Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

For hotwives and the men who adore them.
conflictedhubby
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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by conflictedhubby » Sun Feb 17, 2019 4:55 pm

Thanks for your advice SSQ :)

I agree with you on all points, but I do need to clarify one thing so you don't think too poorly of me:
SSQ wrote:
Sun Feb 17, 2019 3:21 pm

I'm really bothered by the idea that you want a person to be a human sex toy. That's so dehumanizing and objectifying... and maybe not all that fun for your wife, either.
I should specify I don't want any person to be a human sex toy. I merely came to the realization that in all my fantasy scenarios of my wife sleeping with another man that everything in the fantasy was focused on my wife's sexual enjoyment. The man was not developed in my thoughts in any way. All my fantasies had this in common, that another person was there with my wife and that they were a man. That was the extent of that portion of the fantasy.

It was the realization of this aspect of my fantasies that every man in these scenarios of mine was nothing more than a walking dildo. I never gave any thought to what the other side of a hotwife encounter would be for my wife. I have since begun considering what type of man my wife would be attracted to, and that was the point I realized that I truly fear her falling in love with another man. I decided I was in no way ready to broach the subject with her.

Saying that however, people change. I may not be like this forever. The possibility exists that I will overcome my anxiety and be able to handle this lifestyle in the future, and despite knowing I wouldn't be able to handle it now I still fantasize over the idea. This is why I asked my original question as every bit of advice I get could potentially be a catalyst for change as I consider new avenues that I hadn't previously.

Hope this explanation helps alleviate your perception of me.

SpareTireDixon_66
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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by SpareTireDixon_66 » Mon Feb 18, 2019 4:28 am

Hi gals,
If possible, I'm hoping someone can elaborate on the question below.

SpareTireDixon_66 wrote:
Thu Jan 31, 2019 3:41 pm
Hi,
From a woman's perspective, can anyone elaborate on the sensation of being penetrated by a much smaller unit shortly after a much bigger one? Is it harder to feel?
Also, what about after a long term relationship and not having the bigger one any more; or "getting used to" a bigger piece, but being only with a smaller one after that?
Thanks.

Dzs1653

Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by Dzs1653 » Mon Feb 18, 2019 7:25 am

Some replies here have prompted me to ask my question. As background, this is in the realm of fantasy for me. I've shared this with my wife and she has not responded negatively, but I don't foresee this becoming reality. It would have to be her idea at this point, which I don't see happening. Still, I've thought a great deal about why this is such a strong fantasy for me. I think there are 3 main reasons: First, thinking of her as fully free and independent, even to the point of sex with another man, somehow intensifies my love for her. The second is that her happiness, her pleasure brings me pleasure (I love it when she is happy, when she's laughing). But the third is that the idea of her feeling sexual arousal and gratification at the hands of another man produces immense arousal for me as well. So my question is, is there something wrong with #3? Is it a problem that her being with another man would be a major turn-on for me as well? I don't imagine the other guy as a human dildo. My ideal is that he and I would have some sort of connection, collaborators for my wife's pleasure.

nevertoolate

Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by nevertoolate » Tue Feb 19, 2019 6:46 am

SSQ wrote:
Sun Feb 17, 2019 3:21 pm
conflictedhubby wrote:
Sat Feb 16, 2019 5:30 pm
Hi women of OHW,

I've had to deal with anxiety and depression for most of my life, because of this I doubt I would be able to handle my wife becoming a hotwife anytime soon. Her forming any kind of serious emotional attachment to any potential guys makes my blood run cold, but I can't help the thrill I get at the thought of her sleeping with another man. Mostly I've come to realize my fantasies makes guys into (as someone else here mentioned) a walking dildo. You can have a favorite dildo...but you wouldn't fall in love with it. That I think more than anything is what prevents me from introducing this topic to my wife.

