The emotional/romantic component

[TriangleTangle]

You just need to understand where to cut it off.

Brad

Now THAT comment gave me the shivers!

Lol !! I didn't mean to give you the shivers !!

What I meant is that as a BF I have always had an attraction to the hotwife I was with or I wouldn't have been with her. I have always had a mutual emotional connection with them and have enjoyed our time together as our "little world outside of reality". Then she goes back to her "real world" and continues her life with her husband, family and career. There has to be a connection and passion to enjoy the time we have together ... or there would be no reason to have that time together !!

However, I have had a few (very few) situations where the relationship becomes too close and personal. To the point of the hot wife telling me her personal problems.. Sometimes even about issues with her husband... And I do not find that acceptable. At that point I begin to hear "I love you" .. and that will inevitably lead to disaster !! So, I "cut it off" !!

To explain.. When I first got into the lifestyle (years ago) with couples, a hot wife got to the "I love you" point with me and the next thing I knew she left her husband, packed her clothes, and came to my office to tell me she was moving in with me. That was NOT a good scene. Her husband and I were both shocked by this. I immediately took her home to her husband. They ultimately ended in divorce. I do not ever want this situation to happen again and if I feel that the connection is leading that way I simply "cut it off".

This lifestyle is very exciting to me.. The flirting.. The romance.. The emotions.. The sex.. But, as a BF I take my responsibility very seriously. I am there to share excitement with a hot wife and her cuckold.. To live out their fantasies, fetishes, desires and cravings. A certain trust and friendship becomes part of this relationship and connections are inevitable ... They just need to be controlled.

My feelings.....

Brad

Whew! For a moment there I was having visions of Lorena Bobbitt :-/

[kort677]

this is a major road block on our adventure, my wife who loves me dearly is so afraid of becoming emotionally attached to another lover that she is afraid to be with other men. she dearly wants to be a hot wife but she is very concerned about ruining our relationship. while her concerns are valid on one level she has to grasp that enjoying other men doesn't need to lead to emotional attachment.

[SmilingHusband]

You got a keeper there. Don't push her, you are a lucky man.

[D_Lited_HubWife]

this is a major road block on our adventure, my wife who loves me dearly is so afraid of becoming emotionally attached to another lover that she is afraid to be with other men. she dearly wants to be a hot wife but she is very concerned about ruining our relationship. while her concerns are valid on one level she has to grasp that enjoying other men doesn't need to lead to emotional attachment.

If only this was our only road block. Haha

[Bound2bmine]

I compare it to a roller coaster. An emotional component is like the highest ride in the park. More thrills yet scarier at the same time.

For mine, good sex is addictive and she will go back to him for more... which may eventually lead to an emotional connection. My support becomes ever more important because she is crossing this new boundary. She wants to know she is not endangering the marriage (family/ house etc) She feels reassured when she denies me internal orgasms and sees my face of excitement.

Yes, some become complicated and sadly have to be broken off.

I agree that there is something to this. But once an emotional component is mixed into this along with great sex it becomes very difficult to break things off.
If you read my story you can see how this happen to me. As the husband or the cuck I saw this happen before my eyes and was turned on by the entire thing including my wife having an emotional connection with her lover. But at the same time knowing this this was big trouble for my marriage but I could not stop i was to into it like a drug.

So yes the wildest and most dangerous ride in the park.

[4everLearning]

The romance.. The emotions.. The sex..

So interesting how different people can be. For my wife, shed just be making fun of you when you left or tried writing her. Romance is for me, being that she loves me. Play is about sex and exploring. There are no real emotions involved beyond lust. She is always a bit shocked males can get so emotional and clingy about it. She is a very private person, and for her its very off putting that a guy would feel such a connection just based on sex. Yet for most others it seems they dont separate the two at all. The sensual guys who just want to get laid? Those are the ones she likes, its a happy middle between that and the guys who are cold and mechanical.

[bradisalpha]

The romance.. The emotions.. The sex..

So interesting how different people can be. For my wife, shed just be making fun of you when you left or tried writing her. Romance is for me, being that she loves me. Play is about sex and exploring. There are no real emotions involved beyond lust. She is always a bit shocked males can get so emotional and clingy about it. She is a very private person, and for her its very off putting that a guy would feel such a connection just based on sex. Yet for most others it seems they dont separate the two at all. The sensual guys who just want to get laid? Those are the ones she likes, its a happy middle between that and the guys who are cold and mechanical.

The "happy middle" is perfect. It is like a sport to me.. Such as going to play golf with friends. Then come home and say "that was a GREAT time". The emotions are there.. The excitement is there.. But no long term personal attachments come into play.

Brad

[4everLearning]

Pretty clear from reading yours posts over the time Ive been here we are talking about a much much different middle. You like to get into peoples heads. She wants none of that at all.

