Trying to educate my partner in the Hotwife lifestyle

[SandSweetP]

Hi everyone
I am in a relationship with my partner who is a submissive. I have become her Dom and I am learning about the Dom/sub dynamic and I am loving the fun we are having. She has been into BDSM for a while although been single for 6 years and I am pretty new to it.
My main kink has always been to share my partner, I have been on here before and other sites and almost did it with an ex but other relationship problems got in the way, so I have never actually got to share a partner. P is very open minded though and we have been discussing it, at first it was a hard no but she then told me it was because of a lack of confidence on her part. I reassure her she is sexy and any man would be lucky to be involved with her. So I am trying to build her confidence and she is creating her own profile on here so she can ask questions. I suppose I am lucky to have someone open minded who wants to learn about my desire to share her and give her as much pleasure as possible.
I want her to take baby steps and learn she can trust me, although she says she definitely does.
what advice would you give to her to help her understand this lifestyle?
And what steps would you take?

Thanks
Steve

[ugcp]

You've already communicated your desires to her, so I think the focus is now to see if it is something she truly wants to explore. If it is merely a matter of her confidence and comfort, then I think you just need to be patient, build her up, and help her understand more of the psychology of your flavour of partner-sharing. Consider the typical thoughts, concerns, and emotions someone in her position will have, and work through each one. Things like addressing the typical "you want to share me just so that you can be with other women", and "don't most men get angry at the thought of their partner with another man... why aren't you angry? Does it mean you don't actually care about me?". As for answering all these concerns, people here can probably give good responses (and if she comes here and gets verified, the ladies here can discuss with her in the ladies only section).

Good, honest, open talks is what is needed most. Making her feel comfortable to be honest with you, including if she ultimately decides it's not for her. It can be particularly influential if your partner doesn't feel the pressure that you *need* this, but only that you want it. And even better, if you want it for *her* benefit, such that it is ultimately her decision.

[SandSweetP]

Thanks for the reply, yes you are right it is her decision, I would never push her to do something she does not want to do. I have told her the usual things that worry women are "am I not enough" or " are you doing this just so you have an excuse to sleep with other women". I have told her to join the women's only forum on here or just come on and ask questions herself so she can can a better understanding of the lifestyle.

[Mwstag]

If you're in a d/s relationship with an established safeword, your work is already done for you.
Tied her up and down, bring in a friend, and liaten for the safeword
In her role as sub, one of the benefits is not being held responsible for what you do prior to the safeword. Stop being a timid dom.

[ugcp]

If you're in a d/s relationship with an established safeword, your work is already done for you.
Tied her up and down, bring in a friend, and liaten for the safeword
In her role as sub, one of the benefits is not being held responsible for what you do prior to the safeword. Stop being a timid dom.

Are you for real? You think simply being in a D/s relationship, with no context of the specifics of their dynamics, means he has carte blanche to do as he pleases with her, even knowing this is something that was a *hard limit* not long ago, and is now at minimum still a soft limit?

I'm not sure what flavour of D/s you are into, but not every dominant is so uncouth and uncaring. To act so unilaterally is asking for resentment. Power is best wielded with subtlety and finesse. Any dominant would serve themselves well to use what they have between their ears, such that their submissive doesn't simply obey, but delights in the process. Sure, there are some dynamics where it may be acceptable to act in the way you suggest, but that is a pretty small minority. Besides, if that was OP's dynamic, he wouldn't be here asking for advice in the manner that he is, now would he?

[MartasBoy]

Will you be posting photos of her in the Hotties section.? That is a good way to build confidence, when she reads the comments we would make about her. Then, all you need to do is find her a guy.

[SandSweetP]

If you're in a d/s relationship with an established safeword, your work is already done for you.
Tied her up and down, bring in a friend, and liaten for the safeword
In her role as sub, one of the benefits is not being held responsible for what you do prior to the safeword. Stop being a timid dom.

Are you for real? You think simply being in a D/s relationship, with no context of the specifics of their dynamics, means he has carte blanche to do as he pleases with her, even knowing this is something that was a *hard limit* not long ago, and is now at minimum still a soft limit?

