Aspiring Hotwife - In My Own Words

[CurvyKeyholder]

I’ve seen several of these kinds of threads, and don’t want to hijack anyone else’s space so here’s my situation.

I am in my late 30’s, husband is early 40’s. We’ve been married 10 years, together 17 years total. Solid marriage, established careers, fulfilling life together. About 6 months ago, husband shared his desire to try caging & hotwifing… Fantasies he’s held onto for several years. We’ve always been adventurous in the bedroom, absolutely nothing vanilla about our sex life. That said, it was a lot to process… The caging/keyholding thing was interesting to me and we tried that out pretty quickly. I love being a a keyholder, and how it’s added another layer to our lives.

The whole hotwife thing though… That was a lot to process. I went through all the emotions processing that. I had so many questions and thoughts, as I’d never heard of this lifestyle. So he sent me blogs, podcast, and resources (one being this forum) so I could do my own research at my pace with no pressure. The more I read, the more my interest level went up. I went from “I don’t think I could do that” to “this sounds fun” and I’ve finally arrived at my final destination: “I’m ready, let’s fucking do this.”

Last month, I was on a work trip and put a single toe in the water to see how it was. I entertained attention and some flirting with a man at the hotel bar. The first time I’ve flirted with a man that’s not my husband in 17 years. It felt weird and wrong but also naughty and electrifying. I had a few other men hit on me that trip, including a coworker. I won’t lie, it was an absolute ego boost. Looking back, I almost wish I would have ripped off the bandaid and took the full plunge with my gentleman friend at the hotel bar. But that’s in the past now.

Where do I go from here? I ask myself that question daily. Do I go the spontaneous route, and pick up a man on a night out? Do I go the carefully planned route to find my first bull? These are things I’m still deciding. Part of me wishes I had someone I was comfortable with that I could get an initial encounter out of the way with… Like a blowjob to start. I feel like that might make going all the way feel less weird? I feel like my coworker who hit on me would be a sure thing, but he’s not my type.

If you’ve made it this far, bravo because I can talk. Anyway, that brings us to present day.

I’m ready to earn my Hotwife badge, and turn these fantasies into reality for myself & my husband.

[superb101]

Very hot! Congrats! Excited for you to take the next step-whatever that is!

[i_might_be_wrong]

Congratulations! I'd love to know more about your thought process and what resources you researched. I recently had the talk with my wife and she is at "I don't think I could do that” stage.

[Wannabee]

Hi CurvyKeyholder (I'd prefer to use your name, but......). Congratulations and well done for exploring the HW lifestyle further and now being ready to earn your HW badge.

You asked "where do I go from here?". Obviously I don't know you and your husband, your desires, fantasies, etc., but my immediate thought was why do you only want to go down a particular path? Wouldn't it be more fun to explore a range of options and see which one is most successful for you? For example, you know that if you go away for work (or whatever), you could flirt and be hit on and potentially take it further. It therefore goes without saying you could go to a bar or club and be hit on and take it as far as you want. So many husband's would love to be "secretly" on the other side of the room and watch their wife flirt and make out with other guys. Would it also be fun for you and hubby to take some pics and prepare a profile for one or more of the adult sites (plenty of recommendations from people on this site). You and hubby could have fun with you chatting online to various guys and even get into sexting. I'm sure you can think of other options to implement your "multi prong strategy".

A suggestion would be to talk through all of these scenarios with hubby so that if an opportunity arises, you're both ready. This may also include always keeping your "HW bag" (condoms, lube, wipes, etc) in your handbag wherever you go. Scout's motto "be prepared".

Good luck and please, please keep us informed. Photos would be even better

[wocka-wocka]

There are no rules. So, just do what feels good and fun to you and hubby, right now. Also, no need to rush to anything. Try to break it down into smaller steps if that feels good. One choice that works for some is sexting/chat online as a fun, safe step.

I'll be honest with you, finding a guy that feels right might take some work. Typically, this is done through a dating/swingers website. And unfortunately, lots of junk to weed through to find some good ones.

If you haven't already done so, there is a women-only forum that you will have access to once verified. I'm certain you will find lots of support there. Here's the link

viewtopic.php?f=5&t=53838

[CurvyKeyholder]

Congratulations! I'd love to know more about your thought process and what resources you researched. I recently had the talk with my wife and she is at "I don't think I could do that” stage.

Honestly, this forum is one of the first things he sent me. I’ve spent months here as a lurker, reading and taking in the conversations! I also read through a site called ‘A Shared Wife’ and enjoyed the content. For me, the biggest thing is reading opinions & experiences from the Hotwife’s point of view. That’s always been the most important thing for me. I enjoy the stories from the husband’s POV for sure, but it wasn’t how I was making my decisions

Hi CurvyKeyholder (I'd prefer to use your name, but......). Congratulations and well done for exploring the HW lifestyle further and now being ready to earn your HW badge.

