Our Hotwives

A few months back, I was corresponding with a very helpful and insightful gentleman, who provided extremely long and detailed insight and advice on various practical and psychological aspects of cuckoldry. Unfortunately, I was clearing out my inbox and accidently deleted his info. Hopefully I can reconnect with him, or someone equally knowledgeable. I will provide some detailed background information, which might be helpful in someone wanting to discuss this at length. I would not want to waste anyone's time, so if generously put in effort to help with my situation, I will put in effort on my end to answer your questions and respond in detail on your advise and insight.

Current Situation

I want to encourage my wife to develop and even greater emotional connection with a Bull, going more from a physical thing to an intense boyfriend-type situation. Now, I realize, there will be many who are going to offer counter advice and point out the risks and war stories of such relationships going bad. But from my humble research, the problems associated with the wife falling in love with her Bull are more about the insecurities, jealousies, lack of ground rules, and weakness of the cuckold couple's marriage, than with the fact she was having feelings for her Bull.

My Humble Philosophy

Here are MY thoughts on the matter, not based on psychological training, but just common sense and rational analysis. I think overall that men and women's brains respond differently to sex, with men being more into the physical pleasure, and women embracing some physical, but also the emotional and mental aspects. To that end, most men can have meaningless, mindless sex all the time and be perfectly content.

But I believe most women will start out enjoying the physical orgasms, but over time, will miss the emotional and mental aspects. They want the tenderness, compassion, an emotional relationship component. They want to develop some level of feelings for the man they are fucking. I think this is very natural and even healthy; otherwise, she might begin to feel like the village whore. But, if in her mind, she is involved in some type of romantic relationship, even a cuckold one based on lust and Hotwife sex, then she can allow her brain to relax, enjoy the moment, not be guarded and hold back natural feelings, be free to say loving things, and even see herself in a sort of girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, all with her husband's full support, encouragement, and blessing. And for me personally, seeing my wife give in and surrender that side of her emotions and become totally uninhibited with him, would strangely be a HUGE turn-on. It is a turn-on to see her being fucked. But it would be out-of-this-world to see her kissing him with passion and actually making love. And I would probably cum in my pants to hear her finally admit, "Baby, I can't believe I'm saying this, ...but I think I'm falling in love .... with Ryan".

Again, this would not be as strong a love as she and I have. She would not be leaving me for him. Our love is based on 15+ years of love, support, finances, personality, common interests, hard times, good times, understanding, concern, caring, nurturing, etc. Her love with him would be a more watered down form of love, based more on familiarity, personality, and sex (usually with me there and involved). It would be a love born out of necessity, to ease her thoughts of just feeling used for meaningless sex. And again, she would develop these natural emotions with my full love, support, encouragement, and arousal.

Background Information:

We live in a bit of a rural area of Tennessee (USA). I am 58 and my wife is 48. She is a beautiful, sexy, horny redhead, and it could admittedly be a struggle to keep up with her sexual needs. I love her more than life itself, and she feels the same about me. I love her enough to put away my pride and ego and to invite a strong, cock-sure Alpha male to come into our marital bed and take control of our sex lives....which is thankfully just what we did.

We began exploring our cuckold journey just over 2 years ago, but in that time, have only dabbled with it, due to geographical restrictions. We haven't found a TRUE Bull in our local area, just pretenders and wannabes. We have met a couple of real Bulls while on vacation, who were confident, assertive, take-charge in the bedroom, and who could be sensual and romantic with her while being condescending and controlling with me. They weren't shy about insisting I be locked in a cock cage, be called demeaning names, make me beg them to fuck her, fluff their superior cock in front of her, thank them for the honor of sucking their cock, perform cleanup, cater to their whims, etc. For the record, I am a very straight male; but in the bedroom, I understand the proper role and duties of a submissive cuckold, and it is the humiliation of having to perform these acts that I enjoy. I also greatly enjoy watching my wife be completely pleasured in ways I am no longer able to provide, and I relish in seeing her lost in the moment of sexual bliss with a sophisticated, experienced Alpha male - especially when they both tell me how inadequate I am, and what a better lover he is.

We began our explorations due to my inadequacies in the stamina department, and while not a premature ejaculator, I did have a tendency to cum long before she did. Truthfully, she married me for my oral skills. So she is very much at home with being fucked by a real Man, while I am lying underneath her and licking them both to keep things exciting.....not to mention licking them both clean once he has cum.

I don't think it matters, but I will add, there has been no history of cheating, and neither of us wants me to be feminized, fucked by the Bull, or pegged. She is surgically safe, so we have no desire or fantasy about breeding, etc.

