Wife “dating” an ex, reasonable or a concern?

[Wesley Hudson Valley]

Early on in my wife and I Hotwife lifestyle an ex of hers had reached out to her by social media which led to the two of them chatting regularly which I had no problem with.

My wife’s ex has many wonderful attributes from being, handsome, tall, athletic, well hung and knows how to use it, and a fun loving guy that people gravitate towards.

The reason why my wife broke up with him was he never took life seriously and from what I could derive from her second hand information not that brightest guy in the world, yet my wife would down play that just as part of his fun loving nature.

My wife and her ex chatting together led to him asking her out as his date to an out of town, weekend away wedding.

My wife asked me if I was ok with her accepting the date and I said yes fully knowing they would be sharing a hotel room and having sex for the weekend along with being introduced at the wedding as his girlfriend.

My mind went into too many what if negative scenarios such as what if my wife fell in love with him again, and he was now taking life seriously now removing the reason my wife broke up with him.

My wife and him had a wonderful time at the wedding and reception, my wife did not wear her wedding rings to the wedding, and was well received and accepted as her ex’s girlfriend. She thoroughly enjoyed riding his large cock multiple times and came home very much sexually satisfied.

My wife got a big kick out of how her ex took great pride in introducing her as his girlfriend.

Did my wife fall back in love with him or leave me for him, no. Was my worries and jitters unnecessary, yes.

Although I might believe her ex is not the brightest, my wife admitted he was an excellent date for the wedding and enjoyed his playful personality.

I believe a wife dating an ex is reasonable and should not create unnecessary angst with the husband.

Please share your experiences with your wife dating an ex.

PS. My wife and her ex have become very good friends since their wedding date.

[bbarnsworth]

Flipping the script here; not my wife, but me. There's a woman in my life ("Beth") to whom I was engaged for about six months long before I met my wife. After our amicable breakup, we remained very close and to this day remain very close. I told my wife about her early on in our relationship, and told her there was nothing to fear from Beth and never would be. My wife and I have been married for a long, long time now and Beth remains very close with my wife's blessing. I would never describe Beth as a friend, a girlfriend, a significant other, an emotional sister. There is no description that fits.

The reasons why Beth and I broke up were mutual. The reasons we broke up are no longer valid/applicable. Some years after Beth and I broke up, and before I met my wife, we were both single and decided to spend some time together (by this time we were living in different cities) to see if there was spark, to see if there was a basis for us to get together. We spent a number of days together, and multiple people mistook us for a married couple. The closeness was obvious, even though there wasn't any physical closeness. But, the spark wasn't there. We didn't find that basis to be together, and never got back together.

Fast forward to today; I actively communicate with Beth several times a week. We see each other 2-3 times a year, and spend considerable time together alone. The feelings I have for her and she for me are most emphatically love. It's a different love than I have for my wife. Neither could replace the other. Beth and I have never engaged in any sort of physical play with each other, other than hugs, and light massage. There's lots of jesting about getting in bed together, and my wife has encouraged Beth to do so, but it's never happened and almost certainly never will. If my wife was not in the know and not approving, it would be considered emotional cheating. There is a very tight bond that is encouraged and supported.

This is an unusual situation. There's no script for it, no tools to manage it from typical things people tell you. People don't do this.

My general advice; can it be done? Yes. Should it done? In most cases, I'd have to say NO. It's playing with fire, and unless carefully managed and openly discussed, it can and will lead to problems.

[BT2]

I agree with bbarnsworth. Your wife, and you, are playing with fire. It can, and most likely will, lead to problems.

 

[parklife]

I believe it can be reasonable… it certainly was in my case. Much like WHV, my wife and an ex flame reconnected on LinkedIn (not exactly a hookup social media site). I guess it’s a bit different as they weren’t boyfriend/girlfriend but they had a casual fling 20 years prior when they were 20 years old or so. They picked up with they left off and ultimately he became my wife’s first Friends-WIth-Benefits. I honestly believe she never would have taken the step from fantasy to reality without him being a part of it. My wife was very much into the idea of not adding to her number of sexual partners but was keen to use the fantasy in the bedroom. This was a way to make it a reality while not adding a new name to list of guys she had sex with since he’d be a repeat. (Later, after this initial foray, she added new names but at the time she was hung up on the concept).

