Figuring it out

[Lookingforadventure]

THE most important thing is you're having fun together, being together. It seems clear that your husband was not having fun with the way you are most comfortable, having a friendship with your sex partner. That creates a situation that is impossible for either of you until one of you has a change of heart or come to a better understanding.

I've been following another thread with AnonymousRob and his wife Anonymous Rachel. It seems like your situation and theirs is not so dissimilar. He wants his wife to use chastity and mild humiliation and his wife isn't really into it. Meanwhile, while they used to include her husband and he would get to watch or participate in some way that has progressed to the wife meeting her lover/FWB/bf on her own. Her husband is feeling left out. He knows she's just not into the stuff he would like to do (or at least give it a solid try). She's been seeing her guy one on one for nearly two years. The husband is shutting down.

He's caught up in the fact that if he completely shuts things down that he knows there's NO possibility of him ever getting his chance of getting what he wants. At the same time he's convinced that his wife will not change her mind. He says that his wife admits that the situation is obviously one-sided and she's aware that he's unsatisfied, yet she hasn't stopped seeing her lover/FWB/bf . His posts sound hopeless. He's at the point where he doesn't see the point going on.

I just don't see how his wife can really being having fun knowing her husband is waiting at home feeling left out and unsatisfied. It seems like it would be difficult to put that out of your mind and fully enjoy yourself. It has to be constantly in the back of her mind.

It's only my opinion and nothing more than my observation but I think it takes a unique pairing of people to really make this work over time. Everybody has to get something out of the activity that thrills them and makes them crave more. I think this puts a lot of pressure and responsibility on the wife. She should be completely confident and instantly capable of saying what her husband gets out of the deal. If she can't do that then there will be conflict eventually.

You sound like you are doing exactly what you know you need to do to preserve your relationship with Adventurer. I have the utmost respect for you and you restore my faith that women can be aware and sensitive.

Thank you. I appreciate your kind words and respect for where Adventurer and I are. I'm also glad that I can help to deem womankind in your opinion

I am familiar with Anonymous Rob and Rachel and their story. I've sent them some private messages of support as well. I'm a bit hesitant to publicly "take sides" though. I think it is hard to truly know what is going on in someone's marriage. I wish them all the best and am hoping that they've found a middle ground that works for them.

[JeffBingham]

Thank you, LFA. I appreciate you taking the time to answer my questions. I was kind of hoping that was your situation (not really, but you know what I mean). It’s unfortunate, but I get it. Your honesty with each other and your devotion to your marriage has always come through in both of your and husband’s posts. You have always come across as a very kind, loving, and genuine person. I appreciate your candor and vulnerability here.