Her Plan to Dip Toe in Hotwife Water

[slenderfish]

This morning I awakened SW after I'd done some work and had some conference calls. I delivered to her a fresh celery juice to start her day. I again congratulated her on the recent confirmation of plans with Mr. S and we ran through some of the details. She again asked me to set aside time this week to explain to her a few conversation subjects that she wants to be more able to push deeper with Mr. S over dinner (like his business/industry, his sports, etc).

I also kindly reminded her not to overlook the man standing in front of her, with his desires and needs. It took her a minute to readjust her morning plans but she did so and we had a satisfying short encounter, mutual orgasms, etc. She asked for us to go "old school" and have it just be about us, between us, and leave the concept of another man out of this morning's intimacy.

And done.

[Redman321]

I said, anthropologically speaking. The concept has been discarded by science on multiple occasions and it is based on false narratives of masculinity. I can cite sources if you want me to..Having an opinion on something is not equavalent of being judgemental even if "that opinion" unintentionally offends some people..

I'm clearly not up to speed on the latest science on this matter. I was just using what I thought was (is) common vernacular to answer the question.

It's ok. I should have been more careful to assert it in a different way. Though true, it may come off as brash and insensitive to some.

[afagehi7]

Fish - I really hope you can slip away and update during the holidays. I know I'll be sneaking away to check.

IMHO, these asshats that are blasting you, just ignore them. In one case They've not read your thread and in another they have some personal reasons they are attacking you. I think it could be jealousy. I know I'm jealous.

[XYAlpha]

IMO "going old-school" is so very important as it helps her compartmentalize her emotions (love vs. NRE and sex vs. lovemaking).

It seems as though SW is starting to make some essential adjustments.

I don't recall your answer to her inquiry about finding a local man and developing feelings for him, and wanting to spend more time with him than you. As I wrote, this is a huge red flag to me.

What was your response to her inquiry?

XY

[Redman321]

IMO "going old-school" is so very important as it helps her compartmentalize her emotions (love vs. NRE and sex vs. lovemaking).

It seems as though SW is starting to make some essential adjustments.

I don't recall your answer to her inquiry about finding a local man and developing feelings for him, and wanting to spend more time with him than you. As I wrote, this is a huge red flag to me.

What was your response to her inquiry?

XY

This local man thing is a genuine concern for me as well and I see it as a potential red flag that may be detrimental for their relationship in the longer run. (He wished this in this thread but not in that particular conversation. However, wanting to have more time with someone than SF is my concern, not his, because I believe, twice a week with a guy will result into some emotional attachment ). This current arrangement is alright to me. And, not being an "asshat", just giving you opinions as SF is very open minded and receptive of different views.

[Redman321]

I beg your pardon for any confusion caused by me.

[Aureus]

Any news yet? Have you revealed your sparkling present for SW's behind yet?

[slenderfish]

IMO "going old-school" is so very important as it helps her compartmentalize her emotions (love vs. NRE and sex vs. lovemaking).

It seems as though SW is starting to make some essential adjustments.

I don't recall your answer to her inquiry about finding a local man and developing feelings for him, and wanting to spend more time with him than you. As I wrote, this is a huge red flag to me.

What was your response to her inquiry?

XY

It's very conceptual at this point. She much prefers to do this away from our backyard. I have deferred any detailed conversations about this (or anything that might become more of a "permanent" approach) until after she has settled her mind about her desire to live the hotwife lifestyle and what she wants to get from it. I believe once she is at the point for that kind of conversation, I'll then be more able to put out on the table the things I really want from it, and we can then develop a balanced approach for the next cycle.

At this point, I've been patient and not really pushed hard on those elements I'd originally requested from SW in all this, being consistent with when and I agreed which was that she will "dip her toe in the hotwife water" to get a feel for it and then we'll decide how much of a plunge makes the most sense beyond the next waypoint.

But to be clear and as a direct answer to your question, I was also very direct with her and I said it is my expectation that our marriage always be paramount and that I always be her "primary" even if she is feeling extra strongly toward someone new, and that I will absolutely fight tooth and nail for her and the marriage if that ever seems to be jeopardized.

