Our Hotwives

So if you have seen anything I posted we have had one experience. While my wife was very attracted to the guy the sex was not great. From there we have really had a series of ghostings and we really lost all momentum that we once had.

But then something changed. I sent her some pictures of a young (30 year old) guy I found on SLS. He had several referrals and and honestly I didn’t expect my wife to even respond. To my surprise, when I asked if he could message her on Telegram she responded, sure. For me, just having her chat with a guy is hot. She did chat and sexted with a guy before but he ended up flaking.

This guy lives about 5 hours away but was only an hour away for work. He also said he comes there about 5 times a year so I figured, that could work.

So they chatted for a couple of days and last Saturday my wife let me read them. She said he is attractive and seems to be a nice guy, nothing sexual on their chat.

So here is where it got interesting.

Context: probably from her upbringing my wife is introverted, we talk about sex but it isn’t a topic she freely brings up. I’ve always thought she was a little ashamed maybe about what we are doing but frankly, she just is not an over communicator. I know I am going to get killed for this but our communication is lacking in our otherwise very secure relationship.

Back to it ….

She told me last Saturday she was going to meet him the next week for a drink which was great. The day of the date, (yesterday) I went into our bank account to see if I was double charged for something and I see a bill for a hotel! I sent her a yet a text and she jokingly replied, “stalker”.

I told her she should be paying for a hotel and she said she doesn’t know the rules but felt since he was driving and hour and picking up the tab it was the least she could do. I said, ok, I can see that. But really I couldn’t believe she booked a hotel without meeting him, so bold! I got home before she left and of course she looked hot putting on her thong while I grabbed the kids and raced to get the kids to their multiple practices going on at the same time.

Context: she has said with another guy (who ghosted us) that she knows how much I want pics/videos and she will do them. She just asked that for the first time she doesn’t want that pressure. She said once she gets to know someone if won’t be so awkward.

Back to it …

I told her to at least text me when he or she goes to the bathroom to update me. First text she sent was:

“Great convo …. Very good looking”

Next text about 90 minutes later:

“Headed to hotel now”

I said:

“Excited? I think he is going to take good care of you”

She responded:

“Me too, yes excited”

I asked her is there anything more exciting and she said:

“Nope, great date so far”

About an hour later she text me a picture of her naked by herself saying:

“Round one, done. Round two coming up!”

Then crickets … I didn’t hear from her for about two hours. She finally replied:

“Staying the night, love you!”

I said no pics was it good? She replied with a picture of her laying on the bed:

“Yes, that good, only one pic sorry, here is his cum on me”


And that was that, we haven’t even really talked because I went to work as she walked in. I collected my thoughts and send her this email:

“So I wanted to touch base about last nights experience, I’m of course not mad at all, I’m thrilled. I know we are rookies at this so I understand that things didn’t go quite as planned, how could it though, we never talked about it seriously. Obviously we haven’t spoken but it is pretty clear you had a very, very good time. That is what I want for you, fun, mind blowing sex with someone you like, perfect. As I texted, how many marriages would be better off if wives could have mind blowing sex with someone other than their husband, whenever they want?

For me, there were some things that were mind blowing, and some that weren’t. Everyone, and I mean everyone, says if you cannot communicate in non-monogamy, something bad will inevitably happen. Let’s recap my thoughts for discussion later.

Pre-Date: The only communication we had was you responding, ok, to an email. I didn’t even know you had a hotel room until I accidentally found out while looking to see if I was charged twice for Camilla’s hitting lesson. I need to know the logistics for safety and planning, but also, it’s part of what really turns me on in this dynamic. It doesn’t take much to tease me but for some reason you pretend it’s not happening? It’s almost like you are embarrassed to talk about it which I can understand because society has told you your whole life that infidelity/sex is bad or taboo. It’s like a secret or something which is not fun at all. Hopefully after this, you can lean into the fun portion of this. Yes fun for me, but I think you could even have fun teasing me and having that kind of control over me.

On the Date: I know it was your first date and we are new but please make me feel involved more than a couple of text messages. If I cannot be there, pictures and videos are necessary. Again, you said the first time you wanted to not document it so you did set the expectation and I understand that. It just feels like I am not part of it when I don’t get any messages if that makes sense? I want to feel like we are doing this together, even when we are apart.

