The emotional/romantic component

[TriangleTangle]

Of late my posts have focused more on the emotional/romantic aspects for the women in this lifestyle to enhance the erotic potency and effect for both partners. For some, this is the third-rail of the lifestyle, while others achieve a far higher level of both sexual stimulation and even stronger emotional/romantic bonding (see http://ourhotwives.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=44100 for a recent article I wrote on a related subject). So I am curious how folks actively practicing this lifestyle, feel about it. I personally believe that women experience far greater sexual pleasure and satisfaction where there exists some degree of bonding with her lover(s) - euphemistically referred to as her "having a connection" with the other male, and whether that connection enhances or detracts from the overall experience.

[Nothing2see]

Fascinating numbers so far.

I voted off limits. We seek uncomplicated casual sex experiences. In our past we had a poly relationship with a couple that got so complicated I cannot even put it into words. So as soon as we feel an emotional thing happening we're out.

[calicolombia69]

I compare it to a roller coaster. An emotional component is like the highest ride in the park. More thrills yet scarier at the same time.

For mine, good sex is addictive and she will go back to him for more... which may eventually lead to an emotional connection. My support becomes ever more important because she is crossing this new boundary. She wants to know she is not endangering the marriage (family/ house etc) She feels reassured when she denies me internal orgasms and sees my face of excitement.

Yes, some become complicated and sadly have to be broken off.

[bradisalpha]

First emotion ..then connection. It really should never go beyond that in my opinion.

Brad

[4everLearning]

So glad my HW is to slutty and picky emotionally for this to ever come up.

[Dreadmot]

While my wife has yet to actually go play with the guy that will be her first, they are old HS friends that played around together then. She been texting and sexting with for about a year and a half now and my emotions have run the gambit. At first I was somewhat indifferent but the intense the communication got the more I felt a little worried and jealous. At that point we talked and she put it all on hold with no communication with him for a good three months or so. During that time and because she was willing to drop it no questions asked, I did soul searching and came to realize that she loves me in a way she'd never love him. He's a friend that shares a birthday with her and they have common interests I don't. She just happens to also be really turned on by him and remebers fondly the sex they had. Now the idea of that relationship IS a turn on to me quite a bit. I refer to him as her boyfriend and quite like when she's sexting with him or brings him into role play. Hell, that's part of the reason I suggested she go stay with him over Valentines day for their first (recent) time together! A little kinky and taboo I guess. It seems now like her having a relationship with him has actually made us fall more deeply in love with each other. I can only hope that continues but I have the reassurance now that she'd drop it all and go back to just us if that's what our relationship needed.

[TriangleTangle]

Interesting responses so far! ...a subject I don't think discussed enough in these forums.

I think the wife entering into an emotional/romantic connection with the other male is very dangerous and can be volatile due to New Relationship Exuberance (NRE) and should only be done if the the marriage and communication are rock solid. If they are, the intensity can be off the charts.

I often look back in my past to try to understand the effect and source of erotic arousal over this. When I know she has that emotional/romantic connection, the feelings and risk of potential loss to another skyrocket, creating that sweet angst that transfers into erotic energy and physical sexual arousal - and I get that even though I am absolutely confident in my marriage and our life commitment to each other.

I've looked back on my life to try to identify when I first felt it. I eventually realized that felt it long before I ever knew about the lifestyle. I had an HS sweetheart whose family moved hundreds of miles away. She was my first sexual partner and love and quite sexually assertive; I never completely got over the loss having been ripped apart against our will. We finally had to split up - we just couldn't afford the continued cost and complexity of travel, and during our final meeting she told me she had fucked someone else and was starting to become attached. I was devastated of course, but in the months and even years that followed, the thought of her fucking other guys was as much a turn on and an erotic stimulant as it was emotionally devastating for me. I didn't take up this lifestyle until decades hence, but now that I think about it, that is where the roots of my kink might well originate - from real loss. I'm not trying over-analyze things, but men in this lifestyle that are turned on and aroused by the notion of your wife fucking and getting attached to another man brings that fear of potential loss front and center, and for me at least, it stirs deep. If she stokes the angst with her words and actions I am completely at her mercy even though I am the alpha and she is the submissive between us. Go figure. It makes me work even harder at the relationship in every respect, I want no other woman, we're deeper in love, and our sex life is incredible.

[Dreadmot]

I think in part for me it has a bit to do with a mild bit of jealousy mixed with seeing her happy. It almost has that sense of competition you have when you first start dating. If that makes any sense. It seems to foster that feeling of the chase a bit but in a way that at least for me is some what superficial. My wife has said somewhat the same things when I’ve had a crush on someone or after the few FFM threesomes we have had. It kind of all of a sudden makes the other person look just that much better and you want them just a little bit more.

Again, she has not actually played physically with her boyfriend since we have been together yet so my views could change I suppose.

