Advice: Taking the Next Step
Posted: Wed Jun 19, 2024 8:52 am
Hello. My wife and I are 42 years old and have been married for 20 years. She is 5’9, blonde hair, blue eyes, gorgeous/beautiful, curvy (in all the right places), mom bod, still perky B-cups, and an amazingly shaped (perfectly thick) ass. We are both completely straight.
We have discussed things over the past 5 years or so, and even taken some “small” steps. But there are some particulars and roadblocks that have prevented it from becoming a full reality.
Let me start with a little back story. I am so incredibly turned on by this woman. Every imperfection is perfection. I am never satisfied in bed unless she is satisfied. I enjoy, more than anything myself sexually, when she is having the utmost pleasure. Hence the start of this “fantasy.” I have told her and I will tell you; being able to watch her have passionate, incredible sex with someone bigger and better than me would be INCREDIBLE. Being a part of it would be even better (again, completely straight). There is no ulterior motive to this fantasy, for us. It is simply about sex and pleasure. We both agree on all of that, but we haven’t pursued it much for a variety of reasons. I fear doing things like this with someone we know, and she fears doing things like this with someone she doesn’t know.
A few year’s ago we actually propositioned one of my best friends. And even got as far as my wife performing oral sex on him one time. But I simply couldn’t get over the awkwardness of it being my friend, nor could he, and it stalled out before going further. I have told my wife though, I still fantasize about how that went down (I was not in the room). Which tells me that no, this is not just a fantasy that we should NOT pursue. She enjoyed it (when she came upstairs, I hadn’t felt her that wet since we were dating in our early 20s), I enjoyed knowing she enjoyed it; why would we not take the next step? I often think about that night and wish we would have played it all differently. Grrr…
Year’s later, progress is still completely stalled; and I am ready and (I believe) she is ready to get out of it. But the right person has just not been there to approach this with. So where do we go? Do I continue to just fantasize about seeing my wife being pleased in ways that I cannot, and does she just continue to have a mundane, run-of-the-mill sex life knowing that so much more could be available?
I often think about how we move forward with this. Like I said before, no one we know is a candidate at this time. They’re either married (she nor I are homewreckers), or not an option for attraction reasons. Do I do a set-up with someone online and say he is who he isn’t? “My college roommate ‘John Smith’ will be stopping by Saturday night to hang out and have some drinks.” Do I plan a random “chance” meeting while out on the town? Book a hotel room, with or near a local bar, find someone and have them “randomly” hit on her while we are out for drinks? I simply don’t know, and I fear that both of those options are deceiving. Which is certainly not something I want anyone to be in this situation. And where do you even find someone to randomly do either of those things without sounding like a nutjob?
Online websites and dating apps are a no go. We have scrolled through them in the past. But she has fears about safety, cleanliness, etc (and obviously I share some of those).
So I guess I am asking for help. Has anyone been here? And what would you suggest to help us pursue this?
We have discussed things over the past 5 years or so, and even taken some “small” steps. But there are some particulars and roadblocks that have prevented it from becoming a full reality.
Let me start with a little back story. I am so incredibly turned on by this woman. Every imperfection is perfection. I am never satisfied in bed unless she is satisfied. I enjoy, more than anything myself sexually, when she is having the utmost pleasure. Hence the start of this “fantasy.” I have told her and I will tell you; being able to watch her have passionate, incredible sex with someone bigger and better than me would be INCREDIBLE. Being a part of it would be even better (again, completely straight). There is no ulterior motive to this fantasy, for us. It is simply about sex and pleasure. We both agree on all of that, but we haven’t pursued it much for a variety of reasons. I fear doing things like this with someone we know, and she fears doing things like this with someone she doesn’t know.
A few year’s ago we actually propositioned one of my best friends. And even got as far as my wife performing oral sex on him one time. But I simply couldn’t get over the awkwardness of it being my friend, nor could he, and it stalled out before going further. I have told my wife though, I still fantasize about how that went down (I was not in the room). Which tells me that no, this is not just a fantasy that we should NOT pursue. She enjoyed it (when she came upstairs, I hadn’t felt her that wet since we were dating in our early 20s), I enjoyed knowing she enjoyed it; why would we not take the next step? I often think about that night and wish we would have played it all differently. Grrr…
Year’s later, progress is still completely stalled; and I am ready and (I believe) she is ready to get out of it. But the right person has just not been there to approach this with. So where do we go? Do I continue to just fantasize about seeing my wife being pleased in ways that I cannot, and does she just continue to have a mundane, run-of-the-mill sex life knowing that so much more could be available?
I often think about how we move forward with this. Like I said before, no one we know is a candidate at this time. They’re either married (she nor I are homewreckers), or not an option for attraction reasons. Do I do a set-up with someone online and say he is who he isn’t? “My college roommate ‘John Smith’ will be stopping by Saturday night to hang out and have some drinks.” Do I plan a random “chance” meeting while out on the town? Book a hotel room, with or near a local bar, find someone and have them “randomly” hit on her while we are out for drinks? I simply don’t know, and I fear that both of those options are deceiving. Which is certainly not something I want anyone to be in this situation. And where do you even find someone to randomly do either of those things without sounding like a nutjob?
Online websites and dating apps are a no go. We have scrolled through them in the past. But she has fears about safety, cleanliness, etc (and obviously I share some of those).
So I guess I am asking for help. Has anyone been here? And what would you suggest to help us pursue this?
