A Change Is Coming…

[SRKnight]

My HW (Mandy) has been seeing her ex-boyfriend (Todd)for almost 12 years of our 13 year marriage. They were having an affair when we met (Todd has been married over 25 years)

It has worked fine because Todd lives about 5 hours away and his job brings him about 30 miles from us every quarter. Mandy will go meet him and spend several nights with him at the hotel 30 miles away. This week Mandy’s office was closed for spring vacation so she was able to spend Sunday-Friday with him and not come home or go to work.

She came home last night with big news. Todd is retiring July 1st and he and his wife are going their separate ways. He is also looking at houses about 10 minutes away from us and Mandy went house hunting with him during the week. She also for the first time went with Todd to places around where we live dressed as a HW. She says she is really getting into the chance of being seeing with someone else as she has done this some with another lover of hers that is local.

Now her big decision is how much to tell Todd about her HW activists, which includes going to swing clubs as husband and wifwith her local lover. I think it may be a long hot summer…

[SilverStag]

Sounds like Todd has believed that he had her as an exclusive playmate and assumed she was likewise exclusive.

There is a lot behind this story that weighs in on what happens next, including the reason/terms of his divorce from his wife. The fact that he is moving close to you changes the entire dynamic, and the fact that she has other playmates that he is unaware about, may cause friction between he and she. He needs to know this before he commits to moving near to you, as the dynamic between all of you is about to change.

[SRKnight]

No, Todd knows she has never been exclusive to him with her HW activities. His divorce has been years in the making as he and his wife agreed years ago that when the last child graduated college that was it for them.

Now as far as she told Todd everything about her activities..well she probably hasn’t told me all. Lol

[zorro]

I agree that moving closer to you may well change the dynamic -- or may not, depending on your wife's and your relationship and the nature of the relationship of your wife with Todd. What does Todd want, was my immediate thought.

As far as the legitimate question about how much to tell Todd: That may hinge on the answers to my questions above and where your wife and Todd want to go with their relationship. It also raises questions you may not be able to answer about what Todd would want to know.
It sounds as though the main thing to know is known: Your wife is lifestyle and sees men other than him. I have been in a similar position when I was single and dated multiple women simultaneously. I did what I considered the ethical thing and disclosed that I was seeing other women as well. I left it up to them to go further into the details as they wished. Of note, they hardly had any questions about my other activities. I suspect they took it as a heads up they would be competing for me, and what I did with others did not matter. I think they wanted to just figure out how to win me over all for themselves. A lot will hinge on Todd's aims for the relationship with your wife and what he wants her to do with you.

I believe in treating my partners ethically and honestly, being considerate of their feelings and not laying a lot of information on them they are not wanting to know. Others may go about this differently, but that worked for me for a few years until I reunited with Ruth.

The answer to your question may be: It depends.

[SRKnight]

I think she will be at his place 2-3 nights a week. And her new attitude of being seen in public with him is exciting too

[hattersfan]

Back in the day, knowing that my then long-term partner Heather was out and about with her new boyfriend was - how can I put it- stimulating.

She and the new bf were going to the same pubs and restaurants that we had frequented as a couple for a few years and would’ve been noticed and remarked upon by our friendsand neighbours. Even him leaving his car on our driveway overnight when I was working away was a turn on for me.

[SRKnight]

Todd has been doing a lot of house hunting in the area. His realtor knows that Mandy is married to me but Todd always refers to Mandy as his GF around the realtor. Mandy says it is like her and the realtor are sharing a secret. The realtor did ask Mandy when Todd was not around would she be living with Todd when he moved here. Mandy told her “never can tell…I’m sure I’ll be spending a lot of nights with him”.

[Long Lurker 34]

Todd has been doing a lot of house hunting in the area. His realtor knows that Mandy is married to me but Todd always refers to Mandy as his GF around the realtor. Mandy says it is like her and the realtor are sharing a secret. The realtor did ask Mandy when Todd was not around would she be living with Todd when he moved here. Mandy told her “never can tell…I’m sure I’ll be spending a lot of nights with him”.

SRK - Is Todd still five hours away or has he found a local short term rental while he's house hunting? Or for that matter if he is still that long distance away is Mandy vetting properties for him in the meanwhile? How do you feel about Todd being so close by once the dust has settled?

[SRKnight]

Todd has been doing a lot of house hunting in the area. His realtor knows that Mandy is married to me but Todd always refers to Mandy as his GF around the realtor. Mandy says it is like her and the realtor are sharing a secret. The realtor did ask Mandy when Todd was not around would she be living with Todd when he moved here. Mandy told her “never can tell…I’m sure I’ll be spending a lot of nights with him”.

SRK - Is Todd still five hours away or has he found a local short term rental while he's house hunting? Or for that matter if he is still that long distance away is Mandy vetting properties for him in the meanwhile? How do you feel about Todd being so close by once the dust has settled?

Todd is supposed to close on one this week and will finish out his job at the end of month and move here full time. For the last few months he has been in our area most every weekend and Mandy had been with him. I fully expect her to be a weekend wife to him once he is settled.