With that in mind, do any of you have a personal rule that you follow to ensure you don't fall in love with any partners? From what I have read, love can develop in these relationships before some people even realize its growing. Do you do anything to guard against it or to watch for it? Or do you accept that it could be a possibility and you will continue with it no matter the consequences to your current marriage?
Honestly, if you have anxiety and depression and you are that worried about her developing feelings, DON'T do this. Nothing she can do can guarantee it.

I'm really bothered by the idea that you want a person to be a human sex toy. That's so dehumanizing and objectifying... and maybe not all that fun for your wife, either.

Sometimes, things just happen. You can take all the precautions in the world and lightning can strike. And once she feels something, saying she'll end it is really painful (and a shitty thing to do on all sides). Here are my thoughts on how to safeguard a relationship: https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/20 ... ction.html

I went into this with a plan of just having casual sex, no feelings. If you read way back to the beginning of my thread in the Hotwife forum, you'll see that. I saw many guys. Then I met one and I knew that first time this wasn't going to be a one night stand. It was emotionally intense from the start. So what happens then?

Feelings don't have to be a death knell, but I strongly encourage you given your history with mental health not to do this. It's not worth the risk to you.
Good thread and helpful comments here.

Two concepts I see here.

The first is your anxiety and depression. Someone struggling with insecurities can be jealous of an inanimate object such as a dildo or his partner even masturbating if it brings feelings of doubt over not being desired or "enough" sexually for their partner. The same concept certainly carries through into opening up a relationship only on a much greater scale. Working on our insecurities is how we function and mature though life, embracing and accepting a "loss of control" is liberating. This is a wide spectrum and long road ahead, and you understand it and are willing to try and that is what makes life interesting and worth the struggle.

The second concept is to separate the fantasy from reality. The fantasy is often machine like sex. The reality, as SSQ reminds us, this is human interaction and we will develop emotional feelings for the people we "just have sex with." How can it not? We are human.

nevertoolate

Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by nevertoolate » Tue Feb 19, 2019 10:06 am

Dzs1653 wrote:
Mon Feb 18, 2019 7:25 am
Some replies here have prompted me to ask my question. As background, this is in the realm of fantasy for me. I've shared this with my wife and she has not responded negatively, but I don't foresee this becoming reality. It would have to be her idea at this point, which I don't see happening. Still, I've thought a great deal about why this is such a strong fantasy for me. I think there are 3 main reasons: First, thinking of her as fully free and independent, even to the point of sex with another man, somehow intensifies my love for her. The second is that her happiness, her pleasure brings me pleasure (I love it when she is happy, when she's laughing). But the third is that the idea of her feeling sexual arousal and gratification at the hands of another man produces immense arousal for me as well. So my question is, is there something wrong with #3? Is it a problem that her being with another man would be a major turn-on for me as well? I don't imagine the other guy as a human dildo. My ideal is that he and I would have some sort of connection, collaborators for my wife's pleasure.
I would not worry at all. You have a wonderful, positive attitude about this. One I wish I had developed sooner in life and our marriage. You have been honest with her and that is a huge step. Being patient and supportive is the next step and it sure sounds like you under stand that too. If she does want to do this, her taking her time and doing it on her own terms and comfort level makes it an even better experience for her and you. I like what you wrote, and it is the kind of statement I can identify with to the point of framing it! :up:

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SSQ
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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by SSQ » Tue Feb 19, 2019 2:14 pm

Desibull wrote:
Tue Feb 19, 2019 11:25 am
SSQ wrote:
Sun Feb 17, 2019 3:21 pm

I'm really bothered by the idea that you want a person to be a human sex toy. That's so dehumanizing and objectifying... and maybe not all that fun for your wife, either.
For the right hotwife, I would be totally cool being a "human sex toy". There's nothing wrong with it if the feeling is mutual...if you aren't in love, there's nothing wrong with thinking of the hotwife as a human fleshlight is there?
If it's negotiated and mutually consented to, that's fine. But most people don't discuss that- they just say whatever they can to get laid and don't care how the other person feels about it. It's really easy to justify bullshit like that to yourself, but that doesn't make it okay.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

Suchen Zucker

Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by Suchen Zucker » Tue Feb 19, 2019 4:54 pm

2inUPMichigan wrote:
Sat Feb 16, 2019 6:26 pm
Suchen Zucker wrote:
Sat Feb 16, 2019 6:05 pm
Help! I'm being cock-blocked by my wife's leg cramps!

