Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water

[BallSpanking]

I'm not sure SW has grasped the kind of cookies you need ...

[afagehi7]

I'm not sure SW has grasped the kind of cookies you need ...

She is a smart girl. She knows what he wants.

If I were fish, I don't know what I would do. Would I make a big stand potentially ending the hot wife career or keep edging her closer to the chocolate chip cookies eventually settling for the macadamia nut? I just don't know. I do know that I would not be leaving town and would be there when she gets home whether that night or the next afternoon.

[eb4cplslooking]

Stay in town and observe from a distance if you can. The visuals will keep you on edge. And the reclaim is 10x better. Not to mention the angst!!

[BallSpanking]

I'm not sure SW has grasped the kind of cookies you need ...

She is a smart girl. She knows what he wants.

If I were fish, I don't know what I would do. Would I make a big stand potentially ending the hot wife career or keep edging her closer to the chocolate chip cookies eventually settling for the macadamia nut? I just don't know. I do know that I would not be leaving town and would be there when she gets home whether that night or the next afternoon.

You may be right, but even if she is a smart girl, is the playing for the same reasons as SF's? Maybe not, and that has to be sorted out.
And I can see SF making concessions if the chocolate chip/walnut cookies were not available, but settling for macadamia nuts would not be suitable!

[XYAlpha]

You need to slow the fuck down. You may think that you have it all figured out, but so does everyone.

I believe we have slowed down. She saw him in late November and is planning for late January. We have two months (well, about five weeks remaining) to continue this re-balancing effort.

This is why I'm on here, to sort through with co-conspirators.

That's not slowing down though. You're viewing this from your timeframe. The ball keeps moving, she is in frequent communication with him and expectations and precedent are being cemented. Just because a goal isn't being score doesn't mean that the game isn't being played. You need to call a timeout and meet at the whiteboard. Like just you and her and no future plans or communication. Sincere, direct and understood communication is the precendent that needs to be set now and all you are rolling with is "I know her". Frankly, you don't know her. Part of doing this is to bring out a new behavior pattern, she's likely just as confused as you are.

I agree with this. The game is STILL being played. Precedents are being set. Habits, patterns, and quasi agreements (rules) are being made without them REALLY being agreed to or communicated.

Many of us have indicated that proceeding without some of these things ironed out make it exceptionally difficult to do later because both of you have had a "taste" of the eroticism and thrill... your mind gets foggy.

I would not leave town for her tryst. Are you going to leave town each and every time she meets a man? Even if he is local? Stay home and tell her you expect her to come home immediately afterwards. No overnight... her NRE with him is already high. You should be careful of her post-coital bonding...

I would emphasize that you need to be closer to the action and the reclaim. With one exception (if I remember correctly) all of her encounters have been pseudo-cheating in that you were not involved with the planning, had no real knowledge of what was going on, suffered through a communication blackout of which in and of itself was lengthy even for vanilla marriages, and then had barely a story when it was over. This exact pattern was repeated and is now her "MO".

Time to pump the brakes and get it all straightened out Fish. I love this story and I "think" I know what you want out of the LS and this is not it. If you don't get this locked down in some kind of agreement you may have to start posting in another forum... This is probably your only opprtunity to decide what kind of bottle the Genie has - and you as well by default.

I agree with others that she has taken to this exceptionally well and fast. I think you may have misjudged her in that she likely has done some research and is well read on the subject and the nuances of it. If you run a search engine for "hotwife" you will end up here at OHW.

The time to use your C and C is right NOW! (Communication and CONSENT).

XY

[solstice]

Slenderfish writes: My example to her was if I asked her to go out and get me some freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. She naturally would resist.
I find as entertaining and sexy threads go, your thread slenderfish is up there with the best, like Des and Her number1, and some months ago Willingtoo.
Your writing is full of figures of speech, (eg similes, metaphors hyperbolies) with the odd personification thrown in: I wish I had paid more attention to my English lessons at school.
With the underlining puzzle of will she won't she, I wish I could hear her version of this excruciatingly sexy odyssey.