Most interesting to me is her not hiding things from the realtor or others. She was at a sports bar with Todd one night and a coworker saw them and she introduced Todd as her boyfriend. The next week the coworker asked her the next week if we were separated and Mandy told her no, she just had a boyfriend too.

[MarknSusan]

Well now…. this is certainly a big change for sure.

We (my wife Susan is not on here but I read her interesting threads including this one which she enjoys) are both very interested to see how this works out.

I don’t know much of the background other than what you posted here, but I am very curious how much he knows about you and your relationship with your wife.

I’m guessing that he may be moving near you because of her? Please provide more details !

[SRKnight]

Well now…. this is certainly a big change for sure.

We (my wife Susan is not on here but I read her interesting threads including this one which she enjoys) are both very interested to see how this works out.

I don’t know much of the background other than what you posted here, but I am very curious how much he knows about you and your relationship with your wife.

I’m guessing that he may be moving near you because of her? Please provide more details !

Her other lovers have always thought of Mandy as a cheating wife with me having no idea. Todd was different as he would be in town about 30 miles away and Mandy would spend 3-4 nights with him so he knew we had an open relationship. As far as I know he does not know about how much details Mandy goes into with me about when they are together.

Yes he asked her if he moved nearby what that would mean and she told him it would be a lot morehot sex on a regular basis.

[Long Lurker 34]

Todd has been doing a lot of house hunting in the area. His realtor knows that Mandy is married to me but Todd always refers to Mandy as his GF around the realtor. Mandy says it is like her and the realtor are sharing a secret. The realtor did ask Mandy when Todd was not around would she be living with Todd when he moved here. Mandy told her “never can tell…I’m sure I’ll be spending a lot of nights with him”.

SRK - Is Todd still five hours away or has he found a local short term rental while he's house hunting? Or for that matter if he is still that long distance away is Mandy vetting properties for him in the meanwhile? How do you feel about Todd being so close by once the dust has settled?

Todd is supposed to close on one this week and will finish out his job at the end of month and move here full time. For the last few months he has been in our area most every weekend and Mandy had been with him. I fully expect her to be a weekend wife to him once he is settled.

Most interesting to me is her not hiding things from the realtor or others. She was at a sports bar with Todd one night and a coworker saw them and she introduced Todd as her boyfriend. The next week the coworker asked her the next week if we were separated and Mandy told her no, she just had a boyfriend too.

SRK - It seems Mandy is getting much more comfortable being in public with Todd. Once the move occurs do you there might be the possibility of Todd coming to your home? I'm thinking on two levels, there's the obvious 'marital bed' thing and secondly 'public', as it were, friends/neighbours/family BBQ's, parties etc with him as another guest and how he would included. Ten minutes is a short car ride or a slightly longer brisk walk after all.

[SRKnight]

Todd has been doing a lot of house hunting in the area. His realtor knows that Mandy is married to me but Todd always refers to Mandy as his GF around the realtor. Mandy says it is like her and the realtor are sharing a secret. The realtor did ask Mandy when Todd was not around would she be living with Todd when he moved here. Mandy told her “never can tell…I’m sure I’ll be spending a lot of nights with him”.

SRK - Is Todd still five hours away or has he found a local short term rental while he's house hunting? Or for that matter if he is still that long distance away is Mandy vetting properties for him in the meanwhile? How do you feel about Todd being so close by once the dust has settled?

Todd is supposed to close on one this week and will finish out his job at the end of month and move here full time. For the last few months he has been in our area most every weekend and Mandy had been with him. I fully expect her to be a weekend wife to him once he is settled.

Most interesting to me is her not hiding things from the realtor or others. She was at a sports bar with Todd one night and a coworker saw them and she introduced Todd as her boyfriend. The next week the coworker asked her the next week if we were separated and Mandy told her no, she just had a boyfriend too.

SRK - It seems Mandy is getting much more comfortable being in public with Todd. Once the move occurs do you there might be the possibility of Todd coming to your home? I'm thinking on two levels, there's the obvious 'marital bed' thing and secondly 'public', as it were, friends/neighbours/family BBQ's, parties etc with him as another guest and how he would included. Ten minutes is a short car ride or a slightly longer brisk walk after all.

I asked her what her idea was on that very thing. She said she was more comfortable being in public with him and people thinking she was a cheating wife than including him with family and friends.

The cheating wife scenario has always been our thing.

[SRKnight]

Just to clarify…she has been seen with other men before at karaoke, sports bar, etc. But this is the first time she is introducing anyone as a boyfriend to people who know she is married to someone else. Or being introduced as the girlfriend.

[Long Lurker 34]

SRK - Is Todd still five hours away or has he found a local short term rental while he's house hunting? Or for that matter if he is still that long distance away is Mandy vetting properties for him in the meanwhile? How do you feel about Todd being so close by once the dust has settled?

Todd is supposed to close on one this week and will finish out his job at the end of month and move here full time. For the last few months he has been in our area most every weekend and Mandy had been with him. I fully expect her to be a weekend wife to him once he is settled.

