Our Hotwives

I started s thread many months ago, Question: Angst - How do you deal with it?, and there were several great responses. Now I want to see who do you tell about it?

After 17 votes, it appears that slight more husbands share the angst with their wife than the other 2 choices.

I wonder how well received that is? Do wives generally reassure and help their husbands when needed? What if they are particularly clingy (angsty) that week? A hotwife would need a certain measure of patience at times like this.

After 55 votes, it seems that most (45%) husbands turn to their wife for help when feeling angst over hotwifing.

In my case, I often don't get the reaction from my wife that I am looking for. It can be a defensive reaction at times and a response that I am being needy. Most couples have a few communication challenges, and this is one area that is a challenge for us.

I asked a question regarding the impact to the hotwife when the husband tells her about his angst in the "Ask a Hotwife Thread" last year, and the response below allowed me to see it from her perspective.

We are worried about hurting you, having you upset or changing your mind. Worried that we are sluts or all the other nasty names we heard growing up & worried you are going to change how you act/feel/look at us... And probably a 100 other things going through our head at the time.

And to be honest.. We usually can't get to our own thoughts until our husband is "stable". If we are constantly working on keeping him calm & making sure he's ok, it can be exhausting & not leave us time to look inward at we like, want, need, etc...

I guess that while it can help the husband, who is temporarily struggling with a bit of angst, to turn to his wife for help, he should realize that it can negatively impact her and should be done sparingly.

of course I tell my wife, with the caveat that it doesn't sound like whining...brought in a friend to encourage his participation.

I tell my wife, and she is pretty good about this, of course with the angst comes a certain excitement.
One other thing though, I don't really know anyone at this site, so tell a friend was not really an option. But, when I had a particularly bad situation I posted a thread (WHY WOULD SHE LIE?) and got some very helpful responses. The thing that has surprised me about this site is how concerned some people here really are; concerned and eager to help.

Interesting thread. I know a lot of cuckolds don't want to whine to their wife but need to talk with someone about their deepest inner feelings even though those feelings excite them.

So... Who do you talk to ??

Brad

I guess I am the odd man out. I don't get angst in the sense of her being with another man.
Any I get is always related to her safety. We both share this as I'm sure others do. It does not need to involve her hobby, just being away for any reason longer than would be normal. We check in with each other at appropriate times to take care of that.
On the other type I guess we trust and communicate well enough. Then we should after this much time.

I have two female friends who that know about my HW and her FB. I share things with them as I want to know what the female brain is doing and thinking and boy do they share the females thinking with me.

ArizonaGuy wrote:I have two female friends who that know about my HW and her FB. I share things with them as I want to know what the female brain is doing and thinking and boy do they share the females thinking with me.

That is great because it isn't what the average guy thinks most of the time !!

Brad

My husband came to me and was very open about his feelings as I was with mine. It made me feel good when he told me about angst, that told me he was taking this really seriously and thinking with his brain and not just his other-head...

bradisalpha wrote:

ArizonaGuy wrote:I have two female friends who that know about my HW and her FB. I share things with them as I want to know what the female brain is doing and thinking and boy do they share the females thinking with me.

That is great because it isn't what the average guy thinks most of the time !!

Brad

I agree we need to learn to listen to what women are saying. I have four female friends that have cheated on their husbands and am friends with two hotwives besides my own. When I began to really listen to them, I learned so much. You get a totally different perspective from women than we think about ourselves. You can learn so much from women if you listen and want to learn.

Her number1 wrote:

bradisalpha wrote:

ArizonaGuy wrote:I have two female friends who that know about my HW and her FB. I share things with them as I want to know what the female brain is doing and thinking and boy do they share the females thinking with me.

That is great because it isn't what the average guy thinks most of the time !!

Brad

I agree we need to learn to listen to what women are saying. I have four female friends that have cheated on their husbands and am friends with two hotwives besides my own. When I began to really listen to them, I learned so much. You get a totally different perspective from women than we think about ourselves. You can learn so much from women if you listen and want to learn.

I am sure you have gotten an education from them. How they view their husbands (probably much different between the cheaters and hot wives) and how they view their boyfriends. I would like to hear more from you for the readers here.