[bradisalpha]

I agree with Brad. We often refer to this as our.favorite hobby. We meet our friend, we talk, we.visit, we may even occasionally share a meal or drinks, and then we all go to the bedroom and practice our favorite pastime. It is a relaxed, comfortable, friendly romp in the hay, even when it gets.pretty wild and intense in the moment. After things are over, we have another few minutes casual conversation as we all prepare to go our seperate ways. There is a mutual.feeling of friendship and companionship among us all, but nothing deeper. But that level.of connection makes the difference between a truly enjoyable experience, and a sense of vague unease afterward, of feeling, for lack of a better term, cheap, or just plain dirty. If we had to choose between taking one good.friend to our bed once a year, or.coldly and mechanically fucking the best looking, best performing stud we.could find.three times a week, we would.be happy for our once a year adventure.

Very well said.

Brad

[bradisalpha]

Pretty clear from reading yours posts over the time Ive been here we are talking about a much much different middle. You like to get into peoples heads. She wants none of that at all.

Lol !! Not any more than they want me to... Lol !! I don't push.. I suggest. I give them the openings for more !! BUT, I DO NOT encourage emotional or romantic ties that come between their marriage (or situation) and myself that might damage them in any way.

You are right though.. Once I see and understand their desires I do run them out to the max !! But then they are their desires !! I only get into their heads enough to see what is there.

So, your middle may be closer to mine than you think !! Scary, huh ?? (Just kidding)

But you are correct in describing your middle and I admire that you maintain that. Good for you.

Brad

[4everLearning]

There is a mutual.feeling of friendship and companionship among us all, but nothing deeper. But that level.of connection makes the difference between a truly enjoyable experience, and a sense of vague unease afterward, of feeling, for lack of a better term, cheap, or just plain dirty. If we had to choose between taking one good.friend to our bed once a year, or.coldly and mechanically fucking the best looking, best performing stud we.could find.three times a week, we would.be happy for our once a year adventure.

This definitely seems more common but just to be extra clear, this isnt what she likes at all. She never feels dirty after sex, but also doesnt like mechanical guys. She likes the sensual ones who have no desire for companionship. In fact such companionship seems cheap and forced to her because its based around just sex rather then the types of bonds actual friendships are. Neither of us are generally the type to like small talk. We find discussing the types of issues we like to discuss as people very problematic and complicating to a sexual relationship.

I realize women like my wife are on the rarer end of the spectrum and it surprised us how few guys can be both sensual and not wanting to have the deeper bonds you and brad are talking about. They exist though.

[bradisalpha]

There is a mutual.feeling of friendship and companionship among us all, but nothing deeper. But that level.of connection makes the difference between a truly enjoyable experience, and a sense of vague unease afterward, of feeling, for lack of a better term, cheap, or just plain dirty. If we had to choose between taking one good.friend to our bed once a year, or.coldly and mechanically fucking the best looking, best performing stud we.could find.three times a week, we would.be happy for our once a year adventure.

This definitely seems more common but just to be extra clear, this isnt what she likes at all. She never feels dirty after sex, but also doesnt like mechanical guys. She likes the sensual ones who have no desire for companionship. In fact such companionship seems cheap and forced to her because its based around just sex rather then the types of bonds actual friendships are. Neither of us are generally the type to like small talk. We find discussing the types of issues we like to discuss as people very problematic and complicating to a sexual relationship.

I realize women like my wife are on the rarer end of the spectrum and it surprised us how few guys can be both sensual and not wanting to have the deeper bonds you and brad are talking about. They exist though.

Yes, they do exist. Finding them is the biggest hurdle.

Brad

[TriangleTangle]

"I realize women like my wife are on the rarer end of the spectrum and it surprised us how few guys can be both sensual and not wanting to have the deeper bonds you and brad are talking about. They exist though."

This is exactly where my wife is. She's super-sensitive to the risks of NRE, yet loves the super-sensual aspects, and can enjoy the NRE and an emotional/romantic bond that carries with it no permanent bond, and no strings attached. it is the ideal balance. We're lucky he is the type that wants all of characteristics and benefits of having a girlfriend experience, but without any obligations or commitment a typical vanilla one brings.

TT

[D_Lited_HubWife]

There is a mutual.feeling of friendship and companionship among us all, but nothing deeper. But that level.of connection makes the difference between a truly enjoyable experience, and a sense of vague unease afterward, of feeling, for lack of a better term, cheap, or just plain dirty. If we had to choose between taking one good.friend to our bed once a year, or.coldly and mechanically fucking the best looking, best performing stud we.could find.three times a week, we would.be happy for our once a year adventure.

