Mr. S is back in the picture, moved to lead position.
More later.
Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
Oh? So he’s been given a chance to redeem himself?
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slenderfish
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
Slenderwife asked me to write this for her to send to Mr. S. She reviewed and approved the draft, and asked me to complete it so that she can send. This is in final form, subject to any final edits she may suggest:
Dear Mr. S.
Just a follow-up to our texts, and to provide additional context to that 9/11 conversation at the Hotel and, looking back, how this started going down a path that was not going to work for me.
Thank you for your most recent kind text back to me.
As you know, I am a native of the _____ area and left for NYC in 2001. You may not know that I was finally getting my feet underneath me in NYC in late summer of that year, having broken up with my boyfriend and kind of "on my own" without the desired job, etc. I actually had a very good job interview the morning of 9/11 and was in the subway headed downtown (toward the twin towers) for this interview when all hell broke loose, the subway stopped in the tunnel, we had to make our way up emergency exits, etc. etc. It was bedlam, to say the least, and I had no idea what was happening and what was in store.
Ultimately, it was probably the worst day and week and month, perhaps year, of my life. That job interview and opportunity, and all other opportunities, evaporated for months. Other things just weren't working out. My resolve was taxed to its limit, even beyond.
So when you and I had our meet-up conversation those couple of Fridays ago on 9/11, I mentioned to you up front that this day had caught me off guard and was really sitting heavy on me, and on top of that my mother had unexpectedly requested a visit to her family's cemetery plots, etc. and I was very emotional. I was hoping our conversation would be a lift and a time to forget these troubles, and as an opportunity to plan something for Saturday night, a new day and a fresh perspective, the concept of looking forward to a fun night with you, whom I'd already caught up with the night before.
I was taken by surprise at the end of our conversation on Friday and was at some level pleased when you kissed me. But then it jumped a couple of levels that really took me off guard, and my reaction was to call off the whole plan, and that I really needed to be with my girlfriend (a reliably safe place for me emotionally) on Saturday night instead.
Thank you for your understanding.
As a matter of the bigger picture, here's my perspective:
You know that I do travel home periodically each year. I visit my mother, sister, nieces, and girlfriends. All of these have their own lives, and it turns out they are not really good for going out on the weekends or, for that matter, sometimes not even on weeknights. My girlfriends have children, etc. My sister has a long-term boyfriend and their idea of going out is a dud for me. When my husband is with me, it's fine. He and I ran into you and your group last November at the ______ bar/lounge.
But he only is with me once a year on these visits, perhaps twice. And when he comes along, it's understandably only for a day or two.
I am trying to establish more of a social life and fun friends to "go out" with when I'm there. After discussing with Slenderfish, he agreed it made sense for me to contact you and see if you might be up for getting a group together, etc. for my September trip. I texted you, etc. and it went from there.
I noted to Slenderfish that if I'm with a mixed group, there will be men and we will need to understand that dynamic and agree in advance about all that. Otherwise, I'll need to limit my social group to women, which is more difficult and, frankly, limits the fun and the dynamic. I was surprised (pleasantly?) when he said he understands and is realistic enough to expect men to be attracted, in some way or another. He said he is okay with my dancing along with a man's interest, to kind of test the waters, etc. if I'm interested as long as it stays in _________ and if I believe I'm being treated the way I expect a man to treat me.
So I guess I'm open to first, friendship and a social group situation, and second, I do find you attractive and would be open to being pursued and wooed, etc. over the course of time, with no promises at this point. It would obviously have to be completely private for so many reasons.
On reflection, I do acknowledge that a) I did initiate the text to you and b) I did agree to meet at the bar/restaurant of my hotel. Perhaps these sent signals that were not exactly my intention. My intention is laid out more clearly above.
I am pulling together plans to be back in the area in mid-October. Perhaps we can find a time while I'm there, to compare notes.
Dear Mr. S.
Just a follow-up to our texts, and to provide additional context to that 9/11 conversation at the Hotel and, looking back, how this started going down a path that was not going to work for me.
Thank you for your most recent kind text back to me.
As you know, I am a native of the _____ area and left for NYC in 2001. You may not know that I was finally getting my feet underneath me in NYC in late summer of that year, having broken up with my boyfriend and kind of "on my own" without the desired job, etc. I actually had a very good job interview the morning of 9/11 and was in the subway headed downtown (toward the twin towers) for this interview when all hell broke loose, the subway stopped in the tunnel, we had to make our way up emergency exits, etc. etc. It was bedlam, to say the least, and I had no idea what was happening and what was in store.