Lately, my wife has developed a muscle cramp in one of her thighs which always seems to occur when I place her legs over my shoulders in the missionary position. Unfortunately, this is my favorite position as it allows me to hold her ass cheeks in my hands and really fuck her hard and fast which is what I need to do in order to orgasm these days.

When it happens that's pretty much it for the night as she has to get up and walk it off and it just kills the mood. We are both in our early 60's.

Any suggestions?
I have some similar issues.....
It could be a trigger point causing the problem. They can cause referral pain and the source of the pain may not be where she is feeling it. Different positions can aggravate trigger points as they tighten the muscle and stretching it further can be painful and cause cramping and spasm.
Massage can help some, a hot tub before sex can help relax the muscles if you have access to one.
If this is the issue check out this website to help identify the trigger ( trigger points dot net)
Thanks for responding 2up. My wife looked at the trigger point website, but said she didn't think it was a trigger point issue. I'm thinking she needs to do some stretches before we get started may help. Of course, that just adds more complications... I never knew how complex it could get just having sex as you get older.

My wife knows about me visiting this forum and while she is uncomfortable with me being here, she begrudgingly accepts it. I told her I had asked on the forum about leg cramps and told her a hotwife had replied and what you said. She didn't say a lot, but said she would check out that website on trigger points.

LOL, the next day after we both got home from work she said we need to talk. Apparently, she got to thinking about what I had done and had then stewed all day at work convinced I must be sexting with all the hotwives at this site! She told me I had broken a boundary by sexting and talking about our sex lives with a stranger, and so on and so forth. She got more aggravated when I couldn't help but laugh when she spoke about "boundaries" in light of the boundaries more commonly spoken about by couples in this lifestyle.

Anyway, I thought that was amusing. Heh, I had to explain the technical aspects of a forum vs live chat, etc. I also said you were like the Dear Abby of Hotwives around here... :lol:

rascalnvixen

Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by rascalnvixen » Tue Feb 19, 2019 7:36 pm

Desibull wrote:
Tue Feb 19, 2019 5:46 pm
not sure if this quesiton has been asked, but how many hotwives have married guys with smaller dicks than their ex-boyfriends? and if so, why would you do that when most hotwives crave bigger cocks?
OH, my!! Stand back folks, I fear a strong storm is about to be unleashed!!! I can't believe this question has been asked after all the recent previous comments.

nevertoolate

Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by nevertoolate » Wed Feb 20, 2019 5:12 am

My apologies to the VHWs here for answering questions. Forgot where I was.

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Trixkat
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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by Trixkat » Wed Feb 20, 2019 5:19 am

rascalnvixen wrote:
Tue Feb 19, 2019 7:36 pm
Desibull wrote:
Tue Feb 19, 2019 5:46 pm
not sure if this quesiton has been asked, but how many hotwives have married guys with smaller dicks than their ex-boyfriends? and if so, why would you do that when most hotwives crave bigger cocks?
OH, my!! Stand back folks, I fear a strong storm is about to be unleashed!!! I can't believe this question has been asked after all the recent previous comments.
sadly, it doesn't come as much of a surprise to me and I suspect I'm not alone. this sort of thing is what we've been raising our voices about. how, despite what we VHWs say, repeatedly, we aren't respected enough to be believed, that the questions and doubts and disregard continue.
I can't keep quiet....a one woman riot ~~ Milck

Dzs1653

Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by Dzs1653 » Wed Feb 20, 2019 7:02 am

