Older Couple Hoping to Share Again...

[glassfull]

I posted this yesterday on the Stag/Vixen Forum, but it seems this Forum gets more interest and traffic. Whether one calls my beautiful wife a 'hotwife' or a 'vixen' and me a proud 'cuckold' or 'stag' is irrelevant as long as it works out for both of us. I couldn't find a way to delete my previous post, but moderators, feel free to do so. Thank you.
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I'm a MWM in my 70s with a still very attractive wife, also 70's.

Yes, I've been hanging around this great forum off and on for a few years now. Mostly reading and a few posts. Talking to others sometimes and telling a bit about my stag/vixen experiences in the past. But now our situation shows signs of being the present! My wonderful wife has decided after trying it several years ago that it's time for another foray into consensual non-monogamy. As a man with stag tendencies all my adult life, I'm beyond happy and excited! Our sex life, which had been fairly dormant, has been jump started. I'm a better, more attentive and loving husband.

My wife hasn't yet enjoyed sex with another man in the present though I'm happy to say she did in the past, so she's not an extramarital virgin. I debated whether to post our story before things became sexual or wait til after our desires were consummated. We started the selection process in February on Ashley Madison and we've been amazed at the quantity (and mostly quality) of responses. The ages range from 20s to 70s, but most are in their 40s and 50s. This for a woman in her 70s who didn't even post a photo on the site.

Our ad clearly states that I, her husband, will be involved in the selection process. Because of safety issues and past experiences not vetting prospective men carefully enough, we decided after initial contact with my wife on the site, those on the short list would be asked to meet with me. Again we've been amazed, the level of acceptance has been close to 100%, many are pleased I'm aware and involved. Very few are somewhat questioning and skeptical. Maybe it shows an increasing level of awareness of the cuckold/hotwife or stag/vixen lifestyle? I've made it clear I want at least a casual ongoing friendship with men who might be intimate with my wife.

This selection process has taken longer than expected because of a few unforeseen setbacks having nothing to do with the quest for suitable men. And now my wife is on an airplane going to her hometown for the week to attend to a family matter. This has made me feel lonely already, but with plenty of time on my hands. So I decided to start posting our story in hopes there is some interest and maybe to help create some motivation and encouragement among the older couples interested in our lifestyle and forum. Not to say we are not interested in communicating with younger couples.

I think that's a reasonable introduction for now and I welcome any encouraging words, comments or advice...

[bewareoflizzy]

Bravo and best of luck in your pursuit. Tell us more, please! I'm at the same age group now.

[trecital]

Definitely up for hearing more, both from the past and the present. And the future.

[glassfull]

Thanks for your encouragement beware and trecital.

So far, my wife has met 3 men, all of whom I'd previously met, liked and gotten along with. I wasn't sure any of them would appeal to her, she does tend to be quite selective. But I was sure all would be respectful and not turn her off.

The first man was nice, but not very exciting to her. Strike one! The second was more a 'player' type, a bit on the pushy side and kinda stuck on himself. I'd seen that in him too and cautioned him not to be too aggressive when he met her, but I guess he didn't take my advice. Strike two!

Third time lucky, swing, connect, base hit, heading towards 2nd! She really liked him! He was laid back, interesting and respectful. She wants to see him again! I'm over the moon, but when will she see him? We are going on a mini 5 day holiday shortly after she returns from her family trip. I'm in touch with her prospective lover just about every day, we get along very well with many common interests. He wrote me this right after meeting with her alone..."You aren't just a lucky guy - you are a VERY Lucky guy!! She's a beautiful woman and a beautiful person. Hope to see you both again soon."

So there are some fairly strong indications it's possibly gonna work out for all three of us. During our email conversations I've talked to him a little about 'seducing' my wife, though he so far seems reluctant to talk about sexing her. Some people talk about FWBs, I prefer 'sexual friend,' which I hope he will become. Wish us luck, time will tell.

One last thought. It's so refreshing and amazing to come to a place where a husband like me can talk openly with intelligent and understanding people about encouraging the wonderful wife he admires, loves and adores to have sex with another man. I really never thought I'd be posting our story on here or even have a story to post. Patience has never been my greatest virtue, but you can remind me I'll probably need it....

[trecital]

That sounds very encouraging for you and your wife.
Out of curiosity, what age range of guys have you selected to screen? Was just wondering what your wife was looking for. What would her ideal man (other than you!) be like?

Also, would love to hear about your past experiences. I always like to hear what started people down the road of hot wifing.

Just for information, I'm a similar age....68.

[glassfull]

Most guys who answered the ad were in their 50s and said things like they had always wanted an older woman. I think because of her 70s age, some guys thought she wouldn't be in very high demand so they would stand a better chance. We got at least 80 replies.