Again, not a true “ex” as their relationship was more casual/sexual in nature (they each were cheating on their then current boyfriend/girlfriend)… but, the two of them did wind up with a relationship that lasted a couple of years… mostly sexual but a couple of dates thrown in from time to
time. She once went to his apartment and met his mom as she was staying there.

Their relationship eventually fizzled out as he wanted more than she could give (he reallly wanted a full time
Girlfriend and with two kids under 5, my wife wasn’t able to provide that). My wife hasn’t really ever forgiven him for cutting it off but she went on to other relationships and was none-the-worse for it. If nothing else, it was the catalyst for exploring her sexuality with others.

[stonemtncouple]

You say you believe a wife dating an ex is reasonable and should not create unnecessary angst with the husband.

We are in a similar situation. My wife reconnected with a fuck buddy she enjoyed former to our meeting, dating, and marriage due to my urging.
She shared with me, after we were married and swinging, that this guy provided her with the best most passionate sex ever, other than our love making LoL.
I was eager for her to be my Hotwife and she enthusiastically reconnected with this ex.
So now, 13 years after her reconnecting, they speak on the phone and txt weekly sometimes daily, get together to fuck maybe once a quarter and still enjoy great passionate sex together.
I know every detail of their relationship, see all the txt messages, she tells me about the phone conversations, she records her sex with him for me and I consider him a friend.

It can work if its more of a MFM or completely transparent relationship where husband feels apart of it and enjoys being Cuckolded.

[MarknSusan]

There is always risk when a third is brought into a relationship. If they were an ex that were truly in love with each other, or if something is missing in the primary relationship, I suppose the risk could be much more than if the ex was a FWB.

You can’t make someone love you. If you want them to be happy you give them the freedom to experience life. If the bond is strong nothing will take them away.

[cuckhus715]

It is ok. She is dating a friend of mine that we have had a number of threesomes with etc. We all reconnected after a few years and the family situation changed. They always were very into each other and have great chemistry. I don't know why other than it is an incredible turn on for me but I encouraged them spending time alone. He wanted to be with her alone. Starting the situation and allowing us all together years ago I thought I owed it to both of them. He is a very good looking in shape guy.

[Parsifal]

This thread inspired me to ask Gala if she'd consider it with an ex. She said she's turned on by that thought for a few exs but thinks it would be too complicated emotionally to go through with it in reality. Perhaps she would want to play in those complexities if I told her I would support her in having that (re)experience.

[weluvtoodoit]

Just the other day I asked my wife while she was using her vibrator, if she will ever consider having a relationship with another man again. It has been some time since the last one ended. Her response of "it would have to be someone very special" surprised me, since I thought she would never agree to playing again. I do know she still has feelings and an emotional/friendship connection with the two men who are neighbors that fucked her numerous times. If that were to happen again, I would be her biggest supporter and cheerleader to see her restart an intimate relationship. I would love to hear her tell me again, how they would tell each other "I love you" and how great the sex was with him.

[BrunetteLover]

Bad idea.

[BT2]

I agree - Bad idea.

[Wesley Hudson Valley]

My wife and I consider our marriage and love for one another extremely strong.

Her experience with dating ex boyfriends has always been very positive plus it removes the unknown factors of a new man.

Her dating ex’s is very reasonable for us

[Long Lurker 34]

My wife and I consider our marriage and love for one another extremely strong.

Her experience with dating ex boyfriends has always been very positive plus it removes the unknown factors of a new man.

Her dating ex’s is very reasonable for us

WHV
- But at the same time, one has to go with someone new for them to become an ex.