Ares wrote:
Tue Feb 19, 2019 11:15 am
... I remember years ago, having wild and noisy sex with a hot stud while my husband sat out in the car waiting my return. I'd called him before I'd entered the room and I just left the phone line open as my friend and I had amazing sex. By the time I got back to the car? My husband had literally cum in his pants just listening! (I guess he was discreetly playing with himself without actually taking his lil' cock out and he lost control!) Anyway, I could have cared less WHY he was turned on -- just the idea that he WAS so turned on really made me feel comfortable and good about repeating the evenings activities at many future dates...
Thank you Ares! Your post made my day. I have one follow-up question: During the scenario above, are you and/or your friend any more verbal than you might otherwise be, knowing that your husband is listening?

2inUPMichigan
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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Wed Feb 20, 2019 8:45 am

Desibull wrote:
Tue Feb 19, 2019 5:46 pm
not sure if this quesiton has been asked, but how many hotwives have married guys with smaller dicks than their ex-boyfriends? and if so, why would you do that when most hotwives crave bigger cocks?
Wow, what a question!
I've honestly never known a woman who married a man because of the size of his dick :lol:
I thought we married men because we loved them, silly me :roll:

"Most" is a word you use after you have asked every single hot wife and found a majority. I'm pretty sure you haven't done that. So when you say "most hot wives crave bigger cocks" you are only assuming you know the answer......

You post was a question followed by what you thought the answer should be. You are asking VHW's to justify and/or defend our position if we don't agree with you. We are not here to justify why we don't fit into your fantasy.

conflictedhubby
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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by conflictedhubby » Wed Feb 20, 2019 9:09 am

2inUPMichigan wrote:
Wed Feb 20, 2019 8:45 am
Desibull wrote:
Tue Feb 19, 2019 5:46 pm
not sure if this quesiton has been asked, but how many hotwives have married guys with smaller dicks than their ex-boyfriends? and if so, why would you do that when most hotwives crave bigger cocks?
Wow, what a question!
I've honestly never known a woman who married a man because of the size of his dick :lol:
I thought we married men because we loved them, silly me :roll:

"Most" is a word you use after you have asked every single hot wife and found a majority. I'm pretty sure you haven't done that. So when you say "most hot wives crave bigger cocks" you are only assuming you know the answer......

You post was a question followed by what you thought the answer should be. You are asking VHW's to justify and/or defend our position if we don't agree with you. We are not here to justify why we don't fit into your fantasy.
See that brings up something else I have problems wrapping my head around. What keeps the hotwives with their husbands? As we've already established, love is something that has to be guarded against forming. So if you know you can fall in love with someone else, why stick with your husbands? Is it just familiarity/dependability? Just too much work to deal with falling in love with someone else?

2inUPMichigan
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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Wed Feb 20, 2019 9:25 am

conflictedhubby wrote:
Wed Feb 20, 2019 9:09 am
2inUPMichigan wrote:
Wed Feb 20, 2019 8:45 am
Desibull wrote:
Tue Feb 19, 2019 5:46 pm
not sure if this quesiton has been asked, but how many hotwives have married guys with smaller dicks than their ex-boyfriends? and if so, why would you do that when most hotwives crave bigger cocks?
Wow, what a question!
I've honestly never known a woman who married a man because of the size of his dick :lol:
I thought we married men because we loved them, silly me :roll:

"Most" is a word you use after you have asked every single hot wife and found a majority. I'm pretty sure you haven't done that. So when you say "most hot wives crave bigger cocks" you are only assuming you know the answer......

You post was a question followed by what you thought the answer should be. You are asking VHW's to justify and/or defend our position if we don't agree with you. We are not here to justify why we don't fit into your fantasy.
See that brings up something else I have problems wrapping my head around. What keeps the hotwives with their husbands? As we've already established, love is something that has to be guarded against forming. So if you know you can fall in love with someone else, why stick with your husbands? Is it just familiarity/dependability? Just too much work to deal with falling in love with someone else?
Since you are asking an honest question I will answer you in all sincerity. I love my husband and could not envision my life without him. Why would I leave someone who I have given my heart to? It isn't a matter of familiarity or dependability at all. My heart would hurt if we weren't together. I'm not in this lifestyle because I don't love my husband. We have a very strong bond developed over time and shared experiences.

