Our Hotwives

leo-cpl wrote: ↑

Sun Mar 09, 2025 11:42 pm

When the time is right the time is right, its not about 7 years or 7 months or 7 weeks. I took years to convince my wife to try and when it happened naturally it was fun, she enjoyed it!
I would say chatting anonymously is GOOD start, hope she plays the field and chats with 4 guys (preferably 1-2 experienced ones as well and you stay a part of it on n off). If any one them are local would be good to casually meet over a drink (before any regular sexting coz that might put too much pressure on her when you meet in person). Just be around to root out the flakes and fakes....us hubbies know what kind of men their wives will enjoy meeting.
Just to give you an idea, when we first started out we met the guys casually 2-3 times before she finally took the plunge and now its 1 casual meet.....its something that evolves once everyones comfortable and knows what you looking for.
Enjoy this phase it WONT ever come back once you guys take the plunge. Good Luck

hardk wrote: ↑

Tue Mar 11, 2025 2:34 pm

Here is the reality my friend. The moment when she stops just laughing at absurd profiles and crude messages, when she reads something that makes her pause—makes her consider responding instead of dismissing. That first message she sends with real intent, even if it seemed casual without expectation at the time, is the first real step into this. From that moment forward, everything is changed. 
Curious to see how things unfold for you. Keep us posted.

BritishBull2k25 wrote: ↑

Tue Mar 11, 2025 6:32 am

I'm fascinated by what makes people take the steps over into crossing the hotwife threshold.

Questions I'd want to know answers to, are:

Is it that she likes the idea when horny and full of confidence, but after cumming, less-so or not interested at all?
Is she sexually confident?
Does she desire more mental stimulation to want to fuck a man, first?
Does she have concerns that you may change your mind afterwards when it can't be undone?
What are her current biggest kinks?

There are so many ways of supporting someone through it, and it depends entirely on what she feels is her personal friction to it.

The great thing is, nowadays there are so many small steps that can be taken which - when framed correctly - can be so arousing and naughty in themselves, while also progressing towards the ultimate.

It sounds like you're both enjoying the journey though, which is the most important thing.

Thanks! In response to your questions
1. Yes when horny in bed now she likes all of the ideas, its taken a few years to get there but yes, after Cumming ai wouldn’t say her desire disappears, she’s just quite and sighs “oh my gosh where is this going” or “bloody hell” (shakes her head and smiles). If that makes sense.
2. She is not as sexually confident as she should be… she looks incredible, she’s definitely one of the hottest women/wifves around but she doesn’t seem to know it or have any confidence in it. (Often saying “what man would want to sleep with me?” When almost all men would I am certain). But she’s not shy either, she’s happy to strike up a conversation with any man and also flirt a little.
3. I don’t think she desires more mental stimulation no, she is happy living a quiet life. Most of this comes from me, she gets fully immersed into it when we are in bed but she’s not really bothered herself in day to day life. (Although it must go through her head a bit and she does bring the subject up sometimes)
4. I don’t think so, she’s more worried about herself falling in love with another man and the implications of that for our marriage. She says “do you understand what you’re asking me to do, do you understand where this may lead”.
5. Not really any but she 100% loves what we do in the bedroom re. Cuckolding and hotwifing.

Thanks again!

hardk wrote: ↑

Tue Mar 11, 2025 2:34 pm

Hey man, I can really relate to what you’re going through. It’s a tough line to walk between fantasy and reality, and I think a lot of us who have been deep into this kink eventually reach that moment where we ask ourselves, *do we really want to take this step?*

For me, I had this kink before meeting my wife. It came up fairly early in our relationship and naturally became a part of our sex life as a fantasy. Like you, it would wax and wane, but generally, our trajectory was toward more exploration. Over the years, the fantasy became more central, and eventually, I felt like testing the waters in reality. By the time we were at this crossroads, we had been together for 12 years and married for 8.

So, I started encouraging her more. Like your wife, she dipped her toes into the dating apps—she engaged, but it was clear she wasn’t entirely comfortable with it. In hindsight, I think it was less about the actual interactions and more about me *knowing* she was engaging with other men that made her feel self-conscious. Eventually, I dropped it, she seemed to stop using the apps, and we figured we’d just keep it fantasy. 

Around this time, though, she also became increasingly busy with work. The workload increase was gradual and insidious, not a sudden shift, but over time, she seemed to have more meetings, work events, and late nights. A lot of it was legitimate—her job required a lot from her—but I also noticed small changes in her personal habits. She was on her phone more often, sometimes for what she said was work, and given her career, that wasn’t unrealistic. However, she also started clearing her internet history and taking her phone with her into the bathroom or bedroom alone more frequently. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but soon, she was spending a ridiculous amount of time on her phone. Meetings, late nights, and work events started piling up. I also noticed changes in how she carried herself. She was on her phone more often, sometimes brushing off conversations with me as she checked notifications. 

She became more confident, but also more distracted and, at times, snappy with me. She didn’t become emotionally distant in a direct way, but she started showing a much bigger interest in her single friends who were actively dating. She would spend a lot of time on the phone with them, giving them "advice" about dating, which struck me as odd. Her style also began shifting—she was always focused on her appearance, but gradually, she started dressing sexier and engaging more openly with men in social settings, becoming more flirty and talkative in ways that felt different than before. 

The kink that had once been a central part of our intimacy started fading from our conversations. When she did engage, her approach shifted—she started referencing past relationships more, openly commenting on how past men were better at oral sex or better with their fingers. During sex, she would tell me to change angles to fuck her in ways her past boyfriends had, as if she was trying to recreate those experiences from before we were together. She even subtly tried to coach me into replicating their techniques. This was gradual but new behaviour from years prior. 

