She has done things with lover and refuses to do the same with me...

[parklife]

So you're the arbiter of what's important in a relationship? Good to know. He doesn't seem to think his feelings are just minutia.
As far as it not being an issue before hotwifing, thats ridiculous. She says she doesn't give head, he's ok. She says I just don't do it for you, different deal.

If that’s what your getting out of my replies in this thread, then I don’t really think there’s a point in continuing to respond.

He asked for advice, I gave some and that’s that. That’s my take on it. I offered my perspective and if he chooses to ignore it, so be it. He hasn’t responded to anything in this thread for over two weeks. Regardless, I stand by my advice to get over himself and deal with his jealousy that causes his sourness and anger.

[livinglife]

I had an experience last weekend that immediately springs to mind when talking about things that my wife has done in the past with her lover but refused to do with me.
We were having sex and she told me she wanted to shoot my cum all over her body.

I happily obliged covering her tits with my cum . Still feeling horny I then put my mouth to her tits and started licking the cum from them .
She happily moaned and said you kinky B.

I then filled my mouth with cum and went in for a kiss.

She immediately turned her head away and said awww Nooooo! in a she was disgusted sort of way.

At that very point of rejection I had an immediate flashback to a video she had made with a past Bull where he came in a champagne glass, handed it to her .
and she greedily drank it all up then went straight to his mouth where they passionately kissed and went on to exchanged the cum from her mouth to his and back again for a minute or two.

I never said anything at the time but I had a smile and thought to myself double standards or what lol
(I may bring it up in a conversation in the future, as an amusing example of how slutty she can become with dominant guys )

[Wifesharing]

There is nothing my wife does that if i pushed for it she wouldn't also do with me. The thing is for me if I have to push then its not the same.

Most guys have a bit of a difference to how to have sex with a woman, plus it comes down to how two people come together, There are things the other men might just approach or do different that she enjoys but I don't do it the same way and it is not as enjoyable. Anal well i have no desire to fuck a woman in the ass and my wife has a few times taken it in the ass i don't take this as a slight. For me I fully understand that there are thing her and I do well together and works for us and not with others. Some things don't work for us but for some reason with others it just does (My wife is not the same with every lover she has). She also has been married to me for 20 years she knows what pleases me how much she has to do and what she can not do and I still be pleased. When she is with a new guy it is all new learning things doing more to please him because she wants to impress, she knows I am impressed already.

I do think advice of get over it is good, don't over think it, it is not really about what you think it is about. It is easy to go down the dark road in your mind and ruin things over stuff when you look back you will be like oh shit I saw that wrong.

Communication is good however if you can't get over these things then you should talk to her tell her, maybe you two should re think the lifestyle. I have yet to watch my wife have sex or hear about her sex and in my head going yep that went 100% the way I thought it out and planned it. Things rarely go fully as fantasized, plus it is totally natural for a women to react to another man different he is not touching her or speaking to her in the same way as you. Plus this is ll about sex and you and her have a entire life of stuff that has nothing to do with sex, when you think of it sex makes up a small part of a good relationship.

I do understand how you can feel bad or left out, if that is the case understand your feelings are yours and if you feel if she will not do certain things with you then you can't handle it you should both agree to stop. It is just as much about you as her both of your feelings and thought are equally important. Understand though she is probably being 100% honest when she says she did all that for you thinking that is what you wanted, and now that she crossed her limits to please you you are mad at her, try to make sure you can understand how she feels.

[tractorman2]

The OP post and his views are familiar to me too, i suspect that his HW sees him now as her loving husband, less or even not as her lover. I have grown to realise that the two, husband and lover are different. Mrs TM2 displays the same traits as he discribes and always has done so i know where he is coming from.

There is pain, upset and disappointment, sexual fustration and the like, Mrs TM2 view when i mentioned this was hardly helpful even in the early days when we were in our 20s with her phrase "go sort yourself out"

I once read an article on here about respect, how does a wife view her husband that allows her to have lovers? does she loose respect for him?
i suspect she maybe does whilst at the same time tasking advantage of the green light her husband has given her.

