Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[Lookingforadventure]

Have any of the hotwives here ever fantasized about working as an elite (high-end) escort for an evening, where the husband sets up the encounter as if he were an escort agency?

To be clear, I’m not talking about actually working as an escort but merely role-playing this with a witting man (e.g., handsome traveling businessman staying at an expensive hotel).

Welcome comments.

LL

This hasn't been a fantasy of mine, but I can see the appeal of being so desired that someone would pay good money to spend time with me. If the role play focused on that aspect and didn't feel like I was being sold by one man to do the bidding of another, I could possibly get behind it.

[Lookingforadventure]

hi all, my question is: do any of you have fun with and enjoy bulls that are clearly less attractive than yiur husband and with a smaller penis? if so what is it that attracted yiu to them to make you jave sex with them, and what do you enjoy about them?

context: my wife and i often sortof role play hotwifing during our sexy times with theoretical hot big dicked men, but i am not sure how likely she would want to ever do it, or enjoy it in real life. i already have a very large penis which can often cause difficulties and it wouldnt be easy finding someone bigger in real life. i am also very attractive and she very rarely finds other men attractive, so it woild be very difficult to find a guy hotter than me, especially thatis willing to have sex with her. (and pkease dont question this difficulty,i live in a small area within a small population large land mass island country).

My husband is extremely attractive and has been very blessed in the length and girth department as far as penises are concerned. For me, the lifestyle isn't about trying to find "better". It is about making new connections and having new and different experiences with other men. It isn't a comparison thing or trying to fill some sort of gap that my husband can't satisfy. I like the excitement that comes from being with someone who isn't my husband, I like the butterfly feelings of having a crush on someone, and the giddiness when we flirt. I enjoy the naughtiness of sexy lingerie, daytime hotel dates, or semi-public sex in cars and parks. I also like the deep and true connections that I've built with a long-term boyfriend.

If your wife is interested in this lifestyle, it is important that you let her figure out what it is that she would want to get out of it. Let her find the partners that she feels chemistry with regardless of what they look like, how old they are, or how big their penis is. I think you'd be surprised who she chooses and what she likes about it.

[Lookingforadventure]

So my wife is not yet a hotwife but a few months ago after a session she asked me if she was on a work trip and saw and guy she liked and had the opportunity would I be angry with her for not discussing it first… I said no I wouldn’t but what’s everybody’s opinion on this… firstly is it a confession do you think or is it a sign that she’s really considering hotwifing?

Do you trust your wife? Trust and communication are going to be key to having success in this lifestyle. If you trust her, then accept the fact that she was trying to figure out exactly what the terms were for being a hot wife within your specific relationship. She was checking to see if you want to be involved in selecting the guy or approving him, if she has cart blanche to act when the mood strikes, or if it should be pre-arranged first. Keep having these conversations and be honest with her in your answers. Feel free to ask questions back about how she would feel if you DID want to know in advance, or if you didn't. Ask if she'd want you to be there, or if she'd rather play alone. Whatever your questions are, ask them of her. I think that's the only way that ethical nonmonogamy can move forward and work successfully.

[Justaregularguy]

So my wife is not yet a hotwife but a few months ago after a session she asked me if she was on a work trip and saw and guy she liked and had the opportunity would I be angry with her for not discussing it first… I said no I wouldn’t but what’s everybody’s opinion on this… firstly is it a confession do you think or is it a sign that she’s really considering hotwifing?

Do you trust your wife? Trust and communication are going to be key to having success in this lifestyle. If you trust her, then accept the fact that she was trying to figure out exactly what the terms were for being a hot wife within your specific relationship. She was checking to see if you want to be involved in selecting the guy or approving him, if she has cart blanche to act when the mood strikes, or if it should be pre-arranged first. Keep having these conversations and be honest with her in your answers. Feel free to ask questions back about how she would feel if you DID want to know in advance, or if you didn't. Ask if she'd want you to be there, or if she'd rather play alone. Whatever your questions are, ask them of her. I think that's the only way that ethical nonmonogamy can move forward and work successfully.

Oh yes I trust her, I thought the same that she was trying to figure out boundaries, we’ve been very open with each other about this since we started talking about it

[Bullbe]

Hi HWs,

Firstly apologies if you have answered questions like this before but in my look through the thread I could not quite find what I wanted. My wife and I are at the precipice of this lifestyle - you can see my thread on the cuckold forum. I and we are caught up in the worry about where it will lead but some how I can’t seem to get off this path.

