ED Issue: HW may be solution

[stagwithbbw]

What do you do when you're married to a beautiful and passionate woman in her forties who has a healthy, normal appetite and enjoyment for sex and you cannot perform? I'll tell you what you do - you panic. You panic like hell, with all kinds of thoughts and fears going through your mind. It isn't that Clare is a sex maniac. She's just a normal, attractive wife, and mother in her mid-forties. Enjoying the live with her husband now that only daughter moved out.

Clare and I are childhood sweethearts, we'd been together since we were fifteen when I finally asked her out.

Starting almost 30 years of happiness until along comes a mild coronary event, the upshot of which is the ED. The event and medicine stopped me from being able to get hard. At first, the doctors led us to believe it's a temporary thing but a year after I'd been released from the hospital the doctor gave me the bad news. And we have tried everything, and it didn't work. Three days ago I told Clare and she took it with surprisingly good grace seemingly more concerned with how I felt then she hinted at using of sex toys and skillful use of my mouth and fingers. Sure she has orgasms, I'm not a total novice. If it throbbed, we throbbed it. If it vibrated, we'd tried it. Better than nothing.

Maybe an ancient story but any who's been through a long-term ED problem you'll get it.

Then the solution came from my childhood friend, he knew all about my medical problems, including ED. It turned out he and his wife had been experimenting a little with their love lives. It started out with swapping and transitioned to hotwifing. At first, I told him he's nuts and then we talked and talked and talked. And the most surprising thing of all was that I knew he was delivering this at no small cost to himself from true motives of love and friendship.

I won't run you through all the rest of the conversations we had that night. All my questions about jealousy, insecurity, and about how such an arrangement subverted everything.

Needless to say, he'd sown the seed of an idea around my brain, and wouldn't go away. The other day I noticed the red sedan, one of his best friends stopped by to visit her. Then on Friday night, she told me that the guy at the office kept hitting on her and she pointed her ring and asked me how many times she has to show him. And she said she hopes he finally may quit asking her out now he's dating some other girl.

This guy is not new, he flirted in his last dozen meetings with Clare, each time asking her out for lunch. Each time being politely or not so shot down. Clare had never hidden any of this from me.

That's for now.

[stagwithbbw]

I’m a bit confused. Where was the red sedan, exactly? Was someone visiting your wife without your knowledge?

I meant her best female girlfriend paid her a visit, typo. Sorry for the confusion.

More about this guy from work Bob. He has a classic salesman's mix of charm, persistence and never taking no for an answer. About a year ago, when my issue started, we'd been having a normal family Sunday lunch and Clare had been complaining about Bob who'd suddenly started flirting and asking her out to lunch. So it turned out that this guy had lost his wife a couple of years ago and since then he's been on the hunt for sexy females. And once Clare found out this, she became a little more patient and tolerant of his flirting. The answer was still always the same, but at least for the last nine months, No had been delivered with a smile. A smile and kind words thanking him for the compliment, explaining that she's happily married so couldn't accept his invitation.

I tried to explain to Clare she needs to go easy on him, Maybe dating didn't work out and he's trying to cheer himself up a little asking out the prettiest lady in the office. Part of me could hardly blame him for his flirting. Clare is a beautiful and sexy woman with a warm and friendly personality and knockout body. That allied to a keen intelligence and great sense of humor she's the full package. I could hardly blame Bob for flirting with the sexiest woman in the office.

The last time we spoke about him, she suspected I had something in mind for this guy and she questioned me why I was defending him, instead of defending her honor, getting jealous and offering to come and give him a piece of mind. The truth is, that after last year of his regular flirting, I knew full well that, although she never admitted it loud, Clare quite enjoyed all the attention and compliments. Sure, she said the exact opposite, but from the frequency with which she'd reported these events and from the blush on her cheeks I knew pretty much the opposite was true.

I just told her he seems harmless enough, and I know a lady who's not averse to secretly enjoying the odd compliment or two from a handsome guy. Clare finally grinned. I don't know much about his appearance, but I did know that once or twice Clare had admitted he wasn't the ugliest of the sales reps who called. Which is typical for Clare's code for he's a hunk.

OK, Last night, I brought up the topic again in the bedroom, and I suggested she might offer him a deal. That she'll say yes, accept his offer for lunch or dinner just once, in exchange for him laying off afterward. I wasn't the only one surprised by my own words. The truth is, that even though I was surprised at the words I'd just spluttered, in my heart, I did know their origin. Temporarily tongue-tied as I tried to work out how to tell her where this thought had come from, tried to work out what to say to Clare, how to raise one of the most difficult topics we'd ever had to discuss since we'd met all these years ago.