But at the same time, her attitude toward our kink became erratic. Sometimes she would strongly condemn it, acting as if it was ridiculous or even wrong, while at other times she would initiate fantasy talk herself, being enthusiastic about it. She would occasionally blame me for having the kink, saying that I was 'messing up her head' and making her think in ways she didn’t want to. It felt like she was battling between what she was feeling and what she thought she should feel, and rather than owning that struggle, she placed it on me. This contradiction made it even more difficult to understand where she truly stood. It was bizarre, confusing, and frustrating, making it hard to tell where she truly stood. It felt like she was mentally elsewhere, though at the time, I tried to rationalize it as just work stress and personal growth. 

Looking back, this was when the shift from fantasy to reality had fully taking place, even if I didn’t realize it yet. 

But here’s the kicker—two years later, she admitted she had never actually stopped using the apps.

Five months after initially signing up, she had started seeing two guys and was sleeping with them—a firefighter and a guy who was 15 years her senior. The betrayal hit hard, not because we had a bad marriage or because she was unhappy—our relationship wasn’t on the rocks, and we weren’t struggling in any classical sense. But when she admitted it, I was hit with a storm of emotions—hurt, shock, and even arousal. It was a clusterfuck unlike anything I had ever felt. The hand I held had been wrapped around other cocks. The legs that touched mine as my wife slept in bed had been spread for other men. Her naked body had been enjoyed by others, and all of it happened in a way that wasn’t controlled or planned by me. It was wrong of her, but it was also more complicated than simple cheating. Over time, as we talked, we sorted out the errors in how we both acted and thought, but one truth remains that I must own: I introduced her to this world. If I hadn’t opened this door, I truly believe, based on how my wife was before all this, that it never would have been opened. We had open communication, intimacy, and a strong foundation, which is why this direction after introducing the apps was so unexpected, nothing prior to the app use forshadowed this. I know many hearing this story would assume this couldn't be the case, but it was...

The reality of what we had fantasized about played out in a way I never expected, and it felt like a complete departure from the path I thought we were on. When we talked about it, she explained that in her mind, she couldn’t reconcile my desire for her to sleep with other men with her role as a wife. To be comfortable with it, she felt the need to assume a different role—one separate from how she saw herself in our marriage. It was as if she had to compartmentalize her actions, adopting a mindset where she wasn’t my wife in those moments, just someone fulfilling a primal desire. This internal conflict made it difficult for her to engage openly, leading to secrecy instead of shared exploration. She said she felt awkward when I was aware of her app use—like she had to *perform* for me, like she was being watched and analyzed. But at the same time, the idea of extramarital sex had taken root, and the desire became irresistible to her. It wasn't just about curiosity anymore—it was as if a switch had flipped, and she needed to experience it for herself, without the constraints of my awareness or participation. The result? She ended up going through with it—but in secret. She navigated this world on her own terms, without my influence or expectations, which in some ways made it feel more authentic for her. It was no longer just fulfilling a fantasy we had together; it became a personal exploration that she felt she had to keep separate from our marriage. That division—between the wife I knew and the person she became in those moments—was something I never foresaw, and it completely changed the way I understood what we had set in motion.

What I learned the hard way is that dating apps are a Pandora’s box. Once they’re in play, you can’t go back. The fantasy is controlled, safe, and exciting, but it operates within a framework that you define together. Reality? It breaks those boundaries, exposing each person to influences, emotions, and temptations beyond what either of you initially imagined. The transition from one to the other is not seamless—it alters the power dynamics of the relationship, reshapes identities, and forces both partners to confront deep-seated truths about desire, trust, and autonomy. It’s messy, unpredictable, and doesn’t always unfold how you expect. The excitement of exploration can quickly be replaced with confusion, insecurity, and unexpected consequences. Once real-world experience enters the equation, the fantasy itself changes—often irreversibly—because now it is tied to actual memories, actions, and emotional shifts that can’t be undone. She has felt the raw weight of another man's body pressing into hers as a married woman. She has texted them in secret, felt the rush of anticipation, the thrill of sneaking away to meet them, the adrenaline of stepping into a hotel room as a wife knowing exactly what would happen next.

 The first time she opened the app, scrolling with hesitation, laughing at absurd profiles, shaking her head at crude messages. It was lighthearted, controlled, something we explored together in the safety of our home. She was unsure, playful, and distant from the reality of what it could lead to. Back then, it was just an app, just words on a screen, just an extension of our fantasy. But once she has had an account that digital curiosity is planted and something more tangible is just a few text messages away. 

In many ways, the first truly interested text message from her on the app was just as much of a barrier broken as the first time she let another man push himself inside her married pussy, there was no going back. 

Here is the reality my friend. The moment when she stops just laughing at absurd profiles and crude messages, when she reads something that makes her pause—makes her consider responding instead of dismissing. That first message she sends with real intent, even if it seemed casual without expectation at the time, is the first real step into this. From that moment forward, everything is changed. 

The past is now stained with the knowledge that when she looks at me, she carries those experiences with her, tucked away, permanent, unerasable. The psychological weight of that shift is what makes crossing this line so dangerous and thrilling.

If I could go back, I’d seriously reconsider pushing for reality. That’s not to say it can’t work, but once you cross that line, you’re in a whole different world. Like you said, *“am I crazy, have I taken this too far?”*—I remember asking myself those exact questions. You sound like you have a great marriage and a strong bond, so my advice would be to tread carefully. Communicate openly, yes, but also make sure you’re both truly comfortable before taking another step.

Curious to see how things unfold for you. Keep us posted.

BD8280 wrote: ↑

Thu Mar 13, 2025 8:38 am

hardk wrote: ↑

Tue Mar 11, 2025 2:34 pm

Hey man, I can really relate to what you’re going through. It’s a tough line to walk between fantasy and reality, and I think a lot of us who have been deep into this kink eventually reach that moment where we ask ourselves, *do we really want to take this step?*

For me, I had this kink before meeting my wife. It came up fairly early in our relationship and naturally became a part of our sex life as a fantasy. Like you, it would wax and wane, but generally, our trajectory was toward more exploration. Over the years, the fantasy became more central, and eventually, I felt like testing the waters in reality. By the time we were at this crossroads, we had been together for 12 years and married for 8.