[slenderfish]

Slenderfish writes: My example to her was if I asked her to go out and get me some freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies. She naturally would resist.
I find as entertaining and sexy threads go, your thread slenderfish is up there with the best, like Des and Her number1, and some months ago Willingtoo.
Your writing is full of figures of speech, (eg similes, metaphors hyperbolies) with the odd personification thrown in: I wish I had paid more attention to my English lessons at school.
With the underlining puzzle of will she won't she, I wish I could hear her version of this excruciatingly sexy odyssey.

Wow, you make a very good point, her version would be very enlightening.

She is a very smart woman, keeps up with current events, engaging conversation. Not one to do research, analysis, or dig into anything online. That's puzzling to me, but it is what it is. Also not one for clever planning. She just goes with whatever her intuition, etc. tells her and it works out. In this regard, completely opposite of me. Also because she doesn't rely on logic, but instead emotion and intuition, is generally unpredictable with respect to the minutia, but is generally predictable on the bigger scale of things.

I bet her story, to herself and to anyone who asks, is that I made a highly unusual request regarding her becoming a hotwife and that of course any other woman would consider this grounds for divorce or serious therapy, but she decided to be a loving wife and to give it a try. That as of now she has expended a great deal of time, energy and emotion, and has totally gone against what she at her core always believed is the basis for a marriage (e.g. fidelity). That I should be exceptionally happy and accepting of whatever she has endeavored to do thus far, which is more than a wife in the vanilla world would ever consider doing.

She would be in denial and not provide that she really likes the attention (and whatever else) from Mr. S. She might allow that "the genie is out of the bottle" in some non-specific manner.

From my amateur newbie seat, this is the basis of the power struggle. Being asserted very adeptly by Pinky, based on her emotions and intution. This, overlaid with her only known path with a man is to date him for a deeper relationship. So she's going in that direction because it's all she knows.

I will add to this conversation a few solid points, that I hope all readers take into consideration:

- Mr. S has shown by his actual and consistent behavior that he considers Pinky as a FWB and nothing more.

- He warms up in the week before an encounter, because he now knows that's expected/required by Pinky, and also a couple of days after, then complete silence except for the most minimal. There have been no phone calls and very very limited texts over the past 10 days.

- Pinky at some level has acknowledged this FB status, but tends to avoid talking about it.

My present conclusion:

Given that it's more clearly a FB situation, yet she really really wants to see and continue with Mr. S, I think we do have a true hotwife now. Except for the fact that she has not fully embraced this reality nor embraced the elements that are better for me, for her to be able to continue in a win-win format without continuing power struggles and re-balancing efforts by me.

[slenderfish]

Stay in town and observe from a distance if you can. The visuals will keep you on edge. And the reclaim is 10x better. Not to mention the angst!!

I'm 50/50 right now but leaning toward staying in town. Or perhaps 50/50 ends up being such that my ski trip will be Fri afternoon-Sun late afternoon, taking up a couple of the days within the time span he is here. If I go with my buddy on his aircraft, it's almost always this time footprint (e.g. fly out during last light on Friday and return Sunday later afternoon, after skiing most of the day). I believe Pinky is hoping Mr. S will arrive Thurs night and depart Monday midday.

Now that I've written this down, it seems like this is the best, more balanced approach. This way, I'm not directly challenging any line in the sand and provoking a response, but rather just dealing with the normal skiing cycles and she will have to adapt her mindset.

[afagehi7]

Stay in town and observe from a distance if you can. The visuals will keep you on edge. And the reclaim is 10x better. Not to mention the angst!!

I'm 50/50 right now but leaning toward staying in town. Or perhaps 50/50 ends up being such that my ski trip will be Fri afternoon-Sun late afternoon, taking up a couple of the days within the time span he is here. If I go with my buddy on his aircraft, it's almost always this time footprint (e.g. fly out during last light on Friday and return Sunday later afternoon, after skiing most of the day). I believe Pinky is hoping Mr. S will arrive Thurs night and depart Monday midday.

Now that I've written this down, it seems like this is the best, more balanced approach. This way, I'm not directly challenging any line in the sand and provoking a response, but rather just dealing with the normal skiing cycles and she will have to adapt her mindset.

Or are you rationalizing?