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SSQ
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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by SSQ » Wed Feb 20, 2019 9:28 am

conflictedhubby wrote:
Wed Feb 20, 2019 9:09 am
2inUPMichigan wrote:
Wed Feb 20, 2019 8:45 am
Desibull wrote:
Tue Feb 19, 2019 5:46 pm
not sure if this quesiton has been asked, but how many hotwives have married guys with smaller dicks than their ex-boyfriends? and if so, why would you do that when most hotwives crave bigger cocks?
Wow, what a question!
I've honestly never known a woman who married a man because of the size of his dick :lol:
I thought we married men because we loved them, silly me :roll:

"Most" is a word you use after you have asked every single hot wife and found a majority. I'm pretty sure you haven't done that. So when you say "most hot wives crave bigger cocks" you are only assuming you know the answer......

You post was a question followed by what you thought the answer should be. You are asking VHW's to justify and/or defend our position if we don't agree with you. We are not here to justify why we don't fit into your fantasy.
See that brings up something else I have problems wrapping my head around. What keeps the hotwives with their husbands? As we've already established, love is something that has to be guarded against forming. So if you know you can fall in love with someone else, why stick with your husbands? Is it just familiarity/dependability? Just too much work to deal with falling in love with someone else?
We haven't established that in any way. Some people feel that way. Some people don't. You get to decide what works in your relationship but there is no general rule that love is a bad thing.

There's the scarcity mentality. Humans really can love more than one person. It's a spectrum just like sexuality. Some people are hardwired to one extreme or the other, in this case, monogamy versus polyamory. And most people live somewhere along the spectrum in the middle and can be happy either way depending on circumstances.

I love my husband. I am head over heels in love with my boyfriend. I am NOT with my husband for familiarity- he is my favourite sex partner, my best friend, and my partner in love. We have a romantic relationship, not just companionate love. It's everything you'd expect a "normal" marriage to be like except that I suspect we have better sex and communication, and that we're open to both romantic and sexual connections.

Wanting to be open to being romantic and/or with other people has absolutely nothing to do with a deficiency in my marriage. It means, to me, that i like being open to possibilities when I connect with someone new. I like letting the energy go where it goes, whether that's a casual fling, intimate nonsexual friends (monogamy has issues with this sometimes too), or a romantic and sexual relationship.

Now, being a good hinge is in fact a lot of work because you have to make sure both your partners are happy. It's not an easier choice than monogamy, that's for sure! But to me, it's so worth it.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

conflictedhubby
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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by conflictedhubby » Wed Feb 20, 2019 10:46 am

Thank you 2up and SSQ for your insights. I obviously have a lot to learn, I'm re-evaluating a lot of preconceptions.

Dzs1653

Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by Dzs1653 » Wed Feb 20, 2019 10:54 am

SSQ wrote:
Wed Feb 20, 2019 9:28 am
I love my husband. I am head over heels in love with my boyfriend. I am NOT with my husband for familiarity- he is my favourite sex partner, my best friend, and my partner in love. We have a romantic relationship, not just companionate love. It's everything you'd expect a "normal" marriage to be like except that I suspect we have better sex and communication, and that we're open to both romantic and sexual connections.

Wanting to be open to being romantic and/or with other people has absolutely nothing to do with a deficiency in my marriage. It means, to me, that i like being open to possibilities when I connect with someone new. I like letting the energy go where it goes, whether that's a casual fling, intimate nonsexual friends (monogamy has issues with this sometimes too), or a romantic and sexual relationship.