Ultimately, it was probably the worst day and week and month, perhaps year, of my life. That job interview and opportunity, and all other opportunities, evaporated for months. Other things just weren't working out. My resolve was taxed to its limit, even beyond.
So when you and I had our meet-up conversation those couple of Fridays ago on 9/11, I mentioned to you up front that this day had caught me off guard and was really sitting heavy on me, and on top of that my mother had unexpectedly requested a visit to her family's cemetery plots, etc. and I was very emotional. I was hoping our conversation would be a lift and a time to forget these troubles, and as an opportunity to plan something for Saturday night, a new day and a fresh perspective, the concept of looking forward to a fun night with you, whom I'd already caught up with the night before.
I was taken by surprise at the end of our conversation on Friday and was at some level pleased when you kissed me. But then it jumped a couple of levels that really took me off guard, and my reaction was to call off the whole plan, and that I really needed to be with my girlfriend (a reliably safe place for me emotionally) on Saturday night instead.
Thank you for your understanding.
As a matter of the bigger picture, here's my perspective:
You know that I do travel home periodically each year. I visit my mother, sister, nieces, and girlfriends. All of these have their own lives, and it turns out they are not really good for going out on the weekends or, for that matter, sometimes not even on weeknights. My girlfriends have children, etc. My sister has a long-term boyfriend and their idea of going out is a dud for me. When my husband is with me, it's fine. He and I ran into you and your group last November at the ______ bar/lounge.
But he only is with me once a year on these visits, perhaps twice. And when he comes along, it's understandably only for a day or two.
I am trying to establish more of a social life and fun friends to "go out" with when I'm there. After discussing with Slenderfish, he agreed it made sense for me to contact you and see if you might be up for getting a group together, etc. for my September trip. I texted you, etc. and it went from there.
I noted to Slenderfish that if I'm with a mixed group, there will be men and we will need to understand that dynamic and agree in advance about all that. Otherwise, I'll need to limit my social group to women, which is more difficult and, frankly, limits the fun and the dynamic. I was surprised (pleasantly?) when he said he understands and is realistic enough to expect men to be attracted, in some way or another. He said he is okay with my dancing along with a man's interest, to kind of test the waters, etc. if I'm interested as long as it stays in _________ and if I believe I'm being treated the way I expect a man to treat me.
So I guess I'm open to first, friendship and a social group situation, and second, I do find you attractive and would be open to being pursued and wooed, etc. over the course of time, with no promises at this point. It would obviously have to be completely private for so many reasons.
On reflection, I do acknowledge that a) I did initiate the text to you and b) I did agree to meet at the bar/restaurant of my hotel. Perhaps these sent signals that were not exactly my intention. My intention is laid out more clearly above.
I am pulling together plans to be back in the area in mid-October. Perhaps we can find a time while I'm there, to compare notes.
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
Unbelievable letter! I find your entire journey amazing.
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BallSpanking
- OHW Addict
- Posts: 7458
- Joined: Tue Sep 11, 2007 4:58 pm
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
Mr S will have a boner for the next month.
Schwiiiiing ... Thud! (Projectile erection becomes vicious uppercut KO!)
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Mark K
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
Yeah, kudos on that letter. A fantastic response. A great balanced perspective, and explanation, on everything. Going to be hard to resist that invitation.
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slenderfish
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
Flights are booked, also the hotel (same hotel as last time).
Go figure, women!
Go figure, women!
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BallSpanking
- OHW Addict
- Posts: 7458
- Joined: Tue Sep 11, 2007 4:58 pm
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
I do believe she will go through with it this time, and come back to you a HW (assuming Mr S doesn't behave like a cad again). 
Schwiiiiing ... Thud! (Projectile erection becomes vicious uppercut KO!)
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wannabecUKold
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
In view of the content of the first six paragraphs, Mr S gets off very lightly with 'Thank you for your understanding'. My reaction would be 'Thanks mate for your complete lack of understanding of my upset which must have been blindingly obvious to most normal people.'
So, great letter, but I just wonder whether it is being sent to the right guy.
So, great letter, but I just wonder whether it is being sent to the right guy.
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slenderfish
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
This is a good point. He's already proven to be insensitive. I've pointed this out to Slenderwife. She understands this, and expects him to work twice as hard to recover her trust.wannabecUKold wrote: ↑Thu Sep 24, 2020 11:42 pmIn view of the content of the first six paragraphs, Mr S gets off very lightly with 'Thank you for your understanding'. My reaction would be 'Thanks mate for your complete lack of understanding of my upset which must have been blindingly obvious to most normal people.'
So, great letter, but I just wonder whether it is being sent to the right guy.
