe, that would be an ideal birthday present for me! Just providing some alternate perspective for you to ponder.

I believe she is tiptoeing a bit and kind of feeling it out. She doesn't yet have the confidence to come right out with it. At the same time, I'd be a bit conflicted and (as she probably expects) would work a compromise that has her/us trying some new elements (e.g. I'll be okay and fully support it if she can arrange for me to be present, or if she provides video, etc.; win-win-win).

[BallSpanking]

In a way, I do not see SW's statements of her status as a wife are particularly problematic. She initially told Mr S she had a hall pass, next she told him it was an 'open relationship'. These two are not necessarily inconsistent. If next she told him she is a HotWife, this could be seen as a natural outgrowth of the first two. Marriages also change over time, and the dynamic within the couple allows or encourages her sexual exploration and growth.

In a nutshell, if SW told Mr S she is now a HotWife, and has 'informed' SlenderFish of this, that Mr S is the main reason for this ... It might encourage Mr S to have more skin in the game, giving her greater priority, something SW always prefers. Once openness is established, SW could express a desire to Mr S foran MFM. claiming to have been intellectually and arousedly curious about the subject, and would like to experience that ...

I think that could be one feasible way you might get to see SW with another man, and if it went well, maybe a repeatable event.
Of course, that is, assuming these MFM's would include you (SF).

[veub]

Why would Mr S want to share her with her husband?

[BallSpanking]

Why would Mr S want to share her with her husband?

A- Because he already does (if he's lucky)
B- Because she asks him to
C- Because he has an interest in pleasing SW

[slenderfish]

SW's seduction of Mr. M Wednesday Nov 25, 2020

I'll use the reference to SW because this all happened before she became Hotwife Pinky.

By way of background, SW had dumped her boyfriend (lived with him for three years) Richie Rich when, after she returned from a three-month internship in Mexico City, she heard he had been seen socializing around with another woman and, when she confronted him, he apparently copped to making out with her but nothing else. SW didn't believe him, and considered even making out to be an unpardonable sin.

She wasn't very strategic back then and found out the hard way that any Richie Rich gets all the friends after a breakup. And all the girls no longer care to be your girlfriends, because you didn't come from "money" and therefore have no fallback position within this crowd.

She had to reinvent herself and during this period was out with friends and ran into someone she knew because he was the same age as her holder sister, and this guy also had a bit of a crossover with the Richie Rich gang but was married and basically on his way in his own life. He actually had married more into the rich club.

So they were all out at this regular place and this married guy, "Mr. M" was there with his boys. Pinky was pulled into the group and was dancing with them, when Mr. M started giving her a lot of extra attention. He ended up taking her home (I assume her place) and they started their "torrid" (my words) affair that night. Pinky was apparently starved for attention and affection, and although Mr. M was a bit older vs. what she considered her dating age frames at the time, it became productive in that he started to mentor her in a budding sales career.

She more recently looked back on this with me, and observed that it was more of a transactional relationship; he got the sex with the hot young blonde, and she got the attention and, more importantly, the mentoring.

They continued this at some level for at least two years. During this time Mr. M's wife became pregnant and she bore their second child. SW reflects on this period a difficult for her, in that the man she was being intimate with was married and SW had to manage this relationship in hiding, and she felt terrible guilt because of his married status, and the wife's pregnancy. She said this ultimately became too much for her and she called it quits.

But she kept in touch with him, off and on, through her next real boyfriend who had completed grad school at a top Ivy-league institution and was working for a world-class international firm in Manhattan, New York.

I met SW while she was a couple of years into this relationship, and just on the verge of moving to New York to live with him.

SW and I dated long distance for almost a year from when I met her right before her move, to when I found out through some odd crossover that she had this relationship and had never told me. I stopped seeing her immediately after that, but kept loosely in touch with her for a few years until I was satisfied she had "grown up" and achieved Sinatra's "if you can make it there you can make it anywhere" status. And then pursued her, we got married within a couple of years, and it's been almost 12 years since our wedding.

