Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water

[william70]

Glad to see she did the 90 days. Too bad you helped her get off the wagon. It's called enabling.
Take it from experience, she will never be able to keep it at (2) glasses. Normal people can do it easily. Us alcoholics, can't.

[afagehi7]

Glad to see she did the 90 days. Too bad you helped her get off the wagon. It's called enabling.
Take it from experience, she will never be able to keep it at (2) glasses. Normal people can do it easily. Us alcoholics, can't.

We'll see. I don't think she's as far down that rabbit hole as many of us were. I think she's intervening before she gets to the point we were. I hope I'm right cos the social lubricant is probably needed to get her to hotwife.

[Ed_Vic]

Something new.

First, SW has completed her 90-day break with wine, and is trying to find the appropriate approach to having a glass of wine with dinner, etc.

On Sunday night, a friend of hers stopped by to drop off a package. We greeted her over wine and cheese, then the second bottle. SW was feeling good, we were at home, so she pushed into the next couple of glasses. Ultimately, she did over-consume and we now know that two glasses is the maximum these days.

But while she was in her sloppy state, she said some things I've never heard come out of her mouth. Nothing like it, ever.

- "I am a piece of meat that men want to use"

- "I sometimes feel like such a dirty girl"

- "My body is just a bunch of holes for a man's cock"

Not sure if these were uttered in disgust with men in general, or specific to me, or if this is a slutty side of her that is showing itself.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

Sometimes when a couple becomes so hyper-focused on the wife being a hotwife, she can feel overlooked and unappreciated. Like the only thing that matters is her pleasing other men, and by extension, her husband. She can feel that her needs and value are overlooked. This is not uncommon in this area of the lifestyle. It can feel to the woman that all the pressure and focus is on her to "perform." At the same time, she could also have mixed feelings about it and there could also be part of her that wants to be sexually liberated and empowered or enjoy being a "dirty girl." But I think these things are important to talk about and sort through. This is another side of the importance of communication in this lifestyle. And if it goes undiscussed, it could become a bigger problem. Just my two cents.

[Rider81]

Something new.

First, SW has completed her 90-day break with wine, and is trying to find the appropriate approach to having a glass of wine with dinner, etc.

On Sunday night, a friend of hers stopped by to drop off a package. We greeted her over wine and cheese, then the second bottle. SW was feeling good, we were at home, so she pushed into the next couple of glasses. Ultimately, she did over-consume and we now know that two glasses is the maximum these days.

But while she was in her sloppy state, she said some things I've never heard come out of her mouth. Nothing like it, ever.

- "I am a piece of meat that men want to use"

- "I sometimes feel like such a dirty girl"

- "My body is just a bunch of holes for a man's cock"

Not sure if these were uttered in disgust with men in general, or specific to me, or if this is a slutty side of her that is showing itself.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

Sometimes when a couple becomes so hyper-focused on the wife being a hotwife, she can feel overlooked and unappreciated. Like the only thing that matters is her pleasing other men, and by extension, her husband. She can feel that her needs and value are overlooked. This is not uncommon in this area of the lifestyle. It can feel to the woman that all the pressure and focus is on her to "perform." At the same time, she could also have mixed feelings about it and there could also be part of her that wants to be sexually liberated and empowered or enjoy being a "dirty girl." But I think these things are important to talk about and sort through. This is another side of the importance of communication in this lifestyle. And if it goes undiscussed, it could become a bigger problem. Just my two cents.

Ed - That is an excellent perspective I have not seen before.

[slenderfish]

Thanks for the replies to my question about SW's unusual language.

It is probably a combination "all the above" and stems from her general discomfort with all things sexual.

Her mother told her, when she was younger that "men just want to get into your knickers" and I've heard her say that many times over the years. Both to herself and to her niece, especially when the niece was younger.

Ultimately, we will need to find the right on-ramp to discuss this with the therapist. It'll need to be her idea, to delve into it.

In the meantime, she still has incomplete homework from the therapist, which is to watch a lot of porn to ascertain what she's most drawn to (e.g. girl-girl, soft porn, gonzo, threesomes, etc.). So far, she has been resistant to this.

[slenderfish]

We recently had a reason to be discussing Mr. L. I believe that's what I named him; he's the one who was in the back seat of the car with SW on the way home from her birthday party some months ago. And then went inside his house for much longer than is necessary to "take a pee."

We were invited to an event this week and were to sit at a table, just with him and his wife. I reached out to him in advance, to let him know we are looking forward to seeing him and his wife.

The rumor mill has it that the two of them are talking divorce.

We ultimately did not attend the event for other reasons. However, SW did say to me that she was wondering to herself how she would have felt at that table with him and his wife, knowning that "his hands were all over her" that night in the car.