To be honest, I'm actually asserting this same thing all this week with SW, in that she seems to be more oriented right now to her upcoming encounter with Mr. S and has been overlooking me. I'm actively (and very carefully) asserting myself into the pre-travel mix, and pushing to see if she is for some reason subconsciously tending to "cut me off" without realizing it. I need to stay aware of these finer points right now because these are unplanned developments that may show her tendencies before she is actually aware. Knowing these tendencies probably will inform a lot of things along the way.

[samlowen]

To be honest, I'm actually asserting this same thing all this week with SW, in that she seems to be more oriented right now to her upcoming encounter with Mr. S and has been overlooking me. I'm actively (and very carefully) asserting myself into the pre-travel mix, and pushing to see if she is for some reason subconsciously tending to "cut me off" without realizing it. I need to stay aware of these finer points right now because these are unplanned developments that may show her tendencies before she is actually aware. Knowing these tendencies probably will inform a lot of things along the way.

She might not have the capacity to do both, provide you with the attention you want and deserve, and focus on the upcoming adventure with Mr. S. Not everyone is able to manage divided attentions like this and, let's be honest, her focus should be on Mr. S this week. You live with her and get the benefit of her attentions on the daily. I understand why you are raising your hand this week and saying don't forget about me. You're helping to train her so that she does have the capacity.

[slenderfish]

Any news yet? Have you revealed your sparkling present for SW's behind yet?

Good question. Last night I came home after my boys' night (Wednesdays) and she was with her niece having polished off a bottle of nice red wine (SW 3 glasses), so she was happy and a bit sloppy. After retiring to our bedroom, we did speak openly about the plans, about Mr. S, about any more recent communications, etc.

I asked her if she had given some thought to taking Mr. S bareback on this cycle. Seems she will do so, is my guess.

She then joked that he will of course be looking for anal, and again said it'll never happen (I tend to think she says some of these things for my benefit, etc.).

I reminded her that she has enjoyed it with me in the past, and that she might not want to underestimate the possibility that Mr. S is a skilled cocksman and would make it pleasurable for her. She effectively said that the size difference is daunting to her, that it may be great for the vagina but not the backside. I said that the key is to be relaxed and that there are techniques for preparing a bit, in advance, if she might ever consider the possibility and the impact it might make to Mr. S to unexpectedly offer it to him.

I did not remind her last night, but in recent weeks did bring up the subject that she is quite prepared for this, in that I'm an ass man and that she and I did go through a pretty meaningful anal sex phase. To the point that now, even though we are mostly away from fully (cock-) penetrative anal sex, it is zero issue to when if I slide finger (or fingers) into her little tight place while we are actively having PIV sex, and this does seem to increase the intensity of her orgasms. So I've really been assisting her now for some years in the training of her asshole to take a cock, with less resistance and discomfort.

I mean, I'll even slide my hand down the back of her jeans from time to time when out shopping, etc. and dip my finger into her little hole, just as a casual matter. She is generally okay with that, and is more concerned about being seen doing this.

I further said that I have procured some items as a gift to her, that are for the purpose of making it easier through practicing in advance, and that in the right time I'll unveil them. And that we are running out of time between now and when she leaves on Tuesday. She gave a nervous little giggle and laugh, and we then moved to another subject. I'd pushed this one to its edge for last night.

[Redman321]

IMO "going old-school" is so very important as it helps her compartmentalize her emotions (love vs. NRE and sex vs. lovemaking).

It seems as though SW is starting to make some essential adjustments.

I don't recall your answer to her inquiry about finding a local man and developing feelings for him, and wanting to spend more time with him than you. As I wrote, this is a huge red flag to me.

What was your response to her inquiry?

XY

It's very conceptual at this point. She much prefers to do this away from our backyard. I have deferred any detailed conversations about this (or anything that might become more of a "permanent" approach) until after she has settled her mind about her desire to live the hotwife lifestyle and what she wants to get from it. I believe once she is at the point for that kind of conversation, I'll then be more able to put out on the table the things I really want from it, and we can then develop a balanced approach for the next cycle.

At this point, I've been patient and not really pushed hard on those elements I'd originally requested from SW in all this, being consistent with when and I agreed which was that she will "dip her toe in the hotwife water" to get a feel for it and then we'll decide how much of a plunge makes the most sense beyond the next waypoint.

But to be clear and as a direct answer to your question, I was also very direct with her and I said it is my expectation that our marriage always be paramount and that I always be her "primary" even if she is feeling extra strongly toward someone new, and that I will absolutely fight tooth and nail for her and the marriage if that ever seems to be jeopardized.

