Should I be worried?

[tojanman]

Bump. How was the weekend Shaun?

[Observer1931]

The one thing that no one wants to face is that
she "loves her bull" as well.
The reality of that statement is is that it could very easily go sideways and as the Bull has manipulated her so far, I would not feel very safe with a spouse who is that easy to control AND has those feelings. He may well come up on the short side of things, and before we get upset and claim otherwise, it does happen and happens a lot.
They'd be better off to find another bull because she isnt going to reign in her feelings and she sure as hell isn't going to let him know if they surpass what she has for him when it happens. And they will get stronger.
So perhaps any talk of divorce is premature, he should be prepared for what may come. Thats a very realistic view and one he should ponder.
Sex is one thing, emotions are a completely different beast and those are what can and do ruins marriages in these type of situations. Then again I also dont buy HW's that claim they love their husbands more than their BF's when they're off on weeks long vacations and hubby rarely gets any himself, not that they dont love their husbands but its more a "safe place, roof over my head type" at that point.

Some good thoughts.

[Shaun89]

Hi, just a quick update as I was browsing the site. To clarify she has had contact with him at the start telling him via text about her going quiet for a while etc and the few follow up texts leading from that.

He then text her to say he had arived safe and she asked if she could respond saying "great, have a good time" etc etc. One or two texts from that. No calls. As far as I know that has been it.

We've been discussing things as we go and she sees where she went wrong and I certainly see where I went wrong. We have been busy with work and on the evenings and weekends she hasn't really been on her phone and I've been with her most of the time so I don't think she is in secret contact with him. He's back at the end of this week but she hasn't mentioned that she wants to see him, so we'll see. I can't say for certain tbe fog has been lifted but it's appearing clearer. Maybe a morning mist hah.

[BigHotMess]

I think it’s good that you’re still being aware of communications.

They probably knew that they’d be problems when she got home so agreed together to lay low for a bit. The good news is that it does give you the isolation that you need to work on issues. The bad news is that it’s not really a great test of where you actually are. Words are great but action is better.

Thanks for checking in, we were worried about you!

[tojanman]

Shaun thanks again for dropping in to update us. It’s good to hear that you the wife are communicating and both accepting responsibility for how things progressed. I still believe that you and your wife should cut this guy out altogether.

I still feel like only with a clean break can you guys move forward, or else you and Ms. Shaun may end up falling back into the same pattern that got you here in the first place. The boyfriend is a very dominant personality and the problem is that he doesn’t switch it off so his need to control things extends beyond the bedroom. I say all this because while he might be really sexually compatible with your wife, his level of dominance, control, and intensity is definitely NOT compatible with your relationship or kink.

Stay strong Shaun! As an aside, how has the reconnection sex been with your wife? Are you finding her more sexual or has she withdrawn a bit since her week with the boyfriend has been cancelled? How has she attempted to address your concerns or let you know that you are still her #1 (beyond coming home). Has there been time for dates, romance, intimacy?

[Rabbit58]

Shaun thanks again for dropping in to update us. It’s good to hear that you the wife are communicating and both accepting responsibility for how things progressed. I still believe that you and your wife should cut this guy out altogether.

I still feel like only with a clean break can you guys move forward, or else you and Ms. Shaun may end up falling back into the same pattern that got you here in the first place. The boyfriend is a very dominant personality and the problem is that he doesn’t switch it off so his need to control things extends beyond the bedroom. I say all this because while he might be really sexually compatible with your wife, his level of dominance, control, and intensity is definitely NOT compatible with your relationship or kink.

Stay strong Shaun! As an aside, how has the reconnection sex been with your wife? Are you finding her more sexual or has she withdrawn a bit since her week with the boyfriend has been cancelled? How has she attempted to address your concerns or let you know that you are still her #1 (beyond coming home). Has there been time for dates, romance, intimacy?

I think the reconnection sex is super important, as it the reassurance I’m #1. When my wife says it she really means it and that just feels good to hear so directly.

I didn’t have great reconnection sex, I think I’d lose interest in this kink really fast.