We have a SUPER STRONG marriage and relationship. There is honestly nothing lacking. We only started cuckoldry as a way for her to get more of her sexual needs met. There is zero jealousy on my part, we do not have kids, there is total transparency, our communication is extremely open and solid, and we have a "normal" sex life outside of cuckoldry. We even do a bit of traditional swinging with other couples. I encourage my wife to text and call the other men, and she shares details of this, but is also allowed to have private conversations - which I feel can foster intimacy and a sense of "naughty little secret" psychology between her and her lover. When she feels comfortable, she is even allowed to meet and take trips alone with the right man. But there are not secrets that go on, such as meeting behind my back, traditional affairs, etc. We are both very faithful within our ethical non-monogamy guidelines.

We are not using cuckoldry as a way to fix/improve a bad or weak relationship, or because our sex life was horrible. Granted, it is amazing since we started, and even our sex time alone with each other is improved, often developing into role play of whispering cuckold comments and fantasies as we make love. But if we didn't embrace cuckoldry, our marriage would still be a healthy one.

Current Dilemma

As I eluded to earlier, I want my wife to feel free to embrace any natural emotions she might have her for Bull. Currently, we don't even have a local Bull, but do have a couple we see on vacation. Last night, I spoke to her about my encouraging her to explore this aspect of cuckoldry. She was a bit surprised, but admitted she found herself holding back her emotions with a couple of the men, concerned things would get complicated, I would be upset, it might diminish our relationship, etc. She was a bit surprised, then quickly felt relieved that I would support her in any decision she made to take things to the next level and allow herself to develop an attachment to a Bull. This is still new to her and she is processing it all. This is where I am hoping a good cuckold advisor will help us both understand the sexual psychology that is involved, and help us develop this aspect of our relationship to make our relationship even stronger. Thank you.

I’m no advisor but you don’t really need one it looks like to me… you just had this conversation a day or two ago and by your own admission, you’ve got no local options and have only had success when vacationing or traveling. She’s a legit hotwife, but not in the sense you desire.

Look, to cut to the chase, there are a few of things that breed emotion and intimacy…. Closeness and shared vulnerability are two of t hi e cornerstones, both of which she doesn’t have an opportunity to explore as your situation is currently constructed. Either, you need to open up space for those to occur or you need time… time for those infrequent encounters to build with plenty of private shared space between your wife and a lover to gain a level of personal intimacy (not sexual).

If things stay sexual, it’s not emotion but NRE. You don’t fall in love with someone you done share time and space with. If you want there to be a build of emotional connection, then she needs to have non-sexual intimacy with someone else…. That could be dates (that could lead to sex, but allow space to explore shared interests or togetherness), it could be long conversations via phone or text which brings shared space. It could be helped by you backing off a bit… give her that personal space to, as you say, develop those feelings. Hard to develop with someone staring over your shoulders.

Her love with him would be a more watered down form of love, based more on familiarity, personality, and sex (usually with me there and involved). It would be a love born out of necessity, to ease her thoughts of just feeling used for meaningless sex. And again, she would develop these natural emotions with my full love, support, encouragement, and arousal.

And while I won’t talk too much cautionary, as I’ve lived a life with a wife that truly fell in love with another and it in no way diminished her capacity to love me, but I will say that emotions are not always easy to control.. so erase thoughts of “watered down”…. If you want this, skip out o. The “usually with me there”… and forget about the concept of “used for meaningless sex”. You want to develop these natural emotions, you need to remember what it took for her to get those emotions for you.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I truly appreciate it.

To clarify, we did have a 4-month encounter with a local man - one who was learning the ways of a Bull and seemed very promising. My wife spent a lot of time with him (he actually turned out to live in our neighborhood, which we didn't know at first, since we met him online). She even took trips with him and spent day trips on his boat. It wasn't just about sex with her, but more like dating. He would even spend non-sexual time at our house with both of us there. Unfortunately, he ended things out of the blue. It turned out he was married (we had no idea and he admitted he lied to us) and his wife worked in another country, but was being reassigned back to the USA, so she was moving back home. We avoid all forms of potential drama, so that ended things there.

It was a real shame, because he was genuinely a nice, intelligent, considerate friend and lover. She told me she later that she was fighting back feelings for him, but put up walls to safeguard herself from crossing that line. But she had the desire to take things to the next level and get the romantic boyfriend experience.

At present, we are still searching for a local Bull. In the meantime, I want her to be better prepared for dealing with those eventual feelings she might develop, and to make sure she knows that I believe they are normal, natural, and healthy, when properly managed. She knows I will support her, and even encourage her, but never pressure her to fall in love.

Good luck to bothers of you in finding someone suitable

Good luck to bothers of you in finding someone suitable