To be honest, I'm actually asserting this same thing all this week with SW, in that she seems to be more oriented right now to her upcoming encounter with Mr. S and has been overlooking me. I'm actively (and very carefully) asserting myself into the pre-travel mix, and pushing to see if she is for some reason subconsciously tending to "cut me off" without realizing it. I need to stay aware of these finer points right now because these are unplanned developments that may show her tendencies before she is actually aware. Knowing these tendencies probably will inform a lot of things along the way.

SF writes-
I need to stay aware of these finer points right now because these are unplanned developments that may show her tendencies before she is actually aware. Knowing these tendencies probably will inform a lot of things along the way.

That's a fantastic observation. You are indeed progressing with caution.

[slenderfish]

To be honest, I'm actually asserting this same thing all this week with SW, in that she seems to be more oriented right now to her upcoming encounter with Mr. S and has been overlooking me. I'm actively (and very carefully) asserting myself into the pre-travel mix, and pushing to see if she is for some reason subconsciously tending to "cut me off" without realizing it. I need to stay aware of these finer points right now because these are unplanned developments that may show her tendencies before she is actually aware. Knowing these tendencies probably will inform a lot of things along the way.

She might not have the capacity to do both, provide you with the attention you want and deserve, and focus on the upcoming adventure with Mr. S. Not everyone is able to manage divided attentions like this and, let's be honest, her focus should be on Mr. S this week. You live with her and get the benefit of her attentions on the daily. I understand why you are raising your hand this week and saying don't forget about me. You're helping to train her so that she does have the capacity.

Yes. I fully understand and do believe I am being properly supportive. Just positioning my point for when we do the bigger renegotiation about hotwifing in general, setting firmer guidelines with each other, etc.

It's funny how the conversation has now changed to more of a "matter of fact" reference to her getting together with Mr. S. She seem more than intent on it, looking forward to it but trying to act aloof, etc.

She went for botox today and said she even let herself be talked into a bit of a lip injection. I'd previously toyed out loud with the concept of a bit of bimbo-izing if she is really going to become a sex object, during dirty talk connected with an active session of sex. Told her it would be hot if she could have lips and tits that she could increase in size upon demand. She seemed to react positively to it during the sex (which was a surprise to me at the time). And it's been hovering at the outer edges of our conversations about her periodic visits to the beauty doctor.

She is due home in the next 30 min and said I should not be surprised at her swollen lips, and that they will go down over the next few days.

Can't wait to see.

[afagehi7]

IMO "going old-school" is so very important as it helps her compartmentalize her emotions (love vs. NRE and sex vs. lovemaking).

It seems as though SW is starting to make some essential adjustments.

I don't recall your answer to her inquiry about finding a local man and developing feelings for him, and wanting to spend more time with him than you. As I wrote, this is a huge red flag to me.

What was your response to her inquiry?

XY

It's very conceptual at this point. She much prefers to do this away from our backyard. I have deferred any detailed conversations about this (or anything that might become more of a "permanent" approach) until after she has settled her mind about her desire to live the hotwife lifestyle and what she wants to get from it. I believe once she is at the point for that kind of conversation, I'll then be more able to put out on the table the things I really want from it, and we can then develop a balanced approach for the next cycle.

At this point, I've been patient and not really pushed hard on those elements I'd originally requested from SW in all this, being consistent with when and I agreed which was that she will "dip her toe in the hotwife water" to get a feel for it and then we'll decide how much of a plunge makes the most sense beyond the next waypoint.

But to be clear and as a direct answer to your question, I was also very direct with her and I said it is my expectation that our marriage always be paramount and that I always be her "primary" even if she is feeling extra strongly toward someone new, and that I will absolutely fight tooth and nail for her and the marriage if that ever seems to be jeopardized.

To be honest, I'm actually asserting this same thing all this week with SW, in that she seems to be more oriented right now to her upcoming encounter with Mr. S and has been overlooking me. I'm actively (and very carefully) asserting myself into the pre-travel mix, and pushing to see if she is for some reason subconsciously tending to "cut me off" without realizing it. I need to stay aware of these finer points right now because these are unplanned developments that may show her tendencies before she is actually aware. Knowing these tendencies probably will inform a lot of things along the way.