Now, being a good hinge is in fact a lot of work because you have to make sure both your partners are happy. It's not an easier choice than monogamy, that's for sure! But to me, it's so worth it.
That is so beautiful. You have obviously managed to find happiness and satisfaction with your polyamorous situation. I was practically offered this long ago by my (now ex-) wife but I wasn't ready, and the whole idea scared me. Obviously my attitude is now far different. So my question is, was polyamory something that was initially difficult for you, possibly even scary at first, or did it just seem like it fit you right away? When you first discovered that you had feelings for another, was there any fear that it could mean less for your husband?

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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by SSQ » Wed Feb 20, 2019 11:28 am

Dzs1653 wrote:
Wed Feb 20, 2019 10:54 am
SSQ wrote:
Wed Feb 20, 2019 9:28 am
I love my husband. I am head over heels in love with my boyfriend. I am NOT with my husband for familiarity- he is my favourite sex partner, my best friend, and my partner in love. We have a romantic relationship, not just companionate love. It's everything you'd expect a "normal" marriage to be like except that I suspect we have better sex and communication, and that we're open to both romantic and sexual connections.

Wanting to be open to being romantic and/or with other people has absolutely nothing to do with a deficiency in my marriage. It means, to me, that i like being open to possibilities when I connect with someone new. I like letting the energy go where it goes, whether that's a casual fling, intimate nonsexual friends (monogamy has issues with this sometimes too), or a romantic and sexual relationship.

Now, being a good hinge is in fact a lot of work because you have to make sure both your partners are happy. It's not an easier choice than monogamy, that's for sure! But to me, it's so worth it.
That is so beautiful. You have obviously managed to find happiness and satisfaction with your polyamorous situation. I was practically offered this long ago by my (now ex-) wife but I wasn't ready, and the whole idea scared me. Obviously my attitude is now far different. So my question is, was polyamory something that was initially difficult for you, possibly even scary at first, or did it just seem like it fit you right away? When you first discovered that you had feelings for another, was there any fear that it could mean less for your husband?
You might want to read through my thread- it was far from straightforward. I didn't plan to be polyamorous at all, I was just looking to be a hotwife. Then I fell for someone and because I had no idea how to be poly, I wound up in a bad relationship. My marriage at the time ended for reasons unrelated to hotwifing (my ex moved to another country for work and I didn't want to go). My husband now is someone I have always had an open/poly relationship with, this is our normal. And yes, it really is beautiful to us :) We both agree this is what we want; he would not be okay with closing any more than I would be.

But even the first time when my poly was a disaster (and I think it nearly always is the first time), my love for my new partner meant spillover NRE in my primary relationship. I was happier and wanted to make my (ex) husband happier, too. My husband Henry and I have an agreement that we step up the awesome with each other when we develop NRE for a new partner but it barely needs to be said because when we are happy and overflowing with love, it splashes all around. And compersion is a thing; he loves seeing me so happy.

But I'll repeat that since people don't have the skills to do polyamory right off the bat, that it's so easy to cause hurt or misunderstandings or to not treat people well for some justification or other. There are very few role models out there for poly relationships while there are so many for monogamy. It's not easy to find your path and I think people tend to write off polyamory after having a bad experience without realizing that it's not the relationship form that's the issue but the lack of experience. Who here had their first romantic relationship be perfect and healthy all the time? i doubt many people would honestly be able to say yes.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

afagehi7

Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by afagehi7 » Thu Feb 21, 2019 5:43 am

Hotwives - I am trying to plan a first time event. Can you give advice on how to make it special and a successful event? I want her to enjoy it as much as possible. She is open to the idea so the first time would be a make it or break it scenario. What can I do so she has the best time? I don't plan to watch. I think it is easier that way. Any advice is appreciated.