[HOT4MYWIFE]

The turn on was much higher than I expected. It's a definate thrill for me but I thought I was I'm the minority. I'm sure it makes these relationships much more satisfying for our wives as well.

[calicolombia69]

Dreadmot: The part of competition is something Positive according to my wife. She says that a bit of jealousy tends to bring out the best in me. She finds I treat her better when she is in a relationship. At first I was offended but then I did understand. Now I try to be a good husband even during periods she is not dating or cruising the strip...

I tend to pay more attention to my appearance, bring flowers more often, take her out to dinners, and nicer in general. Even nicer to the kids! In bed, she related her adventures and I thrust harder while demanding that I am the better lover. Of course she puts me in my "small" place which ends in the famously intense orgasms; outside please!

[Dreadmot]

calicolombia69: I've noticed it seems to be giving me what is essentially NRE and I'm giddy happy to have that feeling after being together 13 years. It's a rare and precious thing to have when you have been together that long. Happens every so often and in retrospect it usually is tied to something different happening that has a fundamental change on our relationship. I'm digging it for now and will hope and do what I can to keep it going

[zorro]

There are all degrees of emotional connection that can accompany sex. The worst is no emotional connection at all; then it becomes mechanical organ grinding. Not bad stimulation but not terribly satisfying for the woman
At the other end of the spectrum is deep passionate love, which requires enormous amounts of time and energy to manage. Somewhere inbetween is NRE, which in modest amounts makes things exciting.

We have found that the best mixture is fondness, a good cock, and good sex. When it all comes together, we can have the joy of multiple encounters and a guy becoming a regular. Without any feeling, a one or two night stand seems to be the outcome because once the novelty of sex with a new partner wears off, there is no longer any attraction.

Our favorite guys have been FWBs, with the guy being a friend with both of us. Then on-going sex becomes just a normal part of the relationship.

[FoundIntensity]

Completely off limits, because any sort of emotional connection is going to take time and emotions away from our relationship. We cannot stand being apart from each other as it is.

So many men love the "she's out with her BF for the weekend" scenario, but instead of me thinking about how much hot sex she'll be having I'd be too busy being sad, thinking of all of the non-sexual time we'd be missing out on together. No thanks!

She goes, she fucks, she comes back. That's the game.

[TriangleTangle]

Completely off limits, because any sort of emotional connection is going to take time and emotions away from our relationship. We cannot stand being apart from each other as it is.

So many men love the "she's out with her BF for the weekend" scenario, but instead of me thinking about how much hot sex she'll be having I'd be too busy being sad, thinking of all of the non-sexual time we'd be missing out on together. No thanks!

She goes, she fucks, she comes back. That's the game.

Interesting. Is it the same guy every time? I'd wonder if a woman goes alone, even if its only for a few hours and not overnight, but repetitive, is she not developing and enjoying some degree of emotional bond without discussing it. I've had several partners over the year and have been in the lifestyle a long time; I've not come across a woman yet that doesn't establish some sort of emotional bond with sex (not saying there aren't any woman that don't), but that seems to be the exception, not the rule. Glad it works for you.
.

[FoundIntensity]

Completely off limits, because any sort of emotional connection is going to take time and emotions away from our relationship. We cannot stand being apart from each other as it is.

So many men love the "she's out with her BF for the weekend" scenario, but instead of me thinking about how much hot sex she'll be having I'd be too busy being sad, thinking of all of the non-sexual time we'd be missing out on together. No thanks!

She goes, she fucks, she comes back. That's the game.

Interesting. Is it the same guy every time? I'd wonder if a woman goes alone, even if its only for a few hours and not overnight, but repetitive, is she not developing and enjoying some degree of emotional bond without discussing it. I've had several partners over the year and have been in the lifestyle a long time; I've not come across a woman yet that doesn't establish some sort of emotional bond with sex (not saying there aren't any woman that don't), but that seems to be the exception, not the rule. Glad it works for you.
.

Well it depends on how you split the "emotion" hair, really. The only emotional connnections I want her to share with him are attraction, friendliness and passion (lust). They find each other attractive, their flirting brings a friendly connection that allows for trust, and then the lust and passion kicks in. Game over, shake hands, depart the field.

What more needs to be added? Why complicate things further?

[TriangleTangle]

Completely off limits, because any sort of emotional connection is going to take time and emotions away from our relationship. We cannot stand being apart from each other as it is.

So many men love the "she's out with her BF for the weekend" scenario, but instead of me thinking about how much hot sex she'll be having I'd be too busy being sad, thinking of all of the non-sexual time we'd be missing out on together. No thanks!

She goes, she fucks, she comes back. That's the game.

Interesting. Is it the same guy every time? I'd wonder if a woman goes alone, even if its only for a few hours and not overnight, but repetitive, is she not developing and enjoying some degree of emotional bond without discussing it. I've had several partners over the year and have been in the lifestyle a long time; I've not come across a woman yet that doesn't establish some sort of emotional bond with sex (not saying there aren't any woman that don't), but that seems to be the exception, not the rule. Glad it works for you.
.