You're doing this as well as anyone possibly can. I applaud your diligent efforts and analysis. I think this probably reflects your style in life and is probably responsible for your success in your career, love life with hot chicks, and excellent fitness. Most of us are in the fit-in ness whole cookie in my mouth status since rona closed the gyms.

[KyGrappler80]

Swollen lips is hot. Two sets of swollen lips this week even hotter.

[tojanman]

Oh man it’s getting down to the wire. It feels like forever ago since she had her last encounter with mr s

[Observer1931]

To be honest, I'm actually asserting this same thing all this week with SW, in that she seems to be more oriented right now to her upcoming encounter with Mr. S and has been overlooking me. I'm actively (and very carefully) asserting myself into the pre-travel mix, and pushing to see if she is for some reason subconsciously tending to "cut me off" without realizing it. I need to stay aware of these finer points right now because these are unplanned developments that may show her tendencies before she is actually aware. Knowing these tendencies probably will inform a lot of things along the way.

She might not have the capacity to do both, provide you with the attention you want and deserve, and focus on the upcoming adventure with Mr. S. Not everyone is able to manage divided attentions like this and, let's be honest, her focus should be on Mr. S this week. You live with her and get the benefit of her attentions on the daily. I understand why you are raising your hand this week and saying don't forget about me. You're helping to train her so that she does have the capacity.

Yes. I fully understand and do believe I am being properly supportive. Just positioning my point for when we do the bigger renegotiation about hotwifing in general, setting firmer guidelines with each other, etc.

It's funny how the conversation has now changed to more of a "matter of fact" reference to her getting together with Mr. S. She seem more than intent on it, looking forward to it but trying to act aloof, etc.

She went for botox today and said she even let herself be talked into a bit of a lip injection. I'd previously toyed out loud with the concept of a bit of bimbo-izing if she is really going to become a sex object, during dirty talk connected with an active session of sex. Told her it would be hot if she could have lips and tits that she could increase in size upon demand. She seemed to react positively to it during the sex (which was a surprise to me at the time). And it's been hovering at the outer edges of our conversations about her periodic visits to the beauty doctor.

She is due home in the next 30 min and said I should not be surprised at her swollen lips, and that they will go down over the next few days.

Can't wait to see.

[BallSpanking]

Let's see ... She now mentions hooking up with Mr S in a casual way, no hint of a doubt in her demeanor. SW has gone to get botox to puff up her lips, various beauty touch-ups prior to her trip. She understands this is a sex thing, and less of a relationship thing, but she remains very into it ... But she is doing this for you ... LOL ... Sure she is.

The fact she is considering going bareback with him, and possibly sharing her brown-eye, is definitely an 'upping' of her game. I can't imagine SW would come close to considering that offer to anyone else ... In fact, she probably sees it as a challenge, and is unsure she can go through with it ... She is still struggling with wanting to call the shots. She has expectations she wants met, and it is going to be a struggle for her to relax and be his sub, his sex toy, as she put it.

I think she will try it with him. Make sure there is plenty of good quality lubricant so she can enjoy him better.

[slenderfish]

Let's see ... She now mentions hooking up with Mr S in a casual way, no hint of a doubt in her demeanor. SW has gone to get botox to puff up her lips, various beauty touch-ups prior to her trip. She understands this is a sex thing, and less of a relationship thing, but she remains very into it ... But she is doing this for you ... LOL ... Sure she is.

The fact she is considering going bareback with him, and possibly sharing her brown-eye, is definitely an 'upping' of her game. I can't imagine SW would come close to considering that offer to anyone else ... In fact, she probably sees it as a challenge, and is unsure she can go through with it ... She is still struggling with wanting to call the shots. She has expectations she wants met, and it is going to be a struggle for her to relax and be his sub, his sex toy, as she put it.

I think she will try it with him. Make sure there is plenty of good quality lubricant so she can enjoy him better.

Yes, methinks SW's ego has jumped back into this game and she is taking it up a notch. I kind of got a hint of it a few weeks ago when she persisted with keeping the plan even though she didn't hear from him. Once he came back upon the scene, she acted just a bit too aloof; that is, she "doth protested too much" as my hint. And I subtly tested it from time to time. Check, she's into it but pretending she is not.