Brad

I'm leaning more toward not telling anyone. My wife pretty much said the same things in the quote Pinks Hubby posted, that she spends so much energy accommodating me and worrying about me that all the stress makes it hard for her to enjoy it at all. Me sharing my angst caused more problems than anything. I later found an anonymous redditor to kik when I felt off, and that helped a bit, but ultimately he seemed more concerned about the juicy details and wanting pics all the time, it started to feel a little awkward and made me feel whiny. From here on out I think these things are best kept to myself until they pass.

bradisalpha wrote:

Her number1 wrote:

bradisalpha wrote:

ArizonaGuy wrote:I have two female friends who that know about my HW and her FB. I share things with them as I want to know what the female brain is doing and thinking and boy do they share the females thinking with me.

That is great because it isn't what the average guy thinks most of the time !!

Brad

I agree we need to learn to listen to what women are saying. I have four female friends that have cheated on their husbands and am friends with two hotwives besides my own. When I began to really listen to them, I learned so much. You get a totally different perspective from women than we think about ourselves. You can learn so much from women if you listen and want to learn.

I am sure you have gotten an education from them. How they view their husbands (probably much different between the cheaters and hot wives) and how they view their boyfriends. I would like to hear more from you for the readers here.

Brad

Thanks Brad.
I'm not smarter than most but, I learned to listen and it was an education.
I'm happy to help anyway I can and most of my posts contain things I learned from listening to women. Most of this requires a change in the man not in the woman, opposite of what we guys want and think.

FoxxieCpl83 wrote:I'm leaning more toward not telling anyone. My wife pretty much said the same things in the quote Pinks Hubby posted, that she spends so much energy accommodating me and worrying about me that all the stress makes it hard for her to enjoy it at all. Me sharing my angst caused more problems than anything. I later found an anonymous redditor to kik when I felt off, and that helped a bit, but ultimately he seemed more concerned about the juicy details and wanting pics all the time, it started to feel a little awkward and made me feel whiny. From here on out I think these things are best kept to myself until they pass.

You are best off keeping it to yourself. A wife does not like whining and/or feeling pressure while enjoying herself. Although many cuckolds prefer feeling the angst and humiliating thoughts.. Which make them a cuckold in the first place !! Sometimes it is a double edge sword.

Brad

So far, I have just told my wife.
She has been very understanding, reassuring, and supportive.

The topic of husband angst associated with his wife's outside relations should be thought of alongside of other husbandly emotions associated with same. In addition to angst, and the various shades and phases of angst - fear of abandonment, loss of self through ever deepening compersion, think of anger provoking emotions like jealousy or humiliation, or intense competitiveness. The valence of all of those negative emotions flip positive, bitter to sweet, when mixed with the erotic energies derived from my wife's sexual outside connections. So from my own perspective, angst is something I cultivate within myself as a spice of our dynamic. And it as well as broader cluster of negative emotions I cultivate both alone and in dialogue with my wife. From her perspective, my angst is attractive to her, similar to what some cuckholdresses describe as the erotic joy of inflicting humiliation. There is a husband-wife symbiosis played out over the husband's emotional reaction to the wife's outside relations, with the wife drawing energy from his reaction, just as I as the husband derive energy from my wife's connection with her love and sex interests on the outside. Letting her into my soul is what she needs for her soul, and vice versa.

I've never felt angst or regret about my wife enjoying sex with other men. I always knew and know it was only physical euphoria. I knew and know that she would forever be my wife. And then there's the fact that she's hypersexual, and no man could hope to keep up with her sexuality.

Angst, what's that? LOL Ever time Mrs Warm gets some new cock an angel get's it's wings LOL I love knowing and watching as she makes new friends. Zero angst.

I have a female friend who I’ve known longer than my wife. Early in our relationship we were lovers. Now we have a relationship where I can ask her anything I need help with.


Pauline

For us, I don’t experience angst in the sense that most guys apparently do. Unless I’m misunderstanding. I just get incredibly excited and turned on. It’s actually her that gets nervous and sometimes wants to back out. Once the guy arrives and things get going, she’s great.

Watching my wife in a cloud of sexual euphoria with another man is intensely erotic. But it's her euphoria that's most important.

My wife told me last Saturday night that when she was 19 she vowed to enjoy sex without restraints imposed on her. She felt embarrassed to let anyone know that she was fucking a guy who was 11 years older than she was. She continued fucking him because he was good in bed and he taught her to enjoy sex. She kept it a secret. After it ended, she reflected on her experience with him. She fucked him because she enjoyed fucking him. She was wrong for feeling embarrassed. She has never regretted sex with anyone, and she has never again felt embarrassed about her sexuality. She will take every precaution to prevent our kids from finding out she's a porn star.