moosehorn wrote: ↑Fri Mar 14, 2025 11:31 pm
I agree - hardly anyone likes condoms and frankly - part of the rush for us at least - is the cum element. Not sure it would be nearly as enjoyable without it.
Some folks have mentioned testing, and I would recommend it. We were fairly selective, didn't insist on testing - and ended up with HSV 2. Of course, that pretty much killed the lifestyle for us, and condoms are not 100% effective since it is skin-skin, as opposed to bodily fluids.
Catching herpes seemed to be much more impactful to me psychologically than my wife, but it did end up being a catalyst to do a ton of research. Of course stats vary by source but my Doc stated (and I later corroborated via multiple sources) that approximately 25% of the population (where we are at least) has it; and of those folks - 75% of them don't know they have it. Also, some people can be asymptomatic for years before they have an outbreak. Scary stuff.
Sorry to be a buzzkill but I just wanted to reiterate the benefits of regular testing.
Hi moosehorn,
I'm so horribly sorry that you've contract HSV-2. I hope a cure is discovered.
You're 100% right about condoms. They are not an infallible defense against STDs and pregnancy. That's printed on boxes of condoms. It causes one to wonder about the utility of condoms.
I vividly remember a condom breaking inside a college girl I was seeing. I could tell you who it was, where we were, time of day, and positions we fucked. I was certain that I knocked her up. I must have unknowingly picked up a four leaf clover that day because she had her period right on time. I was the next level beyond extremely worried until she told me that she wasn't pregnant.
You're 100% right about HSV-2 incubation and symptoms onset timeline. My wife and I watched a documentary on HSV-2 (We enjoy scientific programs/documentaries.) I learned a lot from that documentary. A woman could have HSV-2 for up to six months and not know it. She could swear that she was STD free and honestly believe it while unaware she had been infected with it. She wouldn't be lying. She would not know that she was infected.
My wife was promiscuous during her four years of college. I've told her that she was lucky. She's told me that she was discriminating. Both were probably true.
I've read stats that indicated that 33% of sexually active people are infected with HSV-2, which would probably be statistically consistent with 25% of Americans infected with it because not all Americans are sexually active.
Since long before New Year's Eve '24, my wife has invited only one dude into our bedroom. She's inside of his bedroom as I'm writing this. He's a professional firefighter and best friends with her sister's fiancé. He's 15 years younger than my wife. He's in superb physical condition and extremely health conscious. We've discussed what she'll do when he finds a woman closer to his age. She knows that their sex life is finite. She's already resolved its termination. We both agreed that it's reassuring for us knowing that Brad has no STDs or other diseases.
We have never had a long term MFM partner. My wife's running in to Brad was fortuitous. We have had a lot of fun together. My wife and Brad have developed an authentic friendship. She has compartmentalized her friendship with Brad and the sexual component of their relationship. We'll see each other for the rest of our lives because my wife's sister has his best friend's child and they're engaged. Brad has agreed to be the fiancé's best man. My wife will be her sister's maid of honor.
Our two adolescent kids have prevented my wife from developing relationships with other men. Brad is easy to explain to our kids. He's their aunt's fiancé's best friend. Our kids believe that their mother is angelic. We take unfathomable precautions to prevent them from finding out that their angelic mother is a bedroom porn star. They have never remotely suspected suspicious behavior. My wife does not want a boyfriend. She does not want a second husband. She does not want other men loitering around our home. Brad has been the only exception because our kids knew him before my wife met him.
My wife and I are aware of STD risks. That was one of the reasons she decided against attending a swinger's party. One of her girlfriends is a swinger. Her and her husband invited us to a party. My wife wanted to go mostly as a voyeur and she loves to be watched. After considering attending, she decided against it, primarily to prevent our kids from finding out that their angelic mother is a sex-a-holic, and she did not think it was wise for her to have sex with men she did not know and was unable to vet.
We're agreed that we'll either have to amend the way she's found MFM sex partners, find another dude like Brad, or severely restrict our behavior.
One of the constants that's repeated on this forum are reckless risks husbands and wives willingly assume. My wife has vetted that holy shit out of dudes before she invited them to our home for MFM sex. If she was the least bit suspicious of a dude, or if a dude refused to answer one of her deeply intimate questions, or if she caught a dude in a lie she immediately excluded him.
Maybe posters here do not realize how prevalent STDs are and how easily they're contracted. As you've written, moosehorn, condoms are not to be intended as STD prevention.
Years before I met my wife, physicians told her to examine dudes for obvious signs of sexual danger. She's checked dudes' underwear for indicators of penile discharges. She's always had sex with illumination because she learned at a young age that dudes are visual. They wanted to see her naked body and sex acts she performed on them. Illumination enabled her to examine dudes' cocks for discharge. She'd squeeze the head of cocks while looking at dudes' faces for indicators of pain. Physicians told her that those techniques were not definitive, but they could reveal to her whether she should assume unnecessary risks.
Her college's physician was adamant about her eliminating STD contamination. He spent considerable time explaining known risks to her and how to avoid them. He told her that the only way she could avoid STDs was having sex with only one partner whom she knew to be STD free. Of course, she did not adhere to his medical opinion.
You're 100% right about STD testing. Quest Diagnostics does STD testing. I believe turnaround is 24 hours. We would probably go that route rather than rely on my wife's vetting skills.
moosehorn, I sincerely wish you and your wife the absolute best. I hope a cure for HSV-2 is discovered.