So, I started encouraging her more. Like your wife, she dipped her toes into the dating apps—she engaged, but it was clear she wasn’t entirely comfortable with it. In hindsight, I think it was less about the actual interactions and more about me *knowing* she was engaging with other men that made her feel self-conscious. Eventually, I dropped it, she seemed to stop using the apps, and we figured we’d just keep it fantasy. 

Around this time, though, she also became increasingly busy with work. The workload increase was gradual and insidious, not a sudden shift, but over time, she seemed to have more meetings, work events, and late nights. A lot of it was legitimate—her job required a lot from her—but I also noticed small changes in her personal habits. She was on her phone more often, sometimes for what she said was work, and given her career, that wasn’t unrealistic. However, she also started clearing her internet history and taking her phone with her into the bathroom or bedroom alone more frequently. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but soon, she was spending a ridiculous amount of time on her phone. Meetings, late nights, and work events started piling up. I also noticed changes in how she carried herself. She was on her phone more often, sometimes brushing off conversations with me as she checked notifications. 

She became more confident, but also more distracted and, at times, snappy with me. She didn’t become emotionally distant in a direct way, but she started showing a much bigger interest in her single friends who were actively dating. She would spend a lot of time on the phone with them, giving them "advice" about dating, which struck me as odd. Her style also began shifting—she was always focused on her appearance, but gradually, she started dressing sexier and engaging more openly with men in social settings, becoming more flirty and talkative in ways that felt different than before. 

The kink that had once been a central part of our intimacy started fading from our conversations. When she did engage, her approach shifted—she started referencing past relationships more, openly commenting on how past men were better at oral sex or better with their fingers. During sex, she would tell me to change angles to fuck her in ways her past boyfriends had, as if she was trying to recreate those experiences from before we were together. She even subtly tried to coach me into replicating their techniques. This was gradual but new behaviour from years prior. 

But at the same time, her attitude toward our kink became erratic. Sometimes she would strongly condemn it, acting as if it was ridiculous or even wrong, while at other times she would initiate fantasy talk herself, being enthusiastic about it. She would occasionally blame me for having the kink, saying that I was 'messing up her head' and making her think in ways she didn’t want to. It felt like she was battling between what she was feeling and what she thought she should feel, and rather than owning that struggle, she placed it on me. This contradiction made it even more difficult to understand where she truly stood. It was bizarre, confusing, and frustrating, making it hard to tell where she truly stood. It felt like she was mentally elsewhere, though at the time, I tried to rationalize it as just work stress and personal growth. 

Looking back, this was when the shift from fantasy to reality had fully taking place, even if I didn’t realize it yet. 

But here’s the kicker—two years later, she admitted she had never actually stopped using the apps.

Five months after initially signing up, she had started seeing two guys and was sleeping with them—a firefighter and a guy who was 15 years her senior. The betrayal hit hard, not because we had a bad marriage or because she was unhappy—our relationship wasn’t on the rocks, and we weren’t struggling in any classical sense. But when she admitted it, I was hit with a storm of emotions—hurt, shock, and even arousal. It was a clusterfuck unlike anything I had ever felt. The hand I held had been wrapped around other cocks. The legs that touched mine as my wife slept in bed had been spread for other men. Her naked body had been enjoyed by others, and all of it happened in a way that wasn’t controlled or planned by me. It was wrong of her, but it was also more complicated than simple cheating. Over time, as we talked, we sorted out the errors in how we both acted and thought, but one truth remains that I must own: I introduced her to this world. If I hadn’t opened this door, I truly believe, based on how my wife was before all this, that it never would have been opened. We had open communication, intimacy, and a strong foundation, which is why this direction after introducing the apps was so unexpected, nothing prior to the app use forshadowed this. I know many hearing this story would assume this couldn't be the case, but it was...

The reality of what we had fantasized about played out in a way I never expected, and it felt like a complete departure from the path I thought we were on. When we talked about it, she explained that in her mind, she couldn’t reconcile my desire for her to sleep with other men with her role as a wife. To be comfortable with it, she felt the need to assume a different role—one separate from how she saw herself in our marriage. It was as if she had to compartmentalize her actions, adopting a mindset where she wasn’t my wife in those moments, just someone fulfilling a primal desire. This internal conflict made it difficult for her to engage openly, leading to secrecy instead of shared exploration. She said she felt awkward when I was aware of her app use—like she had to *perform* for me, like she was being watched and analyzed. But at the same time, the idea of extramarital sex had taken root, and the desire became irresistible to her. It wasn't just about curiosity anymore—it was as if a switch had flipped, and she needed to experience it for herself, without the constraints of my awareness or participation. The result? She ended up going through with it—but in secret. She navigated this world on her own terms, without my influence or expectations, which in some ways made it feel more authentic for her. It was no longer just fulfilling a fantasy we had together; it became a personal exploration that she felt she had to keep separate from our marriage. That division—between the wife I knew and the person she became in those moments—was something I never foresaw, and it completely changed the way I understood what we had set in motion.

What I learned the hard way is that dating apps are a Pandora’s box. Once they’re in play, you can’t go back. The fantasy is controlled, safe, and exciting, but it operates within a framework that you define together. Reality? It breaks those boundaries, exposing each person to influences, emotions, and temptations beyond what either of you initially imagined. The transition from one to the other is not seamless—it alters the power dynamics of the relationship, reshapes identities, and forces both partners to confront deep-seated truths about desire, trust, and autonomy. It’s messy, unpredictable, and doesn’t always unfold how you expect. The excitement of exploration can quickly be replaced with confusion, insecurity, and unexpected consequences. Once real-world experience enters the equation, the fantasy itself changes—often irreversibly—because now it is tied to actual memories, actions, and emotional shifts that can’t be undone. She has felt the raw weight of another man's body pressing into hers as a married woman. She has texted them in secret, felt the rush of anticipation, the thrill of sneaking away to meet them, the adrenaline of stepping into a hotel room as a wife knowing exactly what would happen next.

