Is anyone aroused by the fear of actually losing her?

[Eli208]

I am very appreciative that most of what is talked about on this sub is very supportive, a mixture of unrealistic-but-erotic suggestions and fantasies, along with genuine and heartfelt advice.

Personally, I've always been really drawn to the emotional side of cuckolding, to the pain of feeling genuinely inferior, a feeling that's followed me my whole life (I'm sure some of you can relate). And the actual fear (and sometimes reality) of actually losing her -- not only sex, but love, as one often follows the other -- to another (better) man ... can be an incredible turnon.

I know, I know it's unhealthy, but for now, my question is: Does anybody else find that sort of emotional turmoil something you can (or have to) get off to? Have any of you lost a woman you love to another man, and still jerk off about it?

I am ... let's just say, currently in a kind of "friendzone" with my ex. It's incredibly intense, and painful, and erotic for me, but because I'm her "friend" I'm actually all alone to "enjoy" it. Any thoughts?

[Jujube]

I can certainly see the appeal and eroticism in that. The woman who is supposedly YOUR girl is swept up and overwhelmed by the allure of a true alpha male. You can’t really compare to him or her feelings for him. You know her orgasms are much stronger with him, and the fact that she craves them with him can become an obsession for you both. You can’t compete, so you submit.

[MartasBoy]

I have found the movie Indecent Proposal intriguing, where Woody Harrelson loses Demi Moore, to billionaire Robert Redford. I have fantasized being in that situation, but I know I would certainly never want it to happen for real.

[PANTIES]

I don’t know if this qualifies, my wife moved in for 30 days with her lover. I didn’t text or call and I only saw her twice when I got invited for dinner. When she came home her make over was total. New hair style, make up, perfume clothes. She was wearing a ring her gave her on the wedding ring finger.

Pauline

[Cdncuck]

Nope.

[Stantheman69]

I enjoy the fantasy of her slowly becoming another man’s woman through my gentle encouragement.

Hookups becoming dating. Once they start dating they start doing overnights. Slowly our sex life becomes 100% focused on her relationship with him and I take a backseat sexually. Eventually we wean sex completely. We tell people we’re trying a trial separation living in the same home to cover for her being seen with him. It’s all pretend at first but it starts becoming more real every day. They start saying “I love you”. Soon after we separate for real and I become her friend zoned bestie she shares tidbits with.

I don’t want this to happen but I get off to it.

[tito123177]

I find it very erotic too, but would never want her to totally left me for another man, but more like some trial separation, where she goes to live with her boyfriend for some time, and she texts me everyday all the things they do, pics and videos of them fucking bareback, going on dates, cuddling, etc., Me visiting and acting as a friend all the time, I even find exciting she telling her friends about our agreement but that she is thinking about doing it permanently, the feeling of danger that she may actually left me for good excites me, very strange feeling...

[trecital]

It's the same mix of emotions that you get from high excitement activities, such as sky diving, bungee jumping etc. You know that they won't kill or injure you.....but.....maybe they will.....just maybe. If there was 100% no risk, then a lot of the fear would be gone, and it would be less exciting. Of course, these type of activities have some fundamental excitement in them, like the rush of the air past you as you fall, the sudden weight loss sensation etc.
And all of these emotions....fear, excitement, pleasure....get all mixed up. And before you know it you are addicted.

Being cuckolded is the same. The fear of losing her is a possibility that can't be dismissed. Yes, your relationship is strong, you love each other.....but......maybe? Maybe she'll fall for him?
And then there's the fear of humiliation, from finding out he's better at sex than you, has a bigger cock, or whatever else might make you feel the lesser man.
Mix that all in with the general excitement of sex.....

You now have a very potent mix of emotions, that get all tangled together. It can cause the release of a powerful mix of hormones around your body. Not the least of which is adrenaline.

Adrenaline addiction, adrenaline rush, adrenaline high. These are real things.

It's like fire.....play with it at your peril. But....oh my god, it can be so exciting to do.