[Observer1931]

You said that she has lots of clothes at his place. How does this compare with what is at your home quaintly and type, sexier, dressier. Even jewelry or gifts he has given her does she wear it often? Some one ask how is she acting towards you during these weeks he is gone. The sex etc. In all your talks do you feel he is the elephant in the room or do you feel she can discuss him freely and honestly? Seems that with him returning soon she must be thinking about what will happen. Seems that has not come up.

I will be thinking about you this week end. My very best to you.

[Observer1931]

Deleted duplicate.

[coastalkid]

Thanks first for keeping us up to date, that is very generous to make time for that. About her stuff at his place, has there been any talk of bringing that stuff back? It seems like a loose end that keeps the door open a little.

[tojanman]

How have things been Shaun, since boyfriend returned? He’s she mentioned wanting to see him again? Did they start communicating again?

[Blane]

Your marriage is over Shaun and the only question is how long until you realize it. You have far less to offer her than he does, and she is incapable of approaching this lifestyle with the maturity necessary. If she's lying to you and developing feelings, she's lost respect for you, and all three of you know it. In fact, they're getting off on doing things behind your back. You'll never trust her because you shouldn't, and she'll resent you for it. Even if you pretended to be supportive, you'll eventually figure out that she's emotionally manipulating you.

Right now you are her parent saying she's grounded and can't go out with her fun boyfriend. She might be putting on an act for you, but deep down her passion for him is going wild. When people who are hot for each other are forcibly separated, their passion grows, not diminishes.

Try this, hopefully when she's a little tipsy or low inhibitions: when you're initiating sex and you feel like she's a little cold, tell her that you've been thinking about it and you'll let her spend the weekend with him again. Take note of how excited she gets, and think to yourself if she's ever been that excited to see you in her life. Then consider hiring an attorney.

[Rabbit58]

Your marriage is over Shaun and the only question is how long until you realize it. You have far less to offer her than he does, and she is incapable of approaching this lifestyle with the maturity necessary. If she's lying to you and developing feelings, she's lost respect for you, and all three of you know it. In fact, they're getting off on doing things behind your back. You'll never trust her because you shouldn't, and she'll resent you for it. Even if you pretended to be supportive, you'll eventually figure out that she's emotionally manipulating you.

Right now you are her parent saying she's grounded and can't go out with her fun boyfriend. She might be putting on an act for you, but deep down her passion for him is going wild. When people who are hot for each other are forcibly separated, their passion grows, not diminishes.

Try this, hopefully when she's a little tipsy or low inhibitions: when you're initiating sex and you feel like she's a little cold, tell her that you've been thinking about it and you'll let her spend the weekend with him again. Take note of how excited she gets, and think to yourself if she's ever been that excited to see you in her life. Then consider hiring an attorney.

You make a lot of assumptions here - you don't know Shaun at all or "what he has to offer". Make sure you have facts before offering such strong opinions about someone's life.

[Serrand]

I can only agree with Rabbit58. Making such assumptions, like the guy before him, that is quite presumptuous.

Basically you Shaun are the only one here, who knows your wife. Noone here does. It doesn't mean you should be naive, but if you say your wife has been sincere in her feelings for you and that she still loves you more than him, than you can judge this, if it's true or not, certainly better than anyone else here, who has never meet you and your wife and only knows what you're telling here.

I best best wishes to you. And please keep us updated

[tojanman]

I agree with rabbit and Serrand. Only sith deal in absolutes. I’m cautiously optimistic that’s things are going good with Shauns wife

[Observer1931]

Well, it would be nice to get an update about the week end and general status of things

[BigHotMess]

I can only agree with Rabbit58. Making such assumptions, like the guy before him, that is quite presumptuous.

Basically you Shaun are the only one here, who knows your wife. Noone here does. It doesn't mean you should be naive, but if you say your wife has been sincere in her feelings for you and that she still loves you more than him, than you can judge this, if it's true or not, certainly better than anyone else here, who has never meet you and your wife and only knows what you're telling here.

I best best wishes to you. And please keep us updated

While I largely agree with this we also have one known variable - she also loves her boyfriend. Shaun has no way of knowing if she’s being pulled in other directions. His only option is the trust but verify approach.