2inUPMichigan
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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Fri Feb 22, 2019 11:23 am

afagehi7 wrote:
Thu Feb 21, 2019 5:43 am
Hotwives - I am trying to plan a first time event. Can you give advice on how to make it special and a successful event? I want her to enjoy it as much as possible. She is open to the idea so the first time would be a make it or break it scenario. What can I do so she has the best time? I don't plan to watch. I think it is easier that way. Any advice is appreciated.
Let's back up a minute. You posted in another thread the day before this post that you are interested in how other couples found men and info on first time experiences. This post sounds like you, as the husband, want to plan out her first hot wife experience (I think I am understanding you correctly).
I completely understand that you want it to go well, but I would not suggest that you plan out her first time. Encouraging her to buy a new outfit or new lingerie (if that is something that would make her feel sexy) is a great way to be supportive and help set the scene. Making sure that she is choosing someone that she is attracted to and who she will feel comfortable with is essential (in my opinion) for a successful first experience. You may think you know what she wants however only she really knows what her body and mind responds to ;)
As I suggested on your other thread read some of the threads written by verified hot wives on this board to get ideas on how our first time went.
As far as meeting men.... I used SLS (swing lifestyle) while I know others on here have preferred local bars or friends.

Each journey in this lifestyle is unique and it is up tithe two of you to communicate and be open with each other.

afagehi7

Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by afagehi7 » Fri Feb 22, 2019 11:58 am

@2upinmichigan - I am trying to understand all the angles so when and if the time comes I will have some answers. I have been trying to improve our intimacy and treat her extra special. I want everything to be perfect and extra special for her. I would probably not pick the kind of guy she'd like (I'd pick a young hung stud) but she'd probably want something different. I am planning on sls and filtering out the garbage (you know what I mean) but letting her choose. Perhaps Ashley Madison or something depending on her feelings on married guys. I want it to be all about her. I am not going to plan it entirely but give her some starting points. I am planning the talk for the next month or so. If she agrees to explore I will need to be prepared. I have a general plan for the talk and have been following the advice on alex McCall. I also paid for a report from the cuck consultant (not for cuck but for hotwifing). I was hoping VHWs would give me good advice. I am really trying hard to do this right. We've been together for 20 years (in our 40s). The relationship is strong and I am working to make it even better. If we miss this window, it will probably never happen. Hopefully the VHWs see a caring husband who is excited by his wife's pleasure and sees the potential this has to make us a stronger couple. Think about how you would want this done if you were her. That is truly what I am after.

Another note, the search function doesn't seem to work well at all. I'm in IT so if anyone wants technical advice email me.

Biostar74
Prepubescent
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Feb 17, 2018 4:51 pm

Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by Biostar74 » Mon Feb 25, 2019 2:02 pm

Hi ladies,

I'm looking for thoughts from wives of a similar background as mine. We are 44/41, been married for 20 years, 2 ys. My wife knows my fantasies about her playing with other men. We have had lots of good discussions about this that weren't pillow talk. She has MFM and big cock fantasies, and says the thought of sex with another man turns her on. However she says she can't see her doing it in reality right now. We're from the Bible Belt, and she still holds on to pretty conservative ideas about her body and sex while she is very open minded about everything else. When I ask why she isn't interested in actually carrying out these less traditional fantasies, her only answer is, it doesn't feel right. I ask what she means and she says she could use her body for that.

I dont bring this up all the time, and don't pressure her so do anything. I want HER to want it. I want her to feel good about her body and sexuality. But even being admired by other men can make her uncomfortable. However, she has been more open lately. We recently did an online fantasy survey and found that we'd both agree to go to an adults only nudist resort, and we've made a reservation to go next month to try getting nude in from of folks, but sex just between us.

Have any ladies on this forum come from similar backgrounds, and then moved on to enjoying a more open sexuality?

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Thanks!