My wife wanted to draw the line at age 60, but I did meet 2 or 3 that were younger. Only one made the short list to meet her, but hasn't met her yet. Another would have but he suddenly disappeared which was very unusual. She's agreed to meet 2 more men that I have met, one 69 and the one mentioned above 53, but I know she thinks 50s is too young. She's afraid even if they connected personally she wouldn't have the energy in bed. I don't think that's true.

The three guys she has met are all also 70s, trim and in good shape. She's tall, almost 5'10," and prefers taller men, but all three are about that same height as am I. She prefers men with hair and of course decent looking, clean, intelligent, respectful and not pushy. We both prefer they be married, safer, with less chance of complications from a physical or emotional point of view. Her summary of an ideal man..."someone who appreciates me and makes me laugh."

My past experiences are a long story which I'll not go into great detail here. I've known about my stag tendencies ever since a strip poker game with my young, beautiful 1st wife and a slightly older couple. As the game progressed, my erection grew painfully hard (and obvious) as my wife lost her clothes. I thought she was going to quit when down to bra and panties, but to my great delight she lost 2 more hands and stripped them off! She even refreshed our drinks naked as the other guy looked at her pretty body. I found I didn't care if his girlfriend stripped or not, all my attention was on my wife. I realized right then it was unrealistic to expect my wife (a 17yo virgin when we met) to go the rest of her married life only having sex with me. She didn't, we kinda developed an open marriage. It wasn't exactly what I had wanted, but better than monogamy.

[Lovrman53]

Thanks so much for posting. As a 70 yr old somewhat frustrated long time wannabe this is incredibly inspiring. Experiencing the attention she is getting from men must be an incredible turn on for you and very self-affirming for her. I can relate as my 70's wife still turns heads and I love it. I will anxiously look for future updates. It sounds like you are going about things just right.

[glassfull]

Thanks Lovrman, for your encouragement. I'm hoping she can squeeze another date with the top prospect between getting home from her trip and our mini vacation. But again, that's probably my impatience showing. I'm having a second lunch with the man on Wednesday....

[trecital]

My wife wanted to draw the line at age 60.....

I read that and thought, "yeah, go for a nice fit younger man", and was just wondering how low she'd go.

.... but I did meet 2 or 3 that were younger.

And then read that second part and I got confused. "Surely he meant to type 'older'?"

But yeah, I understand her reasoning.

Looking forward to hearing more, and good luck with the selection process.

[glassfull]

Just to clarify, my wife didn't want the young (to her) studs in their 40s and 50s, so drawing the line at age 60, meant 60 and older. It's not only about energy she thinks she can't handle, but also she feels an older man will generally have a better approach and appreciate her more. She's very proud and doesn't want to be thought of as somebody's piece of ass.

[glassfull]

I had lunch again with our #1 prospect today. As before we had lots to talk about, not only about my wife. He told me again how much he enjoyed meeting her and how beautiful and nice she was. I told him he had made a very good impression with her. We talked about making the next move and I mentioned she won't have a lot of time next week.

My wife has already said she'd like to meet him again and I think It would really be great if she contacted him for the next date. Don't know about other stags or cuckolds, but something about my wife doing the asking is a real turn-on for me. But we decided to take things slow and easy and I'll try to overcome my tendency to push.

Not a lot, but just wanted to say things are still looking good...

[Lovrman53]

Wow, nice progress. I think it was important to let him know he made a good impression on your wife. Looks like all the ingredients are there. Can't imagine the anticipation you must be experiencing. I would be visualizing their first encounter over and over. So delicious!

[frank12]

So much of the classic "swinger" scene and sadly some of the hotwife participants leave out one of the most pleasant parts of developing a relationship - the courtship. A more essential part of vanilla relationships, courting and the gradual shifting from polite hellos to getting to know one another is pleasant and plays an important role. On the kinkier side its almost backwards, with all the intimate kinks being the first thing talked about and the exchanges of real names the last, but somewhere in between is the role of courtship and testing the chemistry.

So that value of making a "good impression" is VERY high indeed!

Prof Wood

[glassfull]

"Ok I will tell you, but I hope you don't get upset with me." To quote his email after I told him I'd forgotten to ask his fantasy.

After our very friendly lunch, he emailed me the fantasy about what he would do sexually with my wife. It was pretty basic, but of course I told him I was pleased, not at all upset and that I was sure she'd make his fantasy cum true. In fact it was something she loves. And yes, the anticipation is delicious, lovrman! Thanks again for your support.