You asked "where do I go from here?". Obviously I don't know you and your husband, your desires, fantasies, etc., but my immediate thought was why do you only want to go down a particular path? Wouldn't it be more fun to explore a range of options and see which one is most successful for you? For example, you know that if you go away for work (or whatever), you could flirt and be hit on and potentially take it further. It therefore goes without saying you could go to a bar or club and be hit on and take it as far as you want. So many husband's would love to be "secretly" on the other side of the room and watch their wife flirt and make out with other guys. Would it also be fun for you and hubby to take some pics and prepare a profile for one or more of the adult sites (plenty of recommendations from people on this site). You and hubby could have fun with you chatting online to various guys and even get into sexting. I'm sure you can think of other options to implement your "multi prong strategy".

A suggestion would be to talk through all of these scenarios with hubby so that if an opportunity arises, you're both ready. This may also include always keeping your "HW bag" (condoms, lube, wipes, etc) in your handbag wherever you go. Scout's motto "be prepared".

Good luck and please, please keep us informed. Photos would be even better

I’m Amber… I guess I should properly introduce myself. Thank you for your well laid out response. I love the idea of a go-bag… I’ll have to put one together!

Husband & I have talked at length about possible scenarios for my first time, all of which I’d enjoy… As would he. I’m definitely not in a hurry, and will take this journey as it unfolds - However it goes!

[Nothing2see]

Hi Amber

I cannot recommend the co worker route. Good or bad it can get awkward afterward in very complicated ways.

Follow your gut and good luck on your journey.

[FFDriver]

Hello Amber,
I'm making a few assumptions so correct what I might have wrong. My wife and I are both approaching 80, so her days of playing are but memories now. She held a professional job and exercised the absolute, utmost discretion on when and with whom she played. She was very private; typically the last woman in the world you would believe had a boyfriend outside her marriage. To form a visual image, she was literally a 'body double' of Anni-Frid Lyngstad (ABBA, from the 70s). I did not stray from my wife. That was a personal decision, but always took that attitude: 'a person's going to do what they decide to do, and rationalize it as acceptable.' I am a retired corporate pilot.

Assumptions: your husband desiring a cage says he wants some form of sexual denial and control on your part regarding the intimacy he receives. Aside from hearing about your exploits, he wants to surrender any say in who, when or where. I see you as conservative, in a professional career, self-confident, attractive, and possessing a pleasant personality. You are not impulsive, especially with your emotions, yet analytical in the regard you researched and learned about extra-marital activities. My perception is you would not be comfortable picking up a stranger in a bar. You would need some form of emotional connection - maybe trust would be a better word - or else the act would be purely mechanical. You don't need to be... 'in love with him,' but you want to be 'made love to,' not merely Fucked.

Maybe a 'business associate,' someone you're in contact with that you've developed trust and friendship with, but never, ever a co-worker. That's a recipe for disaster!

Where do you find that man who takes your extra-marital virginity? From a man's perspective, I would say..., don't try; don't look for it, let it come to you. You will see it in his eyes, and vice versa, when 'HE' enters the picture. Let it start naturally; coffee, dinner (when working out of town, for example), noncommittal conversation, whatever (for you) bridges that gap to trust and intimacy.

The process might take months, or minutes, but you'll know when the time is right and it happens.... (I dont' see you as an airhead, if you know what I mean).

OK, all that said, I'll look forward to your continuing saga, and trip down this pleasurable - if occasionally scary - avenue of life. Also, the forum has a section for women only. I can't speak for it since I'm obviously excluded, but you might check it out.

I'll forever remember overhearing my high school English teacher telling some of her girls: "Husband's are for procreation, boyfriends are for recreation." Good luck..........

[Wannabee]

Hi Amber,
You mentioned you and hubby had discussed potential scenarios for your first, all of which you'd enjoy. Are you willing to share your favourites?

[CurvyKeyholder]

Hi Amber,
You mentioned you and hubby had discussed potential scenarios for your first, all of which you'd enjoy. Are you willing to share your favourites?

Scenario One: We find an experienced bull via an online source for my first time. We get a swanky hotel room, he comes to us, and shows me a great time. My type-A personality likes the planning that would go into this one.

Scenario Two: We go out to one of the casinos, hit up the bars, and I prowl for prey to take back to the room. I never had a “hoe phase” so this one feels the most exciting.

[Wannabee]

Both sound good but #2 does have more appeal. #2 has potential for enormous excitement but also significant disappointment (you won't know what you're getting). #1 maybe the "safer" option, but you're not coming across as "taking the safe option" kind of girl

[jesseejames29]

I would highly recommend #1 for your first time. Go to a lifestyle website and get someone with a few certifications, if not you'll likely run into flakes and people who just want to talk. #2 sounds exciting but you might be taking in a dud or a 1 minute man and there are always safety concerns. Enjoy your story and look forward to seeing how things go for you.