Or, "please listen to what I say and pay no attention to what I'm actually doing." Well, I'm one to look past rhetoric and to the action.

Based on that, and prompted just a bit by encouragement from friends on this board, I went ahead and got the set of training plugs. I found ones that have the heart-shaped jewel on the protruding end, in pink which is SW's favorite color. The set comes in three sizes, small medium and large.

I presented them to her last night after we were out for happy hour, that then went another hour, which equated to two full pours of beers for me and two glasses of Cabernet Sauvignon for her.

After returning home, and while we had the house to ourselves, I presented the box with the items, and happily they came in little petite red velvet pockets with gold pull string closures.

She initially said "if those are butt plugs I'm going to be angry" to which I replied, "these are called notions or novelties, for a reason; they are for fun" and I also said that I got them for her and Mr. S in case she wanted to tease him and/or spice things up. I said that she should imagine his face if there is a surprising reveal at some point next week when they are together.

And she was not cross or angry, but she handled one (the big one) too quickly before I traded out for the petite one and told her the petite one is for her, as the starter.

It was all good fun. She collected her prizes and took them upstairs to hide them away from prying eyes. Now all I have to do is get her to relax and try one or two. Perhaps tonight? I give it 50/50 odds for tonight.

She has been texting him and continues to drop short acknowledgements of a text every couple of days, but she always says she deleted it as is her process with all text messages. So she does not share the text messages. I'd much prefer to have a look at them but will not cause an issue right now. Rather keep with the bejeweled plugs as the objective right now.

If she goes for the testing of the plugs, I'll really push to get some photos. Probably not able to post them, but you can't post what you don't have. So I'll try to get these.

I guess that's all for now.

[BallSpanking]

Like the Three Bears, you can, by the process of deduction, determine which one is in use ...
If you opened the drawer and found Baby Bear and Mama Bear ... You would know it's Papa Bear that's getting the ride ...

[slenderfish]

Nothing new to report.

SW just set up the clothes rack to build her outfits (her "looks") in advance of packing for the trip. She leaves on Tuesday.

[slenderfish]

Okay, there is an update. As I expected, she is having normal nervous anticipation with her mind and intention swinging all over the place.

Mr S has not really made any kind of effort at investing in communication and relationship elements, even in the past few days, completely ignoring her texts except those that imply sex and only sending cave man-style texts to her (think grunting and groaning equivalent in text). So she is irritated and as of last night (upon receiving his latest one which was still the same) said she is not into just seeing him where he visits her hotel room solely for the physical. I had to talk her down a bit and provide a bit of wiggle room for him to be able to rescue the situation, which really did take all day today to accomplish. She just told me she has to "run out" for some errands but she showed me the texts from today (the ones I composed) and his replies. Clearly he knows something is wrong and has asked to speak with her on the phone about it. She made him wait a couple of hours (which have passed) and I'm quite sure she's going to her car for privacy and the call.

In the meantime, and you'll like this, she has kept in touch with Mr. M. Last night she said she found out from Mr. M that he is not going to the Northeast to visit his son after all, and will be by himself in SW's hometown area for the long weekend. Well, not really by himself, but his girlfriend (and her kids) have their own Thanksgiving plans including handoffs with her ex- and inlaws, etc. and he'd rather skip all that anyway. SW said that she does really have a connection and banter, conversation, etc with Mr. M and at this point would much prefer to hang with him on Wednesday night, and perhaps she should just invite him and seduce him. She realizes that he is easy game, after the phone sex from a couple of weeks ago.

I advised her to keep Mr. S on the back burner even as she attempts to temp Mr. M into her lair. I provided her the proper text messages to find out a) if hes game to "cross paths" with her this holiday weekend, and (if so) then b) Wednesday is best because she is solo and her husband (me) is traveling separately and is out of the picture on that day. It seems he may be open to getting together but he was already hatching plans to hang with one or two guy friends over the long weekend, guys in a similar place who have recently split with wife, girlfriend, etc.

She pressed him Mr. M again for Wednesday, apparently hoping he will offer her a backup plan if her call doesn't go well with Mr. S.