Well it depends on how you split the "emotion" hair, really. The only emotional connnections I want her to share with him are attraction, friendliness and passion (lust). They find each other attractive, their flirting brings a friendly connection that allows for trust, and then the lust and passion kicks in. Game over, shake hands, depart the field.

What more needs to be added? Why complicate things further?

Judging by the poll, at least half really enjoy it being complicated as hell :-)

[4everLearning]

I've not come across a woman yet that doesn't establish some sort of emotional bond with sex (not saying there aren't any woman that don't), but that seems to be the exception, not the rule. Glad it works for you.
.

LOL, well I can tell you they exist. My wife doesnt like vetting the guys at all. Its not the time or effort its that they guys try to form bonds. She hates how most of them contact her afterwards trying to establish friendships and the like. Its the quickest way for her to decide not to have a guy back past bad performance. She wont even tell any of them her real name or our actually life story etc during small talk. Its not that she want to protect us exactly its just she doesnt want them to know about us.

She also genuinely DOES love a massive long cock, which apparently is also the exception. I also wouldnt want to have this lifestyle whatsoever if I had to experience any of this angst some of you talk about. It sounds horrible to me. Im starting to wonder if these traits somehow relate to the fact that SHE is the one who brought us into her being a HW, which is also on the rarer side of things.

[zorro]

I've not come across a woman yet that doesn't establish some sort of emotional bond with sex (not saying there aren't any woman that don't), but that seems to be the exception, not the rule. Glad it works for you.
.

LOL, well I can tell you they exist. My wife doesnt like vetting the guys at all. Its not the time or effort its that they guys try to form bonds. She hates how most of them contact her afterwards trying to establish friendships and the like. Its the quickest way for her to decide not to have a guy back past bad performance. She wont even tell any of them her real name or our actually life story etc during small talk. Its not that she want to protect us exactly its just she doesnt want them to know about us.

She also genuinely DOES love a massive long cock, which apparently is also the exception. I also wouldnt want to have this lifestyle whatsoever if I had to experience any of this angst some of you talk about. It sounds horrible to me. Im starting to wonder if these traits somehow relate to the fact that SHE is the one who brought us into her being a HW, which is also on the rarer side of things.

No doubt. R also compartmentalizes sex from feelings very well. And she also adores massive, long cocks, not that smaller ones don't also feel good to her.

[SmilingHusband]

Totally off limits

[D_Lited_HubWife]

Not a lifestyle participant, but this aspect definitely intrigues me, and turns me on. Besides I do not my wife would go through with sex without some kind of connection.

[bradisalpha]

Not a lifestyle participant, but this aspect definitely intrigues me, and turns me on. Besides I do not my wife would go through with sex without some kind of connection.

From my experience, I agree. You just need to understand where to cut it off.

Brad

[D_Lited_HubWife]

Not a lifestyle participant, but this aspect definitely intrigues me, and turns me on. Besides I do not my wife would go through with sex without some kind of connection.

From my experience, I agree. You just need to understand where to cut it off.

Brad

This will now certainly be a part of of conversations we have when we get closer to reality.

[TriangleTangle]

You just need to understand where to cut it off.

Brad

Now THAT comment gave me the shivers!

[bradisalpha]

You just need to understand where to cut it off.

Brad

Now THAT comment gave me the shivers!

Lol !! I didn't mean to give you the shivers !!

What I meant is that as a BF I have always had an attraction to the hotwife I was with or I wouldn't have been with her. I have always had a mutual emotional connection with them and have enjoyed our time together as our "little world outside of reality". Then she goes back to her "real world" and continues her life with her husband, family and career. There has to be a connection and passion to enjoy the time we have together ... or there would be no reason to have that time together !!

However, I have had a few (very few) situations where the relationship becomes too close and personal. To the point of the hot wife telling me her personal problems.. Sometimes even about issues with her husband... And I do not find that acceptable. At that point I begin to hear "I love you" .. and that will inevitably lead to disaster !! So, I "cut it off" !!

To explain.. When I first got into the lifestyle (years ago) with couples, a hot wife got to the "I love you" point with me and the next thing I knew she left her husband, packed her clothes, and came to my office to tell me she was moving in with me. That was NOT a good scene. Her husband and I were both shocked by this. I immediately took her home to her husband. They ultimately ended in divorce. I do not ever want this situation to happen again and if I feel that the connection is leading that way I simply "cut it off".

This lifestyle is very exciting to me.. The flirting.. The romance.. The emotions.. The sex.. But, as a BF I take my responsibility very seriously. I am there to share excitement with a hot wife and her cuckold.. To live out their fantasies, fetishes, desires and cravings. A certain trust and friendship becomes part of this relationship and connections are inevitable ... They just need to be controlled.

My feelings.....

Brad

[D_Lited_HubWife]

It is God's to hear this from the other side of this equation