 The first time she opened the app, scrolling with hesitation, laughing at absurd profiles, shaking her head at crude messages. It was lighthearted, controlled, something we explored together in the safety of our home. She was unsure, playful, and distant from the reality of what it could lead to. Back then, it was just an app, just words on a screen, just an extension of our fantasy. But once she has had an account that digital curiosity is planted and something more tangible is just a few text messages away. 

In many ways, the first truly interested text message from her on the app was just as much of a barrier broken as the first time she let another man push himself inside her married pussy, there was no going back. 

Here is the reality my friend. The moment when she stops just laughing at absurd profiles and crude messages, when she reads something that makes her pause—makes her consider responding instead of dismissing. That first message she sends with real intent, even if it seemed casual without expectation at the time, is the first real step into this. From that moment forward, everything is changed. 

The past is now stained with the knowledge that when she looks at me, she carries those experiences with her, tucked away, permanent, unerasable. The psychological weight of that shift is what makes crossing this line so dangerous and thrilling.

If I could go back, I’d seriously reconsider pushing for reality. That’s not to say it can’t work, but once you cross that line, you’re in a whole different world. Like you said, *“am I crazy, have I taken this too far?”*—I remember asking myself those exact questions. You sound like you have a great marriage and a strong bond, so my advice would be to tread carefully. Communicate openly, yes, but also make sure you’re both truly comfortable before taking another step.

Curious to see how things unfold for you. Keep us posted.

Thanks for your incredible response, such a brilliant and honest account of what you went through. I can resonate with so many of your points re my own situation. I will try and respond to everything you have said.

It’s impossible for both of us to know for sure what will happen if this becomes a reality, I suppose this is the risk everyone on this forum has to decide whether they take it or not.

In terms of the dating app, I totally get where you are coming from And my wife seems exactly the same, she is also uncomfortable with using them, I don’t like to see her uncomfortable. I can see that she does get a kick out of engaging in some conversation with other men, but she is not able to engage properly with them, she only answers “yes” “no” “maybe” “possibly”. To them. I can see exactly what you are saying, my wife isn’t able to separate our marriage and a relationship with another person online. It’s almost like you can see the internal battle playing out. I obviously don’t want to force her to do anything, I wish she did it comfortably. Anyway, she used the app a bit that Sunday night., then (I checked her Internet history) she used the app a bit on Monday, but now its stopped. She obviously feels uncomfortable, and can’t crossover into that world which I understand. I also get the feeling she feels awkward “ performing for me”. On the apps… she doesn’t like this, she would prefer to do things on her own, separately to me poses to separate the two worlds in her mind like you say.
I have, however, seen her engage much more positively in real life situations, she has a male colleague who she kind of likes and she has messaged him quite flirty in the past, with hearts and xxxs etc. She arranged to meet him once for a coffee but bottled it in the final hour, and made me go with her. She said to me this week that she wants it to be organic….. whatever that means. Anyway, that’s an update on the situation, she hasn’t deleted the app yet, but we will see.

I appreciate you sharing your honest experience, emphasising the difficult realities which can come with pursuing this type of relationship. I wouldn’t want my wife to take the same path doing it all behind my back, but it sounds like for some women that is the only way they can do it.

It’s a difficult one because I would still like to move things slowly in this direction if they can be done right, but equally like you say, if it doesn’t go well we would have been better off staying as we are. In some ways that’s part of the excitement, I suppose.

Thanks again

BD8280 wrote: ↑

Thu Mar 13, 2025 8:38 am

hardk wrote: ↑

Tue Mar 11, 2025 2:34 pm

Hey man, I can really relate to what you’re going through. It’s a tough line to walk between fantasy and reality, and I think a lot of us who have been deep into this kink eventually reach that moment where we ask ourselves, *do we really want to take this step?*

For me, I had this kink before meeting my wife. It came up fairly early in our relationship and naturally became a part of our sex life as a fantasy. Like you, it would wax and wane, but generally, our trajectory was toward more exploration. Over the years, the fantasy became more central, and eventually, I felt like testing the waters in reality. By the time we were at this crossroads, we had been together for 12 years and married for 8.

So, I started encouraging her more. Like your wife, she dipped her toes into the dating apps—she engaged, but it was clear she wasn’t entirely comfortable with it. In hindsight, I think it was less about the actual interactions and more about me *knowing* she was engaging with other men that made her feel self-conscious. Eventually, I dropped it, she seemed to stop using the apps, and we figured we’d just keep it fantasy. 

Around this time, though, she also became increasingly busy with work. The workload increase was gradual and insidious, not a sudden shift, but over time, she seemed to have more meetings, work events, and late nights. A lot of it was legitimate—her job required a lot from her—but I also noticed small changes in her personal habits. She was on her phone more often, sometimes for what she said was work, and given her career, that wasn’t unrealistic. However, she also started clearing her internet history and taking her phone with her into the bathroom or bedroom alone more frequently. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but soon, she was spending a ridiculous amount of time on her phone. Meetings, late nights, and work events started piling up. I also noticed changes in how she carried herself. She was on her phone more often, sometimes brushing off conversations with me as she checked notifications. 

She became more confident, but also more distracted and, at times, snappy with me. She didn’t become emotionally distant in a direct way, but she started showing a much bigger interest in her single friends who were actively dating. She would spend a lot of time on the phone with them, giving them "advice" about dating, which struck me as odd. Her style also began shifting—she was always focused on her appearance, but gradually, she started dressing sexier and engaging more openly with men in social settings, becoming more flirty and talkative in ways that felt different than before. 