Her present strategy for Mr. S is to let him know he "blew it" again by not being more attentive, and the perhaps offering him an opportunity to reconnect with her in a non-physical way by getting together with her on Wed early afternoon for an hour or so of chatting, etc. and presuming she has a firm plan to then hang out with Mr. M later that night. If Mr. S is able to gain her confidence, then she will keep their original plan after the weekend (and get physical with him at that time). If not, then she is free to cancel their prior plan and he's done.

My bet is as follows:

1) She did not receive the immediate confirming response from Mr. M that she hoped for, and so it's not really a firm plan at this point. Therefore, doubt exists about that one.

2) Mr. S will, if he is skillful, talk to her and warm her up to getting together in person on Wednesday. She will agree to that.

3) As Mr. M remains flaky, she will tend back to Mr. S and, when she does see him in person on Wednesday, melt a bit and fall back under his spell, and they will ultimately go up to her hotel room, picking up where they left off in October.

Well, not really a bet but a hope.

I think she wants to do the physical Mr. S option but her slut-shaming self will not let that happen until she is satisfied he has adequately addressed the touchy-feely elements needed by her in order to share herself in that way.

I'll tell you one thing for certain. She has a hall pass on Wednesday and seems determined to use it. Even if it means bedding her longtime-ago affair guy, who has gained weight and lost hair, or as SW's girlfriend put it "has not aged well."

Not once has she suggested that these both fall through and I'll then join her at the hotel that night. Hotwife-husband heaven.

Any oddsmakers out there want to throw in your bets?

[whenwillshe]

Not making any bets other than you getting laid after turkey dinner.
Pretty wild ride you guys are on so enjoy all the twists and turns and thanks for sharing

[afagehi7]

Wouldn't it be phenomenal if she managed to have both conquests on Wednesday night. I know that is a major long shot but it seems a distant possibility. It's good she's determined to use her hall pass and hasn't thrown in the towel. Mr. S really needs to step up but apparently it's not his style. Maybe he's just not a text person and they should talk on the phone (which is going to happen). Hopefully he puts her at ease. Certainly there are plenty of men who would give her more the GFE she craves. Mr.M has a connection so even if he didn't age well maybe he'll be more appreciative. We'd love to see the text messages you composed. Certainly you are good enough to leave them both adequate openings to make the right move. Hopefully they make it.

2 guys in 1 night... through the roof hot and may just get her past the self slut shaming.

One question, Mr. M knows about your hotwife desires. Could it become your first MFM? I think those odds are reasonable.

We'll be watching and waiting for updates. Please update us over the weekend even if it's just short.

[slenderfish]

Here's what I sent to SW yesterday morning in an email, for her to copy and paste into text messages. Note that after these texts, she ended up speaking on the phone with Mr. M early afternoon for over an hour, yesterday. She received the text from Mr. S after her long call with Mr. M, the one where Mr. S realized he was in trouble and he asked to speak with her on the phone. I assume they did speak on the phone but SW hasn't mentioned anything about it or what she is now planning for Wed, etc. She is back in silence mode. I'll be interested to see what she shares today before she departs. Still on my program of being okay with her taking a lot of rope, so she will hopefully really enjoy the hotwife fun this cycle.

[Mr. M:]

[Text #1]

If you are local, perhaps we can cross paths this weekend? I'll be staying in local Marriott property, not Lakefront Hotel.

[He replies no or yes. If no, then it's done. If yes then next text:]

[Text #2]

I'm coming in earlier and will be by myself until Thursday. Meet up Wed afternoon at that Starbucks or similar?

[He replies no or yes. If no, then make another plan. If yes (or even if no), then you can move to push Mr. S to original plan after Sunday, as follows:]

----------------------------

[Mr. S]

[Text #1]

Got your text, thanks for touching base, yes want to see you. Did you get my other texts regarding Covid, my location, etc? Kinda wondering why you didn't reply to those.

[He replies or not. Either way, you then reply with the following:]

I was expecting more friendly banter over the weeks since mid-October, when we finally really connected. Feeling lack of connection again.

[He replies or not. Either way, you then reply with the following:]

Wed has become complicated with scheduling, hotel change, feeling disconnected from you, etc. Prob more realistic to fall back to original plan for Monday. That still work for you?

[Now he is on notice to re-engage beginning now, in advance of Monday. If he does, then you are good. If not, then of course you are free to cancel Monday, etc. as it gets closer.]

[CuriousOne36]

Wasn’t there another younger guy she conversed with out in that area? Could be a plan C.