Sleepover: for a guy who doesn’t get jealous, I did feel it when you told me you are spending the night with him. That was an odd feeling for me that I wasn’t prepared for on top of the lack of communication. As tired as I was from not sleeping the night before, I couldn’t go to sleep which was tough.

Obviously reclaiming sex is another big part of this lifestyle and we did not get the chance to do that. When we have sex or simply connect afterwards it helps us know that it was just fun, and we are what is really important in life. This process is crucial to our success. I’m actually ok with the sleepover, I just wasn’t expecting that.

So in the end, I’m very happy that things went well for you. I’m happy you felt comfortable enough to sleep with him and let him explore your body. I’m happy that he probably gave you the best sex of your life, it is my deepest desire. It’s a weird way to show you I love you but, sharing what is most important to me somehow makes me feel closer to you.

Knowing that we need to communicate a bit more I’d ask you do a little research on this lifestyle. As I’ve said, the Podcast Strictly Anonymous, has lots of stories and advice from real, normal parents like us living this lifestyle. It offers good advice and you hear both success and mistakes which can really help us moving forward.

I love you a lot, and thanks for being so open,”

So opinions? It was a really hot night … we love each other and just need to communicate more!

She actually just called me and made me feel great … she said she had a great time and will work to send more pics/video’s next time!

So glad she had a fun time. Subscribed, really interested to hear how this develops

This is her fun, not yours. If you have something that you want her to do, you should bring it up. She might say no to what you want, be prepared. Once you give up your privileges as her husband, it is going to be tough to get them back. In her mind you may have no right at all to any considerations about what you want. Once a line has been crossed or a rule ignored, it will be the new norm.

I write this as someone who wishes you both the greatest of success in this endeavor, so please read the following as constructive and an attempt to be helpful:

Your email struck me as slightly scolding and needy/whiny, like a list of complaints, despite the positive opening, etc.

Especially when it's all packed into an email. It might be better to discuss these things in person, later, over drinks or whatever, in a more casual setting. It would be easier for her to see that you're overall happy, but come gently to the understanding that there are a few things you'd like to adjust.

Trust me, I've been there, and felt many of the things you mention. The absolute best thing you can do -- and I know it's hard, and all of this is pretty intense for you -- is: RELAX. Breathe out. Go with the flow. Trust her intentions; believe that she wants you to feel involved and to enjoy this, and remember that this is probably all pretty intense for her too, especially early on. If she continues, you'll both get better at this!

You probably don't want her to be thinking about you, and worrying whether she's done enough for you, the whole time she's alone with him. You probably want her to enjoy the experience, first and foremost! So if she remembers to message you, or take a pic for you, once or twice during the experience, you should try to be happy enough with that!

gesdell wrote: ↑

Thu Dec 12, 2024 11:25 pm

This is her fun, not yours.

I disagree. To work properly it needs to be fun for both of them.

leggysman wrote: ↑

Fri Dec 13, 2024 12:57 am

Your email struck me as slightly scolding and needy/whiny, like a list of complaints, despite the positive opening, etc.

Especially when it's all packed into an email. It might be better to discuss these things in person, later, over drinks or whatever, in a more casual setting. It would be easier for her to see that you're overall happy, but come gently to the understanding that there are a few things you'd like to adjust.

Agreed. It's rare that the written word is superior to direct communication. That needed to be a dialogue, not a monologue.
I know you said that the communication between the two of you is not the best, but resorting to writing it down is not a good substitute, except in rare circumstances.

Congrats to you and your wife, for having the nerve and the strength to go down this path. I sincerely hope it works out for you both.

leggysman wrote: ↑

Fri Dec 13, 2024 12:57 am

I write this as someone who wishes you both the greatest of success in this endeavor, so please read the following as constructive and an attempt to be helpful:

Your email struck me as slightly scolding and needy/whiny, like a list of complaints, despite the positive opening, etc.

Especially when it's all packed into an email. It might be better to discuss these things in person, later, over drinks or whatever, in a more casual setting. It would be easier for her to see that you're overall happy, but come gently to the understanding that there are a few things you'd like to adjust.