Over time i got over this thankfully with Mrs TM2 wanting me to be included in her plays, not physcially but to be there see and enjoy. or at least to know with updates and wanted my permission.

Its a dangerous game we play, respect is vital as is communication, love and trust its not a lifestyle for many even if wannabes think they can cope and want this. Over the years i have thought she sees me more of a brother figure to her than a lover, then again a brother wouldnt see and experience what i do. She was shocked at me saying this.

Over time for us 34 years i have learn to enjoy the mental stimulation, have been feminised to a degree and we are closer and more in love than we ever have been, it can work but communication and honestly is vital, as is the acceptance that your wife is just that she is someone elses slut.

[bob44044]

All those on here that make excuses for the wife are just plan wrong. Your just enablers. You make every excuse for the wife and have little sympathy for the husband. There should be absolutely nothing that the wife won't do for her husband that she will do with her lover. That's a betrayal. Anything less, then they should not be in the lifestyle.

[sml_peterBR]

My wife says that sex with other men is different than sex with me.
With me, sex has an emotional connection and there's more caring and passion involved.
With other men, she feels more free be naughty, to explore fantasies, to be submissive and her focus is more on physical aspects. The other men she dates uses to perform better than me either, which helps them to get what they want from her.
The things she has done with other men and not with me are swallowing ther ir cum and receiving facials. I felt jealous, of course. I understand your point but I also understand the wife perspective.
There are some things that despite I find exciting (like facials), I don't feel confortable to try with my wife (would love to do it with other women, if I was allowed).

[radio4ron]

My wife is fairly vanilla when she has sex with other men. She will not allow anything anal with anyone but me. I wish she'd give it up to others because her anus is the best I've ever experienced!

[SSQ]

Your spouse doesn't owe you any specific sex acts, for any reason, period. Ever.

Why on earth would anyone want to have specific sex acts with their spouse that they weren't interested in doing with you, anyway? Duty sex would be that appealing? I cannot even imagine enjoying a sex act that I knew my partner didn't want to do with me and was only doing it because I whined or complained.

[Wifesharing]

Your spouse doesn't owe you any specific sex acts, for any reason, period. Ever.

Why on earth would anyone want to have specific sex acts with their spouse that they weren't interested in doing with you, anyway? Duty sex would be that appealing? I cannot even imagine enjoying a sex act that I knew my partner didn't want to do with me and was only doing it because I whined or complained.

I agree. I add that pretty much everyone I ever had sex with it was different and there are things I did with some I didn't do with others, the way two people come together is always bit different. There are things I did with women before my wife I can't imagine doing with her, not because I don't want to give her that it is because our sexual flow and chemistry together just make it different.

[R_H_NC]

Your spouse doesn't owe you any specific sex acts, for any reason, period. Ever.

Why on earth would anyone want to have specific sex acts with their spouse that they weren't interested in doing with you, anyway? Duty sex would be that appealing? I cannot even imagine enjoying a sex act that I knew my partner didn't want to do with me and was only doing it because I whined or complained.

Maybe there is a point being missed here. Just not sure where that mistake, if so, lies.

"Whining' and complaining.......for sure a negative thing. That the situation exists that the husband feels he must 'whine' or complain.......equally a negative thing.

The minute he brings up her not doing things with him she does with others completely negates her argument that she is "doing it for him". I think it fairly obvious that is, frankly, bullshit.

Sure, it will never be, and probably shouldn't be, a one-for-one trade off. I agree, as some have pointed out, that every sexual relationship is different. I for one am not sure how Dom I could be. I can, and have pushed limits in the past but no of dominant BDSM practitioners who really push limits (all consensual). This is apples and oranges to what the OP brought up. He isn't speaking of something he is uncomfortable with and frankly, I am not buying the 'I do this for you' excuse. She could equally not do these things she states she doesn't like and tell her husband that is the way it will be. He might still have hurt feelings of unfilled cuck kinks but the situation would have more credibility than it does now.