From the beginning, when I was seeing her after she first moved to NYC, she did mention the Mr. M as her mentor. She called him off and on when she needed advice, etc. She might have coffee with him from time to time when she went home to visit family. And he always texted her on her birthday.

At some point, she told me he became aware of her engagement to me and had stopped calling or texting. This persisted for a handful of years until a birthday of hers about five years ago, when over drinks in a Friday night at our local place, she mentioned she missed his reliable birthday texts. Her party was for the next night, but that night was actually the day of her birthday. My budding hotwife husband drive had started to show itself to me by then, so I took advantage of the conversation and encouraged her to send a text to him that he is free to resume the birthday texts.

Of course, this led to more texts and I encouraged her to catch up with him, to cover the missing years. He subsequently noted to her that his job takes him to an annual conference in our area. I jumped on that, and encouraged her to meet with him for drinks and dinner, which she did. I arranged the reservation, etc. and off she went. I'd also by this time told her about my hotwife desires, but it was all new to her and she didn't quite get it, was put off by it, and when I told her she is free to see him without her wedding ring, she got very confused but didn't really have any time to get into it, and drove off to meet him as per the plan.

The dinner was for say, 7:30 and she does run late, so let's say she arrived just before 8:00. They sat right down because of the reservation, and she said she would send a text to me as they were paying the bill and she was preparing to head home. I did get that text from her at around 10:15 p.m. and figured she'd be home by 10:45, or 11:00 at latest. When 11:00 came and went, then 11:30, I broke protocol and sent her a text something like "decided to stay later?" or similar. Nothing back from her. So my buttons were all going off full speed, wondering if she decided to take me up on the hotwife conversation, and I decided to find out. I jumped in my car and drove the 25 minutes to the restaurant, where I saw the from my car window, in the bar, having a nightcap. The bar started closing at 12:30 and I got out of there so as not to be caught, but noticed they walked in a direction other than the parking area. I stopped out of sight and looked in my rear view mirror and saw them walking across the street to an Irish Pub, and I also saw her laughing and smiling and then he picked her up and she jumped into his arms, and he carried her across the street and into the entry of the pub. I drove around the back of the place and could see through the kitchen that they were seated and continuing their conversation. When this place closed about a half hour later, I raced home to beat her and make like I had been there all night.

I waited and waited.

She finally came in about 2:30 a.m.

I couldn't imagine where she was all the extra time and asked her, and she said she'd gotten lost in conversation and then by the time they realized it, there were no more taxis and she had to drive him to his hotel in her car.

I asked (hoped) if she had gone upstairs with him and fooled around, etc. She said of course not. I told her I was super turned on and please let's get undressed and make love. I was extra turned on and, of course, (stupid me) went immediately to her pussy to see if it was wet with her or any other juices. I asked her again if she had fucked him. She again denied anything. I entered her and was a bit animalistic and had a crazy intense orgasm. She said she was overwhelmed with my energy and vigor, and that in looking back (from today) it was not lovemaking but something else.

We had an aftermath conversation (conversations) and I tried to explain how this hotwife thing works and that I'm happy to have them stay in touch and resume their friendship, even a relationship if she can see that happening, that he's an obvious person for beginning a hotwife lifestyle. She didn't understand but was happy that I encouraged her to maintain contact.

I also told her that I'd seen them that night, and it was why I was so frenzied with my hotwife mindset. She was happy, relaxed, beautiful and just how I'd want her to be if she took a lover.

But she went underground with Mr. M and their contacts. I'd told her that I'm happy for anything and everything with him as long as she fully communicates it with me, so that it doesn't appear clandestine and move into the realm of dishonesty and, perhaps, cheating. But she didn't. After I stumbled onto an effort for him to meet her at an airport lounge during a deliberately-planned extra-long layover in his town on the return flight from one of her girls' NYC early summer trips, she did ultimately come clean and told me that she had been calling and texting him, and that they were supposed to see each other that time at the airport to plan on getting together in person the next time she visits her (their) hometown, later in the summer.