LuckyLady85
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Joined: Mon Feb 18, 2019 4:14 pm

Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by LuckyLady85 » Tue Feb 26, 2019 4:06 pm

Biostar74 wrote:
Mon Feb 25, 2019 2:02 pm
Hi ladies,

I'm looking for thoughts from wives of a similar background as mine. We are 44/41, been married for 20 years, 2 young twins. My wife knows my fantasies about her playing with other men. We have had lots of good discussions about this that weren't pillow talk. She has MFM and big cock fantasies, and says the thought of sex with another man turns her on. However she says she can't see her doing it in reality right now. We're from the Bible Belt, and she still holds on to pretty conservative ideas about her body and sex while she is very open minded about everything else. When I ask why she isn't interested in actually carrying out these less traditional fantasies, her only answer is, it doesn't feel right. I ask what she means and she says she could use her body for that.

Hey Biostar74,

Hubby and I are 52/51, married 33 years. Hubby expressed interest in sharing me with other men about 5 years ago. Like y'all, we are very conservative and I struggled with the idea also. After much pillow talk and fantasizing, I finally agreed to join a dating app. I chatted with a couple of guys there, felt a connection with one and agreed to meet for dinner. The chemistry was very intense and after a couple of get togethers I finally slept with him. We would play together, MFM, and I would go solo sometimes. Hope this helps. If anything, try not to push. My hubby was very patient and it paid off for him. And me too, lol.

Biostar74
Prepubescent
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Feb 17, 2018 4:51 pm

Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by Biostar74 » Tue Feb 26, 2019 6:51 pm

Luckylad85,
Thanks for your reply! I'm so glad to hear from similar folks that have actually done this.

Could I ask what your objections were at first, and how did you move past them to embrace enjoying another man?

Iris777

Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by Iris777 » Wed Feb 27, 2019 11:37 am

Suchen Zucker wrote:
Tue Feb 19, 2019 4:54 pm
2inUPMichigan wrote:
Sat Feb 16, 2019 6:26 pm
Suchen Zucker wrote:
Sat Feb 16, 2019 6:05 pm
Help! I'm being cock-blocked by my wife's leg cramps!

Lately, my wife has developed a muscle cramp in one of her thighs which always seems to occur when I place her legs over my shoulders in the missionary position. Unfortunately, this is my favorite position as it allows me to hold her ass cheeks in my hands and really fuck her hard and fast which is what I need to do in order to orgasm these days.

When it happens that's pretty much it for the night as she has to get up and walk it off and it just kills the mood. We are both in our early 60's.

Any suggestions?
I have some similar issues.....
It could be a trigger point causing the problem. They can cause referral pain and the source of the pain may not be where she is feeling it. Different positions can aggravate trigger points as they tighten the muscle and stretching it further can be painful and cause cramping and spasm.
Massage can help some, a hot tub before sex can help relax the muscles if you have access to one.
If this is the issue check out this website to help identify the trigger ( trigger points dot net)
Thanks for responding 2up. My wife looked at the trigger point website, but said she didn't think it was a trigger point issue. I'm thinking she needs to do some stretches before we get started may help. Of course, that just adds more complications... I never knew how complex it could get just having sex as you get older.

My wife knows about me visiting this forum and while she is uncomfortable with me being here, she begrudgingly accepts it. I told her I had asked on the forum about leg cramps and told her a hotwife had replied and what you said. She didn't say a lot, but said she would check out that website on trigger points.

LOL, the next day after we both got home from work she said we need to talk. Apparently, she got to thinking about what I had done and had then stewed all day at work convinced I must be sexting with all the hotwives at this site! She told me I had broken a boundary by sexting and talking about our sex lives with a stranger, and so on and so forth. She got more aggravated when I couldn't help but laugh when she spoke about "boundaries" in light of the boundaries more commonly spoken about by couples in this lifestyle.

Anyway, I thought that was amusing. Heh, I had to explain the technical aspects of a forum vs live chat, etc. I also said you were like the Dear Abby of Hotwives around here... :lol:
I’ve had some pretty serious back issues. Some positions are more comfortable than others. Some cause muscle cramps. A couple of things that have helped - drink lots of water, especially if sex is on the menu. Chelated magnesium is very good for muscle cramps. And some gentle stretching. Likely the tensions of some muscles when she’s arroused and in that position contributes.

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