[Eli208]

My wife, let's call her Alice, always knew she was very kinky, and always described herself as submissive. I'm also into kink, but I'm more of a switch. Male domination turns me on, and sometimes I can do it ... but deep down, I don't feel fully comfortable in that role. I think many of you here can sympathize!

When she was in high school, she had a very D/s relationship with her first boyfriend, let's call him Kirk. I don't know how much they could have explored as just teenagers, but her stories about that time are really intense. His total ownership of her, his fascination with sleep, hypnosis, paralytics... and how much she loved that subspace.

But she went away for college, their relationship didn't survive the distance, she grew up, slept around, expanded her horizons, met me, slept around some more, had a pregnancy and a miscarriage, and then ended up with me.

Well, "ended up"...?

She went back home this past summer for a short visit, and saw Kirk for the first time in over a decade. He was very polite with her, despite their past being filled with drama and hurt. They got close again, and he was good.

She told me about it, and I got hard, and teased her about it. About him, her memories of him, her desires. I got off to the idea of it. So did she. We've explored before, many emotional explorations of jealousy and betrayal. Neither of us has been faithful in the marriage, at least not completely. We are best friends, open-minded and open.

So, she let Kirk know he had a chance, and they slept together.

The next day she was different on the phone. It was really intense for her. She begged me to "drag her back", to show I could be powerful enough to re-seduce her after him. And, in that moment, I did.

But that was just the beginning.

I'm nervous to write this but I think it will be good for me. If anyone asks a question, it will help. I know I need to be more sexually explicit to engage people, but it doesn't come naturally to me. I promise I'll try.

Thank you for reading. More to come.

[afagehi7]

The next day she was different on the phone. It was really intense for her. She begged me to "drag her back", to show I could be powerful enough to re-seduce her after him. And, in that moment, I did.

But that was just the beginning.

I'm nervous to write this but I think it will be good for me. If anyone asks a question, it will help. I know I need to be more sexually explicit to engage people, but it doesn't come naturally to me. I promise I'll try.

Thank you for reading. More to come.

What do you mean different? Different as in she was wanting to be with kirk and not you?

How did you drag her back?

[Eli208]

What do you mean different? Different as in she was wanting to be with kirk and not you?

How did you drag her back?

My wife is an unusual woman. She's very into being hypnotized. When she first mentioned it to me, I thought it was crazy, and at first I thought she was faking, but now I believe her. I can hypnotize her, and she has certain triggers. It's not, like, magic, but there are words I can say in public that will make her instantly turned on without being sure why. She doesn't even know what all of the words and triggers are.

I know that sounds weird, and pretty much outside the kink of this site, but it is important to understanding this whole situation. Alice really enjoys being submissive, and until recently it seemed I was able to fill that role. But before her, I had long had cuckold-like experiences. And even with Alice, who was my friend before we were a couple -- as in, I was the safe male friend she told her sluttier stories to. So the part of me that always got off on being cheated on or cuckolded, he's still here inside of me, even though my sex life has actually been very Dominant for most of my adult life, with her.

After sleeping with Kirk, though, her entire tone of voice changed, it was more matter-of-fact with me. I could already feel the distance. I talked to her, as I can, and I heard her sort of wake up; her voice softened, her natural cadence returned ... although I think at this point she would argue that the former is actually her "natural" cadence. She shared some details of hers and Kirk's coupling. That he had taken her for a nice dinner first, that they had made out for a long time before anyone's clothes even came off, that they were nervous with each other like they were teenagers again. But that once he was inside of her it was like he slipped right back into his role, pounding her roughly, pulling her hair, choking her. He called her his "pet" She reminded me that when they were younger she called him Master. I asked if she had done that tonight -- she said that no, and she was glad she hadn't ... but that if he had told her to, she probably would have. I asked her if she came, and she said twice, once from his hands before they fucked and once while he was inside her. I asked her where he came, and she said, in the condom inside of her pussy. I was stroking myself listening to this, and I nervously asked if she was going to see him again soon, and she very quietly said, "yes, tonight." And I for a moment wanted to ask her not to, not right away, but I felt the words form in my throat but go unsaid. Instead, I just groaned and came.