[jesseejames29]

I would highly recommend #1 for your first time. Go to a lifestyle website and get someone with a few certifications, if not you'll likely run into flakes and people who just want to talk. #2 sounds exciting but you might be taking in a dud or a 1 minute man and there are always safety concerns. Enjoy your story and look forward to seeing how things go for you.

[CurvyKeyholder]

As much as I’d like to be spontaneous and go on the hunt, I’m definitely leaning towards curating a dick worth my Hotwife cherry. I want my first experience to be a doozy

[Pufferfish]

Welcome. While we all try to be very welcoming of our fellow forum users, as you've already found out actual female hotwives (in-training is fine) gain an extra amount of attention and advice lol. So I'm sure you'll have no shortage of advice and people to chat to about your adventure.

As for some advice, both scenarios you've posted have their own pros and cons. I'm inclined to agree that option 1 would probably be the "better" option for a 1st time. But honestly either one could be great (depending on who #2 ends up being). I would also suggest there could be a 3rd option should you choose that route, it's the route my wife chose. You can meet (via online probably, or in person) a new friend whom would know you're married, your intent on finding/having a FWB, and work down the path of creating said relationship. It would be similar to dating but instead of looking for a potential boyfriend or husband material, you purely focus on how well you 2 get along, cock size and/or experience/masculinity, and sexual chemistry. It's kind of a mix between the 2 options you're currently considering.

Whatever scenario you decide works best for you, I'm sure you will enjoy and will love to hear about how your journey goes along.

[CurveysHubby]

Hi everyone! I’m the husband who is going to be treated to this wild ride. It’s been a fantasy for so long that at one point I knew if I said anything it would never happen.

Over the years I slowly introduced the concept through role play. Eventually I bought a sex machine which enabled us to simulate an MFM experience for her. We both loved it. This helped me get the courage to broach the subject.

I did my best to connect her with female POV content because I know that’s what she’d appreciate most. As she’s come around and embraced this fantasy together, we find ourselves here preparing for the journey.

Should be a wild ride.

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum CurveysHubby.

[CurvyKeyholder]

Well, I did it this weekend.

I claimed my Hotwife title.

It was everything I hoped it would be and more. I found an experienced bull in my area, and arranged a meet up. The night was near perfect, I was glowing and hubby was grinning ear to ear.

[mundyman]

Well, I did it this weekend.

I claimed my Hotwife title.

It was everything I hoped it would be and more. I found an experienced bull in my area, and arranged a meet up. The night was near perfect, I was glowing and hubby was grinning ear to ear.

Holy shit!!!
A most hearty congratulations!!
Please, do tell the details please.

[MartasBoy]

Well, I did it this weekend.

I claimed my Hotwife title.

It was everything I hoped it would be and more. I found an experienced bull in my area, and arranged a meet up. The night was near perfect, I was glowing and hubby was grinning ear to ear.

Congratulations. I'm so happy that things went well for you. We hear so many stories of women having many disappointments, before finding anything satisfying. I am so happy for you that your first time felt like a positive experience.

We would love hearing any details that you feel comfortable sharing. Many of us guys on here are a bunch of voyeurs and wankers.

[Pecannut]

How was it? How did your hobby feel about it? Please tell us more!

[54321]

Tell me more, tell me more!
Was it lust at first sight?
Tell me more, tell me more!
Did it turn out alright?
Tell me more, tell me more!
Was your hubby there too?
Tell me more, tell me more!
Did you cum and them too?...

And so on. Dear Amber, please dish the dirt. We need to know.

Every good wish,

54321

[Latido]

Well, I did it this weekend.

I claimed my Hotwife title.

It was everything I hoped it would be and more. I found an experienced bull in my area, and arranged a meet up. The night was near perfect, I was glowing and hubby was grinning ear to ear.

So hot! I personally loved it when my wife did it. And it gave her a power rush too!

[CurveysHubby]

She had been chatting with a guy over a couple weeks and exchanged pictures, and worked out the particulars. Once a date was set, we picked up a hotel room so we could have some fun of our own should he no show.

But everything worked out. We all met for some drinks beforehand and there was clear interest between the wife and him. She suggested we take this party upstairs. It was rather shocking since I knew she was nervous. On the way up to the room they got acquainted.

Back in the room I gave a brief spiel that my boundaries are her boundaries and that I’d just be in the background and they should have fun. After that Amber said why don’t we move this over to the bed.

I got to my position for the show and what a show it was. They went 3 rounds over the course of about an hour. He excused himself and we got at it. Then took a bath together in the rooms jetted tub and headed home.

Everyone had a great time and looking to setup another meet sometime next month.

[8toplaywith]

Sounds fantastic!
Glad you all had a good time and no regrets. Well done.
Next time will be even better.