We had long and difficult conversations on that matter. I reiterated that a) I will not stand for being made a fool; b) this kind of hiding is outright dishonesty and portends an emotional affair even if not yet physical; c) that if he is not (and SW confirmed this is the case) letting his wife know anything about his contact with SW then he is doing this in some way to relive their affair; and d) it's ridiculous because she has my full blessing to be his friend and even his lover as long as she shares all the details along the way.

So after a quiet period of, say, six months, she contacted him and let him know that she will continue their friendship and that I'm okay with it but that she will not mention me to him if that makes it easier for him.

And so it went for a few more years until August 2020, when she decided to "dip her toe in the hotwife water" and needed someone to talk to about it, to get a man's perspective. Without telling me in advance, she laid it all out to him, including my late-night jaunt and seeing them on that night when they stayed out so later. He of course reacted with shock and revulsion and told SW that I'm messed up and that he never wants to cross my path, and that she is similarly messed up if she pursues the hotwife lifestyle, etc. Also the usual stuff mixing hotwife and cuckold themes, bisexual, gay, etc.

She shared with me everything he said, and of course I had to spend time and energy walking it all back. Yet she continued to have long telephone conversations with him, 60+ and 70+ minutes. She would tell me after the fact, sometimes two or three weeks after the fact. There was always some repair work to be done after her conversations with him.

Again, I always wondered what it was that kept this influence over her, and was intrigued at the ongoing energy despite her protestations and denials.

Fast forward. She attempted to interface with Mr. S in mid-September, but he was too aggressive and SW pushed him away. She did another long call and spoke with Mr. M about it and he basically said "I told you so" or similar, which she told me sometime later.

She did interface with Mr. S in mid-October, and did not tell Mr. M she was traveling that direction at that time, letting him conclude her next outing is her annual Thanksgiving trip. But she accidentally literally ran into him at a restaurant during her October trip, and he was shocked to see her. During that trip (after running into Mr. M) she did get together with Mr. S and broke her hotwife cherry.

She also found out at that time from the grapevine that Mr. while M was giving her all sorts of advice about relationships and her marriage (to me), he had been served divorce papers by his wife and he had moved into a little apartment, and had a new girlfriend almost 20 year younger.

This information made SW a bit angry at this obvious imbalance in their so-called friendship, and also tripped her ego switch. She called him and read him the riot act, and they made plans to get together "when he can sneak away" from his girlfriend during the most recent November trip.

Again, SW didn't like this being second fiddle, being put back in this place where she has to sneak around to cover for him. I told her to let him know that she is no longer that young woman who allows him to call all the shots, that she has power and deserves the full respect of a full friendship. That he should embrace their decades of history and tell his girlfriend about his friendship with SW and leave it at that.

But he would not.

He shucked and jived but ultimately SW cajoled him into getting together at his friend Mr. R's place, for pre-Thanksgiving cocktails of the single set. Mr. R's place is in the same apartment complex as Mr. M and that's how they know each other.

SW arrived at the designated time (well, a half hour late) but Mr. M had called to say something came up and he would be late.

SW was charming to Mr. R and when Mr. M arrived almost three hours later, it was late and SW had imbibed too many glasses of wine to drive back to her hotel.

So Mr. M invited her to use the second bedroom of his apartment. Check mate (as I noted in my earlier post about this encounter).

They walked up to his apartment and went inside. As he showed her the place, he started in the common areas then to the extra bedroom (for her) and finally to his bedroom.

She walked right up to him and kissed him deeply on the mouth. He gave only the slightest of hesitation and then responded with energetic kissing. Deep kisses, the kind they used to have around 20 years ago. (My comment: The kind of kisses you have when you've been dancing around it and flirting for 20 years.) She continued to press her position by reaching down and grabbing his cock through his jeans, and walked him backwards until he made contact with the bed, at which time she leaned into him and he fell back, taking her in full embrace while she held tight to his growing desire.

After making out for some time and her having reached inside his pants to stroke his bare skin with her tender fingers and soft hands, she moved down and unbuckled his belt and slid his pants off, after getting a little ahead of herself and having to fight his shoes and socks off. He took off his shirt and she was naked in a jiffy. She never let go of her grip and leaned down to take him into her mouth.