She was only going to be there for another week, I wasn't too worried, but I was feeling some jealousy. But they saw each other every night, and every day she felt more distant from me. Her texting was sporadic, her descriptions of their sex less detailed. She told me she felt it was a betrayal of him to tell me everything. This upset me, and I think I let it show, which wasn't good.

After she came home, they were texting each other all the time, and talking on the phone. It was clear that they had rekindled their relationship, in some form. I talked to her about it, of course, and she wasn't mean about it, but she said that she was exploring something "new" and that I needed to give her a chance to see where it led. This left me feeling really off-kilter, and not even getting to enjoy in the "cuck" way.

About a month of this, and Kirk came out to visit her.

[CKCN]

Great story Eli. Please keep going.

I believe for someone with an extreme kink, he might imagine in his fantasy that he serves as a "ferryman" husband to his beloved female partners. He meets an incredible woman, they spend some beautiful years together, he encourages her to explore and date other men, she finds a better partner and ends up leaving for him, and the cycle repeats. The husband provides company and even stewardship for his partners, but will always become just a friend eventually. This is not for the faint of heart.

[naivecuck2]

For me cuckold angst included anxiety concerning my wife going out of state for a Friday/Saturday weekend and her telling me afterward that they had fucked when they arrived, they had fucked after dinner and then after the 2 hour live performance they had fucked again and then again in the morning before they left to come home. I guess 20-20 hind sight, and a potential "red flag", a rule that he made up early in their relationship that she had to be completely naked when they were alone together, so, no jewelry, including earrings and her engagement/wedding rings was his way of saying that even though she was married and had two children that he owned her pussy, tits and ass and she was his sex slave. He had a bigger cock and more stamina than me and brought her to myriad orgasms. She was literally addicted to sex with him. They would fuck 4-5 days per week, 2-3 times per day, while I was at work and the kids were in school. Two years later she became my ex and her lover then demanded exclusive use of her car and she saw the light and dumped him. We are both remarried now and are friends without benefits. I also believe that once a cuckold you are always a cuckold, however, I'm only a wannabe cuckold with the current wife.

[naivecuck2]

For me cuckold angst included anxiety concerning my wife going out of state for a Friday/Saturday weekend and her telling me afterward that they had fucked when they arrived, they had fucked after dinner and then after the 2 hour live performance they had fucked again and then again in the morning before they left to come home. I guess 20-20 hind sight, and a potential "red flag", a rule that he made up early in their relationship that she had to be completely naked when they were alone together, so, no jewelry, including earrings and her engagement/wedding rings was his way of saying that even though she was married and had two children that he owned her pussy, tits and ass and she was his sex slave. He had a bigger cock and more stamina than me and brought her to myriad orgasms. She was literally addicted to sex with him. They would fuck 4-5 days per week, 2-3 times per day, while I was at work and the kids were in school. Two years later she became my ex and her lover then demanded exclusive use of her car and she saw the light and dumped him. We are both remarried now and are friends without benefits. I also believe that once a cuckold you are always a cuckold, however, I'm only a wannabe cuckold with the current wife.

[4herpleasure89]

I think on some level many if not most of us are aroused by the fear of losing our wife to a lover. That arousal is mitigated by a reclaiming session. I think some carry this too far and actually communicate a careless disregard for our marriages to our wives and the result is we actually get what we secretly want. Those of us who understand the difference between fantasy and reality and actually love our wives and value marriage, make sure, to the best of our ability, this does not happen.

[stevens4fun]

It will be interesting to read the discussion in this thread, as "losing her to him" would theoretically be the highest level of cuckolding (with the exception of our wife conceiving with him, perhaps). As my wife fell in love with her BF it was exciting and erotic but we did not move to the level of a breakup with her leaving me for him, although we did discuss the "what if's." He was married and that may have been what saved us. There was no way he could live with us or my wife with him, without breaking up his marriage.