I'd need couple of days to get prepared for this conversation, Here you go guys, Help me !

[BallSpanking]

Clare understands you are aware of the flirtation, and that you are saying it could be ... not too awful, poor guy.
She finds Bob handsome, and complains about his attention, but enjoys it.
I don't know if you need to sugarcoat your suggestion, or even make it conditional on his not asking again.
Suggest to her she accept the next suitable invitation, just to shock him ...
When it comes to going out, she can get into a sexy outfit and tease him mercilessly.
If you can suggest she can drop him like a hot potato, to show him he can't just wiggle his finger and make a married woman come ...
I am willing to bet that if it gets that far, Clare won't want to cut off the flirtation that soon ... or, at all.

[SilverStag]

So, are you saying that your ED goes away when the wife plays or are you just suggesting that another guy can fill her needs?

The usual proviso applies here; see a Urologist and get a checkup. There are many things that can be done medically to fix your ED, up to and including an implant (you can read my accounts of that journey on this forum). I, too, had a medical problem that kept me out of the game and I, like others, set up a HW profile for my wife. Cecil was on board (we had been swingers before my medical issue). She has been enjoying seeing and playing with others for a few years now. The fact that I can play too now is a big plus.

Have fun with the HW play, but remember that there is help for your issue so that it is a choice, not a forced outcome.

[aztd]

What he said. If you want her want her to be a hot wife you need to talk to her. Maybe a different approach the go to dinner and I hope it happens. If it did with out you in the loop there could be all kinds of problems, lost of trust and resentment.

Maybe the I have a dream. Maybe strat small with toys talking dirty about other. I guarantee so will cum fast and hard.
Maybe porn, but good PORN DFW knight, Hot wife Jackie or Dee Delmar. Not anything like Jan B.

Nights dancing, take a long bathroom break see if see gets attention. Someone ask to dance with her encouraging her to do she.
If she is wet after the salesmen date talk dirt about that, during sex ask her if she would like him to fuck him.

Tell her that you can't get hard, doesn't mean she can't have a hard dick deep in her.
I conversation that it is a fantasy. Play with as you see her get more comfortable tell her your think of it and ask her what she thinks.

The odds are that she never do it. Be happy with the journey.

[stagwithbbw]

So, are you saying that your ED goes away when the wife plays or are you just suggesting that another guy can fill her needs?

The usual proviso applies here; see a Urologist and get a checkup. There are many things that can be done medically to fix your ED, up to and including an implant (you can read my accounts of that journey on this forum). I, too, had a medical problem that kept me out of the game and I, like others, set up a HW profile for my wife. Cecil was on board (we had been swingers before my medical issue). She has been enjoying seeing and playing with others for a few years now. The fact that I can play too now is a big plus.

Have fun with the HW play, but remember that there is help for your issue so that it is a choice, not a forced outcome.

Bedding her with another man would not fix my issue, but it would be good for her after a year of trying and not getting the job done. Believe me SilverStag, I have tried everything, it's permanent. She'd going through her own mental adjustment to the new reality of our married life. Like me, she'd be trying to work out how she felt about this.

Probably a good time to speak clearly with her later tonight. it's never a good time, but I'll do my best.

[stagwithbbw]

Just came back from my morning walking routine when overheard a conversation between Clare and her bestie(I Assume). Speaking of which, she said she's being silly but she worries that she'll do something stupid, that she'll meet some handsome hung that she'll have a moment of crazy weakness that she'll end up really hurting me. I don't know what her friend said to her but Clare replied she could never do that, and that would break me in two.

Assume her friend encouraged her to give it a try or something like that. By the way all that made me more depressed and worthless. I felt I'd let Clare down terribly by my health problem, disappointed with myself. Fear that Clare might be right, might be too weak and unable to resist the temptation.

I'm looking forward to speaking with her tonight. See where this goes.

[edgedndenied]

I had ED issues for a few years with very limited PIV sex. We do have sex 5 to 6 days a week I could get erections but maintaining the erection for meaningful intercourse was very frustrating. My urologist prescribed a penis pump with constricting bands. It has worked wonders. I now get hard erections. My wife is very happy. We still practice extreme edging and orgasm denial. My wife controls how often I am allowed PIV sex.

