POLL How many hotwife relationships go bad?

[Bound2bmine]

I think it affects more marriages than you think. People just don't hang around here to talk about it.

[Hooker]

No clue, but a guess if I may.

If 50% or a little less of marriages end in divorce I would extrapolate that in this lifestyle the figure is somewhat lower, perhaps around 35% .

Why do I assume this? Because a HW relationship takes a lot of honest communion at so many levels for it to work, and unless one of the partners is forced and really does not go for it this will strengthen the bonds.

It also adds quite some spice and that helps too

Just a guess

[traycir]

Very good post, Zorro. There is a lot of truth to what you say--especially the last paragraph.

Just because the subject interests me, I've done a lot of googling on it, and the bottom line is that nobody really knows what the real divorce rate for ANYBODY is. One report that is often cited is a subsequently discredited study that simply compared the number of marriages in a given year with the number of divorces in that same year (2.4 million marriages; 1.2 million divorces = a 50% divorce rate).

But here's a quote from a New York Times article: "For instance, the widely quoted 50% divorce rate in the US probably came from a best-guess prediction that has yet to come true, or from a shortcut method of comparing the number of divorces and marriages in the same year. This is not considered to be an accurate method for assessing the divorce rate because it does not compare equivalent groups. In 1980, for example, older couples may have been divorcing at a high rate because of the introduction of no-fault divorce laws, while younger couples might have been putting off marriage because more women were pursuing careers. Even if the number of marriages that year were twice the number of divorces, that is not the same thing as saying that half of all marriages end in divorce."

Hey Zona, good post, I believe that a lot of the statistics we quote are really just educated guesses, or mare accurately guesses made by the educated using the limited data available. Anyway, the real point of this message is to say HAPPY HOLIDAYS, and a very happy, prosperous new year to you and yours!
Tom

The American Psychological Association puts the divorce rate for first marriages at 40-50%, but admits that is at best an educated guess. They go on to opine that subsequent marriages have a higher divorce rate than first marriages.

As far as I can tell, there are no learned studies comparing the rates for "vanilla" marriages with "hotwife" marriages. Probably the best thing we have to go on is what we see right here on these pages.

The problem with that is, in my view at least, most hotwife marriages that fail never go reported here. People just stop posting. However I know for dead certain fact that some hotwife marriages fail because the wife leaves her husband for her boyfriend. But I have no statistical evidence of what that rate might be. My guess is that it is higher than people here like to pretend it is.

However, as Zorro so eloquently points out, if the marriage is on rock solid footing before hotwifing it is probably very likely that the marriage will survive and even thrive.

On the other hand, as others have pointed out on this thread, "If you play with fire, you might very well get burned".

Play safe out there everyone. And try to remember two things: (1). Hotwifing is supposed to enhance the marriage; not harm it; and (2) The marriage always, ALWAYS comes first!

[SSQ]

The real question is, how many failed marriages can be attributed to hotwifing?

My marriage ended. Hotwifing wasn't the issue.

[love84]

Great and important thread. Thanks to all who contribute.

It takes a special union to do this well. If one or the other is a bit off, trouble will likely ensue.

I've often read that not everyone is cut out for the hw thing for various reasons but the ones I don't hear discussed much are those mentioned in this thread. Dishonesty, emotionally instability, alcoholism. Add hw'ing to that and you have one dangerously potent cocktail....one that has a great chance to lead to drama that is the opposite of hot.

[cuckndsuck]

My GF left me for another guy but it had nothing to do with our lifestyle. He was not even involved in our plays. Our relationship outside bed was sometimes really tough and it seemed well before it wont be happy end.

I still would not consider this "hotwife relationship went bad", it actually went good since I split up with person I wasnt meant to spent my life with.

[MrsTruckstar]

Agree with Ares I can see a pattern emerging Also it is by nature of the HW relationship that many of us keep the fact that we are 'HotWifes' secret except to those that are engaged ith horizontal gymnastics with us. So very difficult to manage.