[gfwantsuncutlvr]

I get off hardest to the idea of losing my wife to a thick uncut long term lover who fucks her animalistically lke a dog. Not much is said between them except his grunt and her panting like a bitch in heat as she gives herself to him.

[Eli208]

Trigger warning: Having written this part out, it's not very sexy.

The thing is, my wife -- and as of now we are still married -- communicated to me, after things got really intense, that Kirk gave her something I absolutely never had, and that it was something she really, really needed. I had not thought that our sex life was that bad. And on top of that it wasn't only our sex life. And there were other parts to it that weren't about our sex life... and maybe this isn't the right forum to talk about those things.

I know many of you have been in longer marriages ... it's inevitable that there is strife, right? Somehow through Kirk it felt like she wasn't even respecting me anymore, like all of the smaller disappointments of our life together became, suddenly, dealbreakers. And I made it worse, in basically a series of missteps:

1) I encouraged it too much, and too selfishly. I was getting off on it, I was jerking off while she would tell me about him, and I would suggest things... suggest that she tell him I'm clueless, that she hide it from me, and she obliged. The biggest mistake here was that I think she really didn't like this "cuckold" fantasy of mine; she wanted someone who would own her, possessively, completely. The more I got into it, the less she felt that could ever have been me. And I was far more focused on my own orgasms than on where her affections were drifting.

2) Then, when she went what I felt a bit arbitrarily was "too far," I lost my cool, and she felt genuinely shocked and hurt, as if I'd set her up to betray me and was going back on what I'd said when I told her it turned me on. And this just made me look, by contrast, so much less mature than Kirk.

I have to say, it's easier using a pseudonym for him; his real name still has this intense effect on me.

When Kirk visited, she didn't want the two of us to meet. She went to an AirBNB he was staying at. I let her go, encouraged her to go. She did, that week, actually tell me some really, really hot details. How Kirk would inspect her, calmly, order her to undress, or to kneel. How he liked to spank her, how he used handcuffs, how he made her beg for his cock, beg for him to cum, how he could keep going as she came and begged for him to finish and felt herself wearing out, so that the begging was real and when he finally did cum she felt completely "his." But also how he talked down to her, in a way that she was embarrassed that she liked, but did. That he was "firm" with her and it made her feel "younger". It was hard to hear her say those things, because they really seemed to contrast with the women I'd been married to. What had happened? Was it Kirk that got inside her head? Was she going through a kind of mid-life crisis? Had I really been holding her back for all these years?

One night, she asked me to leave the house, because she wanted to cook for him, here. This was actually a unique kind of ask, because I am the cook in our household; she actually had me write out a recipe, and I went the extra step of setting out the ingredients and necessary kitchen items, for a dinner that I make her that she adores; she wanted to show it to Kirk. Wow, writing this I feel completely ridiculous. Why did I do that? Why was I hard about it?

At the end of the week, she told me that Kirk wanted her to spend some time with him. I said no, we are not doing that; that this was a difficult week for me and we needed to talk about it. And we did, we talked. And she told me more about how she needed this, and how she couldn't give it up now, and how it would only be for a little while until she got it out of her system. She looked so beautiful, her eyes were bright, she was clearly falling in love in a very real and youthful way. She seemed so far away from me. And we talked, and talked, and eventually went to bed.

I woke up, she wasn't in bed, I found her downstairs touching herself while on the phone with him, her eyes closed. I snatched the phone from her, she jumped up embarrassed and upset. She tried to get the phone from me, I pushed her away -- hard -- and I read some of the texts that had led up to the call, and it was all full of "love" and promises and just ... a lot of shit about how I was never good enough for her and she was just waiting to find him again and Kirk saying I was a loser and I was holding her back and not letting her be her true self and I was jealous of him and jealous of her. And I'm reading this conversation, and I've already shoved her, and I threw the phone down and shoved her another time in anger and then I left the room.

So... obviously that was really bad. But she didn't go with KIrk right after that; we had a really tense time together, during which time she was pretty cold to me, and obviously talking to him a lot. A few weeks later, she did go back home to see him, and stayed for a while.