This definitely seems more common but just to be extra clear, this isnt what she likes at all. She never feels dirty after sex, but also doesnt like mechanical guys. She likes the sensual ones who have no desire for companionship. In fact such companionship seems cheap and forced to her because its based around just sex rather then the types of bonds actual friendships are. Neither of us are generally the type to like small talk. We find discussing the types of issues we like to discuss as people very problematic and complicating to a sexual relationship.

I realize women like my wife are on the rarer end of the spectrum and it surprised us how few guys can be both sensual and not wanting to have the deeper bonds you and brad are talking about. They exist though.

Yes, they do exist. Finding them is the biggest hurdle.

Brad

Well maybe I should start looking at the jumping off this hurdle now then?

[bradisalpha]

There is a mutual.feeling of friendship and companionship among us all, but nothing deeper. But that level.of connection makes the difference between a truly enjoyable experience, and a sense of vague unease afterward, of feeling, for lack of a better term, cheap, or just plain dirty. If we had to choose between taking one good.friend to our bed once a year, or.coldly and mechanically fucking the best looking, best performing stud we.could find.three times a week, we would.be happy for our once a year adventure.

This definitely seems more common but just to be extra clear, this isnt what she likes at all. She never feels dirty after sex, but also doesnt like mechanical guys. She likes the sensual ones who have no desire for companionship. In fact such companionship seems cheap and forced to her because its based around just sex rather then the types of bonds actual friendships are. Neither of us are generally the type to like small talk. We find discussing the types of issues we like to discuss as people very problematic and complicating to a sexual relationship.

I realize women like my wife are on the rarer end of the spectrum and it surprised us how few guys can be both sensual and not wanting to have the deeper bonds you and brad are talking about. They exist though.

Yes, they do exist. Finding them is the biggest hurdle.

Brad

Well maybe I should start looking at the jumping off this hurdle now then?

Yes !!

Brad

[D_Lited_HubWife]

This definitely seems more common but just to be extra clear, this isnt what she likes at all. She never feels dirty after sex, but also doesnt like mechanical guys. She likes the sensual ones who have no desire for companionship. In fact such companionship seems cheap and forced to her because its based around just sex rather then the types of bonds actual friendships are. Neither of us are generally the type to like small talk. We find discussing the types of issues we like to discuss as people very problematic and complicating to a sexual relationship.

I realize women like my wife are on the rarer end of the spectrum and it surprised us how few guys can be both sensual and not wanting to have the deeper bonds you and brad are talking about. They exist though.

Yes, they do exist. Finding them is the biggest hurdle.

Brad

Well maybe I should start looking at the jumping off this hurdle now then?

Yes !!

Brad

Are you available?

[bradisalpha]

Yes, they do exist. Finding them is the biggest hurdle.

Brad

Well maybe I should start looking at the jumping off this hurdle now then?

Yes !!

Brad

Are you available?

I do not meet and mix with anyone from this site.. Much for the same reason as this particular thread !! Lol !! This is the only site I subscribe to as I enjoy assisting others as I can in between my own relationships and I feel that the posters here are serious for the most part. But thank you for the question !!

Brad

[D_Lited_HubWife]

Well maybe I should start looking at the jumping off this hurdle now then?

Yes !!

Brad

Are you available?

I do not meet and mix with anyone from this site.. Much for the same reason as this particular thread !! Lol !! This is the only site I subscribe to as I enjoy assisting others as I can in between my own relationships and I feel that the posters here are serious for the most part. But thank you for the question !!

Brad

Honestly I was only being playful. though I do fully understand your reasoning. And you are great at it btw.

[4everLearning]

Honestly I was only being playful. though I do fully understand your reasoning. And you are great at it btw.

Brad actually helped me quite a bit awhile back. Through playing my wife realized she had a very submissive side she wanted to explore. This evolved into us having both a strong cuckold component as well as a Dom/sub component. Sometimes she calls me daddy and is spanked for being "bad" others she calls me her cuck and is teasing me for my cock size and how her playmates fuck her better. LOL. Brad helped me understand what she wanted out of that. it kinda relates back to this thread as well in that she would never stand to being truly submissive with a playmate in the way she is with me because she has no real bonds with them.

[DavaoMike]

I personally find that the emotional and romantic component of my wife's relationship with her boyfriend adds a tremendous amount of spice and thrill. Nothing turns me on more than my wife being totally enamored with her young man!

DM

[alan137]

Of late my posts have focused more on the emotional/romantic aspects for the women in this lifestyle to enhance the erotic potency and effect for both partners. For some, this is the third-rail of the lifestyle, while others achieve a far higher level of both sexual stimulation and even stronger emotional/romantic bonding (see http://ourhotwives.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=44100 for a recent article I wrote on a related subject). So I am curious how folks actively practicing this lifestyle, feel about it. I personally believe that women experience far greater sexual pleasure and satisfaction where there exists some degree of bonding with her lover(s) - euphemistically referred to as her "having a connection" with the other male, and whether that connection enhances or detracts from the overall experience.