She later said that it was so easy, that his cock felt the same in her mouth as per the many years before, that the kissing was so easy and natural, that their bodies already knew what to do, even the little things like moving one way or another so you don't give or take an elbow in the face.

She gave him a blow job for old times' sake. One to remember. When it was getting close enough for him to lose control, she laid next to him on the bed for his turn to worship her wet pink pussy. He licked and kissed her lips and clit for a short time (according to her she did not receive full reciprocation on this point) but then he climbed up and slid his big cock into her welcoming womanhood. She told me that this also felt easy and natural, as if they'd done it a million times before. He knows that she like this position the best, that she likes it slow and deep. She said his scent was again pleasant and familiar. She opened herself wide so he could thrust as deep as possible, because she knows that's what he likes.

She later said that he did put on a bit of weight, but that he still has the same big cock and still knows how to use it.

He continued to thrust deeply into her, the decades of pent-up desire finally culminating in this forbidden lovemaking, his cheating on his girlfriend with SW, much the same as the past when he cheated on his wife with her. And, as per the many times in the past, as he increased his frequency and vigor and she felt him getting bigger inside of her right before impending release, he pulled out and sprayed his cum all over her tight stomach and full breasts.

They then laid there, spent.

After some time, she awoke to his snoring. Same as it ever was. She moved herself to the guest bedroom and slept until mid-morning. Greeted him and nobody said anything, except for Mr. M as she was leaving. He asked her if she was going to go and share the details of this tryst with me.

She replied "of course not, this is just between us" and chuckled as the door closed behind her.

She got to her hotel room and at 10:30 a.m. called and left her voicemail for me, generally describing the above, the one I transcribed last week in this thread. She shared all the additional details with me the next night, Thursday the 26th.

They have not spoken or traded texts or calls since that moment. It's now exactly two weeks later. She is waiting for him to make the first move.

She said she is happy to have proven that a) he is not as into his girlfriend as he professed; b) despite his protestations about hotwifing being such a mistake, he was happy to partake when offered; c) she indeed has this woman/seductress/sexual power that I'd told her about, that she is now kind of taking on test drives.

And I'm proud of her. She took the power back from Mr. M. Flipped the script. He clearly doesn't know how to deal with this and is acting like a child.

[slenderfish]

In a way, I do not see SW's statements of her status as a wife are particularly problematic. She initially told Mr S she had a hall pass, next she told him it was an 'open relationship'. These two are not necessarily inconsistent. If next she told him she is a HotWife, this could be seen as a natural outgrowth of the first two. Marriages also change over time, and the dynamic within the couple allows or encourages her sexual exploration and growth.

In a nutshell, if SW told Mr S she is now a HotWife, and has 'informed' SlenderFish of this, that Mr S is the main reason for this ... It might encourage Mr S to have more skin in the game, giving her greater priority, something SW always prefers. Once openness is established, SW could express a desire to Mr S foran MFM. claiming to have been intellectually and arousedly curious about the subject, and would like to experience that ...

I think that could be one feasible way you might get to see SW with another man, and if it went well, maybe a repeatable event.
Of course, that is, assuming these MFM's would include you (SF).

I like this thinking. I've been presenting various scenarios to Pinky as to how to intake a FB so that I am not by default left on the outside. But this approach to integrating Mr. S is probably the best possible result, for the following reasons:

1) Pinky already likes him, his body, his sexual style, his personality, etc. So easiest to take what's mostly working and tweak if possible for the better.

2) If Pinky does want to do this trip in the future, I can't see it happening with Mr. S (at least not with my consent) if he doesn't have the full knowledge of our deal and if I don't have a clear ability to contact and speak with him.

3) Pinky is thinking of him as she would being a woman, and can't envision how a man thinks. I believe that, based on how she's described him and his approach to many things including her as an "open marriage" wife, it's indeed not much of a natural extension to move to the hotwife scenario.

[whenwillshe]

Great insight into a complex series of events.
Very hot progression but remember that the closer you get to the fire, the greater the chance of getting burned.
She has held a lot close but seems to have opened up of late.
Best of luck and thanks for sharing.