A controversial point:
If it goes wrong it is not really a HW relationship, as a truly HW relationship is secure. So if something that was purple is now blue, it is no longer blue. Confusing I thought so.

I do think that some people use the veil of HWing to start something extramarital as a get out plan. therefore it appeared purple but was really brown, like poo.

If this post is too complex, pretend i have had too much Christmas mulled wine and move on.

[aspmroikle]

I put the same as vanilla. I had one go bad in the first six months of hotwifing and one that is perfect after 6 years!

[ambershere]

For me this is a complex question for there are so many variables that can/could effect a marriage. To say that one reason is stronger than another is know only to that couple for they live this every day..When emotions are involved all bets are off( my view) but to say that HW causes more or may cause a higher divorce rate can never be validated.. It seems to me HW or not if there is no trust,love and communication that relationship is doomed for failure at some point some divorce others find reason to stay in the relationship and be miserable.. I hope i did not offend anyone with my view for that was not intention..

[subguy80]

Assuming that couples open their marriage when their marriage is strong, then I don't think the "failure rate" is any higher than a vanilla marriage. The problem is when a marriage is already in trouble and they decide to open it. That will generally only make the marriage worse.

I have absolutely no data, but my own take is that when couples permit themselves to have sex outside of their marriage (in whatever manner that works for them) then it makes a strong marriage stronger. Done correctly, with LOTS of communication, it can take the pressure off any cheating or need to explore or see if the "grass is greener," because sex in an open marriage is just fun when done right. Sex is a strong urge, so figure out a way to incorporate it into a marriage. Personally, I think the divorce rate is lower and certainly not higher for open marriages.

[ArizonaGuy]

The real question is, how many failed marriages can be attributed to hotwifing?

My marriage ended. Hotwifing wasn't the issue.

My first marriage ended, and Hotwifing also was not the issue. She decided she wanted her married supervisor and left me for him. I have no doubt she was fucking him on the side.

[Samanthasman]

I was curious and for the past 4 months I've been reading and compiling Reddit posting histories of hotwife husbands and wives, and so far, only approx. 30% are still active (posting).
The ones I classify as failures(approx. 70%) have either deleted their profile or gone dormant.
I've also noted that in the 30% still posting, more than half are less than 1 year in the lifestyle and those that are 1 year +(and more) in the lifestyle and still posting, more than half do not post about their wives dates with single males anymore, which raises questions about the condition of their marriage.

I'd say their is little or no correlation between people dropping out of a forum and their relationships being in trouble.

I think a lot of people just stop posting after a while for all sort of reasons that may have nothing to do with their marriage being in trouble.

My wife, and the majority of the woman on this forum (and a lot of the guys), have been chased away by a small number of what I call "haters" and "judgers" on here. These are mostly guys, sometimes not even in the lifestyle, that judge and criticize people's stories and threads. Eventually the person posting just stops. This happened to my wife, for example. She gone and will never return, but our marriage is great. I myself am much more careful what I post. I keep it light and happy, or don't post at all.

Other people just get bored posting. After a while the stories and questions get repetitive and people lost interest, even though they may still be active in the lifestyle.

Other people find other forums and places to hang out.

Other times the lifestyle becomes dormant. The marriage goes back to vanilla, and their is no reason to post about it... or in some cases the guys are frustrated and maybe even a little depressed that their wives are no longer into it (or never were into it) and they guys realize that hanging about on a forum like this will just cause them to be more depressed about their situation.

[ambershere]

I don't usually post on threads but this topic caught my attention, without any real stat's my view is that it would be nearly impossible to give proper numbers...Reasons for divorce vary for each couple and what they feel stops them for finding solutions to save the marriage.. Again this is just a general observation but this lifestyle is no more dangerous for he knows about it, and for the most part wants her to be into and more, Cheating to me takes the steam out of the marriage for there is a betrayal of trust, even then at times there is forgiveness and the marriage continues...Is there a chance she can fall in love and divorce of course,will we ever know nope. I agree with others that some stop posting because it becomes to tiresome,they took a break for the LS,got tired of naysayers who are not into the LS yet tell them how they should live..I will add if there marriage had some breaks in it and somehow think this LS will save it, i don't see it successful(that's my view) it's like when you hear a couple have a child thinking somehow it will save the marriage..If it's broken it's broken..It's better to move on than be miserable(while sometimes easier said than done)...Again this is just me,every person man and woman and every marriage is different and only they know what will or will not work in their life..