[Long Lurker 34]

Thanks for the replies to my question about SW's unusual language.

It is probably a combination "all the above" and stems from her general discomfort with all things sexual.

Her mother told her, when she was younger that "men just want to get into your knickers" and I've heard her say that many times over the years. Both to herself and to her niece, especially when the niece was younger.

Ultimately, we will need to find the right on-ramp to discuss this with the therapist. It'll need to be her idea, to delve into it.

In the meantime, she still has incomplete homework from the therapist, which is to watch a lot of porn to ascertain what she's most drawn to (e.g. girl-girl, soft porn, gonzo, threesomes, etc.). So far, she has been resistant to this.

SW - Well as Jamie on Mythbuster's used to say "Well there's your problem!"
- That would put SF's head space about equal to the RC church in indoctrinating her about the 'evils of men and sex'. And if that had been going on from a young age and clearly so much so that SF was passing that along to her Niece. No wonder SF is secretive about anything sexual she might be inclined to do, even with your explicit consent, outside your marriage. She must be carrying a semi truck double bottom's worth of baggage and guilt around.

[afagehi7]

Her mother told her, when she was younger that "men just want to get into your knickers" and I've heard her say that many times over the years. Both to herself and to her niece, especially when the niece was younger.

There's definitely some truth in this statement. I think women oftentimes don't understand that for the vast majority of men sex is decoupled from relationships. What we'll have sex with and seriously date are different. Understanding that just because a guy wants in her pants doesn't mean he wants a relationship but there are good men who want a relationship.. usually in their friend zone.

I can't wait to find out what kind of porno butters her biscuit!!! I believe it's going to be attractive hung black dudes but that's just my guess from her behaviors out in the wild

[ResponsibullCummings]

They have been times that it appears SW has done things and not admitted them to you, Mr. B, Mr. L and the European gangster. The common thread is she's been drinking heavily on those occasions. Could it be that when her inhibitors are lowered she acts out your/her fantasies but then is too ashamed of her wonton behaviour to admit it to you when she is sober? Maybe she thinks you'll will think less of her or expect her to do those things when sober?

It just strange that her story with the gangster went from just going for a walk to he kissed her. Also not admitting that Mr. L had his hands all over her body in the backseat and she let him do it then disappeared into his house for way too long without any explanation. Is that something you could bring up with the therapist?

[BallSpanking]

Her mother told her, when she was younger that "men just want to get into your knickers" and I've heard her say that many times over the years. Both to herself and to her niece, especially when the niece was younger.

I get that ... But the reason for that is she is so damned sexy!
Get over your hangup, SW. Allow yourself to relax and enjoy yourself.

[slenderfish]

They have been times that it appears SW has done things and not admitted them to you, Mr. B, Mr. L and the European gangster. The common thread is she's been drinking heavily on those occasions. Could it be that when her inhibitors are lowered she acts out your/her fantasies but then is too ashamed of her wonton behaviour to admit it to you when she is sober? Maybe she thinks you'll will think less of her or expect her to do those things when sober?

Yes, I believe this is exactly the point.

I'll also add that there was the time I came home (October 2020) after my boys' night (on a Wednesday) and I heard some noise from upstairs in the bedroom, she was talking dirty and sexy, and it sounded like she was with someone, in bed. I tiptoed up there and saw she was talking on her phone, and touching herself with her right hand. There was an empty bottle of Daou red wine on the bedside and a half-empty glass in her left hand. Her phone was being held against her ear by her shoulder.

When she saw me, she got this shocked/surprised look on her face, and immediately adapted her situation with a smile, and put the phone on speakerphone mode,continuing without missing a beat. She mouthed to me "it's Mr. M" and I sprang into action. I pulled off her pajama bottoms so I could see, handed her the vibrator from her bedside cabinet and raced down to the foyer of our house to grab my phone. I launched the camera app and caught the rest of it on video, with her wine-smile beaming at me the whole time until the call was over.

In reflecting on that scene, the one thing that jumps out on me is her language. It was coarse, sexy, and dirty. Never heard that before, and since. Did not even know she had that in her. Clearly not the first time with that kind of language. Was it the first time with that scenario?

It just strange that her story with the gangster went from just going for a walk to he kissed her. Also not admitting that Mr. L had his hands all over her body in the backseat and she let him do it then disappeared into his house for way too long without any explanation. Is that something you could bring up with the therapist?

Therapist lots of layers to peel back. Finally, these days, approaching it from the point of view of her accepting and embracing her sexuality, and discarding shame.

[StandingO1984]

I’d like to hear more about your therapist’s perspective and treatment plan/homework. I think my wife (who claims she has no sexual fantasies and only self-pleasures at my suggestion as part of foreplay) would benefit from the same treatment, but getting her to do the homework is another story. Unfortunately, I’m not aware of any open minded sex therapists in our area. Thanks.

