Our Hotwives

Hi,
I will keep long story short. It started with me phantasising sharing and watching my wife. Using dildo, small exhibitions of my wife having fun etc. One day i brought the topic of sharing her up and after a while we phantasised about it. Dirty talk etc. Meanwhile i unfortunately had an affair and told her about it. We got close to divorce but she couldnt do it. We stayed together and had a deep crisis for around a year. No more phantasising no more cuckold or hotwife talk and very difficult period. I keep it short anyway.
Last week while having sex i suddenly brought it out again. I told it was fun when we phantasised and she said yes it was and if i want to phantasise again. I said this time i think she would go for reality after what happened. And she said thats right. She really can do it now she said and asked if i wanted it.
It arouses me sooooo much and i know that she definetely will try if i say lets do it. Should i go for it or should i stop i dont know what to do.

I am glad for you that your fantasy did not take down your marriage. After an affair, with lots of work to get at the underlying reasons, the marriage can reemerge better than ever.
Still, it is said that the PTSD-like effects of an affair can linger for even something like 10 years.

HW works best when the marriage is rock solid and capable of transcending the trust issues that sharing can evoke.
Is your marriage solid enough at this time to stress it? Have you worked issues through with a competent couples therapist?

If your wife is interested in doing HW so she can have a revenge fuck, this may go seriously south. HW needs more than revenge to preserve a marriage.

The basis and foundation in your case is wrong. It might lead to a breakup..

It's entirely possible that this whole ordeal can bring you closer, and this gave it the push it needed to become reality and everything could be great... But it's also entirely possible that the reason she stayed with you is because she believes that she can't do/find/have better, and by seeing what's out there and if she's still sexy and desirable that desire for divorce could quickly return. It's impossible for anyone but the two of you to know. Like others have pointed out, the foundation is on unstable ground. But hopefully the communication and trust has returned and this will be a glorious adventure the 2 of you can share. We'll all hope for the best.

It's really something that you can only find out by trying, but it will definitely shake things up and possibly permanently. Perhaps you've already done that, and she now decides the risk to the relationship that she feared previously, has already occurred and you sort of made it through.

That being said, it takes a lot of looking in the mirror, for each of you and for both of you.

In my case the situation was reversed; we'd been talking about "monogamish" relationships and hotwifing for some time, and she was never interested in going through with it. At least, until I caught her with a male friend overnight at our house, via the security video system she'd insisted I install. She insisted (and still insists) that nothing happened, but I was super unhappy that a) she would even do something like this in such an underhanded manner and b) she had the green light to do it anyway as a hotwife but elected to be dishonest, and c) I still fail to follow the logic of sneaking a guy overnight and NOT sleeping with him.

Ultimately, and with plenty of input from our friends on this OHW website, I/we have concluded that SW (my wife) seems to prefer to tease and work it as a cheating scenario, to keep her secrets to herself. I'm certain she isn't just out jumping in bed with guys, and perhaps hasn't with any guy over the past few years. But we have this encouragement for her to flirt and cross the line when she is up for it, and it kind of ebbs and flows.

It took three years to figure this out, and it's certainly likely to morph a bit more over the next few years. We had an incident just this weekend, but I'll not hijack your thread. I'll provide the narrative on my thread.

Best wishes for you and your wife.

slenderfish wrote: ↑

Mon Sep 15, 2025 1:35 pm

I/we have concluded that SW (my wife) seems to prefer to tease and work it as a cheating scenario, to keep her secrets to herself.

I understand that situation so well.

Oh course you should go forward and allow her to be a hot wife with a BF- you wanted it forever, now's your chance to get what you want... make it happen

Sansli,

Hotwifing will not repair a damaged marriage. It will not compensate for an affair. It will not bring equilibrium to a marriage.

Before considering hotwifing, you must have open, honest, and nonjudgmental communication about sex. If that is lacking, I would not recommend hotwifing.

Hotwifing must be a wife's decision. Wives should seek input from their husbands before embarking on a sexual journey that may never end. If a wife decides she wants to have sex outside of her marriage and her husband agrees, they must know before embarking all potential risks and rewards.

Sansli wrote: ↑

Fri Sep 12, 2025 1:43 pm

I said this time i think she would go for reality after what happened. And she said thats right. She really can do it now she said and asked if i wanted it.

Did you ask her if she has already taken the plunge?