[bjaficionado]

About half of marriages end in divorce in the first place. And I haven't seen stats for the number of people that stop posting on message boards, but I imagine that number is pretty high. And I myself stopped posting for a year or so because we just weren't doing anything.

That being said, I definitely think that it's incredibly easy to let this fetish spin out of control. Both partners have to have a certain attitude about things, and so do each of the people that they meet with. I wouldn't go so far as to say there are particular rules that should always be followed, but I definitely think that not following rules makes things much harder to be successful.

[Zona]

I dont think this a fair poll as many poeple that used to be here and had a bad relationship are no longer here>>

I know of several couples who i used to have regular contact with are no long involved with the site...

This. The majority of the hotwife couples from this site that I know well are now divorced. At LEAST 70% of them. I still communicate with most of them.

BTW, an article written by Bella DePaulo Ph.D. in Psychology Today puts the actual overall divorce rate not at 50%, as commonly believed, but rather 42-45% and declining.

[Samanthasman]

I dont think this a fair poll as many poeple that used to be here and had a bad relationship are no longer here>>

I know of several couples who i used to have regular contact with are no long involved with the site...

This. The majority of the hotwife couples from this site that I know well are now divorced. At LEAST 70% of them. I still communicate with most of them.

BTW, an article written by Bella DePaulo Ph.D. in Psychology Today puts the actual overall divorce rate not at 50%, as commonly believed, but rather 42-45% and declining.

I'm not trying to be a cheerleader here, but, per my prior posting, there are LOTs of reasons that people stop posting here that have nothing to do with good or bad marriages.

Zona - in my opinion, you tend to connect with people on here that are reaching out for help. You are one of those guys. Nothing wrong with that. But, the people reaching out for help are much more likely to be in trouble in their marriage.

We all see the "I need advice, my wife is doing things we did not agree to" postings. Yeah, those guys have a problem and that problem is likely to manifest into a bigger problem.

I don't think anyone here can post relevant statistics on this question.

I am personally of the school that this lifestyle can help and good relationship and hurt a bad one. It can amplify either one, and make it more of that.

I am also of the opinion that, on occasion, it can hurt a good relationship and help a bad relationship.
- On occasion we hear of a cheating wife in a marriage on it's way to divorce, I which the husband embraces the cheating and the husband and wife reach an agreement that they both enjoy around her being with other men
- On occasion we hear about a good marriage, in which the wife starts fucking a new guy, and something about that new guy is so magical that the wife wants hi over the current husband

And on occasion bored spouses in vanilla marriages (husbands or wives) go onto online dating sites and start affairs that lead to b break ups of marriages.

[shall54]

I'm far from being an expert, but what I've seen and read is that to start on a HW relationship with your wife, your relationship needs to be solid, and have extremely good communication with each other. Going into this thinking it will fix a troubled relationship will spell disaster! That being said, I think that a HW relationship based on a great relationship foundation is less likely to fail than your average non-HW relationship.

[bradisalpha]

I'm far from being an expert, but what I've seen and read is that to start on a HW relationship with your wife, your relationship needs to be solid, and have extremely good communication with each other. Going into this thinking it will fix a troubled relationship will spell disaster! That being said, I think that a HW relationship based on a great relationship foundation is less likely to fail than your average non-HW relationship.

I agree. The ones that do not have a good relationship are bound to divorce anyway. So instead of her cheating she gets her husband to approve of hot wifing and as soon as she finds a BF she likes she is gone. Six one, half dozen the other !!

With the divorce rate over 50 percent, the failed are just a part of that number... one of the many reasons for divorce.