I still don't think he understands the stag dynamic and where I'm coming from. To him, maybe it's the price of admission, to have a chance to fuck my wife. But I'm fine with that and I think he's open to understand more. I suggested he google stag/vixen and hotwife stuff to find out more about it. Of course, I thought of referring him to this site, but my email address is my handle here and I'm not sure he's ready to read the developing story involving him. To be very frank, I'm not sure my wife is either, even though I use no references to names or locations. She's a very private person, while I've always enjoyed being more open. I love writing here where I can express my feelings and get encouragement from understanding people.

And yes, I agree with you Prof, the courtship is a fun part, especially for my wife and she's by far the most important player here. My difficulty is impatience, it always has been and I agreed with my new friend at lunch there was no hurry. As he said, he's not going anywhere. We are not swingers, most choose quantity over quality as I see it.

My wife will probably take her time and I accept that. Maybe with her it's a function of being older and more experienced. We had sex on our second date prior to our 40 year marriage...lol. And in the distant past, she's had a couple of one nighters at resorts.

[philxxo]

This is a great story here. How did you come about to playing in your 70's? Was it her idea? Or yours? If it was yours, how did you convince her? Tell us how all that happened. You said you had wanted to be a stag for 40 years. Has she known all along? Or when did you tell her?

I have a thing for older women, so I can fully understand all the attention coming her way. It's taboo for sure, therefore a turn on. If I were available I would be in line too!

[glassfull]

Good questions philxxo.

Yes, she's known all along I wanted to be a stag, I told her before we married. She tried a long time ago, but it wasn't very successful due to a number of reasons. There was an exception with an out of town businessman, she had an "affair' with him for 4 or 5 years, but he wasn't aware I knew and thought she was cheating. She liked him, but didn't see him that often, maybe 3 or 4 times a year.

I kept trying to convince her it would rejuvinate our sex life, but kept getting a hard no. And our sex life was dormant. All of a sudden, the no became a maybe and she agreed to an ad and meeting men I liked and thought she might like. Our sex life has revived significantly. Maybe it's just me, I've always loved her, but now see her in a more sexual light and am trying to be a better, more attentive husband. Now she's met a man we both like and we'll see what happens.

The amazing thing was how many responses from much younger men we got with the original ad. They all said they were attracted to older women, but really I think they thought at her age the competition would be less. The man we hope works out is about her age, but both are fit and active.

Thanks for asking....

[trecital]

the courtship is a fun part, especially for my wife and she's by far the most important player here. My difficulty is impatience, it always has been and I agreed with my new friend at lunch there was no hurry. As he said, he's not going anywhere. We are not swingers, most choose quantity over quality as I see it.

My wife will probably take her time and I accept that. Maybe with her it's a function of being older and more experienced.

The 'courtship', the build up.....it's definitely a fun part. And patience is something that usually comes with age, and maturity.
Also, by not rushing the selection process you weed out the impatient ones, those that just want a quick fuck and move on.
Anything thats highly desired is worth waiting for, and often, all the better for it.

The only thing I'm not clear about is that you describe your role as 'stag'. Could you clarify what you mean by that?

I'm loving the slow build up too. So, take your time......

[glassfull]

The Stag/Vixen Forum right here on this site says it's "A place for those who love to share but don't go for humiliation." I can't do much better than that. I don't look at my wife's potential lovers as being better than me, or that she needs them because I'm inadequate. I hope she wants them for the romance and the variety. What's the saying? Something like, "A woman gives sex to get romance and a man gives romance to get sex."

I used to call myself a 'cuckold' and I liked the term. Some dictionaries define 'cuckold' as "A man whose wife has sex with other men with or without his knowledge." That's me, I hope, but always with the knowledge. I think 'stag' is a term more recently invented.

I'll say emphatically neither of us want her to have "a quick fuck and (the guy) moves on." The selection process has been long and hard enough that a one time event would be a real let down. But what if the sex is not up to her (or his) expectations? I told our new friend they'd both probably be nervous, they were for their first lunch, so it will almost certainly take some practice for them to get comfortable with each other in bed.

And the frequency of my wife having outside sex is another question. How often should it be? That of course would be up to my wife and her man or men. I'm hoping however often they choose to have sex would feel right to me as well, but I while I've thought about it, I don't know what that number is. It's something I'd enjoy talking about and hearing others' experiences and opinions....

[glassfull]

Gosh this is taking up too much of my emotional energy, but it consumes me and I and can't seem to stop thinking about it.

I was in the kitchen cleaning up my mess prior to my wife's return from her trip when I suddenly thought, what if my wife and her new friend had a friendship relationship without sex? Could I handle that? How would I feel about it? Would I worry that someday they might have sex and not tell me about it? Yeah, I probably would...am I crazy?