It's not a black and white issue................on either side of this situation, despite attempts to paint it that way.

[2inUPMichigan]

This thread was started in February.
I asked the OP several questions a few days after he posted but he not only didn't answer me, he hasn't come back to post in this thread at all since February.

He last signed on in August.....
It us now October.
I wonder if this thread will still be active the next time he signs in

[SSQ]

Your spouse doesn't owe you any specific sex acts, for any reason, period. Ever.

Why on earth would anyone want to have specific sex acts with their spouse that they weren't interested in doing with you, anyway? Duty sex would be that appealing? I cannot even imagine enjoying a sex act that I knew my partner didn't want to do with me and was only doing it because I whined or complained.

Maybe there is a point being missed here. Just not sure where that mistake, if so, lies.

"Whining' and complaining.......for sure a negative thing. That the situation exists that the husband feels he must 'whine' or complain.......equally a negative thing.

The minute he brings up her not doing things with him she does with others completely negates her argument that she is "doing it for him". I think it fairly obvious that is, frankly, bullshit.

Sure, it will never be, and probably shouldn't be, a one-for-one trade off. I agree, as some have pointed out, that every sexual relationship is different. I for one am not sure how Dom I could be. I can, and have pushed limits in the past but no of dominant BDSM practitioners who really push limits (all consensual). This is apples and oranges to what the OP brought up. He isn't speaking of something he is uncomfortable with and frankly, I am not buying the 'I do this for you' excuse. She could equally not do these things she states she doesn't like and tell her husband that is the way it will be. He might still have hurt feelings of unfilled cuck kinks but the situation would have more credibility than it does now.

It's not a black and white issue................on either side of this situation, despite attempts to paint it that way.

Oh, it's pretty black and white. Maybe there's specific energy/desire to do specific sex acts with a specific person. Maybe there's other reasons.

No one should have to justify why they want to do acts with one partner but not another. It's their body, they can share it how they like with who they like. A respectful partner won't push once their partner says no.

"Whining' and complaining.......for sure a negative thing. That the situation exists that the husband feels he must 'whine' or complain.......equally a negative thing.

No, that's pretty ridiculous. He never "must" whine or complain. He could just be an adult and accept that he's not entitled to his partner's body.

[R_H_NC]

Oh, it's pretty black and white. Maybe there's specific energy/desire to do specific sex acts with a specific person. Maybe there's other reasons.
No one should have to justify why they want to do acts with one partner but not another. It's their body, they can share it how they like with who they like. A respectful partner won't push once their partner says no.

No such explanation was ever mentioned. You are making things out of whole cloth.

This was the only mention of the reason (excuse) his wife gave him. She is only doing it to fulfill his fantasy.

Allegedly, she says that was fulfilling my fantasy with someone else but she is not into this. Some examples are: lover slapping her ass (and she asking for more) while if I do this she will be upset. Another is making her lover to cum in her mouth while she refuses me to cum on her mouth. Or she has player with the lovers cum and lick it entirely using her fingers while refuses even to touch my cum.

And, he isn’t buying it

I believe there is more to do this and I would like to hear your opinion - have you experienced the same? How did you move on or resolved the issue?

And many who posted here aren’t buying it either.

No, that's pretty ridiculous. He never "must" whine or complain. He could just be an adult and accept that he's not entitled to his partner's body.

Or, evidently entitled to her concern for his feelings.

No one has ever said he is 'entitled to her body'. That is just silly. This "my body, my decision" is a very specious argument. I can see why, though, you would insist it's a black and white issue.

[anonymister1948]

SSQ wrote in another thread:

Honestly? I've told my husband if he ever finds a chick that sucks cock better than I do, tell me so I can learn what she's doing that he likes so much. Why wouldn't I want to be the best lover I can for the man I love?