Trust me, I've been there, and felt many of the things you mention. The absolute best thing you can do -- and I know it's hard, and all of this is pretty intense for you -- is: RELAX. Breathe out. Go with the flow. Trust her intentions; believe that she wants you to feel involved and to enjoy this, and remember that this is probably all pretty intense for her too, especially early on. If she continues, you'll both get better at this!

You probably don't want her to be thinking about you, and worrying whether she's done enough for you, the whole time she's alone with him. You probably want her to enjoy the experience, first and foremost! So if she remembers to message you, or take a pic for you, once or twice during the experience, you should try to be happy enough with that!

I agree, we talked and I told her I was ok with her sleeping there I just wasn’t prepared for it. Then I had to leave first thing in the morning and we didn’t get to talk as she had a seminar. I learned a lot, and apologized. But, she knows to send me more pics and keep me updated. It’s all good! I appreciate the feedback, it’s why I ask.

leggysman wrote: ↑

Fri Dec 13, 2024 12:57 am

I write this as someone who wishes you both the greatest of success in this endeavor, so please read the following as constructive and an attempt to be helpful:

Your email struck me as slightly scolding and needy/whiny, like a list of complaints, despite the positive opening, etc.

Especially when it's all packed into an email. It might be better to discuss these things in person, later, over drinks or whatever, in a more casual setting. It would be easier for her to see that you're overall happy, but come gently to the understanding that there are a few things you'd like to adjust.

Trust me, I've been there, and felt many of the things you mention. The absolute best thing you can do -- and I know it's hard, and all of this is pretty intense for you -- is: RELAX. Breathe out. Go with the flow. Trust her intentions; believe that she wants you to feel involved and to enjoy this, and remember that this is probably all pretty intense for her too, especially early on. If she continues, you'll both get better at this!

You probably don't want her to be thinking about you, and worrying whether she's done enough for you, the whole time she's alone with him. You probably want her to enjoy the experience, first and foremost! So if she remembers to message you, or take a pic for you, once or twice during the experience, you should try to be happy enough with that!

Very wise advice and I couldn't say it better. I pushed a little too hard for updates one night and spoiled the mood for them, for me, and the reclaiming. This is a really big deal for her, (and you too, but...) so if you would like her to keep doing it, you need to give her space.

Yea, lesson learned. I apologized and she is totally good. She told me she wants him to fuck her ass next time so … all is well

Mrwarmwife wrote: ↑

Sat Dec 14, 2024 2:42 am

leggysman wrote: ↑

Fri Dec 13, 2024 12:57 am

I write this as someone who wishes you both the greatest of success in this endeavor, so please read the following as constructive and an attempt to be helpful:

Your email struck me as slightly scolding and needy/whiny, like a list of complaints, despite the positive opening, etc.

Especially when it's all packed into an email. It might be better to discuss these things in person, later, over drinks or whatever, in a more casual setting. It would be easier for her to see that you're overall happy, but come gently to the understanding that there are a few things you'd like to adjust.

Trust me, I've been there, and felt many of the things you mention. The absolute best thing you can do -- and I know it's hard, and all of this is pretty intense for you -- is: RELAX. Breathe out. Go with the flow. Trust her intentions; believe that she wants you to feel involved and to enjoy this, and remember that this is probably all pretty intense for her too, especially early on. If she continues, you'll both get better at this!

You probably don't want her to be thinking about you, and worrying whether she's done enough for you, the whole time she's alone with him. You probably want her to enjoy the experience, first and foremost! So if she remembers to message you, or take a pic for you, once or twice during the experience, you should try to be happy enough with that!

Very wise advice and I couldn't say it better. I pushed a little too hard for updates one night and spoiled the mood for them, for me, and the reclaiming. This is a really big deal for her, (and you too, but...) so if you would like her to keep doing it, you need to give her space.

Has she been on more dates with this guy? Sounds like a keeper

Unfortunately he lives a ways away but comes around 3-4 times a year. He just messaged and is coming in February. She bought some lingerie so she can send him so pics in the meantime. She will probably fuck him all night again and sleepover. She promises to get more pics/video and I can’t wait!

Perhaps she can go visit him over the holidays for a day or two (if it is feasible)

He lives 3 hours away …. I’m sure something can be set up! Tough time of year but I will work to encourage that.