Most interesting to me is her not hiding things from the realtor or others. She was at a sports bar with Todd one night and a coworker saw them and she introduced Todd as her boyfriend. The next week the coworker asked her the next week if we were separated and Mandy told her no, she just had a boyfriend too.

SRK - It seems Mandy is getting much more comfortable being in public with Todd. Once the move occurs do you there might be the possibility of Todd coming to your home? I'm thinking on two levels, there's the obvious 'marital bed' thing and secondly 'public', as it were, friends/neighbours/family BBQ's, parties etc with him as another guest and how he would included. Ten minutes is a short car ride or a slightly longer brisk walk after all.

I asked her what her idea was on that very thing. She said she was more comfortable being in public with him and people thinking she was a cheating wife than including him with family and friends.

The cheating wife scenario has always been our thing.

SRK - Have to say with Todd, it seems, being her number one (after you of course) go to guy once the move happens and being so close by, whether she wants it or not I get the feeling there is going to be a collision between 'the cheating wife' and F&F spheres. It might be easier to just start to include Todd in functions (not the between the sheets kind I mean) with F&F. Then he just becomes another part of F&F and he's just sort of always around. If later the two of them are seen together by F&F it's not so much of a big deal to shrug it off saying "Oh were just waiting for SRK to show up etc."

[MarknSusan]

SRK what is your relationship with Todd? Could this be an opportunity for the three of you to become friends and share Mandy?

We have had that type of relationship in the past and my wife enjoyed having us two men as her “bookends”. Kind of like Mandy, my wife also liked people knowing, or at least wondering what our relationship was with him.

[SRKnight]

Todd is supposed to close on one this week and will finish out his job at the end of month and move here full time. For the last few months he has been in our area most every weekend and Mandy had been with him. I fully expect her to be a weekend wife to him once he is settled.

Most interesting to me is her not hiding things from the realtor or others. She was at a sports bar with Todd one night and a coworker saw them and she introduced Todd as her boyfriend. The next week the coworker asked her the next week if we were separated and Mandy told her no, she just had a boyfriend too.

SRK - It seems Mandy is getting much more comfortable being in public with Todd. Once the move occurs do you there might be the possibility of Todd coming to your home? I'm thinking on two levels, there's the obvious 'marital bed' thing and secondly 'public', as it were, friends/neighbours/family BBQ's, parties etc with him as another guest and how he would included. Ten minutes is a short car ride or a slightly longer brisk walk after all.

I asked her what her idea was on that very thing. She said she was more comfortable being in public with him and people thinking she was a cheating wife than including him with family and friends.

The cheating wife scenario has always been our thing.

SRK - Have to say with Todd, it seems, being her number one (after you of course) go to guy once the move happens and being so close by, whether she wants it or not I get the feeling there is going to be a collision between 'the cheating wife' and F&F spheres. It might be easier to just start to include Todd in functions (not the between the sheets kind I mean) with F&F. Then he just becomes another part of F&F and he's just sort of always around. If later the two of them are seen together by F&F it's not so much of a big deal to shrug it off saying "Oh were just waiting for SRK to show up etc."

She is embracing friends and coworker thinking she is cheating wife. Her coworker that she introduced Todd to as her boyfriend was very impressed with her having both husband and boyfriend.

[SRKnight]

SRK what is your relationship with Todd? Could this be an opportunity for the three of you to become friends and share Mandy?

We have had that type of relationship in the past and my wife enjoyed having us two men as her “bookends”. Kind of like Mandy, my wife also liked people knowing, or at least wondering what our relationship was with him.

Just something we have never been interested in. She prefers to play alone and tell later and love that scenario too

[SRKnight]

Update …. Todd closed on a house and Mandy and some of Todd’s friends from up there are helping him move this weekend down here. Exactly 6 miles from us.

He finishes out work next week and then moves down here permanently next weekend.

[irishstag41]

Are you entering a polyamorous relationship

[SRKnight]

Are you entering a polyamorous relationship

No…more like a more public cheating wife scenario.

[54321]

I take it that Todd is now settled in. How are things developing?

54321

[SRKnight]

I take it that Todd is now settled in. How are things developing?

54321

Things are going well. She is here most nights through the week and then on weekends spending more time with Todd. They did attend a local fireworks display on the 4th together where some locals and coworkers attended. It was noticed that they were holding hands and deep kissing during the festivities. She introduced Todd to a couple of locals as her boyfriend and she said the look on their faces were confused to say the least (She was wearing her wedding rings as usual)

One of her coworker asked her the next day who the guy was she was kissing and she said that was her boyfriend. When questioned further she said that even wives needed a boyfriend. The coworker was impressed. Lol.

[54321]

One of her coworker asked her the next day who the guy was she was kissing and she said that was her boyfriend. When questioned further she said that even wives needed a boyfriend. The coworker was impressed. Lol.

So am I!!!

54321

[Long Lurker 34]

SRK - Is Mandy helping Todd decorate his new house? Great excuse for a GF to seen in public with her BF.