I think in a fully open marriage, where one partner would do things with someone else and not with their spouse, those sexual needs and/or wants can be fulfilled with another person. In the case of the OP, who we don't really know about but since we're talking in hypotheticals anyway, those unmet needs can't be fulfilled if the marriage is open only on one side, which is a typical hotwife arrangement. If we use the example that SSQ provided in the quote above if this other woman sucks cock so much better than she, and if that technique or whatever it is didn't appeal to her she could say, That's great and her husband wouldn't be offended. And if he did things with her meta (sorry Facebook - (you assholes)) and decided it wasn't something he'd be comfortable to do with her, she could get those needs met somewhere else.

I'm not sure this adds OR subtracts clarity from this argument!

[2inUPMichigan]

The OP sounds like he was just blowing off steam in his post. If he was really looking for advice he would have responded or commented on at least one of the posts in the past 8 months.

[flyonthewall]

Yeah, I think the OP was either trolling or just needed to vent ... at least some of the advice here is good.

I don't fuck the same with every woman I've been with. I didn't go down on every woman I've been with. I'm sure my wife feels the same with her dates. She's going to be more submissive or adventurous depending on who she's with. I'm ok with that because I'm not ranking her orifices by points ... 10pts for creampie in pussy, 20pts for ass, 30pts for mouth.

I know she doesn't enjoy oral sex with me so I'd be over the moon to hear she enjoyed the experience with her lover. If she consents to anal with him then great - I know she doesn't enjoy that with me so it would be a new experience for her. Part of what makes her more willing to try new things with her lover is the new relationship energy and desire to please him. That's fine by me as I'm turned on when I know she's having a good time. She's still pleasing me in bed.

[SSQ]

SSQ wrote in another thread:

Honestly? I've told my husband if he ever finds a chick that sucks cock better than I do, tell me so I can learn what she's doing that he likes so much. Why wouldn't I want to be the best lover I can for the man I love?

I think in a fully open marriage, where one partner would do things with someone else and not with their spouse, those sexual needs and/or wants can be fulfilled with another person. In the case of the OP, who we don't really know about but since we're talking in hypotheticals anyway, those unmet needs can't be fulfilled if the marriage is open only on one side, which is a typical hotwife arrangement. If we use the example that SSQ provided in the quote above if this other woman sucks cock so much better than she, and if that technique or whatever it is didn't appeal to her she could say, That's great and her husband wouldn't be offended. And if he did things with her meta (sorry Facebook - (you assholes)) and decided it wasn't something he'd be comfortable to do with her, she could get those needs met somewhere else.

I'm not sure this adds OR subtracts clarity from this argument!

Yes, that's true- but the point I wanted to make is that people are not need-filling machines. I am not entitled to a specific act or behaviour of any sort from my partner (not just sexual) just because I want it and they do it with someone else. You see this on the infidelity message boards all the time- my wayward spouse did anal (it's almost always anal, for some reason) with their affair partner, so now I think they should do anal with me.

No one should ever have to justify not wanting to do a specific sex act with a partner. Full stop. If they don't want to, it doesn't matter if you're mono and can't get it elsewhere. If it's that important to you, then end the relationship and get it elsewhere. Expecting a partner to do something with you just because they do it with someone else is potentially coercive, but definitely displaying a sense of entitlement. You can ask, but if they say no, then that should be the end of it. Their reasons are irrelevant. Again, why would you want to have sex with someone who isn't into doing it with you, no matter what their reason is?

I want to have a MFM with my husband and boyfriend. They both know this. Boyfriend is up for it, husband is not. I've had lots of 3 ways with my husband in the past, but he is not interested in this particular threesome. I don't get to whine or say well you've had them with me before, why not now? Husband knows I want to do the thing, and if he ever changes his mind about it, I'm sure I'll be the first (or possibly second!) to know it.

If he has another partner and goes and has a 3 way with them and someone else? Still doesn't change the fact that he can say no to me.