The kink that had once been a central part of our intimacy started fading from our conversations. When she did engage, her approach shifted—she started referencing past relationships more, openly commenting on how past men were better at oral sex or better with their fingers. During sex, she would tell me to change angles to fuck her in ways her past boyfriends had, as if she was trying to recreate those experiences from before we were together. She even subtly tried to coach me into replicating their techniques. This was gradual but new behaviour from years prior. 

But at the same time, her attitude toward our kink became erratic. Sometimes she would strongly condemn it, acting as if it was ridiculous or even wrong, while at other times she would initiate fantasy talk herself, being enthusiastic about it. She would occasionally blame me for having the kink, saying that I was 'messing up her head' and making her think in ways she didn’t want to. It felt like she was battling between what she was feeling and what she thought she should feel, and rather than owning that struggle, she placed it on me. This contradiction made it even more difficult to understand where she truly stood. It was bizarre, confusing, and frustrating, making it hard to tell where she truly stood. It felt like she was mentally elsewhere, though at the time, I tried to rationalize it as just work stress and personal growth. 

Looking back, this was when the shift from fantasy to reality had fully taking place, even if I didn’t realize it yet. 

But here’s the kicker—two years later, she admitted she had never actually stopped using the apps.

Five months after initially signing up, she had started seeing two guys and was sleeping with them—a firefighter and a guy who was 15 years her senior. The betrayal hit hard, not because we had a bad marriage or because she was unhappy—our relationship wasn’t on the rocks, and we weren’t struggling in any classical sense. But when she admitted it, I was hit with a storm of emotions—hurt, shock, and even arousal. It was a clusterfuck unlike anything I had ever felt. The hand I held had been wrapped around other cocks. The legs that touched mine as my wife slept in bed had been spread for other men. Her naked body had been enjoyed by others, and all of it happened in a way that wasn’t controlled or planned by me. It was wrong of her, but it was also more complicated than simple cheating. Over time, as we talked, we sorted out the errors in how we both acted and thought, but one truth remains that I must own: I introduced her to this world. If I hadn’t opened this door, I truly believe, based on how my wife was before all this, that it never would have been opened. We had open communication, intimacy, and a strong foundation, which is why this direction after introducing the apps was so unexpected, nothing prior to the app use forshadowed this. I know many hearing this story would assume this couldn't be the case, but it was...

The reality of what we had fantasized about played out in a way I never expected, and it felt like a complete departure from the path I thought we were on. When we talked about it, she explained that in her mind, she couldn’t reconcile my desire for her to sleep with other men with her role as a wife. To be comfortable with it, she felt the need to assume a different role—one separate from how she saw herself in our marriage. It was as if she had to compartmentalize her actions, adopting a mindset where she wasn’t my wife in those moments, just someone fulfilling a primal desire. This internal conflict made it difficult for her to engage openly, leading to secrecy instead of shared exploration. She said she felt awkward when I was aware of her app use—like she had to *perform* for me, like she was being watched and analyzed. But at the same time, the idea of extramarital sex had taken root, and the desire became irresistible to her. It wasn't just about curiosity anymore—it was as if a switch had flipped, and she needed to experience it for herself, without the constraints of my awareness or participation. The result? She ended up going through with it—but in secret. She navigated this world on her own terms, without my influence or expectations, which in some ways made it feel more authentic for her. It was no longer just fulfilling a fantasy we had together; it became a personal exploration that she felt she had to keep separate from our marriage. That division—between the wife I knew and the person she became in those moments—was something I never foresaw, and it completely changed the way I understood what we had set in motion.

What I learned the hard way is that dating apps are a Pandora’s box. Once they’re in play, you can’t go back. The fantasy is controlled, safe, and exciting, but it operates within a framework that you define together. Reality? It breaks those boundaries, exposing each person to influences, emotions, and temptations beyond what either of you initially imagined. The transition from one to the other is not seamless—it alters the power dynamics of the relationship, reshapes identities, and forces both partners to confront deep-seated truths about desire, trust, and autonomy. It’s messy, unpredictable, and doesn’t always unfold how you expect. The excitement of exploration can quickly be replaced with confusion, insecurity, and unexpected consequences. Once real-world experience enters the equation, the fantasy itself changes—often irreversibly—because now it is tied to actual memories, actions, and emotional shifts that can’t be undone. She has felt the raw weight of another man's body pressing into hers as a married woman. She has texted them in secret, felt the rush of anticipation, the thrill of sneaking away to meet them, the adrenaline of stepping into a hotel room as a wife knowing exactly what would happen next.

 The first time she opened the app, scrolling with hesitation, laughing at absurd profiles, shaking her head at crude messages. It was lighthearted, controlled, something we explored together in the safety of our home. She was unsure, playful, and distant from the reality of what it could lead to. Back then, it was just an app, just words on a screen, just an extension of our fantasy. But once she has had an account that digital curiosity is planted and something more tangible is just a few text messages away. 

In many ways, the first truly interested text message from her on the app was just as much of a barrier broken as the first time she let another man push himself inside her married pussy, there was no going back. 

Here is the reality my friend. The moment when she stops just laughing at absurd profiles and crude messages, when she reads something that makes her pause—makes her consider responding instead of dismissing. That first message she sends with real intent, even if it seemed casual without expectation at the time, is the first real step into this. From that moment forward, everything is changed. 

The past is now stained with the knowledge that when she looks at me, she carries those experiences with her, tucked away, permanent, unerasable. The psychological weight of that shift is what makes crossing this line so dangerous and thrilling.

If I could go back, I’d seriously reconsider pushing for reality. That’s not to say it can’t work, but once you cross that line, you’re in a whole different world. Like you said, *“am I crazy, have I taken this too far?”*—I remember asking myself those exact questions. You sound like you have a great marriage and a strong bond, so my advice would be to tread carefully. Communicate openly, yes, but also make sure you’re both truly comfortable before taking another step.