He is "out" until he proves his way "in" (pun intended).
I'll also remain skeptical until proven otherwise. She needs a man who will treat her properly.
She has also started asking the inevitable question about what if she develops strong feelings, etc.? This shows a certain movement down the road in her mind, I believe. Time will tell.
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wannabecUKold
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
Mr S now needs to show some personality. He needs to show that he can and will look after Slenderwife when she is in town with his friends. But that he is also a bastard who will require her to get undressed and get laid by him.
This is his correct reply:
"Slenderwife, I'll make sure you have a great evening. You'll be my partner with my friends and I'll look after you. But then you'll get fucked. To hell with all this 'first friendship and then pursuing and wooing with no promises' pussyfooting - you'll get fucked on my terms. And thank your husband by the way. He knows he treats you far too kindly with kid gloves, and that you need to be taken in hand.
Wear something sexy please. I don't want to be embarrassed in front of my friends."
This is his correct reply:
"Slenderwife, I'll make sure you have a great evening. You'll be my partner with my friends and I'll look after you. But then you'll get fucked. To hell with all this 'first friendship and then pursuing and wooing with no promises' pussyfooting - you'll get fucked on my terms. And thank your husband by the way. He knows he treats you far too kindly with kid gloves, and that you need to be taken in hand.
Wear something sexy please. I don't want to be embarrassed in front of my friends."
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afagehi7
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
Why did she change her mind about Mr. S? She must be really hot for him. If he does well then will she seal the deal with him in October?
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XYAlpha
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
When she asked questions about developing stronger feelings, what was your answer?
Is Slenderwife predisposed to fall in love easily?
An interesting quandary in that it could be a stumbling block this early. If she is worried about developing strong feelings, she may not move forward. If you give her the unfettered green light, you may come to regret it.
Did you inquire about her concern? What kind of stronger feelings? Threat to the marriage type feelings?
You have certainly put in a lot of research and effort - it would be terrible for you to abondon the plan so far in, however, it is also more disastrous to lose your marriage.
Perhaps dig a little deeper into her concerns. You seem to have a well thought out plan but as so many will tell you, there are always surprises and the LS never goes quite the way you envisioned prior to starting it IRL!
XY
Is Slenderwife predisposed to fall in love easily?
An interesting quandary in that it could be a stumbling block this early. If she is worried about developing strong feelings, she may not move forward. If you give her the unfettered green light, you may come to regret it.
Did you inquire about her concern? What kind of stronger feelings? Threat to the marriage type feelings?
You have certainly put in a lot of research and effort - it would be terrible for you to abondon the plan so far in, however, it is also more disastrous to lose your marriage.
Perhaps dig a little deeper into her concerns. You seem to have a well thought out plan but as so many will tell you, there are always surprises and the LS never goes quite the way you envisioned prior to starting it IRL!
XY
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Observer1931
- Experienced
- Posts: 206
- Joined: Fri Sep 26, 2008 7:58 pm
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
I give Mr. S a little slack. The question slenderwife ask "if he was circumcised" to me was an offer for sex so his action in the elevator was not that out of line. Just my thoughts. Good luck to you both.
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slenderfish
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
I think you hit it on the head (pun intended). That question, plus her natural flirtatious manner, and what's in her letter (she texted him out of the blue, did not outright reject when he replied "how about just you and me" or similar, and then agreed to meet at the hotel bar), on top of my discussion with her about the word "insouciant" which does seem to be her nature, and finally her friend Mr. M who said that any man in his part of the country would take these clues and conclude she is DTF.Observer1931 wrote: ↑Fri Sep 25, 2020 5:37 amI give Mr. S a little slack. The question slenderwife ask "if he was circumcised" to me was an offer for sex so his action in the elevator was not that out of line. Just my thoughts. Good luck to you both.
After some time, and when she started re-evaluating potential FB's (here where we live and also in her back home area), she said she was uncertain how she might start a new contact, etc. I reminded her that she had in actuality preferred Mr. S from the outset (e.g. her "first choice") and if it can be shown the result was a "one-off" (which will take a lot to prove) then perhaps he might still be a candidate. She also said that she wanted to find a way to remain in touch with him even as a friend, because she liked his group of friends and hoped for social purposes they wouldn't be permanently blocked by him and by awkwardness.
Therefore, I offered to write up her thinking, to help her organize the many thoughts and concepts around Mr. S. She saw what I'd written and asked if I would revise it so that she could send to Mr. S.
And this is where we sit, the letter did go out. And of course he replied positively, but I haven't seen it and Slenderwife hasn't mentioned anything about it yet.