[stagwithbbw]

So, guys, I confessed to Clare. I shared with her what my best friend told me about wife-sharing and hotwiving. And she'd figured out why I encouraged her to say yes to Bob's persistent invitations for Clare to join him for coffee or a meal. And her smile disappeared and she was angry at my thinking that the answer to our problem was for her to go to bed with another guy. Busted. My face flushed in red.

Once she'd recovered from the shock she went in a totally different direction as she asked me if I do enjoy the thought of her with another man. Truth to be told, Clare and I had explored plenty over the years, and had talked about all kinds of fantasies and scenarios, but this was not the one that ever came up. Never came up for the simple reason the idea had never ever occurred to me. Not until before my friend had exploded his bomb and planted the seed. I overreacted as I said I'm not some weirdo as a defense to myself. Clare knows me well to be taken in by my overreaction. She just held my gaze, allowed my pride to slow, and squeezed my hand, letting me know it was okay that she even understood my need to pretend.

She didn't say it straight, but she was saying that if a couple like my friend enjoyed it, a couple so like us in nearly every way, then it certainly it wasn't freakish or weird, giving me the courage to take this conversation in the direction it was inevitably heading. I confessed since my friend confessed, I've been having some strange thoughts, and I'm all confused. She squeezed my hand again and said it's OK, and she pretty much thing the same, the whole thing confusing, and she felt proud that I shared that with her.

We talked and talked. I confessed to Clare since my friend's revelation, a part of me had wondered what it would be like to know that she was with another guy. Or even to watch while they went at it. The thought intrigued and terrified me in equal measure. That I wondered whether I'd be sent into heaven or lust or sent down of jealousy and angst. Whether I could cope with it, or whether I'd feel happy.

For her part, Clare came clean, admitting she did miss the feel of the real, warm, hard, and erect penis. That the toys we used were fine and that she loved it when I made her come with my mouth, but that she did miss the feel of me inside. The feeling of real, throbbing cock and a man on top of or behind her working himself in and out and pleasuring the both of them. Being right on the edge of tears as she repeated the most painful part, about her fears that it might all get too much of her, that she might give in to temptation.

Shared confession over and we agreed that we'd never want to do anything that may harm our love or marriage. That our love and family were much, much more important than something that was just physical. The last part of our talk was easy, stating things that made us feel good and which were safe, but then we knew we needed to talk about more difficult topics. Then the elephant in the room - my early suggestion that maybe Clare should finally say yes to Bob the next time he invited her out. We talked and talked about how big a deal this would be, about all the pros and cons, and where it might lead. At the end of the talk, we agreed on two things

First, we'd talk separately with my friend and his wife, they're good friends so we assumed she'd open up again so we better understand a little more how it had been for them, Secondly, the next time Bob hit on Clare and asked her out for a meal, she'd call his bluff by accepting his invitation.

[unclecuck]

Mr. stagwithbbw.
if you don't mind, I would like to give you my thoughts.
most important is that if you want to do this because of your ED and you you want your wife to be satisfied? it will go wrong and its a wrong thing to do. but if the thoughts of it excites you and you get some kind of satisfaction this way, then 100% do it. and your wife needs to know that this new kink you found excites you and not because of your ED.

as far as she is getting mad and upset when you brought it up. actually, after reading your post, the was not mad or upset enough. usually when they first hear such thing, it is much more shocking and upsetting. so either you did a good job explaining, or your wife is an angel.

about ED. I know you said you tried everything. have you tried the Injection shot? I know few people that using that instead of the Pills and they all swear by it. and one time i actually saw a person that took the shot and he was walking with a hard on for an hour or two around the pool party, proud of what he has.

Uncle.

[stagwithbbw]

We had our separate conversation - me with my friend, and she with his wife. So instead of coming up with a clean decision, we agreed we're both even more confused, but also it excites us.

So we're planning to dip a toe in the pool maybe, just maybe opening up our relationship. We both hope to get some enjoyment from this thing. Usually, Bob calls almost every Thursday asking Clare out.

[Mr1SexyGILF]

You will find the depth of communication required to safely navigate this adventure, will bring you two closer than you could ever have imagined.

I am excited to follow the journey of Clare’s blossoming sexuality. Thank You for making the time to bring us along. Bob will be so shocked with her response.

