New and still figuring it all out

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2inUPMichigan
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New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Sun Jul 08, 2018 6:19 pm

Hubby and I will have our 20th anniversary this year and have a solid relationship. We are both in our 50's and I never thought this was something we would consider but our circumstances have moved us in this direction.
My husband had prostate cancer at the age of 50, and with all the treatments we are unable to have sex (penetration). Due to other health issues he is unable to take ED meds.

He loves me so much that he told me, "Just because I can't have sex anymore doesn't mean you should go without too." So we are exploring the option of a hotwife experience as he is very interested in watching me with another man.

I have been reading a lot and started joining a few sites, lurking mostly. I signed us up to go to one event in a couple months to give both of us time to prepare and also time to back out if either of us needs to.

Him giving me this option has lifted some of the devastating loss of our sex life. However the worry over what this could mean for our relationship makes me nervous.

nevertoolate

Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by nevertoolate » Mon Jul 09, 2018 2:33 am

You will find here that, looking past the sexual thrill we husbands enjoy from knowing our wives are sexually and emotionally fulfilled beyond our our capabilities, we are just as devoted and loving as any other husband. Your husband of so many years loves you maturely enough to encourage you to experience this and wants to be there to see your joy.

2inUPMichigan
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Mon Jul 09, 2018 6:28 am

Oh yes he definitely wants to be there to see my joy! ;)
This journey is opening my eyes in a lot of ways.

We had a little giggle this morning. Our conversation went a little like this:
"Oh crap I'll have to start getting tested regularly for STD's, that will be fun I haven't had to ask for a test since I was in my 20's."
"Just blame it on me and tell them I am a player." :lol:

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marco333111
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by marco333111 » Mon Jul 09, 2018 7:11 am

Hi darling,

To be totally blunt and honest, yes, the hotwife lifestyle is a bit dangerous.
But....... I think you and your husband are in the category with the lowest risk, not no risk, but the lowest.

You have been together for a long time, you have some good history with each other, being through a lot, together through thick and thin.
This causes to have your risk to be the lowest. The highest risk are couples who are not married, young and no children.

So, don't worry. Start slow. You can also go to a club, to test the water. Nothing will happen if you do not want to.
Start with only jerking off, or only giving a blow job. If all goes well and your husband is still fine with it, take it a step further.

Most important thing is do nothing behind his back, always involve him, be very honest. Then you will be okay.

Have fun.

Cheers,
Marco.

2inUPMichigan
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Mon Jul 09, 2018 7:38 am

Thanks Marco - trust me I have no plans on anything happening without him because this is primarily about us as a couple first even if it is about me "getting some" as he would say, lol.

I did sign us up for an event in a couple months and will take it from there. I am not comfortable yet seeking out someone to play with. That I am hoping will come in time.

We are in a rural area so my local options for clubs and parties are limited.

alan137
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by alan137 » Mon Jul 09, 2018 11:36 pm

Hello 2inUPMichigan and welcome,

Most of the people here are terrific. One couple help my wife to overcome her concerns and she became a HW about 11 years ago. She was in her late 50s.

Our situation wasn't the same as yours but there are definite similarities. As for the danger yes there was one lover that tried to get her to leave me and live with him.

At one stage I encouraged her to go and live with him for 5 months. He lives overseas. While I knew it was possible that he could succeed deep down I knew he wouldn't. It's a long story but after 4 months she wanted to come home.

Our relationship was strong enough to survive that. I new that he wasn't the man for her in the long-term.

If you both truely love one another (as it certainly seems that you do) and you do include your husband then you should be OK. I love my wife and she now enjoys a very loving relationship with a man who has become a friend. He can give her what she needs both physically and emotionally. They make love about once a week.

I give her heaps of emotional love and, without the pressure to regularly satisfy her physically I am more relaxed.

It helped that I have had a desire to share my wife sexually with other men for many many years. And I do enjoy the humiliation of my wife taking her lover to our bed at night. When he stays the night and it's time for bed my lady takes his hand and leads him to our bedroom and bed.

I can hear them make love during the night.

Warm regards

Alan

2inUPMichigan
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Tue Jul 10, 2018 5:11 am

Alan thank you for the encouragement. My husband is my Mr. Right, I told the one friend that knows that I was looking for a Mr. Right-now
We intend for my husband to be in the room and watching anything that happens. This is as much for him is it is for me. To leave him out would feel like cheating for us.
Now that we have agreed to do this he is letting me take the lead. He is listening to my insecurities (although he doesn't understand them) and letting me set the timeline.

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sextiescouple
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by sextiescouple » Tue Jul 10, 2018 6:21 am

2inUP, as you already know, your husband is being very generous. Yes, if you two go through with it, you'll have some satisfying moments, and I think he will too.

I'd advise you to go slow, let the feelings build, act when the time is right. Just don't rush things.

Have a lot of fun!

annarborhw
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by annarborhw » Tue Jul 10, 2018 7:13 am

Hello from the lower peninsula!

I was in a sexless marriage for over 13 years. It was different from your situation because there wasn't a health issue involved, she just didn't want to do it. I can tell you that eventually it becomes overwhelming and resentment builds. I encourage you to stay on this path and explore your options. Your husband is giving you a great gift.

2inUPMichigan
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Tue Jul 10, 2018 7:22 am

I think that I will probably have more issues about it than he will. Yes he is being generous for sure. He is definitely showing how much he loves me.

I won't really know how I am going to feel until we get to our first event and watch my husband as he sees me interacting with other men.

He keeps joking around with me to "just do it" but I know that is his way of reassuring me that he is still onboard.