Curious to see how things unfold for you. Keep us posted.

Thanks for your incredible response, such a brilliant and honest account of what you went through. I can resonate with so many of your points re my own situation. I will try and respond to everything you have said.

It’s impossible for both of us to know for sure what will happen if this becomes a reality, I suppose this is the risk everyone on this forum has to decide whether they take it or not.

In terms of the dating app, I totally get where you are coming from And my wife seems exactly the same, she is also uncomfortable with using them, I don’t like to see her uncomfortable. I can see that she does get a kick out of engaging in some conversation with other men, but she is not able to engage properly with them, she only answers “yes” “no” “maybe” “possibly”. To them. I can see exactly what you are saying, my wife isn’t able to separate our marriage and a relationship with another person online. It’s almost like you can see the internal battle playing out. I obviously don’t want to force her to do anything, I wish she did it comfortably. Anyway, she used the app a bit that Sunday night., then (I checked her Internet history) she used the app a bit on Monday, but now its stopped. She obviously feels uncomfortable, and can’t crossover into that world which I understand. I also get the feeling she feels awkward “ performing for me”. On the apps… she doesn’t like this, she would prefer to do things on her own, separately to me poses to separate the two worlds in her mind like you say.
I have, however, seen her engage much more positively in real life situations, she has a male colleague who she kind of likes and she has messaged him quite flirty in the past, with hearts and xxxs etc. She arranged to meet him once for a coffee but bottled it in the final hour, and made me go with her. She said to me this week that she wants it to be organic….. whatever that means. Anyway, that’s an update on the situation, she hasn’t deleted the app yet, but we will see.

I appreciate you sharing your honest experience, emphasising the difficult realities which can come with pursuing this type of relationship. I wouldn’t want my wife to take the same path doing it all behind my back, but it sounds like for some women that is the only way they can do it.

It’s a difficult one because I would still like to move things slowly in this direction if they can be done right, but equally like you say, if it doesn’t go well we would have been better off staying as we are. In some ways that’s part of the excitement, I suppose.

Thanks again

hardk wrote: ↑

Thu Mar 13, 2025 8:42 pm

BD8280 wrote: ↑

Thu Mar 13, 2025 8:38 am

hardk wrote: ↑

Tue Mar 11, 2025 2:34 pm

Hey man, I can really relate to what you’re going through. It’s a tough line to walk between fantasy and reality, and I think a lot of us who have been deep into this kink eventually reach that moment where we ask ourselves, *do we really want to take this step?*

For me, I had this kink before meeting my wife. It came up fairly early in our relationship and naturally became a part of our sex life as a fantasy. Like you, it would wax and wane, but generally, our trajectory was toward more exploration. Over the years, the fantasy became more central, and eventually, I felt like testing the waters in reality. By the time we were at this crossroads, we had been together for 12 years and married for 8.

So, I started encouraging her more. Like your wife, she dipped her toes into the dating apps—she engaged, but it was clear she wasn’t entirely comfortable with it. In hindsight, I think it was less about the actual interactions and more about me *knowing* she was engaging with other men that made her feel self-conscious. Eventually, I dropped it, she seemed to stop using the apps, and we figured we’d just keep it fantasy. 

Around this time, though, she also became increasingly busy with work. The workload increase was gradual and insidious, not a sudden shift, but over time, she seemed to have more meetings, work events, and late nights. A lot of it was legitimate—her job required a lot from her—but I also noticed small changes in her personal habits. She was on her phone more often, sometimes for what she said was work, and given her career, that wasn’t unrealistic. However, she also started clearing her internet history and taking her phone with her into the bathroom or bedroom alone more frequently. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but soon, she was spending a ridiculous amount of time on her phone. Meetings, late nights, and work events started piling up. I also noticed changes in how she carried herself. She was on her phone more often, sometimes brushing off conversations with me as she checked notifications. 

She became more confident, but also more distracted and, at times, snappy with me. She didn’t become emotionally distant in a direct way, but she started showing a much bigger interest in her single friends who were actively dating. She would spend a lot of time on the phone with them, giving them "advice" about dating, which struck me as odd. Her style also began shifting—she was always focused on her appearance, but gradually, she started dressing sexier and engaging more openly with men in social settings, becoming more flirty and talkative in ways that felt different than before. 

The kink that had once been a central part of our intimacy started fading from our conversations. When she did engage, her approach shifted—she started referencing past relationships more, openly commenting on how past men were better at oral sex or better with their fingers. During sex, she would tell me to change angles to fuck her in ways her past boyfriends had, as if she was trying to recreate those experiences from before we were together. She even subtly tried to coach me into replicating their techniques. This was gradual but new behaviour from years prior. 

But at the same time, her attitude toward our kink became erratic. Sometimes she would strongly condemn it, acting as if it was ridiculous or even wrong, while at other times she would initiate fantasy talk herself, being enthusiastic about it. She would occasionally blame me for having the kink, saying that I was 'messing up her head' and making her think in ways she didn’t want to. It felt like she was battling between what she was feeling and what she thought she should feel, and rather than owning that struggle, she placed it on me. This contradiction made it even more difficult to understand where she truly stood. It was bizarre, confusing, and frustrating, making it hard to tell where she truly stood. It felt like she was mentally elsewhere, though at the time, I tried to rationalize it as just work stress and personal growth. 

Looking back, this was when the shift from fantasy to reality had fully taking place, even if I didn’t realize it yet. 

But here’s the kicker—two years later, she admitted she had never actually stopped using the apps.