Mr GILF

[BallSpanking]

Let the idea percolate inside her. Let her come to terms with what it could be, for her and you as a couple.
Don't bring it up, don't pester her about it, pushing or pressuring her is a quick way to turn her off.
She will very likely bring it up again, especially if this excites her too. She will have many doubts and questions about how this could work.
This means she is giving it serious consideration, so be sure to have good and loving answers to her expressed qualms.
And please update us on today's interaction with Bob if you have a chance.

[CuriousHusband91941]

What a great beginning. Thank you for sharing.

[stagwithbbw]

Bob's jaw dropped yesterday when Clare hadn't said no and shot him down as normal but had actually said yes. Not only that but Clare suggested the very next day(today), and also she accepted his offer of dinner rather than trying to bargain with him for coffee or lunch.

Me, her poor husband who has little time to adjust. She came home and surprised me with her look of excitement despite her best efforts she was barely able to hide it. I on the other hand, mixed in the feelings, some jealousy and more fear. At that time better to deny them.

More to come I assume.

[BallSpanking]

That is fantastic news.
As you suspected, you tapped into a need in your wife that she is reluctant to express.
She knows that in the current circumstance, you are unable to provide her with the needed relief ... so she goes without.
It would be cool to know if she makes an extra effort to look sexy. A little detail, a garment ...
If you check her razor, you may find she used it to make herself smooth for him ... That gives you a hint as to her thoughts.
Also, the fact she accepted the challenge, and is giddy with the result, tells you that you identified these factors correctly.
It seems that in accepting, Clare upped the ante by making it dinner, on Friday night, so she is definitely into it!
So yes, fasten your seat belt, because it may be that her date could become ... heated.
This is very sudden for you, so you will have to brace yourself and hold your emotions, because this is in fact what you want for Clare, for her to be satisfied in her sexual needs by a capable lover(s).
Be sure not to give her mixed signals or make her feel guilty. Be supportive and enthusiastic, so she will go on her date happy, unconcerned, and looking forward to a little naughty time.
It is looking very positive, as long as you hold it together.
Please tell us more. Keep us posted.

[2inUPMichigan]

@stagwithbbw

I understand your situation as that was us about 5 1/2 years ago when hubby 1st brought up the subject. (He had a radical prostatectomy due to prostate cancer)
It is after the frustration of trying everything and the feelings of loss over your sex life that you come to a place where you have to do something! That is when my hubby started to think about me with other men and how it could be a solution for both of us

Being told over and over "why don't you try ___" keeps you in that state of loss instead of moving forward. If you have exhausted all your options then it is time to find a way forward for both of you, a positive experience to replace the frustration and grief.

If your wife would like to discuss anything with me personally send me a PM. I know at the time there were things I was feeling that I didn't want to burden my husband with because I thought it would make him feel guilty when that was the last thing from my mind.

I look forward to reading about how your story unfolds.
Good luck to both of you

[stagwithbbw]

@2inUPMichigan, you understand me better Thanks for the support.

So here we were, Friday night and Clare upstairs getting ready for her dinner. She was there facing the mirror on her dresser, wearing her black skirt, short but no miniskirt, and the tight but not too low-cut blouse. God, she looked good. I wanted nothing more than to run over, throw her on the bed and fuck her hard.

She asked me one final time If I was ready and OK. The look on her face was love and concern. I knew she was excited to go on this date with Bob but from the look, I knew her offer to cancel was genuine. I thought about saying something, but thought better of it, knowing it would just make her more self-conscious. She gave me a soft look, took two steps forward, and gave me a hug. She kissed me softly and said last chance. She joked "Speak now or forever hold your peace". She felt kinda of guilty, I reassured her I was all good and we'd agreed to try this thing, and we should stick with and it see how it goes. Also, I mentioned I might be one of those guys who can't get enough of his lady going out with other guys.

Clare left for dinner at just 7:30 and I don't think in the history of civilization time has dragged as slowly as it seemed to pass that Friday evening. We'd agreed to stay out of contact with each other, and we'd agreed that if he asked Clare she'd tell Bob I was out of town with work and she'd not told me about their meal but that I was generally relaxed about her meeting up with friends of either sex, as long as things were just normal and platonic.

I did my best to distract myself. Tried TV, books, internet. My imagination was flooded with pictures of them, at the dinner. Images of how they flirt, you know what I mean. Making out, ripping each other clothes. In my darker moments, they didn't even make it out of the restaurant. I was torn between feelings of jealousy, self-pity, and confused excitement.

