Frustration finding Mr. Right

[TomKatz]

It has been frustrating trying to find a boyfriend for Kitty, with many false starts. (I have appended her profile)


PAUL
First we tried the FEELD app. There she met up with Paul. They texted and communicated by phone for about a week. They connected so well that they forewent meeting at a restaurant first and scheduled a meet up in person at our home. It went well, and they ended up in bed together. He talked about enhancing what we have together and not coming between us, because he said he "wanted to be invited back". He also commented that he had never received head like she gave before. They laid together in bed just talking. He had previously said he had to leave by a certain time for something, but he changed his mind and stayed longer, As he left, he said he could not wait to come back. The next several days were filled with text messages and phone conversations, in which the talked about the things they would do in bed for the next meeting. He said that he would hopefully be available for that next meeting as early as Tuesday... but suddenly went radio silent and ghosted us.

BRAD
Next was Brad. We tried taking it slower this time. After several messages back and forth on FEELD Brad indicated that he was confident they were a good match. After he said that, my wife was delayed 24 hours in responding. She wrote a response offline intending to advance to the next step and give him her phone number. When she went into FEELD to paste her reply, a message said he had left the chat, and a search found his account completely gone.

ROBERT
Next we tried posting here in the US Personals board. We got a private message from Robert saying that he was "very interested". That message came on the 3rd, but my wife's account was not approved so she had no "reply" button or ability to send a private message back. I sent a message from my approved account, and she used the website email function, but the copy of that she sent to herself went in her spam folder, On the 7th she was finally approved to reply directly and sent a message with her phone number to Robert. Robert messaged her immediately, they exchanged pics and then called her. He said he would be out of town until the tenth, but did not want her to think he was not interested. The two of them had a great conversation that ended in phone sex. They agreed to start getting together in person once or twice a week (as stated in the US Personals post) after he got back in town on the 10th. Kitty promised to text message him the next day, and they got off the phone.

SO the next day was the 8th and Kitty sent him a text, but got no reply. This was not a huge deal, she knew he was busy out of town, and the text didn't ask a question. The next day was the 9th (yesterday) and Kitty recalled that when they spoke on the phone, he really liked her calling him by name during the phone sex... in fact he directed her to do so, And he also seemed to relish the idea that she was checking for his reply. So she thought this was part of the domination and sent him a text "R O B E R T" followed by a kissy face icon. His reply was very strange "Who is this?" He should know who she is. His prior text messages with the same phone number should have made that obvious. She replied "Kitty" and he replied that he had found someone else he was interested in and would be pursuing that instead, and wished her good luck. This whole exchange seemed odd. He was "very interested" on the 3rd and the 7th, but couldn't seem to remember who she was on the 9th and in 36 hours had found someone else, while still out of town?

So three guys all go wishy washy.

And these aren't just the applicants. Over 100 guys liked her on FEELD. These were the finalists!

She has over 100 "likes" left in FEELD to review, but after that, if we don;t find a finalist, we are going to take a break. We just cannot take any more Bulls that get cold feet, or just get weird and disappear.


Tom Katz

Appendix
Kitty's Profile

I am 52 and happily married, in an arrangement that’s open on my side only — with my husband’s full knowledge and support. We are in a Stag and Vixen Hotwife relationship. He’s very heterosexual but wants to see me fulfilled and enjoys being part of that experience from the sidelines. Because of an ED issue, we’re seeking one compatible partner who can share a genuine, emotionally intimate, and physically complete (penetrative) relationship with me.

Just putting it out there — I’m a BBW, and I love being real about who I am. If that’s not your vibe, no worries at all! I’m all about honesty and good vibes.

I’m looking for a safe, bareback, long-term, exclusive connection with a kind, emotionally mature non-smoker. I’m not heavily into BDSM — I value tenderness, conversation, and real chemistry above all.

I am looking for a "boyfriend on the side" relationship with texting, phone conversations on a regular basis, an emotional, personal relationship, with physical intimacy in person once or twice a week. My husband is unobtrusive, but would watch most or all of the time. If things get comfortable, we could be alone at times.

If you are looking for a one time stand, that is not what I am looking for. Please only respond if you are interested in an ongoing, exclusive relationship.

I tend to connect best with men in their mid 30's to 50's who are genuine, grounded, and comfortable with this kind of open yet faithful arrangement. I love movies (sci-fi, fantasy, drama, and a great romantic comedy), reading, and video gaming sessions. I’m not looking to juggle multiple people — just one steady, uncomplicated connection that feels natural and good for everyone involved.

Discretion, respect, and authenticity are essential.

[LVyoung]

Honestly, going through just 3 potential partners is very much on the low side. I've heard from some couples they can go well in to the double digits, some even triple digits, in conversations with potential guys before finding the right one. There are many, many more guys than couples, so couples have the privilege of choice. I know it's frustrating, but keep at it. You'll find one eventually.

[BeingInTheWorld]

I think Kitty has a great profile, as she describes pretty much exactly what she is looking for.

An idea--she might include something in the middle of the profile like "use the word blue in the subject heading of your message to me to show me you read this" as a quick way of screening out people who do not carefully read her profile.

[parklife]

I know nothing about out online profiles or connections my wife has always used in person connection to find her FWBs. But, I do want to say that the profile seems very well written, straightforward and clear. So kudos. From those I’ve spoken to that do use apps for dating (kink or vanilla) their success rate is often like a needle in a haystack and I believe non-kink related dating suffers the exact same fate and frustrations.

As scary as it seems, I still think old fashion, real life connection is the better route to finding a “genuine, emotionally intimate, and physically complete (penetrative) relationship”. The challenge is finding where to do that. It’s to easy to be someone you’re not even if your trying to be someone you want to be with an online persona. Gyms, clubs, other social environments where you can look for shared interests first and then seek out more. Non-vanilla obviously throws a wrench in things that makes it more difficult, but finding compatible people is always going to be difficult.