Five months after initially signing up, she had started seeing two guys and was sleeping with them—a firefighter and a guy who was 15 years her senior. The betrayal hit hard, not because we had a bad marriage or because she was unhappy—our relationship wasn’t on the rocks, and we weren’t struggling in any classical sense. But when she admitted it, I was hit with a storm of emotions—hurt, shock, and even arousal. It was a clusterfuck unlike anything I had ever felt. The hand I held had been wrapped around other cocks. The legs that touched mine as my wife slept in bed had been spread for other men. Her naked body had been enjoyed by others, and all of it happened in a way that wasn’t controlled or planned by me. It was wrong of her, but it was also more complicated than simple cheating. Over time, as we talked, we sorted out the errors in how we both acted and thought, but one truth remains that I must own: I introduced her to this world. If I hadn’t opened this door, I truly believe, based on how my wife was before all this, that it never would have been opened. We had open communication, intimacy, and a strong foundation, which is why this direction after introducing the apps was so unexpected, nothing prior to the app use forshadowed this. I know many hearing this story would assume this couldn't be the case, but it was...

The reality of what we had fantasized about played out in a way I never expected, and it felt like a complete departure from the path I thought we were on. When we talked about it, she explained that in her mind, she couldn’t reconcile my desire for her to sleep with other men with her role as a wife. To be comfortable with it, she felt the need to assume a different role—one separate from how she saw herself in our marriage. It was as if she had to compartmentalize her actions, adopting a mindset where she wasn’t my wife in those moments, just someone fulfilling a primal desire. This internal conflict made it difficult for her to engage openly, leading to secrecy instead of shared exploration. She said she felt awkward when I was aware of her app use—like she had to *perform* for me, like she was being watched and analyzed. But at the same time, the idea of extramarital sex had taken root, and the desire became irresistible to her. It wasn't just about curiosity anymore—it was as if a switch had flipped, and she needed to experience it for herself, without the constraints of my awareness or participation. The result? She ended up going through with it—but in secret. She navigated this world on her own terms, without my influence or expectations, which in some ways made it feel more authentic for her. It was no longer just fulfilling a fantasy we had together; it became a personal exploration that she felt she had to keep separate from our marriage. That division—between the wife I knew and the person she became in those moments—was something I never foresaw, and it completely changed the way I understood what we had set in motion.

What I learned the hard way is that dating apps are a Pandora’s box. Once they’re in play, you can’t go back. The fantasy is controlled, safe, and exciting, but it operates within a framework that you define together. Reality? It breaks those boundaries, exposing each person to influences, emotions, and temptations beyond what either of you initially imagined. The transition from one to the other is not seamless—it alters the power dynamics of the relationship, reshapes identities, and forces both partners to confront deep-seated truths about desire, trust, and autonomy. It’s messy, unpredictable, and doesn’t always unfold how you expect. The excitement of exploration can quickly be replaced with confusion, insecurity, and unexpected consequences. Once real-world experience enters the equation, the fantasy itself changes—often irreversibly—because now it is tied to actual memories, actions, and emotional shifts that can’t be undone. She has felt the raw weight of another man's body pressing into hers as a married woman. She has texted them in secret, felt the rush of anticipation, the thrill of sneaking away to meet them, the adrenaline of stepping into a hotel room as a wife knowing exactly what would happen next.

 The first time she opened the app, scrolling with hesitation, laughing at absurd profiles, shaking her head at crude messages. It was lighthearted, controlled, something we explored together in the safety of our home. She was unsure, playful, and distant from the reality of what it could lead to. Back then, it was just an app, just words on a screen, just an extension of our fantasy. But once she has had an account that digital curiosity is planted and something more tangible is just a few text messages away. 

In many ways, the first truly interested text message from her on the app was just as much of a barrier broken as the first time she let another man push himself inside her married pussy, there was no going back. 

Here is the reality my friend. The moment when she stops just laughing at absurd profiles and crude messages, when she reads something that makes her pause—makes her consider responding instead of dismissing. That first message she sends with real intent, even if it seemed casual without expectation at the time, is the first real step into this. From that moment forward, everything is changed. 

The past is now stained with the knowledge that when she looks at me, she carries those experiences with her, tucked away, permanent, unerasable. The psychological weight of that shift is what makes crossing this line so dangerous and thrilling.

If I could go back, I’d seriously reconsider pushing for reality. That’s not to say it can’t work, but once you cross that line, you’re in a whole different world. Like you said, *“am I crazy, have I taken this too far?”*—I remember asking myself those exact questions. You sound like you have a great marriage and a strong bond, so my advice would be to tread carefully. Communicate openly, yes, but also make sure you’re both truly comfortable before taking another step.

Curious to see how things unfold for you. Keep us posted.

Thanks for your incredible response, such a brilliant and honest account of what you went through. I can resonate with so many of your points re my own situation. I will try and respond to everything you have said.

It’s impossible for both of us to know for sure what will happen if this becomes a reality, I suppose this is the risk everyone on this forum has to decide whether they take it or not.

In terms of the dating app, I totally get where you are coming from And my wife seems exactly the same, she is also uncomfortable with using them, I don’t like to see her uncomfortable. I can see that she does get a kick out of engaging in some conversation with other men, but she is not able to engage properly with them, she only answers “yes” “no” “maybe” “possibly”. To them. I can see exactly what you are saying, my wife isn’t able to separate our marriage and a relationship with another person online. It’s almost like you can see the internal battle playing out. I obviously don’t want to force her to do anything, I wish she did it comfortably. Anyway, she used the app a bit that Sunday night., then (I checked her Internet history) she used the app a bit on Monday, but now its stopped. She obviously feels uncomfortable, and can’t crossover into that world which I understand. I also get the feeling she feels awkward “ performing for me”. On the apps… she doesn’t like this, she would prefer to do things on her own, separately to me poses to separate the two worlds in her mind like you say.
I have, however, seen her engage much more positively in real life situations, she has a male colleague who she kind of likes and she has messaged him quite flirty in the past, with hearts and xxxs etc. She arranged to meet him once for a coffee but bottled it in the final hour, and made me go with her. She said to me this week that she wants it to be organic….. whatever that means. Anyway, that’s an update on the situation, she hasn’t deleted the app yet, but we will see.