On the other hand, there is no way to determine how many marriages are saved by hot wife/cuckold relationships. I think the biggest thing that is attributed to hot wife/ cuckold relationships saving marriages is that the hot wife and the cuckold both know who they are.. they are living out their fantasies so they don’t have to divorce looking for something else or more.

Funny, but most people who get divorced.. one or both are chasing their fantasies (grass is always greener in the other side) because they could not live their fantasies together. This lifestyle fixes that. At the end of the day, everything revolves around Sex !!!

My thoughts ...

Brad

[hwc]

Monagamous wrote:

"Second marriage - she didn't want to do any swapping - no other women. We went to swingers clubs - and she got pissed when I joined in with other women. But she LOVED MFM (and MMF). And - she loved the hotwife scenario ... I enjoyed the benefits of the hotwife scenario - when she was out - so could I be - you see. Again - she got hung up on one bull - and asked if I minded if they got an apartment together ... can you believe that? Anyway - after our divorce, she married him - and as far as I know dropped out of the scene altogether"...

Wow! Sounds fascinating, would you be interested in starting your own post where you tell the whole story? If not, could you start a shorter explanation of what happened, how it started and evolved?

Also, do you miss the hotwife lifestyle now? If so, what do you miss about it?

[overmyhead]

Isn’t this poll skewed? You’re asking people that are on this site, most are active members of this lifestyle and therefore are predisposed to minimize the role HW activities play in divorce. Surely there are many that have lost their spouse, or left their spouse that are not represented here.

[Parsifal]

The social science on this question is about as valid as the epidemiological studies on COVID19. The info gathering, how the questions are worded and categories defined, sample sizes, credibility of answers, representativeness of samples - all are big variables baked into the conclusions. So even if the answers here are based on a second hand impression of the pseudo science out there, rather than complete speculation or anecdote, this survey terribly cloudy.

That said, my impression is to echo some of these comments in saying that 1. any long term relationship poses problems associated with the fact that because people indivudually change over time, for better or worse, the dynamics of their relationship change, 2. hotwifing as a lifestyle is on essence an agreement concerning intimacy, and for a couple to even have the capacity to make such an agreement presupposes a higher than average level of openness, 3. secrecy, deceit, and inauthenticity are major causative factors in the breakdown of many marriages, so hotwifing can be a hedge against the development of secret lusts that might otherwise morph into alienation and affairs, 4. people who gravitate toward open marriages tend to be free spirits to start with, not the average rule follower, and thus, less likely to stay in unsatisfactory marriages than vanilla people who stick it out, 5. people engaged in this lifestyle put a very high emphasis of sexual satisfaction and are willing to invest a lot of energy in arranging for those needs to be fully satisfied, whereas the vanilla population is more of a mixed bag in that regard, with a lot of dead batteries keeping the numbers in that group skewed more toward complacency. Hotwifing relationships are at risk of "going bad" for the same sort of reasons as vanilla ones. Some people grow apart; some have character defects, like incurable alcoholism and narcissism; others are compulsive liars - hotwifing is in those situations a coincidence, not a cause, of the relationship going bad. But while hotwifing can make some marriages better, it poses some very different challenges, and thus, it can undermine the marriage in ways not common with vanilla marriage failures. I've written on the need for compartmentalization in hotwifing relationships, which some people have more difficulty with than others. This is a function of emotional and intellectual makeup, and both partners must possess those skills to a very high degree, plus the capacity of trust, and supreme love for each other, and ability to communicate with each other to the nth degree. So in short, couples that can take on this kind of "trauma" and thrive are couples whose marriages are pretty damned strong to start with and highly unlikely to go bad.

[overmyhead]

The social science on this question is about as valid as the epidemiological studies on COVID19. The info gathering, how the questions are worded and categories defined, sample sizes, credibility of answers, representativeness of samples - all are big variables baked into the conclusions. So even if the answers here are based on a second hand impression of the pseudo science out there, rather than complete speculation or anecdote, this survey terribly cloudy.