[afagehi7]

They have been times that it appears SW has done things and not admitted them to you, Mr. B, Mr. L and the European gangster. The common thread is she's been drinking heavily on those occasions. Could it be that when her inhibitors are lowered she acts out your/her fantasies but then is too ashamed of her wonton behaviour to admit it to you when she is sober? Maybe she thinks you'll will think less of her or expect her to do those things when sober?

In reflecting on that scene, the one thing that jumps out on me is her language. It was coarse, sexy, and dirty. Never heard that before, and since. Did not even know she had that in her. Clearly not the first time with that kind of language. Was it the first time with that scenario?


Therapist lots of layers to peel back. Finally, these days, approaching it from the point of view of her accepting and embracing her sexuality, and discarding shame.

Like what was she saying? Can you give some examples?

[slenderfish]

Like what was she saying? Can you give some examples?

I'll follow up on this at some point when I have time and my thoughts sorted.

[slenderfish]

SW is right now at her usual private training session with her BBC coach, at his studio.

[BallSpanking]

I'm hoping (wistful thinking, really) that SW will follow through and suck his cock today, as a special thank you. That's all it would take to break the ice.

[slenderfish]

I'm hoping (wistful thinking, really) that SW will follow through and suck his cock today, as a special thank you. That's all it would take to break the ice.

She has her usual Friday session with Mr. G today.

All day yesterday I wore the tee-shirt he gave to her for me to have, the promotional/marketing one that has his private training name and brand on it. I'm going to try to start a conversation that we've been "branded" by him.

[slenderfish]

Glad to see she did the 90 days. Too bad you helped her get off the wagon. It's called enabling.
Take it from experience, she will never be able to keep it at (2) glasses. Normal people can do it easily. Us alcoholics, can't.

I hear you about the enabling issue. I initially took the softer approach a) because that's my style and b) because I didn't want to position myself as the "heavy" yet again. She has this way (or I should say that we have this way) of putting me in to the scolding father position and her into the little girl position. She has significant issues with her father and I resist going into that role and allowing that dynamic to be replicated. It's an ongoing challenge, to ascertain whether it's even possible to have one glass over dinner, etc. and then letting that be sufficient.

She is learning about herself and has actively chosen not to partake even one glass in certain important social situations, to avoid any possible issues.

In the most recent couple of weeks, I did take the opportunity when it presented itself, to point out that she does still get more ornery and unpleasant when she has had more than one or two glasses, even when she believes she is just fine.

My theme with her and us, these days, is self-awareness.

[slenderfish]

We'll see. I don't think she's as far down that rabbit hole as many of us were. I think she's intervening before she gets to the point we were. I hope I'm right cos the social lubricant is probably needed to get her to hotwife.

Time is the tell here. Yes, I've been lamenting that the social lubricant will now be changing and the hotwife path will then also need to change. She will need to become more self-aware and self-directing, to embrace it in advance. Perhaps that's ultimately the best path?

[leggysman]

I have nothing useful to add, but I just wanted to say that I always read your threads, and I'm pulling for you two, SF! The encounters she's had so far, and the way you support her - and encourage her naughtiness - make me hopeful that you will eventually get where you want to be. After a bit more honesty from her (with you and with herself) and the loosening of some of her remaining inhibitions, I reckon you're golden. I hope so!

[GenerallySpeaking]

This news is so exciting! I've been reading your entries here since the beginning. Quitting drinking isn't just about getting off the booze. It's also about realizing how that drug affects your ability to make sound decisions. And not just when you were drinking, but those times in between when your mind wasn't at its sharpest. That's the effect on those of us who used alcohol as our drug of choice to cope with all sorts of unresolved demons. It really and truly fucks our minds up. (I'll be celebrating 31 years in three days)

Edited to add: I would expect SW to go through some pretty dramatic changes in her personality as she gets further away from her last drink. For me, I changed so much and things got so much better in all regards. You are absolutely right in that SW will take a different path to hotwifedom, one I'm guessing will be more fulfilling, more enjoyable, and more often. But your patience, of which you seem to have an infinite reserve, will be tested.

[Mr Mrs Cream]

There was the excited story about SW and Croatian guy.
Is tere a way for you to go to clubs to find someone?
And then go together to the hotel room?
SW should not be with a stranger alone so you are important part of such date.
In general you may play the same game as in this (The girlfriend game) short mainstream movie:
https://yodoozy.com/short-film-the-girl ... ame/?amp=1
Maybe one day it would be successful.
Has SW ever seen this movie?
If not what would be her reaction for such proposal.
As we know SW is not much into watching porn but one and one interaction in a bar may be more interesting.
According to this movie you may ask SW if she would like to go alone with a stranger or she expect you to hold her hand during the date in hotel room.