I appreciate you sharing your honest experience, emphasising the difficult realities which can come with pursuing this type of relationship. I wouldn’t want my wife to take the same path doing it all behind my back, but it sounds like for some women that is the only way they can do it.

It’s a difficult one because I would still like to move things slowly in this direction if they can be done right, but equally like you say, if it doesn’t go well we would have been better off staying as we are. In some ways that’s part of the excitement, I suppose.

Thanks again

Hey man, reading your update, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of déjà vu—it’s eerie how similar your wife’s responses are to what my wife said when we were at this exact stage. The hesitancy, the discomfort with the apps, the feeling that she couldn’t engage properly, her reluctance to “perform” for me—all of it was nearly identical to what I experienced. Like your wife, mine also downplayed her interactions early on, giving short, minimal responses to men, seemingly unenthused about the process. She also expressed that if she ever did take a step in this direction, she would want it to happen organically, away from the structure of an app and away from my direct involvement. That phrase—“I’d rather it happen naturally”—stood out to me when my wife said it, and it stands out again reading your wife’s words.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that the moment I encouraged her to engage with men on the apps, it wasn’t just about dipping a toe into the fantasy—it was the moment sex in our marriage subtly shifted from something for us to something for her. By opening the door, even in a controlled way, I unknowingly gave her permission to start seeing her sexuality as separate from our marriage, rather than something that existed only within it.

At first, it was just exploration, framed within the safe context of our relationship, but once that mental shift began—once she internalized that engaging with other men was even an option—it was like a new reality had been introduced. And what I didn’t realize at the time was that a reality like that doesn’t just sit idle. Once the idea is real, it doesn’t just go away. The gap between exploration and action, especially on dating apps, is razor-thin. It takes almost no effort for a woman to shift from casually browsing profiles to real engagement. Messages flood in immediately, options are laid out for her with no work on her end, and the only rate-limiting step is how picky she wants to be. Unlike meeting someone in real life, where logistics, chemistry, and social norms create natural barriers, an app removes all friction.

After my wife confessed everything two years later, she described her own choices vividly—the choices she made only a few weeks after I introduced those apps.

It started when she created her own profile—on her own, without me, choosing an app that felt safer, more private, more hers. She expected nothing at first, but within hours, she was overwhelmed by messages. Some crude, some charming, some desperate, some bold. She swiped through them at first, indulging the attention but still distant from the reality of what she was doing.

But the fuse was set. It just needed the right moment.

Five months after introducing the apps, she had an evening dinner with a single girlfriend. The conversation turned to dating. Her friend gushed about a new guy she was seeing—how hot he was, how strong, how good he was in bed. My wife listened, sipping her wine, feeling something stir deep inside her. A kind of hunger. An awareness. She said all she could think about after her friend described all this was the apps on her phone. When she drove home that night, she didn’t go inside right away. Instead, she sat in the car, parked just outside our house, and opened her app.

And then she saw him.

A firefighter. A hunk, as she later described him. She said she felt that mix of curiosity and excitement, the same kind of thrill she got when we used to whisper fantasies in bed together. But this time, more intense, it was more real and independent. And in that moment, she knew she could do it. She had a kind of permission—not from me explicitly, but enough that she said she didn’t hesitate. She had already taken steps down the path. The only thing left was to jump.

Three days later, she met him for coffee, using a fake name, and a burner phone app before work. Casual. Innocent on the surface. But she told me later that the moment she sat across from him, she knew she was going to have extramarital sex.

The next day, after work, she met him again. And this time, at his condo.

She told me how they sat on his couch for only five minutes before small talk faded and how she didn’t stop him when he started undressing her, piece by piece, until she was sitting there, naked in front of him, her wedding ring still on. She said she felt like she had a mission to complete for herself at this point.

She told me how he picked her up effortlessly, how she straddled him in his arms, legs wrapped around his waist. How primal it felt, how different. How he took my wife right there—suspended in the air in his arms. She told me her whole body shook as he fucked her—that was the word she used—like she had never been taken before. How it was an out-of-body experience.

And then, she said after it was over, as she lay naked in his bed, catching her breath, feeling the heat still lingering on her skin, she felt something new. Not guilt. Not shame. Just certainty. She told me later that the only thing she struggled with in that moment was how to move forward—how to tell me without ruining it. That me getting upset (which I did become two years later when I found out) or feeling like she had to “perform” would ruin it all. It would make the whole scenario undesirable and a turn-off.

This is why I tell my story. Because everything you’re describing—her hesitation, her words, her back-and-forth, her “just chatting”—it’s exactly what my wife said and did. I truly never would have guessed this was how it would unfold. But the truth is, a seal has been unbroken. Right now, your wife is where mine was: processing, but processing likely without stopping. Because once this door is open, it doesn’t close again—not fully. Not when the reality of fucking another man is now a viable option in her mind, and going on an app to find a different—maybe even better—sex partner is just three taps away.

And I wish I had been better prepared for that reality—for my wife fucking other men fairly regularly. Because that’s what happened. It wasn’t a one-time thing. It wasn’t an experimental phase. It became part of her life—her real life, not just some distant fantasy between us. And the moment I encouraged her to step into that world, I lost the ability to choose what our marriage would look like from that point forward.

So prepare yourself. You have likely already gone beyond what you can roll back. Apps are insidious—they are not just a step toward reality, they are reality. The minute she engaged, a switch flipped. And I can tell you from experience: once that switch is on, it doesn’t turn off.

I get why you still want to move forward in some way—you’re trying to balance excitement with caution, and that’s not easy. I’m not saying this path is always doomed, but I am saying that the point you’re at right now is where a lot of men (myself included) underestimate what’s really happening beneath the surface. If I could go back, I would have paid more attention to these exact signs, because in hindsight, they were the most telling moments of all.