That said, my impression is to echo some of these comments in saying that 1. any long term relationship poses problems associated with the fact that because people indivudually change over time, for better or worse, the dynamics of their relationship change, 2. hotwifing as a lifestyle is on essence an agreement concerning intimacy, and for a couple to even have the capacity to make such an agreement presupposes a higher than average level of openness, 3. secrecy, deceit, and inauthenticity are major causative factors in the breakdown of many marriages, so hotwifing can be a hedge against the development of secret lusts that might otherwise morph into alienation and affairs, 4. people who gravitate toward open marriages tend to be free spirits to start with, not the average rule follower, and thus, less likely to stay in unsatisfactory marriages than vanilla people who stick it out, 5. people engaged in this lifestyle put a very high emphasis of sexual satisfaction and are willing to invest a lot of energy in arranging for those needs to be fully satisfied, whereas the vanilla population is more of a mixed bag in that regard, with a lot of dead batteries keeping the numbers in that group skewed more toward complacency. Hotwifing relationships are at risk of "going bad" for the same sort of reasons as vanilla ones. Some people grow apart; some have character defects, like incurable alcoholism and narcissism; others are compulsive liars - hotwifing is in those situations a coincidence, not a cause, of the relationship going bad. But while hotwifing can make some marriages better, it poses some very different challenges, and thus, it can undermine the marriage in ways not common with vanilla marriage failures. I've written on the need for compartmentalization in hotwifing relationships, which some people have more difficulty with than others. This is a function of emotional and intellectual makeup, and both partners must possess those skills to a very high degree, plus the capacity of trust, and supreme love for each other, and ability to communicate with each other to the nth degree. So in short, couples that can take on this kind of "trauma" and thrive are couples whose marriages are pretty damned strong to start with and highly unlikely to go bad.

I have to disagree with you’re first proposition:
Having the discussion does not necessarily presuppose openness. In enough cases (in my opinion and from some of the accounts here) there is more often an element of coercion based on a disproportionate power in the relationship that gives the husband the sense that he has license to realize his wishes to see his wife fucked by others. He convinces her over time that she should want this too and so she tried it. This is not openness as I see it. This is one person coercing another into performing for them to satisfy their fetish of objectifying their wife as an abstraction. Some, perhaps you Parsifal, come to this lifestyle from a desire to give your wife something she already wants; something you share together. This is different than the dynamic I describe above and therefore is not about one person wielding power over another.

[Parsifal]

I have to disagree with you’re first proposition:
Having the discussion does not necessarily presuppose openness. In enough cases (in my opinion and from some of the accounts here) there is more often an element of coercion based on a disproportionate power in the relationship that gives the husband the sense that he has license to realize his wishes to see his wife fucked by others. He convinces her over time that she should want this too and so she tried it. This is not openness as I see it. This is one person coercing another into performing for them to satisfy their fetish of objectifying their wife as an abstraction. Some, perhaps you Parsifal, come to this lifestyle from a desire to give your wife something she already wants; something you share together. This is different than the dynamic I describe above and therefore is not about one person wielding power over another.

Yours is a great insight. Admittedly, my musings on the subject arise out of my limited perspective, and the thought of manipulating a woman into hotwifing against her instinct is outside of the box for me. But now that I consider it, I can see how that's a very real way for the whole thing to operate in a way that's contrary to the openness that benefits a marriage positively.
The same is true, I suppose, for marriages in which the husband is coerced to grant the wife sexual license against his will but is too meek to walk out. And in those cases, there are mis-matched libidos, fetishes, and the same kinds of disconnecting elements we see in vanilla marriages that cause them to "go bad."

[blind sided hubby]

There is stress in all marriages, but the HW marriage seems to have somewhat more stress built into it. The risks of losing your wife to another is much more than a normal marriage. the husband may have dreams of his wife with another but sooner or later she is going to find a lover who is better than he is.
The husband will find he is secondary in her life , many men can't take that kind of stress.
This kind of stress can be found in all relationships where the wife has other lovers not just the HW relationship.

[PANTIES]

There is very little stress in our lives since we belong to a dominate man. We have completely surrendered ourselves to her lover.

Pauline