[slenderfish]

Pinky continues to be obvious despite her efforts to be subtle.

My daughter got engaged a couple of weeks ago and asked if we would host their engagement part at our house in January. Pinky initially said impossible, that January is just too booked up, that I would be doing ski trips, etc. But I have no ski trips booked at this point; Canada is closed to US passengers and air travel around the US is difficult.

I observed that and translated it to "I'm trying to keep January open and flexible for Mr. S" but didn't say anything and smiled to myself.

We did subsequently sit down and look at the calendar, and with plans already in place, we agreed to do the engagement party in the middle of the month, and Pinky held the weekend that includes January 23 for Mr. S. She sent a text to Mr. S asking him if he might be able to do that. This was just over a week ago.

Yesterday Pinky called me at my office and said she doesn't really want to do any significant birthday effort in early February, preferring instead to defer to summer (say, June) in the hopes that we will be able to travel by that time.

I translated that to "I'm now trying to open up additional possibilities for Mr. S and if he prefers they celebrate their birthdays together.", E.g. she may think by offering this birthday element, it'll be a stronger draw for him. For me and others around us (her niece, my kids) she is pulling down the focus on her birthday as any kind of event.

I'll point out that she only knows how to do relationships that are true boyfriend acquisitions; therefore, she has traveled to him twice (actually three times) and it's now his turn to travel to her.

Mr. S has not commented or even acknowledged Pinky's suggestion he visit her, so is naturally now wondering if he really meant it. Yesterday she said perhaps he's really taking her original email to heart; she wanted a relationship for when she visits her hometown and that's what they now have. She is okay with that, if he ultimately doesn't travel to see her.

I'm okay with that, insomuch as she will then probably be more likely to acquire a FB here in our area a bit sooner. Having a second FB accomplishes a lot, especially early in the hotwife lifestyle.

[Observer1931]

Still seems Pinky is being evasive. Perhaps a good time to discus just what are her plans, Mr. S meetings, birthday celebration (s), & just where you fit in all of this.

[slenderfish]

Still seems Pinky is being evasive. Perhaps a good time to discus just what are her plans, Mr. S meetings, birthday celebration (s), & just where you fit in all of this.

Thanks, this is exactly what I've been doing.

She wants him to come out and realized there is only one weekend set aside in January for that. She needs a plan B and is apparently de-emphasizing her birthday so that early Feb will work for that purpose.

It's her style to not discuss things she is working on in the background, because I then offer solutions and she wants to be in charge of these details. Her ego also doesn't let herself tell me things she is trying to accomplish, because at that point she's more invested in the outcome and will be more disappointed if it doesn't work out. This is normal stuff, and I'm only noting it because a) I've come to know her processes and b) it provides insight into her thought process and planning.

She is a quite new hotwife and, as I noted in posting(s) above, only really knows how to deal with the BFE (boyfriend experience) mode. That's how she has always related to men when sex is on the table.

Her actual recent experiences and activities, particularly with Mr. M and her looking at a possibility with Mr. R (who hosted at his place while they were waiting for Mr. M that time two weeks ago), shows that she is open and able to be in a certain type of "hotwife mode" which doesn't include the BFE.

So we are at a point where her normal state is to pursue the BFE (particularly with Mr. S) because she doesn't know different, but at the same time she is subtly learning and accepting the possibility of just a FB relationship with Mr. S.

Presumably and hopefully, this evolving will take her to a new place where, rather than by default pursuing a BFE and then being disappointed and having it fall back to FB, she merely pursues FB's. This approach may be more predictable and while literally requiring "skin in the game" doesn't require as much skin in the game from an emotional investment standpoint. At which point the lifestyle may be easier for her and, by extension, for me.

I'll add that I've been presenting to Pinky recent and real examples of how at least two other couples (on this board) approached a new potential FB and the intake included both the husband and wife, which then automatically set the proper foundation for a hotwife relationship where the husband doesn't necessarily have to disappear, etc. when the FB is around. She has gone from "never" on this matter to "well, we're already in this with Mr. S" with the implication that perhaps if there is a next FB, we can consider a different intake process.

All directionally good in this respect.