Does the anxiety ever go away?

[adrion_renae]

My wife has been having a regular guy for about two months now. She’s 45 he’s 30. Originally we used a texting app for communication as it made me comfortable because I could read the texts. I was totally fine with that situation. No real anxiety of jealousy. However, she asked me one night, after my wife and I had been drinking, if it was ok to give him her real number. I wasn’t really comfortable with that but I said sure. That was three weeks ago and I wish this relationship (or whatever this is) was over. She does not hide her phone from me and when I ask she sends me the screen shots of their mundane conversations. I know I shouldn’t worry but this is making me sick.

Other info, a couple weeks ago they met up for a car date. It only lasted about 30 minutes. Afterwards, She said he was having issues getting hard and, other than a brief attempt at oral, nothing much happened. I was so anxious about that meet up I drove out to where they were.

Last Saturday he spent the night in our bed where we took turns satisfying my hot little wifey. I got super jealous about the after attention she was giving him and not me. It’s the little things like caressing his hair or body. We talked, after he left, about how I felt and she explained to me about why she did those things. I just thought those things were reserved for me.

Most of our other experiences are with men off of swinger websites. I’ve had no issues with them as they knew their role in all of this. This guy we found off of a dating website. He’s a decent guy. I’m just not a fan of the texting. Also, they are possibly not meeting up again for a couple of weeks.

Most of my texts to my wife have come down to “what are you two talking about’. I just don’t like this.

[adrion_renae]

Also, he does text me off and on as well.

[BrunetteLover]

The problem with asking for advice in a hobby such as this is that everyone has such different standards.

For example, I never, ever make contact with any of her men. Not that it's anyone's rule, it is just what she and I (and the guys) are comfortable with. Not in person, not via phone, text, nothing. I just could not see myself doing so.

Of course considering that, it would be inconceivable for me and another guy to be in bed together, and it wold be inconceivable for me to watch her caress him because I would never be there.

And yet, what you have a problem with the most, texting, I don't really care about as long as she does it on her own time. I don't like anyone texting when they are around me; not my wife, the (adult) kids, no one. Not because of jealousy, just because I am old school and believe communication is for the one you are with at the moment. Not that the rule does not get broken all the time, it's just a preference... but not borne of jealousy.

I have contributed to this website for over 12 years, and I keep saying the same thing... That the other man in your wife's life at the moment should be a nobody except for sex. Yes, my wife has grown fond of an occasional client from time to time. I have said that as well, and I recognize that fact that what I have said may be a paradox.

But it's not.

The reason I can handle her occasional fondness is because of a number of reasons. The primary reason is that she is VERY CAREFUL to constantly remind herself AND me that even if she has a mild temporary 'thing' for a client (some who have become friends) that clients are clients, the feeling is temporary, and most likely comes from the excitement of the moment, not the guy himself.

[glassfull]

I think some feeling of anxiety is par for the course. If we husbands didn't care or didn't feel some emotion, then imo it wouldn't be fun.

I'm not really sure what your concern is. Your wife doesn't try to hide anything from you and even her guy communicates with you sometimes. She pays attention to him in bed, what did she say in explanation? I think it's fairly natural for a 'hotwife' to do that.

Bottom line as I see it, maybe you should both reconsider the whole activity? I think a degree of positive anxiousness or even jealousy is fun and good, but negative anxiety or jealousy can be damaging to your psyche and your marriage. Just my 2 cents worth...

[adrion_renae]

I think some feeling of anxiety is par for the course. If we husbands didn't care or didn't feel some emotion, then imo it wouldn't be fun.

I'm not really sure what your concern is. Your wife doesn't try to hide anything from you and even her guy communicates with you sometimes. She pays attention to him in bed, what did she say in explanation? I think it's fairly natural for a 'hotwife' to do that.

Bottom line as I see it, maybe you should both reconsider the whole activity? I think a degree of positive anxiousness or even jealousy is fun and good, but negative anxiety or jealousy can be damaging to your psyche and your marriage. Just my 2 cents worth...

My wife and I love the reclaiming afterwards.

She said she feels a connection with him.

During the morning while he was still in bed cuddling with her. I pulled her over and started fucking her side ways. She was still giving him attention. I had to choke her, which I rarely do(but she loves), in order to get her to realize I was still in charge.I came in her then he took his turn. While he was fucking her I grabbed her phone, blocked his number, and deleted his texts. After he left we got into a bit of an argument but we talked things out.

[BrunetteLover]

I had to choke her

That's deadly force, dude.

[glassfull]

This is not a healthy situation, I agree with BrunetteLover. You seem to be extremely conflicted, we amateurs probably shouldn't be trying to help...

[Sally7]

I think some feeling of anxiety is par for the course. If we husbands didn't care or didn't feel some emotion, then imo it wouldn't be fun.

I'm not really sure what your concern is. Your wife doesn't try to hide anything from you and even her guy communicates with you sometimes. She pays attention to him in bed, what did she say in explanation? I think it's fairly natural for a 'hotwife' to do that.