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BallSpanking
- OHW Addict
- Posts: 7458
- Joined: Tue Sep 11, 2007 4:58 pm
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
The sexy blonde wife in the bikini, with a quick smile, and flirty manner, may be insouciant ..., but she will soon be a HotWife. 
Schwiiiiing ... Thud! (Projectile erection becomes vicious uppercut KO!)
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slenderfish
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
Excellent points and questions.XYAlpha wrote: ↑Fri Sep 25, 2020 5:22 amWhen she asked questions about developing stronger feelings, what was your answer?
Is Slenderwife predisposed to fall in love easily?
An interesting quandary in that it could be a stumbling block this early. If she is worried about developing strong feelings, she may not move forward. If you give her the unfettered green light, you may come to regret it.
Did you inquire about her concern? What kind of stronger feelings? Threat to the marriage type feelings?
You have certainly put in a lot of research and effort - it would be terrible for you to abondon the plan so far in, however, it is also more disastrous to lose your marriage.
Perhaps dig a little deeper into her concerns. You seem to have a well thought out plan but as so many will tell you, there are always surprises and the LS never goes quite the way you envisioned prior to starting it IRL!
XY
I have been probing more about this and we've started the discussion.
I believe the basis of these emanate from her revulsion and concern about self-shaming as a slut.
- She says she has always been a "one-man" woman
- Also says she cannot envision sex just for sex, that she has to have "a connection"
- Hasn't in the past allowed herself to indulge in fantasies about any specific man, apparently scared about how that would make her feel
- Kind of has that young woman's fantasy/concept about being in love in order to make love
But her best friend (maid of honor in our wedding, SW was similarly MOH in her wedding) is a physician M.D., and when SW shared my fantasy with this friend ("Dr. K") she said not to worry about it, that she's encountered so many husband kinks indirectly via wives she's treated as a doctor, that this one is basically "tame" and she should go for it, it's just sex and sex is "no big deal" anyway. This keeps echoing in her mind.
So I believe needs to continue to morph, to release her self-slut talk, revise her image of herself, and accept and embrace her compelling, beautiful and sexual self.
Finally, I believe that her having spent time with Mr. S and actually the portion of the end of that first evening, where they started getting just a little physical and then the kissing (before it went too far too fast) is now in her mind and she did like it. Now that the air is cleared with Mr. S and if she can ultimately eliminate the bad ending from the image and memory, she is free to go back and enjoy those elements of the limited encounter, in her mind. And let her mind (and body?) develop more desire.
I believe the Coach we've started talking to will help her with this part of it, assuming that she asks for this assistance.
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BallSpanking
- OHW Addict
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- Joined: Tue Sep 11, 2007 4:58 pm
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
When will she be going back East? How long will she stay?
You might want to suggest the date for soon after her arrival, that way, if things go well, she'll be able to spend more quality time with him, and begin to love her HW groove.
You might want to suggest the date for soon after her arrival, that way, if things go well, she'll be able to spend more quality time with him, and begin to love her HW groove.
Schwiiiiing ... Thud! (Projectile erection becomes vicious uppercut KO!)
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slenderfish
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
One quick point.
The title to this posting thread is "Her Plan..." The word "plan" jumps out at me.
I have advised business owners with their start-ups for many years and I always of course insist they develop a written plan, including all the numbers, projections, etc. I send them back to revise, to go deeper, to address new concepts and concerns as those appear during the effort, etc.
After all their work and their pride in the "final" plan, I always conclude with one observation.
That is, I say I am absolutely certain of one thing, with respect to their vaunted plan:
It'll never happen.
Of course, they do a double-take and after a bit of obvious (and intended) confusion, I clarify that nothing ever goes as planned and their plan is just one version, but a version that won't happen as planned.
You get the drift.
I've been successful (enough) in the environment of start-ups for many years, and I'm in this career primarily because of my personal risk profile, as well as my skill set and personality. That is, I am best in an environment of uncertainty, of rapid change and disappointments, and all else in the mix. I am creative and can come up with new solutions and new approaches while operating at full speed, full capacity.
Therefore, I think suited (as much as one might be) for this hotwife adventure.
The title to this posting thread is "Her Plan..." The word "plan" jumps out at me.
I have advised business owners with their start-ups for many years and I always of course insist they develop a written plan, including all the numbers, projections, etc. I send them back to revise, to go deeper, to address new concepts and concerns as those appear during the effort, etc.
After all their work and their pride in the "final" plan, I always conclude with one observation.
That is, I say I am absolutely certain of one thing, with respect to their vaunted plan:
It'll never happen.