[regular3]

Heading off on a four day ski trip will leave your wife and Mr S lots of time alone for her to feel like he is a BF. She will have your son to look after but there will likely be plenty of time to be exclusively his.
I would truly struggle to enjoy skiing knowing my wife has banished me so my she can devote four days and nights to her lover.

[BigHotMess]

A FB who can not struggle landing ass doesn’t fly out to see a FB. I’m not suggesting relationships are wrong, I’m just offering advice that not being on the same page, particularly at this point and particularly with poor communication, is bad.

[happystrife]

Hold your ground fish. This is a critical time that is developing standards which will be followed in the future. She had her fun to dip her toe in now it's time to be together as a hot wife couple or go back to vanilla marriage. There's always the flr cuckold avenue but I don't think that's what you want.

I didn't realize she planned on fucking him in your home. That's an interesting development. I just assumed it would be at his hotel. Perhaps she's pushing?

People (like kids) will push the boundaries until they know where the line is. Kids do it to parents students to teachers etc.

Sorry, I inadvertently misled.

I should have clarified "leave my castle" wasn't literally my home. She is planning a hotel meet, to my understanding. But she wants me to go on a ski trip or otherwise be out of town. This is what I meant by "giving way" in that our local area is kind or my turf, and she'd made such a big deal initially about only hotwifing out of state.

Part of me thinks that holding my ground means I should refuse to leave town, that if she wants him to visit he is free to do so, but she has to go to him in a scheduled manner and come back to me at home. In this way, it'll be more of an "us" experience even though she prefers to be alone with him.

Any thoughts about this? Is this the place and time to make a stand, to assert more of my needs on this new hotwifing path?

Do I let them get their plans more solidified (e.g. he gets his flights etc.) before I make this point?

yea don’t leave town. that’s so lame. I wouldn’t push back too hard. feels like growing pains. seems natural to test the boundaries. her ask indicates she likes hotwifing, she is comfortable being candid w you, she wants to fuck this guy and be intimate. all good shit imho. what if you gave her 1 month to make the rules, you’ll do what she asks, so she can get comfortable with the hot wife life, you too? but on the other end, there will be go forward expectations...around your participation and perhaps she needs to have multiple lovers at the same time to mitigate being overly infatuated w one...at you expense?

hey I was also thinking, what if you let her have the house for weekend, and you secretly stayed. like hid in closets, were a peeping tom for a couple days, and snuck around. hopefully you live in a warm area of the country!

tell her you’ll stay at a hotel locally instead of a ski trip.

then after mr s leaves you tell her you couldn’t help yourself and spied on them. she’ll prob be like WTF at first but she’ll get over it and it could be a good segue into participation in a more nefarious / naughty kind of way. could turn her on knowing you were watching...

[happystrife]

btw nothing should ever be off the table to discuss with one another. you want to know what she’s feeling, thinking. stay cool. operate in the gray with her. i think the outcome will be self serving.

[happystrife]

sorry for the stream of consciousness...I’m exhausted from shoveling!

also i totally recognize this could also be awful advice and something you find unappealing. I’m too much of a horn dog and deviant to give solid PRUDENT advice.

[slenderfish]

sorry for the stream of consciousness...I’m exhausted from shoveling!

also i totally recognize this could also be awful advice and something you find unappealing. I’m too much of a horn dog and deviant to give solid PRUDENT advice.

I do appreciate the interest and of course take all suggestions and thought with the reality that I'm the one living in my shoes and with Pinky. I'm a big boy and am always willing to accept what comes of my actions and inactions, etc. I just try to reduce the risk of very bad outcomes, as we go along.

[slenderfish]

A few points so that all the info will be here for consideration.

Mr. S has business in our area, and is usually here in January anyway visiting clients. SW asked me if he is going to be around anyway, wouldn't it be obvious to see him at his hotel, even in the face of her prior rule that she only do hotwifing far away from home?

She doesn't want me to be near when she is hotwifing because she is certain I'd not have the patience to resist sneaking and peeking on them in one way or another. She has a very good point, and apparently knows me all too well.

Of course, we do still have the security camera at the house, and I'm not sure if she even remembers it's here.