[philxxo]

I think there is always lots to worry about in this lifestyle. Chief among the worries would be that she decides she likes another man more and can't live without him. Then she decides that she needs to leave you and you get abandoned. That should always be the biggest worry. You don't mention your participation in any of her sexual activities. Stag/Vixen is when the stag works with the other man to pleasure the vixen. If you're not participating then she is just a being a hotwife is my understanding.

You said she had an affair with a guy for 4-5 years in the past. How did that come about? and why did it stop? Why was she reluctant to meet others for a long while? How long have you guys been married?

[glassfull]

Well, we've been married 40 years, ups and downs, of course, but mostly happy.

I don't think she's going anywhere, but she did bring that up in one of our early conversations. Other than the obvious reasons, she's very sensitive about what people might think, especially family and friends of which she has an extended group of both. How could she tell them (and show them) her reason for leaving me? That also factors in her worry about possible discovery as a non-exclusive wife.

I thought Stag/Vixen implied the stag had no want/need for humiliation? I don't care if she's called a 'hotwife' and me a 'cuckold' for that matter, I just don't have an urge to be subservient to either my wife or her lover. I think I said in a previous post I'd prefer to be with her (and join in, in fact) for the sex, but we tried that long ago. Threesomes didn't suit her and I'm happy to accept she date solo as a compromise, making it better for both of us. I want to have some sort of communication and friendship with her man (men) and look at the whole situation, including sex, as more a 'virtual' threesome.

With my encouragement, she once met a few men though an ancient dating process called a newspaper ad and a telephone. That gives you an idea how long ago this was. Some were duds and disappointing, more emotionally than physically and it turned her off the activity. It's why this time we decided I'd be directly involved in a more thorough vetting process.

The long term man she found was from out of town, she saw him fairly infrequently. Still she liked him and enjoyed the experience. We still talk about him occasionally. He didn't know I was was aware and I never met him, but did see his picture. It ended when he and his wife moved to the UK. After that she was a hard no for many years because of the negative experiences mentioned above, though she did have a couple of very brief resort encounters over the years.

[philxxo]

My wife has as one of her concerns about this is her leaving. She says if I don't want to lose her then I should be careful not to send her off to another man. She fears that if what I am allowing and encouraging actually happens then there is a risk she might leave me for someone else.

Cuckolding is when the husband enjoys being humiliated. Hotwifing is same setup but no humiliation for the husband. Stag/Vixen is when the stag is involved in pleasing the vixen sexually with the other man. Essentially 3 somes for the most part.

I think your story is very encouraging. I am hopeful that a satisfactory bull will appear out of the pack. Hopefully a number of bulls for her. Keep us posted and enjoy that ride. Do you plan to watch? or does she prefer that you don't?

[glassfull]

I thought I'd already explained I won't be watching, though I'd like to. That is, unless she changes her mind after becoming comfortable with her FWB and the situation.

I thought Stags could watch or stay home, but I stand corrected. Let's just call her my 'hotwife' and me a happy husband if this all goes well. As far as her leaving me, while anything is possible, I consider the probability very low and am willing to take the risk.

Personally, I've always disliked the term 'bull.' They are the animals that impregnate cows. 'FWB' or 'sexual friend' or even 'lover' are the terms I'll use to describe any man my wife has sex with. Thanks philxxo, for your comments, questions and observations.

[glassfull]

Things are progressing slowly here, but surely I hope. Right now there is one hot prospect, I've met him twice and Mar once (2 weeks ago) for a 2 hour lunch. She liked him, but because of scheduling complications they are not meeting again for another 2 weeks. But they are meeting again!

She loves to walk and he walks often, so I suggested he take her for a walk, he thanked me for the suggestion. I think it will give them some privacy, maybe for a little kissy face and petting. He asked for the date and she accepted. I suppose it's possible he takes her to his condo for the real thing, but that's unlikely and I'm not counting on it. I don't even know if she'd go to his condo at all, but expect she would if this became a regular thing.

Sunday night, wife and I had a long talk and I teased her about becoming my 'hotwife' or 'vixen.' She said she didn't like either of those terms and suggested 'exciting wife.' I loved that term and told her so. After that, we had a very exciting and marathon love making session. During pillow talk she said she would fuck on her next date with #1 man, but pillow talk is pillow talk and she knew I wanted to hear that. Still, in the dim light she looked like she was 30 again, she was hot, hot, hot!

We are going away for an extended long weekend on Thursday, but she's agreed to meet one of the younger applicants I've already met after we return. She's told me she's just meeting him to be nice. I've told him he'll hafta use all his natural charm to convince her to take it any further. She still feels an almost 20 year age gap is too much...

[Lovrman53]

Very hot. Talk about spicing up your sex life! I don't know, but a declaration of intent to fuck #1 on the next date sounds like she has thought about it seriously. Standing by for the next update.