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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Tue Jul 10, 2018 7:33 am

Annarborhw - I think that is why he has given me this gift, he doesn't want any resentment to get out of hand.

I completely understand, it is frustrating and overwhelming and the self doubt creeps in.
I am trying to work through my lack of confidence issues because of this. It wasn't his fault that he couldn't perform but now I question my own appeal.
When your partner doesn't have sex with you either because they can't or because they lost interest it can have a devastating impact.

I hope that you have gone on to find a positive healthy relationship that is the right fit for you. We are working our way toward the only solution that made sense to us, so fingers crossed and straight ahead, slowly.

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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by hotwifetrained » Tue Jul 10, 2018 7:55 am

Your hubby sounds excited to watch you. I wonder if he had this as a fantasy before his health problems.

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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by tommy5821 » Tue Jul 10, 2018 10:14 am

2inUP: I wish you all the luck for many successful adventures. I do not have the health issues that your husband does. I just wanted my wife of 38 years to have some fun and gain more experience sexually. Once she decided she was all in. While I have not had the opportunity to watch her in action she is very good about telling me details afterward. She has been with her b/f for the past 2+ years. I have to say it really has brought us closer. Our communication has never been so good. I hope it is as good for the both of you too.
Officially cucked May 15, 2016

wmraim
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by wmraim » Tue Jul 10, 2018 11:25 am


2inUPMichigan
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Tue Jul 10, 2018 2:15 pm

hotwifetrained wrote:Your hubby sounds excited to watch you. I wonder if he had this as a fantasy before his health problems.
Funny you would say that because this very conversation came up today. We had talked in general terms over the years about fantasies but apparently I completely missed the fact that he was Very interested in watching me with someone else for a long time. :o I never knew how serious he was about it and since I didn't peruse it he dropped the subject.
I guess it never occurred to me that he was serious about fulfilling that fantasy. Mind blown!

2inUPMichigan
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Tue Jul 10, 2018 2:22 pm

Tommy 5821 - Good to hear about your positive experience. I think we will be okay, we are constantly communicating throughout this process and I am trying to talk out any potential issues ahead of time with him.

I look forward to this new adventure with him by my side.

2inUPMichigan
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Tue Jul 10, 2018 2:38 pm

wmraim wrote:Have you read this thread?
http://ourhotwives.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=22569
Thanks for the link, I will read through that thread.

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4herpleasure89
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 4herpleasure89 » Tue Jul 10, 2018 5:06 pm

UP huh? I didn’t know anything lived up there but mosquitoes! Sounds like a great opportunity for you both. Not being able to have penetrative sex doesn’t prevent him from enjoying your fun! I suggest a swingers cruise as a great place to get your feet wet. And it’s warm enough there that people take their clothes off haha. I’m from Michigan btw.

2inUPMichigan
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Tue Jul 10, 2018 7:06 pm

4herpleasure89 wrote:UP huh? I didn’t know anything lived up there but mosquitoes! Sounds like a great opportunity for you both. Not being able to have penetrative sex doesn’t prevent him from enjoying your fun! I suggest a swingers cruise as a great place to get your feet wet. And it’s warm enough there that people take their clothes off haha. I’m from Michigan btw.
I actually found quite a few people listed on one of the swinger sites for this area - I was a little surprised actually, but I guess when it gets cold a little body heat is a good thing. ;)

A swingers cruise sounds like a lot of fun.

Seems like there are a lot of swingers either in Michigan or from Michigan.

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coastalkid
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by coastalkid » Tue Jul 10, 2018 7:19 pm

It is so refreshing to read posts from women! Please don't disappear! I'm 59 and my wife and I have been married 40 years. Sex is more of an obligation to my conservative christian wife. The steady diet of vanilla routine sex and her ambivalence has been soul crushing! As a consequence, there is nothing more interesting to me than hearing from a woman interested in sex. Better still from a woman around my age gives me hope even after all this time! Thanks for posting!
Hope is not a strategy but it's still good to have! Especially if you don't have a strategy!
I get my denial the old fashion way, I married vanilla!

2inUPMichigan
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Tue Jul 10, 2018 7:51 pm

Coastalkid - sorry you are having issues. It is true that some women think they are not supposed to like sex. I never understood that especially from a Christian standpoint because God gave us our sexuality and he made it pleasurable for a reason :)

Anyway, I have no plans on going anywhere because I landed here for information and support and I am soaking it up like a sponge LOL
Never fear there are women out here in our 50's that are very interested in sex! Hopefully your wife will become one too.

superb101
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by superb101 » Tue Jul 10, 2018 8:12 pm

If you don't mind sharing, what event are you planning on attending in the near future? Also, would you please consider posting a pic or two in the hotties section? Also, there is an medicine men can inject directly into their penis that is supposed to work for guys exactly in your husbands condition. Have you looked in to that?

Whosbeensleeping

Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by Whosbeensleeping » Wed Jul 11, 2018 6:51 am

Also as someone else here shared, there is a technology called Gainswave that is new to North America but has been used in Europe for 10 years that is painless and shown to be effective.

2inUPMichigan
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Wed Jul 11, 2018 9:41 am

Whosbeensleeping wrote:Also as someone else here shared, there is a technology called Gainswave that is new to North America but has been used in Europe for 10 years that is painless and shown to be effective.
That one is new to us, thanks we will check it out.

2inUPMichigan
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Wed Jul 11, 2018 9:45 am

Nope not ready to be posting pictures.
Hubby did talk to his Dr about injections but she wasn't very encouraging.

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