[iloanmywife]

SSQ wrote in another thread:

Honestly? I've told my husband if he ever finds a chick that sucks cock better than I do, tell me so I can learn what she's doing that he likes so much. Why wouldn't I want to be the best lover I can for the man I love?

I think in a fully open marriage, where one partner would do things with someone else and not with their spouse, those sexual needs and/or wants can be fulfilled with another person. In the case of the OP, who we don't really know about but since we're talking in hypotheticals anyway, those unmet needs can't be fulfilled if the marriage is open only on one side, which is a typical hotwife arrangement. If we use the example that SSQ provided in the quote above if this other woman sucks cock so much better than she, and if that technique or whatever it is didn't appeal to her she could say, That's great and her husband wouldn't be offended. And if he did things with her meta (sorry Facebook - (you assholes)) and decided it wasn't something he'd be comfortable to do with her, she could get those needs met somewhere else.

I'm not sure this adds OR subtracts clarity from this argument!

Yes, that's true- but the point I wanted to make is that people are not need-filling machines. I am not entitled to a specific act or behaviour of any sort from my partner (not just sexual) just because I want it and they do it with someone else. You see this on the infidelity message boards all the time- my wayward spouse did anal (it's almost always anal, for some reason) with their affair partner, so now I think they should do anal with me.

No one should ever have to justify not wanting to do a specific sex act with a partner. Full stop. If they don't want to, it doesn't matter if you're mono and can't get it elsewhere. If it's that important to you, then end the relationship and get it elsewhere. Expecting a partner to do something with you just because they do it with someone else is potentially coercive, but definitely displaying a sense of entitlement. You can ask, but if they say no, then that should be the end of it. Their reasons are irrelevant. Again, why would you want to have sex with someone who isn't into doing it with you, no matter what their reason is?

I want to have a MFM with my husband and boyfriend. They both know this. Boyfriend is up for it, husband is not. I've had lots of 3 ways with my husband in the past, but he is not interested in this particular threesome. I don't get to whine or say well you've had them with me before, why not now? Husband knows I want to do the thing, and if he ever changes his mind about it, I'm sure I'll be the first (or possibly second!) to know it.

If he has another partner and goes and has a 3 way with them and someone else? Still doesn't change the fact that he can say no to me.

SSQ, does this only apply to sex? Would you feel the same way if the question was about acknowledging birthdays? How long would a marriage last if a husband celebrated the birthdays of other women but not that of his wife, even if his wife asked him to do so? Would it be fair to say that the husband is not a need-filling machine? That no one is entitled to force him to do one thing or another? Such a marriage sounds unhealthy and toxic.

It's not that I disagree with your above statements about sex. MrsILMW has done certain things with other men that she does not do with me. I happen to find this incredibly arousing, and it has no impact on the amazing sex that we have with each other -- it actually enhances it. Moreover, I think it would be patronizing to me and demeaning for her if she simply went through the motions of a sex act because I threw a tantrum about it. But I'm also acutely aware that most people aren't wired this way.

[R_H_NC]

Deleted.

I reminded myself of the definition of insanity

[Des 31]

What she does with others isn't much different with the two usual exceptions most notice. Clearly, almost all extramarital fucking is more exciting for any wife with someone other than the husband with who she is most familiar and has the most familiar tool. Her most common comment is, "If it wasn't better with someone else, what would be the point of doing it at all?" That's true for all hotwives; otherwise, their husbands would be all they need. But often when telling me about her dates while we're fucking, she becomes similarly excited for the reason she is then reliving the experience in her head.

The other difference is she is more likely to perform oral sex on others, particularly with a few for reasons I have never been sure about and she can't adequately find the words to explain; it's a head trip. With some, she is more enthusiastic about giving oral sex than with others.

~ Des

[iloanmywife]

The other difference is she is more likely to perform oral sex on others, particularly with a few for reasons I have never been sure about and she can't adequately find the words to explain; it's a head trip. With some, she is more enthusiastic about giving oral sex than with others.