This is most definitely the case with my wife. As for me I want her and have actively encouraged her to develop deep feelings for her boyfriend.

The deeper the connection the more intense the sex (love making) is between them.

Mind you, we have an extremely strong marriage that had lasted for over 45 years. She has been a HW for the past 10 years and has had 5 lovers. 3 of them were long term. Her current BF has been on the scene now for 3 years. Since my lady has enjoyed intimate emotional and physical connections with other men we have grown even closer together.

For us is has worked and worked very well.

Alan

[dbcraleigh]

Gents: great thread here.

After my wife having a long term bull ( yr plus ) that she texts daily ( 90% sexually ) and developing a friendship with him, the sex has been hotter for her. They are friends are her love for me is deep and she states could never love another like me. She cares for him like a good friend

This is very diff for us, all bulls in past were one night hookups.

This has lead to overnight stays and whole weekends together. This works for us but finding the right guy who knows his role is tough to find so this may be the exception not the rule. The comfort I feel has led to new experiences tho and made this hotter. It’s a delicate balance

[tractorman2]

Correct me if I am wrong but this sort of depends what your wife is, my interpretation of a HW is someone normally who has numerous sexual partners where I have always assumed a cuckoldress tends to have less sexual partners and more relationship type friendships. Good long term sex breeds emotional attachment.

We consider ourselves in the cuck/cuckoldress part of this lifestyle my wife hasn't had many lovers but all with one exception all have been long term lovers and the three of us mainly get on. Over the years she has more than dipped her toe with two lovers into bondage and this is a breeding ground for emotions so the two are linked if practiced successfully.

She has fallen in love with two lovers, the first in her mid 20s wasn't BDSM related, I allowed him access to her but didn't know the feelings that they had for each other or the length of the affair. Only when I found out did I forcefully finish this relationship although I knew really she wanted it finishing too. They had discussed her leaving me and going to live with him, having his baby too which she did say she would have liked but as my wife still with me as her husband. I knew he was a serial womaniser so if she had gone she would have been begging to comeback within 12 months as she wouldn't have accepted this, double standards and all that. As a banker I also knew and had evidence of some of his naughty secrets that would have seen her visiting him in jail.

She later told me that she had revealed the depth of their feelings hoping I would finish it and obviously I did.

The second relationship she ended as she realised it was becoming damaging to me but is sort of still ticking over but hasn't included sex for years and is a long story.

[pasadena95]

Some degree of emotional intensity between wife and her lover is necessary to take the sexual relationship to a higher level. The trick is for all three persons to enjoy this, for if the husband is overly jealous or insecure, it will not work at all. But if he understands and embraces compersion and NRE, it can be thrilling to watch his woman find passion, lust and complete enjoyment of being with another man. The husband’s arousal will be off the charts, and he will love and appreciate his wife as never before. However, if the affair in any way threatens the marriage or the husband feels neglected, the consequences can be dire. So it is a very difficult balance.

On the other hand, regular hookups with other men that don’t involve emotional connections can be much easier to handle for the husband. But at some point the wife may want more than just NSA sex, and that is when serious discussions and agreements need to occur. For not many men are able to watch their wives fall seriously for another man, even if it is primarily sexual at the outset. Typically, only couples in mature and long-lasting relationships can handle such an arrangement. But for those who can, the pleasure derived can be incredibly amazing, and actually strengthen the bond between husband and wife.

My speculation is that such arrangements are rare, but wonderful when they do happen.

[Rsm7075]

Some degree of emotional intensity between wife and her lover is necessary to take the sexual relationship to a higher level. The trick is for all three persons to enjoy this, for if the husband is overly jealous or insecure, it will not work at all. But if he understands and embraces compersion and NRE, it can be thrilling to watch his woman find passion, lust and complete enjoyment of being with another man. The husband’s arousal will be off the charts, and he will love and appreciate his wife as never before. However, if the affair in any way threatens the marriage or the husband feels neglected, the consequences can be dire. So it is a very difficult balance.

On the other hand, regular hookups with other men that don’t involve emotional connections can be much easier to handle for the husband. But at some point the wife may want more than just NSA sex, and that is when serious discussions and agreements need to occur. For not many men are able to watch their wives fall seriously for another man, even if it is primarily sexual at the outset. Typically, only couples in mature and long-lasting relationships can handle such an arrangement. But for those who can, the pleasure derived can be incredibly amazing, and actually strengthen the bond between husband and wife.

My speculation is that such arrangements are rare, but wonderful when they do happen.

Well said. I am a wannabe but wife has made it clear that if it happens the emotional connect is imp to her. Take it or leave it