As noted earlier, they have not recently been in contact at all. The energy just kind of gave way to everyday life, so he's doing his thing and Pinky hers. She is not one to act needy and reach out, so it's in his court to pursue or not. Also as I noted earlier, he seems to be of the pattern to not contact during these quiet periods in between. It's so quiet that Pinky, as usual, has started to wonder a bit if he even intends to travel. I suppose time will tell.

She is obviously interested in his visiting her while on business, so as I said, it's in his court.

Finally, I'll observe that when I first met her and began dating her, I found reasons to be in New York on business. I may not have really had much business on some of the early visits to her. It was kind of the cycle that I'd land in town for a long weekend in a nice hotel, she would arrive to join me with a suitcase containing a few day's clothing, etc. and then go back to her life upon my departure. Of course, she never told me she was living with her boyfriend at the time; that I had to find out later thorough some unexpected coincidence.

I wonder how it is for Mr. S. in these respects....

[Aureus]

I think she should trust you to not snoop around.

On a completely different matter. Did you get the details of her 2nd encounter with Mr S from the thanksgiving trip? I bet it would be a hot update.

[BallSpanking]

Finally, I'll observe that when I first met her and began dating her, I found reasons to be in New York on business ... Of course, she never told me she was living with her boyfriend at the time; that I had to find out later thorough some unexpected coincidence.

In a way, that is an early form of HW'ing, though she might not have actually been married. It is also a good indicator of how it might work with Mr S.

[afagehi7]

Finally, I'll observe that when I first met her and began dating her, I found reasons to be in New York on business ... Of course, she never told me she was living with her boyfriend at the time; that I had to find out later thorough some unexpected coincidence.

In a way, that is an early form of HW'ing, though she might not have actually been married. It is also a good indicator of how it might work with Mr S.

As long as she doesn't leave fish for him like she did when fish was the other one. Hahahababababa

Just funning fish

[Parsifal]

Finally, I'll observe that when I first met her and began dating her, I found reasons to be in New York on business ... Of course, she never told me she was living with her boyfriend at the time; that I had to find out later thorough some unexpected coincidence.

In a way, that is an early form of HW'ing, though she might not have actually been married. It is also a good indicator of how it might work with Mr S.

As long as she doesn't leave fish for him like she did when fish was the other one. Hahahababababa

Just funning fish

Giving her an outlet through hotwifing can be the best hedge against what very well may be a tendency on her part to cycle through marriages or quasi-marriages. It seems to settle down when the couple recognizes NRE for what it is and the wife further recognizes the value of the existing marriage, which includes an arrangement whereby she doesn't need to upend her existence and start all over again with someone just to get her fix of NRE.

[slenderfish]

I think she should trust you to not snoop around.

On a completely different matter. Did you get the details of her 2nd encounter with Mr S from the thanksgiving trip? I bet it would be a hot update.

I'll go back and get that detail. She did summarize it during our "reclaim" but by the time we got to the 2nd night/encounter we already finished (if you know what I mean). I kind of held that 2nd night for the future.

The future is now (tonight or this weekend)!

[slenderfish]

Finally, I'll observe that when I first met her and began dating her, I found reasons to be in New York on business ... Of course, she never told me she was living with her boyfriend at the time; that I had to find out later thorough some unexpected coincidence.

In a way, that is an early form of HW'ing, though she might not have actually been married. It is also a good indicator of how it might work with Mr S.

Yes, my point entirely.

[slenderfish]

As long as she doesn't leave fish for him like she did when fish was the other one. Hahahababababa

Just funning fish

Good clean fun.

[slenderfish]

Giving her an outlet through hotwifing can be the best hedge against what very well may be a tendency on her part to cycle through marriages or quasi-marriages. It seems to settle down when the couple recognizes NRE for what it is and the wife further recognizes the value of the existing marriage, which includes an arrangement whereby she doesn't need to upend her existence and start all over again with someone just to get her fix of NRE.

Very good point.

I have to think that I've had at some deep level an awareness of this, ever since I decided to go back and pursue her a few years after having broken things off in 2002 when I did find out about the situation with her boyfriend.

[BallSpanking]

NRE's quickly become unsustainable if one party becomes too demanding of the other's time/availability.