~ Des

Lol. I'd be shocked if this wasn't universally true. There has to be a name for this phenomenon. More than simply new relationship energy. It's almost like being a good hostess. We're all guilty of treating guests to our homes better than we do our dearest friends and family. If we invite new friends over for a dinner party, it's "Can I get you something to drink?" or "Don't worry, I'll clean up that spill." But within our inner circle it's usually more like, "Get it yourself. Is your leg broken or something?" Just human nature, and I think it's the same way when my wife meets other men. I'm sometimes shocked to see my wife ravenously swallowing a new cock. Like, WTF? I guess she's a consummate hostess. I'm told she can suck dick for hours, but I still think that's more legend than truth.

[Des 31]

Double post in error. Deleted.

[Des 31]

The other difference is she is more likely to perform oral sex on others, particularly with a few for reasons I have never been sure about and she can't adequately find the words to explain; it's a head trip. With some, she is more enthusiastic about giving oral sex than with others.

~ Des

Lol. I'd be shocked if this wasn't universally true. There has to be a name for this phenomenon. More than simply new relationship energy. It's almost like being a good hostess. We're all guilty of treating guests to our homes better than we do our dearest friends and family. If we invite new friends over for a dinner party, it's "Can I get you something to drink?" or "Don't worry, I'll clean up that spill." But within our inner circle it's usually more like, "Get it yourself. Is your leg broken or something?" Just human nature, and I think it's the same way when my wife meets other men. I'm sometimes shocked to see my wife ravenously swallowing a new cock. Like, WTF? I guess she's a consummate hostess. I'm told she can suck dick for hours, but I still think that's more legend than truth.

[anonymister1948]

SSQ wrote in another thread:

Honestly? I've told my husband if he ever finds a chick that sucks cock better than I do, tell me so I can learn what she's doing that he likes so much. Why wouldn't I want to be the best lover I can for the man I love?

I think in a fully open marriage, where one partner would do things with someone else and not with their spouse, those sexual needs and/or wants can be fulfilled with another person. In the case of the OP, who we don't really know about but since we're talking in hypotheticals anyway, those unmet needs can't be fulfilled if the marriage is open only on one side, which is a typical hotwife arrangement. If we use the example that SSQ provided in the quote above if this other woman sucks cock so much better than she, and if that technique or whatever it is didn't appeal to her she could say, That's great and her husband wouldn't be offended. And if he did things with her meta (sorry Facebook - (you assholes)) and decided it wasn't something he'd be comfortable to do with her, she could get those needs met somewhere else.

I'm not sure this adds OR subtracts clarity from this argument!

Yes, that's true- but the point I wanted to make is that people are not need-filling machines. I am not entitled to a specific act or behaviour of any sort from my partner (not just sexual) just because I want it and they do it with someone else. You see this on the infidelity message boards all the time- my wayward spouse did anal (it's almost always anal, for some reason) with their affair partner, so now I think they should do anal with me.

No one should ever have to justify not wanting to do a specific sex act with a partner. Full stop. If they don't want to, it doesn't matter if you're mono and can't get it elsewhere. If it's that important to you, then end the relationship and get it elsewhere. Expecting a partner to do something with you just because they do it with someone else is potentially coercive, but definitely displaying a sense of entitlement. You can ask, but if they say no, then that should be the end of it. Their reasons are irrelevant. Again, why would you want to have sex with someone who isn't into doing it with you, no matter what their reason is?

I want to have a MFM with my husband and boyfriend. They both know this. Boyfriend is up for it, husband is not. I've had lots of 3 ways with my husband in the past, but he is not interested in this particular threesome. I don't get to whine or say well you've had them with me before, why not now? Husband knows I want to do the thing, and if he ever changes his mind about it, I'm sure I'll be the first (or possibly second!) to know it.

If he has another partner and goes and has a 3 way with them and someone else? Still doesn't change the fact that he can say no to me.