[slenderfish]

The subject of Mr. G (her private trainer twice a week).

I've been waiting for the proper conversations to get back into their dynamic, to see more about her reactions, etc. when talking about her workouts and about Mr. G.

Over the weekend, we a couple of these opportunities emerged.

The first was after dinner on Friday night, sitting on the sofa set and streaming some program. Before it started, SW told me she has been inviting her (brunette) niece to participate with her on the Friday workouts with Mr. G. She noted that she believes the niece could use some slimming down but that Mr. G seems to be okay with the larger rear. His "ideal" for niece is to keep a bit larger booty. SW was surprised at that, and expressed her thoughts on the matter to me.

My reply was that he seems to prefer a bit bigger ass, and that it's also a bit of a cliche with respect to muscular black guys. I noted that niece may have an ass more attractive to Mr. G than SW's "tight little skinny bikini ass" and that "the penis likes what the penis likes" etc. That nature provides what it may, and we just accept and make the best of it.

She then made a reference to Mr. G's blonde wife, who also has a bigger frame and body, and a bigger ass.

SW was very quiet, seemingly holding back on what she was tempted to say. Or perhaps I was reading into her face? Either way, she was remarkably quiet for some very pregnant pauses. She has quite an ego with respect to her looks and body, and I was thinking she was tempted to say something along the lines of "oh, you are so wrong, he loves my body and ass" etc. But she said nothing, which itself was saying a lot (to me).

Second was yesterday. SW was on a stepping stool, reaching up into a closet, and asked me to receive what she was handing down from a top shelf. She was in tight leggings, with the bottom half of her body outside the closet, leaning into and up to the shelves.

While she was reaching up, leaning forward, I started rubbing her ass cheeks and told her I was steadying her, to avoid a fall. She said she has good balance. So I pivoted to a reasoning that she has lint and dust on her dark leggings, and I was wiping and dusting them off. I noted out loud that her curves are tight and athletic, as always, and that nature has blessed her with this beautiful feature. She stopped, and immediately said "oh no, this ass looks great only because it has been properly taken care of by Mr. G."

[Long Lurker 34]

The subject of Mr. G (her private trainer twice a week).

I've been waiting for the proper conversations to get back into their dynamic, to see more about her reactions, etc. when talking about her workouts and about Mr. G.

Over the weekend, we a couple of these opportunities emerged.

The first was after dinner on Friday night, sitting on the sofa set and streaming some program. Before it started, SW told me she has been inviting her (brunette) niece to participate with her on the Friday workouts with Mr. G. She noted that she believes the niece could use some slimming down but that Mr. G seems to be okay with the larger rear. His "ideal" for niece is to keep a bit larger booty. SW was surprised at that, and expressed her thoughts on the matter to me.

My reply was that he seems to prefer a bit bigger ass, and that it's also a bit of a cliche with respect to muscular black guys. I noted that niece may have an ass more attractive to Mr. G than SW's "tight little skinny bikini ass" and that "the penis likes what the penis likes" etc. That nature provides what it may, and we just accept and make the best of it.

She then made a reference to Mr. G's blonde wife, who also has a bigger frame and body, and a bigger ass.

SW was very quiet, seemingly holding back on what she was tempted to say. Or perhaps I was reading into her face? Either way, she was remarkably quiet for some very pregnant pauses. She has quite an ego with respect to her looks and body, and I was thinking she was tempted to say something along the lines of "oh, you are so wrong, he loves my body and ass" etc. But she said nothing, which itself was saying a lot (to me).

Second was yesterday. SW was on a stepping stool, reaching up into a closet, and asked me to receive what she was handing down from a top shelf. She was in tight leggings, with the bottom half of her body outside the closet, leaning into and up to the shelves.

While she was reaching up, leaning forward, I started rubbing her ass cheeks and told her I was steadying her, to avoid a fall. She said she has good balance. So I pivoted to a reasoning that she has lint and dust on her dark leggings, and I was wiping and dusting them off. I noted out loud that her curves are tight and athletic, as always, and that nature has blessed her with this beautiful feature. She stopped, and immediately said "oh no, this ass looks great only because it has been properly taken care of by Mr. G."

SF - Which in and of its self is pretty funny and possibly an eyebrow raiser.
On another note, if i understand correctly SW has stopped or cut back on her alcohol consumption. While she is quite fit alcohol is empty calories, so just wondering if she has lost any weight/size with this change.

[rooster444]

Always have been a bit curious as to the ass comments on SW. Can't say I'm a fan of 'the little boy ass' but evidently some guys like it. Always a head scratcher for the rest of us. July 4th is coming...