While someone said that only Sith deal in absolutes, the other side of that coin said that complex issues require isolated, simple solutions. As it stands, the variables we *know* is that the boyfriend is an enemy of the marriage. He shot his shot and showed his hand. The fix requires the elimination of that variable until a time Shaun can say with 100% certainty that the issue is solved - likely no time soon. All he can do is put on his big boy pants and address the situation by eliminating the discrete problem on hand. Then he can move forward in addressing other issues.

This is all assuming that he puts his marriage over a sexual kink. Lots here don’t. I find it tragic.

[tojanman]

Bump. How are things Shaun? Has the boyfriend been cut lose?

[tojanman]

Bump again. Hope to hear from you Shaun

[anonymister1948]

How have things been going, Shaun? Can follow-up and let us know how your wife and her boyfriend are getting on?

[Ballaratguy]

Following

[Shaun89]

Hi all, I'm not dead! Just been a whirlwind of a few months! All the holidays, Covid, work. Apologies, but obviously this was lower on the 'to do' list than most things. Thanks for the private PMs of support too.

To be honest, nothing bad to report. She didn't speak to him for a little while and we were getting on well. I can't be certain they didn't speak but I didn't see any evidence of it and my senses were raised due to the situation so I feel I would have caught a hint of it, but I didn't. After a while, admittedly horny, I suggested if we maybe meet up again but I was way more involved this time, where she involves me whatever happens and not just watching. I said to contact to him to ask if he was up for it, and he was game, but took a little convincing. He said its fine but would like to book a hotel but take her to dinner whilst I wait for them in the room to return. I said fine, as ultimately all the 'sex' I would be present and they catch up. My wife asked me twice if this was ok and if I didn't want this to happen she wouldn't do it. So I'm feeling prettt secure.

But that's it, we never got further than that due to Covid, but we will hopefully arrange something soon as my wife and me to be honest) seems eager but won't do anything without my permission.

So yeah, that's where we are at!

[BigHotMess]

This is the issue with bad third parties. They believe that they are essential to the process. Why doesn’t she find a new 3rd who doesn’t make demands? Whatever he is telling your wife at dinner he should be comfortable telling you, as he specifically asked to disclude you.

Shit doesn’t make sense to me sometimes

[Shaun89]

It wasn't a demand, just a request. I saw it as them to get reacquainted before sex again, as it will have been potentially 6 months plus. It would be the hotel restaurant and didn't say I couldn't go, but I don't want to and make it feel awkward. He took a little convincing in general as he didn't want to necessarily interfere withour marriage, which I thought was a good sign. The rate it's going it probably won't happen anyway as the talk about it has pettered out. We have started to look again for another third but impossible at the moment.

[54321]

Your marriage is over Shaun and the only question is how long until you realize it. You have far less to offer her than he does, and she is incapable of approaching this lifestyle with the maturity necessary. If she's lying to you and developing feelings, she's lost respect for you, and all three of you know it. In fact, they're getting off on doing things behind your back. You'll never trust her because you shouldn't, and she'll resent you for it. Even if you pretended to be supportive, you'll eventually figure out that she's emotionally manipulating you.

Right now you are her parent saying she's grounded and can't go out with her fun boyfriend. She might be putting on an act for you, but deep down her passion for him is going wild. When people who are hot for each other are forcibly separated, their passion grows, not diminishes.

Try this, hopefully when she's a little tipsy or low inhibitions: when you're initiating sex and you feel like she's a little cold, tell her that you've been thinking about it and you'll let her spend the weekend with him again. Take note of how excited she gets, and think to yourself if she's ever been that excited to see you in her life. Then consider hiring an attorney.

Thank you. You've been a tower of strength.

[BigHotMess]

It wasn't a demand, just a request. I saw it as them to get reacquainted before sex again, as it will have been potentially 6 months plus. It would be the hotel restaurant and didn't say I couldn't go, but I don't want to and make it feel awkward. He took a little convincing in general as he didn't want to necessarily interfere withour marriage, which I thought was a good sign. The rate it's going it probably won't happen anyway as the talk about it has pettered out. We have started to look again for another third but impossible at the moment.

Well that’s better! It looks like Covid is kind of a gift horse. This is why breaks are good. It sounds like you have a bit more terra firma under you now.