I think the operative word here is Expect instead of Want and that is what's throwing people off track. While there should be no expectation of any sexual act, it's fine to want certain things and express them. And when that conversation takes place, it shouldn't be framed in a way that indicates any sort of comparisons with the other person and instead should be framed as something we want.

"When you told me how you swallowed his cum it really excited me and makes me want to do that with you as well."

[SSQ]

SSQ wrote in another thread:

Honestly? I've told my husband if he ever finds a chick that sucks cock better than I do, tell me so I can learn what she's doing that he likes so much. Why wouldn't I want to be the best lover I can for the man I love?

I think in a fully open marriage, where one partner would do things with someone else and not with their spouse, those sexual needs and/or wants can be fulfilled with another person. In the case of the OP, who we don't really know about but since we're talking in hypotheticals anyway, those unmet needs can't be fulfilled if the marriage is open only on one side, which is a typical hotwife arrangement. If we use the example that SSQ provided in the quote above if this other woman sucks cock so much better than she, and if that technique or whatever it is didn't appeal to her she could say, That's great and her husband wouldn't be offended. And if he did things with her meta (sorry Facebook - (you assholes)) and decided it wasn't something he'd be comfortable to do with her, she could get those needs met somewhere else.

I'm not sure this adds OR subtracts clarity from this argument!

Yes, that's true- but the point I wanted to make is that people are not need-filling machines. I am not entitled to a specific act or behaviour of any sort from my partner (not just sexual) just because I want it and they do it with someone else. You see this on the infidelity message boards all the time- my wayward spouse did anal (it's almost always anal, for some reason) with their affair partner, so now I think they should do anal with me.

No one should ever have to justify not wanting to do a specific sex act with a partner. Full stop. If they don't want to, it doesn't matter if you're mono and can't get it elsewhere. If it's that important to you, then end the relationship and get it elsewhere. Expecting a partner to do something with you just because they do it with someone else is potentially coercive, but definitely displaying a sense of entitlement. You can ask, but if they say no, then that should be the end of it. Their reasons are irrelevant. Again, why would you want to have sex with someone who isn't into doing it with you, no matter what their reason is?

I want to have a MFM with my husband and boyfriend. They both know this. Boyfriend is up for it, husband is not. I've had lots of 3 ways with my husband in the past, but he is not interested in this particular threesome. I don't get to whine or say well you've had them with me before, why not now? Husband knows I want to do the thing, and if he ever changes his mind about it, I'm sure I'll be the first (or possibly second!) to know it.

If he has another partner and goes and has a 3 way with them and someone else? Still doesn't change the fact that he can say no to me.

SSQ, does this only apply to sex? Would you feel the same way if the question was about acknowledging birthdays? How long would a marriage last if a husband celebrated the birthdays of other women but not that of his wife, even if his wife asked him to do so? Would it be fair to say that the husband is not a need-filling machine? That no one is entitled to force him to do one thing or another? Such a marriage sounds unhealthy and toxic.

It's not that I disagree with your above statements about sex. MrsILMW has done certain things with other men that she does not do with me. I happen to find this incredibly arousing, and it has no impact on the amazing sex that we have with each other -- it actually enhances it. Moreover, I think it would be patronizing to me and demeaning for her if she simply went through the motions of a sex act because I threw a tantrum about it. But I'm also acutely aware that most people aren't wired this way.

Of course it doesn't apply only to sex. But I'm assuming that we choose partners who make us feel loved and love them in return. If you need a partner to do specific things so that you feel loved, then you should choose a partner who does those things, and WANTS to do those things, right?

Honestly, I don't want my partner doing things begrudgingly or because he feels that he has to or else he'll upset me.

Again with your birthday analogy- my boyfriend hates giving gifts. He feels a lot of anxiety about it. Yet I've seen him buy gifts for his ex girlfriend (who hates that she's an ex, by the way). But it's not something I feel slighted by- it's not about ME at all. That's really where there needs to be some understanding, I think.