Bottom line as I see it, maybe you should both reconsider the whole activity? I think a degree of positive anxiousness or even jealousy is fun and good, but negative anxiety or jealousy can be damaging to your psyche and your marriage. Just my 2 cents worth...

My wife and I love the reclaiming afterwards.

She said she feels a connection with him.

During the morning while he was still in bed cuddling with her. I pulled her over and started fucking her side ways. She was still giving him attention. I had to choke her, which I rarely do(but she loves), in order to get her to realize I was still in charge.I came in her then he took his turn. While he was fucking her I grabbed her phone, blocked his number, and deleted his texts. After he left we got into a bit of an argument but we talked things out.

I would suggest that if you are feeling and behaving this way, then this is not the LS for you. Can I suggest that you think about this and talk over what has happened and change things so that this can work for both of you? I mean both of you. So you will have to ask - and accept- what she wants .

[BrunetteLover]

Forget the choking for a minute, which is a felony in all states that I am aware of... she could get a domestic order of protection just for you fucking with her phone.

You need a shrink and a lawyer.

I'm out.

[SilverStag]

You clearly aren't into your current situation. Time to call it off for awhile and let things cool back down.

My HW and I have an Ultimate Veto policy. If either of us has any objections to the other's play or playmate, it can be completely canceled with no explanation required. We came to this solution precisely because of situations like yours. Our relationship is primary, nothing else is even near to it in importance, so having that fail-safe ability keeps us in check.

[adrion_renae]

I think some feeling of anxiety is par for the course. If we husbands didn't care or didn't feel some emotion, then imo it wouldn't be fun.

I'm not really sure what your concern is. Your wife doesn't try to hide anything from you and even her guy communicates with you sometimes. She pays attention to him in bed, what did she say in explanation? I think it's fairly natural for a 'hotwife' to do that.

Bottom line as I see it, maybe you should both reconsider the whole activity? I think a degree of positive anxiousness or even jealousy is fun and good, but negative anxiety or jealousy can be damaging to your psyche and your marriage. Just my 2 cents worth...

My wife and I love the reclaiming afterwards.

She said she feels a connection with him.

During the morning while he was still in bed cuddling with her. I pulled her over and started fucking her side ways. She was still giving him attention. I had to choke her, which I rarely do(but she loves), in order to get her to realize I was still in charge.I came in her then he took his turn. While he was fucking her I grabbed her phone, blocked his number, and deleted his texts. After he left we got into a bit of an argument but we talked things out.

I would suggest that if you are feeling and behaving this way, then this is not the LS for you. Can I suggest that you think about this and talk over what has happened and change things so that this can work for both of you? I mean both of you. So you will have to ask - and accept- what she wants .

I was fine until she started texting him using her number. I’ve them both to go back to the shared number as it makes me comfortable. She says it’s weird.

[adrion_renae]

You clearly aren't into your current situation. Time to call it off for awhile and let things cool back down.

My HW and I have an Ultimate Veto policy. If either of us has any objections to the other's play or playmate, it can be completely canceled with no explanation required. We came to this solution precisely because of situations like yours. Our relationship is primary, nothing else is even near to it in importance, so having that fail-safe ability keeps us in check.

I’ve told her that I’m not comfortable with this but she comes back with “he’s a nice guy” “knows what she likes in bed” “knows how to talk to her”….

[adrion_renae]

I had to choke her

That's deadly force, dude.

It’s nothing like that… she’s into being dominated by me. She actually wants me to punish her for behaving the way she is. I’m not super comfortable with BDSM as it could lead to a domestic abuse complaint. She will literally take my hand and put it on her neck. I never squeeze hard enough to do anything.

[Tryagain]

I don't get what you are about at all... She has had other guys and so you both are experienced in this lifestyle. And you are sharing the freakin' bed with him too! She is not hiding ,so what is with the real number vs some app.? or the texting for that matter. You do strike me as having some other problems that you are not sharing.

[adrion_renae]

I don't get what you are about at all... She has had other guys and so you both are experienced in this lifestyle. And you are sharing the freakin' bed with him too! She is not hiding ,so what is with the real number vs some app.? or the texting for that matter. You do strike me as having some other problems that you are not sharing.

Yes. She’s been with other men. However, she was never really friends with them. Most met up with us a few times then disappeared. Her and this guy text constantly. I liked the other number because I could see the conversation. Currently Texts could not be deleted. She’s deleted texts she didn’t want me to see before. They are super friendly with each other in the texts. Plus the number of texts each day. This is what makes me anxious.

[BrunetteLover]

Deleted. I'm sure the OP has seen it.

[Parsifal]

I had to choke her

That's deadly force, dude.

It's not a tort if within consent. However, consent is a slippery legal concept, because the law doesn't eqate volition with consent. There is, for example, an arbitrary age of capacity for giving sexual consent. In the same vein, the law will not recognize consent to hysphyxia by act of another if if the air passage is interrupted such as to cause reasonably foreseeable physical harm. That might be the kind of rule the courts would adopt, maybe stricter. It would be a big grey area for the prosecutor. I could counsel - It's close enough to deadly force not to risk it.