It was 11:30 when my phone finally showed signs of life "Sorry it's late. will tell you when i get home. love you with all my heart". And then I had the balance of 20 minutes wondering why Clare had been so long, wondering what she had to be sorry about and generally parsing and second and third guessing. Our agreement had been this was just dinner and maybe a little flirting. Normally I'm controlled and rationale guy. But this was driving me insane.

At midnight she showed up, and for few minutes we just held each other. Clare had looked nothing in her appearance had changed. That even she had been with Bob for four hours nothing in her appearance indicated something between them happened. I begged her to put me out of my misery and tell me everything. She gave me a teasing smile and she was like you feel strong to hear all.

She grinned and said it was platonic for the most part, telling me about how Bob had started flirting and trying his best moves on her right from the beginning. I was like 4 hours, and she explained finally she had a chance to reveal the real Bob got behind his mark, there were sad parts where he talked about his past wife. Then there were fun parts, when she got to see Bob the confident guy. And she said, it was nice getting him know, the real him.

Nothing physical had happened between them but the way Clare smiled and the happy look on her face left me in no doubt as to how evening had gone from Clare's perspective. She countered me on the long date, saying we had that long dates back in the high school as well. She said she doesn't need to appologize for the time spent with Bob, but she appologized she didn't say to him what we agrreed. It made feel furt but I counted to ten.

So she asked me if I'm okay with it if it would be okay to move things a bit further, go for second round as they both seem to have gotten something out of round one. Something in my face told Clare I want to say yes, and I did. She said she loves me and thanked me for being man enough to explore this thing, for both of us.

I didn't expect the second round would be that soon, but all set it up for today. I was expecting that second date in a week or two. Things moving fast.

Keep you posted

[BallSpanking]

Good man. Well done!
You probably can expect for things to become physical tonight, and you understand where that will lead.
I think she will prepare extensively for her date tonight, probably shave smooth (for him )

[proudhusb217]

Wow, that's amazing! I look forward to finding out what happens tonight.

[elina]

Thanks for sharing and good luck to all three of you with today!!

Sincerely
elina

[Tank Turner]

Hi stagwithbbw,

Watch "Lady Chatterley's Lover".

I have empathy for you and your wife.

Women in their 40s are in their sexual primes. They want sex all the time. It's normal human biology.

I do respect you for your response to your medical condition and it's affect on your wife. And I'll respect your and your wife's decision.

My wife is in her mid-40s. Since our first sexual experience, I knew I could not keep up with her libido, and that was when I could get three a night without effort. Now I'm lucky to get two and my wife yearns for more. My wife is the most sexual woman I have ever been with. She absolutely loves sex. We use toys for fun and diversions. But she has told me since we were dating that there is no substitute for a hard cock inside of her. She has never liked condoms. She did not want to feel latex. She wanted the feel of a hard cock inside of her.

My wife and I are in love with each other. We both know the difference between sex for physical euphoria and sex as an expression of love. My wife has told me that I'm the only man she's ever been in love with. That means sex she had with other guys was for physical euphoria. While we were dating and after we fell in love with each other, she told me that sex with me was the best and most intense sex she ever had. Other sex was for physical euphoria.

If I were suffering from your medical condition, I would support any decision my wife would reach. I could not deprive her of her love for sex because of my inability to perform. And I'd know that there would be a high probability that she would divorce me. I wouldn't blame her for wanting the total marital package which includes a lot of sex. I'm sure she'd still love me, but she'd want to sleep with a man who could fuck her senseless.

[Observer1931]

Is she driving to their meeting or is he picking her up? Is it another dinner, dancing, movie? What she wearing?

[Wannabee]

Thanks for sharing your experience. I can imagine your feelings of jealousy and being terrified currently outweigh feelings of excitement but over time the balance will shift. To think you're possibly entering the hottest and most exciting part of your whole sex life and its largely due to an ED problem..... something about silver linings. I'm sure everyone following your story is with you and would love some more photos in the Hotties section.

[Mr1SexyGILF]

I deeply empathize with the emotional roller coaster you must be on this weekend. It is often stated here that the secret to successfully navigating the world of Ethical Non-Monogamy is Communication, Communication, and more Communication.

If you have not already, it is absolutely essential that before her date tomorrow night, you have “The Talk”, about how this is all “Just for Fun” and if it starts to cause problems between you two, there needs to be an immediate pause, until you two can sort things out.

I am envious of your angst/agony. We are here for you. I am certain you have nowhere else to share these feelings and seek balance/perspective.

Mr GILF