Of course, they do a double-take and after a bit of obvious (and intended) confusion, I clarify that nothing ever goes as planned and their plan is just one version, but a version that won't happen as planned.
You get the drift.
I've been successful (enough) in the environment of start-ups for many years, and I'm in this career primarily because of my personal risk profile, as well as my skill set and personality. That is, I am best in an environment of uncertainty, of rapid change and disappointments, and all else in the mix. I am creative and can come up with new solutions and new approaches while operating at full speed, full capacity.
Therefore, I think suited (as much as one might be) for this hotwife adventure.
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slenderfish
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
Oct 14-19BallSpanking wrote: ↑Fri Sep 25, 2020 7:12 amWhen will she be going back East? How long will she stay?
You might want to suggest the date for soon after her arrival, that way, if things go well, she'll be able to spend more quality time with him, and begin to love her HW groove.
Yes will suggest as you noted.
Thank you.
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BallSpanking
- OHW Addict
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- Joined: Tue Sep 11, 2007 4:58 pm
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
Wait a minute .... Just who's 'plan' is it?? 
Schwiiiiing ... Thud! (Projectile erection becomes vicious uppercut KO!)
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slenderfish
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
Haha.
Her plan. She chose the guy, the time, the place, the region, she asks me to assist with her communications, to interpret his actions, to interpret her other friends' thoughts and opinions, etc. Her plan.
But of course I am adept at helping people execute their plans, to modify their plans, to adapt to changes as they come along.
And here we are.
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BallSpanking
- OHW Addict
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- Joined: Tue Sep 11, 2007 4:58 pm
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
Excellent ... No, really. Excellent!
This means she is self motivated to move forward with becoming a HW. All you and 'coach' need to do is gently guide her, making hot/sexy suggestions compatible with her newbie status. A man's insight is invaluable to an incipient HW, as women read men differently than we do. Sometimes a husband recoils to an objectifying comment, but a turned-on wife canl find it to be 'sweet'.
Certainly, your wife has been forgiving toward Mr S.
I think this is a result of the physical interlude with him. It left her thirsty, curious, and wanting, and she is willing (eager perhaps) to open the door to him again.
In the interim, you would do well to prepare her for a sexual interlude. I believe she is committed to that, but her expectations of how it could go is likely quite romantic. In other words, her focus is more on intimacy than sex. While that is fine and healthy, it is not necessarily realistic.
I think that further conversations with Ms SW, would be very useful, and it is always useful for a newbie HW to have a female confidant who can be her accomplice in her adventures.
This means she is self motivated to move forward with becoming a HW. All you and 'coach' need to do is gently guide her, making hot/sexy suggestions compatible with her newbie status. A man's insight is invaluable to an incipient HW, as women read men differently than we do. Sometimes a husband recoils to an objectifying comment, but a turned-on wife canl find it to be 'sweet'.
Certainly, your wife has been forgiving toward Mr S.
I think this is a result of the physical interlude with him. It left her thirsty, curious, and wanting, and she is willing (eager perhaps) to open the door to him again.
In the interim, you would do well to prepare her for a sexual interlude. I believe she is committed to that, but her expectations of how it could go is likely quite romantic. In other words, her focus is more on intimacy than sex. While that is fine and healthy, it is not necessarily realistic.
I think that further conversations with Ms SW, would be very useful, and it is always useful for a newbie HW to have a female confidant who can be her accomplice in her adventures.
Schwiiiiing ... Thud! (Projectile erection becomes vicious uppercut KO!)
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XYAlpha
Re: Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water
There is a lot of this going on without your direct knowledge or with a significant delay.
Case in point, "And this is where we sit, the letter did go out. And of course he replied positively, but I haven't seen it and Slenderwife hasn't mentioned anything about it yet."
I understand you are giving her considerable latitude to make this first event happen solely on her terms but the secrecy and withholding of information could continue unless she understands that she is operating this way initially but that you expect more information and timely information for the future events. Is this your desire or do you find being "information cucked" thrilling? What is your plan for that?
You may end up with a HW that doesn't share! And that would be a tragedy!
XY
Case in point, "And this is where we sit, the letter did go out. And of course he replied positively, but I haven't seen it and Slenderwife hasn't mentioned anything about it yet."
I understand you are giving her considerable latitude to make this first event happen solely on her terms but the secrecy and withholding of information could continue unless she understands that she is operating this way initially but that you expect more information and timely information for the future events. Is this your desire or do you find being "information cucked" thrilling? What is your plan for that?
You may end up with a HW that doesn't share! And that would be a tragedy!
XY