My big questions are:
1) from what my wife has said one of the biggest fears of hers is how she might get over her internalised view of sex through a Catholic lens. She said “I am hardly able to be fully comfortable with you after 24 years never mind a new guy”. I am the only person she has slept with in her life. Can any of you ladies that traveled this path relate and have you any advice to offer?
2) I am really worried about her forming a deep emotional connection with someone else. We have had the most wonderful life together and she and I both are afraid where this will lead. Sex for her would not be enjoyable without some connection. Has this lifestyle negatively affect your bond with your husband? Did you lose anything from before?
3) very simple - did you lose respect for your partner for having this desire.

I think my wife sees this kink as an outcome of trauma I have suffered in the past and she is worried that I am actually sub consciously pressing a self destruct button. I have no performance, size or other limitations and we have a great sex life. She may be right but the underlying physical feelings for me are just so strong and since I have started to share and accept them I feel a lot more present, relaxed and happy.
This is a huge step for us so all advice and guidance is very welcome

[ricinatl]

For those ladies that are in more of a cuckold relationship.
Can you recall the steps or the particular point in time when you felt cucking your husband was the way moving forward?
I imagine most women got started by their s/o desire to be cucked so was it after a couple times doing it, it became something you grew into or was it a perticular session or actions that flipped a light on?

And, if you could go back to the very start, is there anything you would do diferently?

[hope2explore]

For the HWs

What are some book recommendations you have to ease my wife into the idea of hotwife / vixen lifestyle. She is currently reading all the latest top rated novels and has admitted that some have sex related scenarios which are “interesting” som I want a few that are more direct and to the point for her to try.

[SemenDman]

Would any hotwives be open to discussing the benefits of the lifestyle with their daughters? Or being honest with them if they found out about it while still at home?

[Tony1093460]

First of all, thank you so much for doing this. I am a wannabe with a very beautiful wife of 18 years. She is everything to me including the subject of all my sexual fantasies. Obviously, because I am here, I have a fantasy which has turned into a desire over the years of my sweet wife saying yes and taking the plunge to be coming a hot wife like yourselves. We have had many talks about this and while the idea and fantasy and even content surrounding it this very arousing to her, and the role plays that we have done have resulted in incredible orgasms and talks after, he has a very traditional View when it comes to making it a reality. That is, quite literally penetration from another man who is not her husband is tantamount to cheating regardless of whether there is consent. She holds on to that aspect of it as sacred. I was wondering if any of the hot wives out there answering questions felt this way at the beginning of their Journey. I asked not because I want to plot and scheme to change her mind, nor am I necessarily seeking advice, I am more just seeking hope. This desire of mine is almost bordering on an actual sexual orientation. It is something I wish I could get rid of even, but to this day my largest sexual desire is to experience my wife experiencing other men. Again, thank you for doing this and if any of you had felt the same as my wife at the beginning please let me know

[Badapple39]

Hi all. Wannabe here. I love dirty suggestive talk. Except most of the memes and stories are taken a bit too far and are too aggressive to be repeated and enjoyed. Not subtle enough in my opinion and my wife’s.
There is a topic on “Hot Things my Wife has said”.
Thinking back to before you became a hotwife or vixen, what were some hot things your husband said in the beginning before, long before, you made the leap?

[Lookingforadventure]

Hi HWs,

Firstly apologies if you have answered questions like this before but in my look through the thread I could not quite find what I wanted. My wife and I are at the precipice of this lifestyle - you can see my thread on the cuckold forum. I and we are caught up in the worry about where it will lead but some how I can’t seem to get off this path.

My big questions are:
1) from what my wife has said one of the biggest fears of hers is how she might get over her internalised view of sex through a Catholic lens. She said “I am hardly able to be fully comfortable with you after 24 years never mind a new guy”. I am the only person she has slept with in her life. Can any of you ladies that traveled this path relate and have you any advice to offer?
2) I am really worried about her forming a deep emotional connection with someone else. We have had the most wonderful life together and she and I both are afraid where this will lead. Sex for her would not be enjoyable without some connection. Has this lifestyle negatively affect your bond with your husband? Did you lose anything from before?
3) very simple - did you lose respect for your partner for having this desire.

I think my wife sees this kink as an outcome of trauma I have suffered in the past and she is worried that I am actually sub consciously pressing a self destruct button. I have no performance, size or other limitations and we have a great sex life. She may be right but the underlying physical feelings for me are just so strong and since I have started to share and accept them I feel a lot more present, relaxed and happy.
This is a huge step for us so all advice and guidance is very welcome

My apologies that this question has been sitting out here for so long without an answer. I haven't been on the site very much lately and it looks like the other women who frequently respond might not be either.