[BrunetteLover]

I had to choke her

That's deadly force, dude.

It's not a tort if within consent. However, consent is a slippery legal concept, because the law doesn't eqate volition with consent. There is, for example, an arbitrary age of capacity for giving sexual consent. In the same vein, the law will not recognize consent to hysphyxia by act of another if if the air passage is interrupted such as to cause reasonably foreseeable physical harm. That might be the kind of rule the courts would adopt, maybe stricter. It would be a big grey area for the prosecutor. I could counsel - It's close enough to deadly force not to risk it.

A tort is a civil offense.

I am talking about a decision made at 2am out on the street when everyone has been slinging bullshit at each other for hours. The sergeant rolls up and says 'make the fucking arrest already, you have a DV accusation' not in the interest of justice or to protect the 'victim', but so his guys can get this over with and get back out on patrol. All based on one utterance from the wife, husband or boyfriend about the hands around the neck thing.

Then you have one very scared and unhappy hubby who is going for a ride.

Fast forward three, four, five years later, when hubby has spend tens of thousands of dollars to apply for a Relief from Disability for a Felony Conviction so he can get on with his wrecked life.

[brutay2]

My wife has been having a regular guy for about two months now. She’s 45 he’s 30. Originally we used a texting app for communication as it made me comfortable because I could read the texts. I was totally fine with that situation. No real anxiety of jealousy. However, she asked me one night, after my wife and I had been drinking, if it was ok to give him her real number. I wasn’t really comfortable with that but I said sure. That was three weeks ago and I wish this relationship (or whatever this is) was over. She does not hide her phone from me and when I ask she sends me the screen shots of their mundane conversations. I know I shouldn’t worry but this is making me sick.

Other info, a couple weeks ago they met up for a car date. It only lasted about 30 minutes. Afterwards, She said he was having issues getting hard and, other than a brief attempt at oral, nothing much happened. I was so anxious about that meet up I drove out to where they were.

Last Saturday he spent the night in our bed where we took turns satisfying my hot little wifey. I got super jealous about the after attention she was giving him and not me. It’s the little things like caressing his hair or body. We talked, after he left, about how I felt and she explained to me about why she did those things. I just thought those things were reserved for me.

Most of our other experiences are with men off of swinger websites. I’ve had no issues with them as they knew their role in all of this. This guy we found off of a dating website. He’s a decent guy. I’m just not a fan of the texting. Also, they are possibly not meeting up again for a couple of weeks.

Most of my texts to my wife have come down to “what are you two talking about’. I just don’t like this.

In answering your original question: NO The anxiety never goes away. This is the best part of the cuckold life style.

[funkyfitter]

Not really.

[Tryagain]

Yes, anxiety can go away, as it has for me. frankly I enjoyed things more when we were younger when there was a chance that somehow she would dump me for a guy with greater sexual skills.

[leo-cpl]

TBH this kind of anxiety should never be there in the first place! so there's no question of it going away. I do feel your wife's giving you honest answers and you might be creating the smoke without the fire.

When wife and I started out I would filter n introduce her to guys who would chat using my messaging ID and then if she found the guy to be decent she would add the guy n text one on one....she has access to my phone and I have access to hers. She needed some kind of a connection n comfort with the guys (that's why till date she hasn't fucked on the first date or fucked a stranger). Women have their reasons to be comfortable with a guy, we played with guys who are avg looking with an avg cock.....a woman's comfort is most imp.

Consider cutting off ties with this guy coz it appears that no matter what your wife does or how honest she is to you this guy has just ticked off something inside that should be a non issue to begin with.....coz honesty and communication are the two most imp aspects for any couple of enjoy the lifestyle and stay married and in love. There will be other guys just be sure you and wife openly discuss whats on the table n whats off the table. There should not be anyone person who should get in the way of a married lifestyle couple.......but if she doesnt readily agree without being unhappy then it may be time to take a break from the Lifestyle and work on your marriage and spend time together

[SammySigns]

I mean if it isn't working for you, it isn't working.

[adrion_renae]

Just an update…. He still comes over. Him and I play pool for a while. Then the three of us retire to the bedroom for the night. I did lose my shit a couple weeks ago because I felt let out. I blame it on the booze and an argument I had with my kid. We invited him over for dinner. It was really not a good night as the weekend before was not one of my wife’s best. Anyway, he came over and (he knew about this issue the weekend before) and he teased her about it. She got upset. Then my kid came downstairs from his lair and he said something that set me off. My kid went back upstairs and we all calmed down. I told my wife and her friend to head to the bedroom to get warmed up while I clean up the kitchen. Usually, she waits, maybe some heavy kissing and making out, until I get back. They went at it until he filled her pussy(I have a camera hidden in the bedroom). That wasn’t really the issue. The issue was she wasn’t looking for me, she didn’t say, hey let’s see wait for hubs, they were cuddling afterwards and getting ready for round two. I usually give her some time. However the above actions set me off. I walked into the bedroom and said some choice words to both of them and told him to leave.

[LongTermHubby]

I would characterize the angst as a combination of excitement and anxiety. It is something I accept but never get completely used to.