I'm not sure what flavour of D/s you are into, but not every dominant is so uncouth and uncaring. To act so unilaterally is asking for resentment. Power is best wielded with subtlety and finesse. Any dominant would serve themselves well to use what they have between their ears, such that their submissive doesn't simply obey, but delights in the process. Sure, there are some dynamics where it may be acceptable to act in the way you suggest, but that is a pretty small minority. Besides, if that was OP's dynamic, he wouldn't be here asking for advice in the manner that he is, now would he?

Thanks for that very well put reply. So many Doms seem to think they can just take what they want and the sub will do as they told, well that's not our dynamic.

[SandSweetP]

Will you be posting photos of her in the Hotties section.? That is a good way to build confidence, when she reads the comments we would make about her. Then, all you need to do is find her a guy.

I will be at some point. She does not have confidence in her body but I think she is sexy and gorgeous. Took her shopping for some underwear so I can take some nice pics of her

[SandSweetP]

So yes we are in a Dom/sub relationship but I chose to not put this in the BSDM forum as I want her to learn all about this kink and maybe at some point we can add it into our scenes, but first I want her to know and understand why I like this and what it could potentially add to our sex life. So no, just because I am her Dom doesn't mean I will make her do what I want, I don't work like that and I think don't any decent Dom would not consider his sub. That would make me a bully.
I am trying to build her confidence not knock it down and that is what I am slowly doing. I will be taking pics of her to share so other guys can give her compliments as she doesn't have much confidence. I have asked her to join the part of the forum just for women so she can ask about their experiences and feelings on this lifestyle. She is not just my sub she is my partner and I love her more than anything. Yes I want her to fuck other guys but as we know, her understanding why and what it would do for us is a massive thing.

[Mwstag]

Not my most elegant post and I certainly didn't mean to offend or have you submit your partner into something they didn't want. I understand how it was read that way. We have a different dynamic and it may be that my partner had interest but needed not only permission, but direction.
That said, there was a lot of communication involved. A lot of questions around wether she wasn't "enough".
I explained compersion and my kinks. I suggested podcasts, and reading material. I didn't push until I was told to push.

[SandSweetP]

Not my most elegant post and I certainly didn't mean to offend or have you submit your partner into something they didn't want. I understand how it was read that way. We have a different dynamic and it may be that my partner had interest but needed not only permission, but direction.
That said, there was a lot of communication involved. A lot of questions around wether she wasn't "enough".
I explained compersion and my kinks. I suggested podcasts, and reading material. I didn't push until I was told to push.

Now that is what I am doing. Can I ask what podcasts and reading materials you suggested.

[ugcp]

Not my most elegant post and I certainly didn't mean to offend or have you submit your partner into something they didn't want. I understand how it was read that way. We have a different dynamic and it may be that my partner had interest but needed not only permission, but direction.
That said, there was a lot of communication involved. A lot of questions around wether she wasn't "enough".
I explained compersion and my kinks. I suggested podcasts, and reading material. I didn't push until I was told to push.

Now there's a good post (and good approach).

[Mwstag]

Not my most elegant post and I certainly didn't mean to offend or have you submit your partner into something they didn't want. I understand how it was read that way. We have a different dynamic and it may be that my partner had interest but needed not only permission, but direction.
That said, there was a lot of communication involved. A lot of questions around wether she wasn't "enough".
I explained compersion and my kinks. I suggested podcasts, and reading material. I didn't push until I was told to push.

Now that is what I am doing. Can I ask what podcasts and reading materials you suggested.

Podcasts were front porch swinger's, accidentally swinger's, strictly anonymous confessions.

They get better production the newer they are, but also turn transactional and sleazy, imo. I listened to them all and then would suggest one that seemed appropriate.
I like husband to a hotwife blog.

I don't believe that once we were past the initial shock, she did her own research. I definitely stepped back until she was ready to talk about possibilities.

[Mwstag]

Not my most elegant post and I certainly didn't mean to offend or have you submit your partner into something they didn't want. I understand how it was read that way. We have a different dynamic and it may be that my partner had interest but needed not only permission, but direction.
That said, there was a lot of communication involved. A lot of questions around wether she wasn't "enough".
I explained compersion and my kinks. I suggested podcasts, and reading material. I didn't push until I was told to push.

Now there's a good post (and good approach).

Thanks! I'm sober today.
Sorry for the wrecking ball approach.