In terms of your first question about how to deal with the guilt that comes with a religious upbringing and "traditional" views of sexuality, that's one that many of us have struggled with. There is a really good thread somewhere on this site from Farmgirl and HerNumber1. If I find it back, I'll send it to you as a private message. For myself, I just came to the realization that God made sex and he made it pleasurable for a reason. As long as my husband is on board with my sexual activities and we aren't hurting anyone else (e.g. we treat our partners with respect and honesty) then we aren't doing anything wrong.

Your second question about emotional attachments is another good one. Every hot wife is different, but my approach to the lifestyle is one where I need to have some sort of emotional connection in order for the sex to be good for me. If it is just random sex with a stranger it feels cheap and I end up with the type of guilt you were talking about in your first question. My relationship with my husband was never at danger with any of the feelings I had for other partners. He is the love of my life and my life partner. That didn't change. But he had to be ok with me having friendships and sometimes even love for other people.

And for your third question, nope. I never lost respect for my husband. In fact, his trust in me and his ability to be happy for me as I explored my sexuality made me love him even more deeply.

I hope that helps.

[Lookingforadventure]

For those ladies that are in more of a cuckold relationship.
Can you recall the steps or the particular point in time when you felt cucking your husband was the way moving forward?
I imagine most women got started by their s/o desire to be cucked so was it after a couple times doing it, it became something you grew into or was it a perticular session or actions that flipped a light on?

And, if you could go back to the very start, is there anything you would do diferently?

I'm probably not the best one to answer this . In our case when we dabbled in cuckold play it was at the request of my husband. I am not naturally very good at it, but I did try my best. I "researched" via porn and by reading a few threads here. I found the types of teasing that felt comfortable to me and went with it. When I saw how much my husband enjoyed it, it helped me improve.

[Lookingforadventure]

For the HWs

What are some book recommendations you have to ease my wife into the idea of hotwife / vixen lifestyle. She is currently reading all the latest top rated novels and has admitted that some have sex related scenarios which are “interesting” som I want a few that are more direct and to the point for her to try.

"The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Eaton and Janet Hardy is a good one about ethical non-monogamy. It gives a lot of thoughtful insight into what you need to think about before you open up your marriage or relationship. I recommend it.

[Lookingforadventure]

Would any hotwives be open to discussing the benefits of the lifestyle with their daughters? Or being honest with them if they found out about it while still at home?

If my daughters asked about it, I would be honest with them. I wouldn't be the one to bring it up though.

[Lookingforadventure]

First of all, thank you so much for doing this. I am a wannabe with a very beautiful wife of 18 years. She is everything to me including the subject of all my sexual fantasies. Obviously, because I am here, I have a fantasy which has turned into a desire over the years of my sweet wife saying yes and taking the plunge to be coming a hot wife like yourselves. We have had many talks about this and while the idea and fantasy and even content surrounding it this very arousing to her, and the role plays that we have done have resulted in incredible orgasms and talks after, he has a very traditional View when it comes to making it a reality. That is, quite literally penetration from another man who is not her husband is tantamount to cheating regardless of whether there is consent. She holds on to that aspect of it as sacred. I was wondering if any of the hot wives out there answering questions felt this way at the beginning of their Journey. I asked not because I want to plot and scheme to change her mind, nor am I necessarily seeking advice, I am more just seeking hope. This desire of mine is almost bordering on an actual sexual orientation. It is something I wish I could get rid of even, but to this day my largest sexual desire is to experience my wife experiencing other men. Again, thank you for doing this and if any of you had felt the same as my wife at the beginning please let me know

I think that moving forward in this lifestyle has to be one that both of you embrace fully, or it won't work. I can understand her hesitation, and I'm not saying that she won't be able to "get over" it, but I think she has to do that work for herself before you'll be able to move forward. A lot of us hot wives had hesitations at first. We are raised to be "good girls" and that sexual desire is something that we need to fight against and be embarrassed about. Changing that mindset takes time. Maybe you could suggest that she come on this site and read a few of the threads. She could also get verified and join the Ladies Lounge to ask questions.

[Lookingforadventure]

Hi all. Wannabe here. I love dirty suggestive talk. Except most of the memes and stories are taken a bit too far and are too aggressive to be repeated and enjoyed. Not subtle enough in my opinion and my wife’s.
There is a topic on “Hot Things my Wife has said”.
Thinking back to before you became a hotwife or vixen, what were some hot things your husband said in the beginning before, long before, you made the leap?