[hotwifelina]

Yes! For us Lina dating her ex’s over the years and her seeing them on a regular basis has worked out amazing for us. She definitely always comes home with her pussy & Ass Very properly stretched open, very loose and full of sticky Cum, the way she loves it and the way I love it also, they’ve been really nice and respectful. They always reach out to call me, text me and tell me that they been thinking about Lina and they want to take her out on another date to stretch her open properly and I respect that, so for us it’s been amazing! Lina still today see’s 2 of her ex’s regularly and they dump tons of Cum loads inside of her and I am the lucky cuckold that gets to lick her up all clean! When Lina is out on a date with her ex’s she gets very passionate which I also love. She tells me many times that she doesn’t just fuck them, She makes love to them which turns me on alot! Lina French kisses them and passionately takes their cocks very deep, reminding her of the slut she is! when she was married to them. For Lina and myself it’s been a very good experience because she also reminds me that her pussy, ass, & her mouth are not for me to penetrate at all just for me to watch when she allows me to, and ultimately to sniff her and lick her well used married Cummed in pussy&ass all clean after her ex’s & dates are done! she constantly reminds me about that! Lina’s ex’s will call the house & as she’s chatting to them on the phone, she’ll sit on the chair, spread her legs open as she’s chatting and smirking down at me as I’m sniffing and licking her pussy as she’s making arrangements with her exes to go on a date as I’m constantly licking her all up and she keeps reminding me what a beautiful Slutwife I married I’ve been so blessed, and not to mention she will allow me to watch her getting ready and dressed for her dates as she puts on her lingerie as she’s doing her hair putting on her make up as she has a beautiful manicure and pedicure looking amazing as she will allow me to watch and take a few pictures and not touch her but allow me to just jerk off to her. Lina is one amazing beautiful Slutwife

[isinlarsa]

Not with a friend, but my wife decided she wanted to start dating, like she was a single woman, in her mid-40s. She wasn't interested in a lasting relationship, but having fun with a variety of men. When we talked about them she didn't even want me to refer to them as her boyfriend or lovers.

She didn't misrepresent herself. She put an ad on an internet site, as a "married woman seeking to date, and perhaps more". Surprisingly she got quite a few responses, mostly from single men, seeing an opportunity for some fun without the expectation of a relationship. They raised from a cable guy to a Lt. Commander in the Navy.

She enjoyed going out on dates, and even meeting their friends. She didn't have sex with all of them, but a number got to enjoy her bodacious body.

She finally ended up becoming the girlfriend of a young black man, young enough to be her son.

[isinlarsa]

Not with a friend, but my wife decided she wanted to start dating, like she was a single woman, in her mid-40s. She wasn't interested in a lasting relationship, but having fun with a variety of men. When we talked about them she didn't even want me to refer to them as her boyfriend or lovers.

She didn't misrepresent herself. She put an ad on an internet site, as a "married woman seeking to date, and perhaps more". Surprisingly she got quite a few responses, mostly from single men, seeing an opportunity for some fun without the expectation of a relationship. They raised from a cable guy to a Lt. Commander in the Navy.

She enjoyed going out on dates, and even meeting their friends. She didn't have sex with all of them, but a number got to enjoy her bodacious body.

She finally ended up becoming the girlfriend of a young black man, young enough to be her son.

[zorro]

It is not inherently a bad idea. In fact, sex with others often works better when there is some emotional connection, at least fondness.

I encouraged Ruth to resume sexual relationships with some former boyfriends, but she begged off because in the past they wanted more of her than she wanted to give (in the way of a committed relationship). And her ex-husband was and remains a certifiable asshole. So, we passed on those options

We are now into the start of the 8th year of a regular FWB relationship that has included many 1-1s and MFMs, but we all agree that the MFMs are the best, in no small part due to Ruth's adoring having more than one cock at the same time in her hands or orifices. There seems to be at least for some women an intense pleasure that comes from having more sex partner, not to mention the joys of being caressed by 4 or more male hands. Some women a just not one-man women. And there are many ways to respect that need.

It has some features of polyamory. If there were an ex, there would have to be transparency, great communication, trustworthiness, and respect for the primary relationship. Frankly, some guys just don't have the right stuff to be a secondary.

WHV, from what I read, your wife and you have something very good going with her studly ex. It is unreasonable to expect any one person for meet all the emotional and sexual needs of a woman (or of a man, for that matter. Enjoy on!

[Wesley Hudson Valley]

Hello Zorro:

First of all thank you for the compliment.

WHV, from what I read, your wife and you have something very good going with her studly ex. It is unreasonable to expect any one person for meet all the emotional and sexual needs of a woman

Secondly, you are absolutely correct, it is unreasonable to expect that I could meet the emotional and sexual needs of my wife, Kelly. Thank goodness for our Hotwife lifestyle, brings happiness and satisfaction to the both of us.