For me, what turns me on the most is when my husband is proud of me and lets me know. When he is aroused by me, thinks I'm an amazing sex partner, is impressed by the sexual things I'm willing to try, etc. it makes me want to embrace my sexuality and do even more

[Badapple39]

For me, what turns me on the most is when my husband is proud of me and lets me know. When he is aroused by me, thinks I'm an amazing sex partner, is impressed by the sexual things I'm willing to try, etc. it makes me want to embrace my sexuality and do even more

I am going to print this reply out and stick it in my wallet. They are all true and never said enough. Thank you for this reply! I had a terrible go with this fantasy, I had reached a point of being obsessed with thinking and hinting at the dirtiest ideas and it was becoming a problem.
Thanks again!

[Lookingforadventure]

For me, what turns me on the most is when my husband is proud of me and lets me know. When he is aroused by me, thinks I'm an amazing sex partner, is impressed by the sexual things I'm willing to try, etc. it makes me want to embrace my sexuality and do even more

I am going to print this reply out and stick it in my wallet. They are all true and never said enough. Thank you for this reply! I had a terrible go with this fantasy, I had reached a point of being obsessed with thinking and hinting at the dirtiest ideas and it was becoming a problem.
Thanks again!

I'm glad that my answer was helpful to you. Best of luck to you and your wife, wherever your adventures take you.

[David001]

I am 34 years old, my wife is 33, and we have been happily married for the last 6 years. We dated for about 3 years before that, so have known each other for a total of 9 years. My wife is beautiful, she is young, very pretty, and has a stunning body.

In the years prior to us getting married, we spent some time doing long distance. I had always been very fond of phone sex, and so we started having a lot of it. She enjoyed it most of the time, but there were times when she thought it wasn't the best. I suspect now this may have been dependent on her cycles. At one point, we started doing some role playing, and I suggested to her if we incorporated some new roles of people we may know, such as her acting out my best friends wife, or me being her boss, or her friends husband. At first, she got very upset with this whole idea, and said she would never want to do something like that. The very next day, she called me and said she wanted to try it. From that day on, ALL our phone sex was role play, and we both loved it. We would role play best friends wife, her friends husband, boss/employee, etc, and it was all very hot. She would sometimes not be interested, but mostly was very much a part of this.

After we got married, the phone sex obviously stopped and with it the role play as well. We started having more vanilla sex and somehow got busy with life. The sex then started to become less in frequency, we were moving countries, both tired, busy in life and work, but whenever it did happen it was pretty average. I started masterbating, or rather continued, and I would fantasize about all sorts of role play ideas in my head. I would think about other women, and again these other women were my wife's best friends, my friends wives who I found attractive, and other women who I thought were hot placed into a taboo role by myself. Again, these were just fantasies and I would never want to cheat on my wife in real.

About 2 years ago, I asked my wife if she wanted to spice things up in the bedroom and start doing role play in real. She agreed and we re-started role playing, in person this time. After a few scenarios where she and I would both act as different people, she started getting uncomfortable and wanted to stop. I asked her what made her uncomfortable and she told me she did not want to fantasizing about having sex with other women. We had a long talk and came to the conclusion that moving forward, in all our role plays, she would remain her, and I would be something else. And that's how It all started! From then on, we had several role plays, and each time she was her, and I was her husbands best friend, her best friends husband, her boss, her ex, etc.

These role plays were extremely hot! They all involved her coming onto the new guy, she would dress up wearing sexy lingerie or short robes, showing off her legs which I loved, and she would seduce me in whatever role I was playing into having sex with her, which is what I found really hot and turned me on! With normal sex, it was barely any foreplay, but when we role-played, she would be a total slut (which is what I wanted her to be) and she would seduce me, take me to her room, would say things like 'this is wrong, what if someone found out' etc and it would really make me want her more! I think what turned me on most was these expereiences where she was with someone new involved more foreplay and she was much sexier than when when we were having regular sex. All of these role plays were infidelity, and none involved her husband actually knowing of what was going on.

I have since fantasized about these situations when masterbating as well, thinking about her getting sex from another man and it has turned me on, primarily because I think of all the things that she would say or has said in our role plays to seduce the other guy, and I imagine her wearing sexier clothes and being more slutty. I then came across this forum, and wondered if this was what I was truly interested in, if hotwifing was really my kink?

A couple of times in the past month or so, I have mentioned to her to make the fantasy a reality. She asked me if I would really be okay with her having sex with another guy, and when I said yes, she got excited a couple of times but really put me down the rest of the times. Even the times she got excited, she later said she would never do something like that and was just testing me. A couple of times she actually got really turned off.

So, my questions for you guys are two. 1. Do I really have the HW fantasy, or do I just like the idea of my wife being slutty, trying to seduce me as someone new? Iv previously imagined other women (married to other men) in the same role and found it hot, and now I find my wife doing that hot. Or do I enjoy the idea of her being with another guy? 2. Do you think by all of this my wife would be amendable to this lifestyle, in the future, should I continue or just drop this idea?