[xucked]

Trigger warning: Having written this part out, it's not very sexy.

The thing is, my wife -- and as of now we are still married -- communicated to me, after things got really intense, that Kirk gave her something I absolutely never had, and that it was something she really, really needed. I had not thought that our sex life was that bad. And on top of that it wasn't only our sex life. And there were other parts to it that weren't about our sex life... and maybe this isn't the right forum to talk about those things.

I know many of you have been in longer marriages ... it's inevitable that there is strife, right? Somehow through Kirk it felt like she wasn't even respecting me anymore, like all of the smaller disappointments of our life together became, suddenly, dealbreakers. And I made it worse, in basically a series of missteps:

1) I encouraged it too much, and too selfishly. I was getting off on it, I was jerking off while she would tell me about him, and I would suggest things... suggest that she tell him I'm clueless, that she hide it from me, and she obliged. The biggest mistake here was that I think she really didn't like this "cuckold" fantasy of mine; she wanted someone who would own her, possessively, completely. The more I got into it, the less she felt that could ever have been me. And I was far more focused on my own orgasms than on where her affections were drifting.

2) Then, when she went what I felt a bit arbitrarily was "too far," I lost my cool, and she felt genuinely shocked and hurt, as if I'd set her up to betray me and was going back on what I'd said when I told her it turned me on. And this just made me look, by contrast, so much less mature than Kirk.

I have to say, it's easier using a pseudonym for him; his real name still has this intense effect on me.

When Kirk visited, she didn't want the two of us to meet. She went to an AirBNB he was staying at. I let her go, encouraged her to go. She did, that week, actually tell me some really, really hot details. How Kirk would inspect her, calmly, order her to undress, or to kneel. How he liked to spank her, how he used handcuffs, how he made her beg for his cock, beg for him to cum, how he could keep going as she came and begged for him to finish and felt herself wearing out, so that the begging was real and when he finally did cum she felt completely "his." But also how he talked down to her, in a way that she was embarrassed that she liked, but did. That he was "firm" with her and it made her feel "younger". It was hard to hear her say those things, because they really seemed to contrast with the women I'd been married to. What had happened? Was it Kirk that got inside her head? Was she going through a kind of mid-life crisis? Had I really been holding her back for all these years?

One night, she asked me to leave the house, because she wanted to cook for him, here. This was actually a unique kind of ask, because I am the cook in our household; she actually had me write out a recipe, and I went the extra step of setting out the ingredients and necessary kitchen items, for a dinner that I make her that she adores; she wanted to show it to Kirk. Wow, writing this I feel completely ridiculous. Why did I do that? Why was I hard about it?

At the end of the week, she told me that Kirk wanted her to spend some time with him. I said no, we are not doing that; that this was a difficult week for me and we needed to talk about it. And we did, we talked. And she told me more about how she needed this, and how she couldn't give it up now, and how it would only be for a little while until she got it out of her system. She looked so beautiful, her eyes were bright, she was clearly falling in love in a very real and youthful way. She seemed so far away from me. And we talked, and talked, and eventually went to bed.

I woke up, she wasn't in bed, I found her downstairs touching herself while on the phone with him, her eyes closed. I snatched the phone from her, she jumped up embarrassed and upset. She tried to get the phone from me, I pushed her away -- hard -- and I read some of the texts that had led up to the call, and it was all full of "love" and promises and just ... a lot of shit about how I was never good enough for her and she was just waiting to find him again and Kirk saying I was a loser and I was holding her back and not letting her be her true self and I was jealous of him and jealous of her. And I'm reading this conversation, and I've already shoved her, and I threw the phone down and shoved her another time in anger and then I left the room.

So... obviously that was really bad. But she didn't go with KIrk right after that; we had a really tense time together, during which time she was pretty cold to me, and obviously talking to him a lot. A few weeks later, she did go back home to see him, and stayed for a while.

There is a lot of danger here. I think it's normal that a woman woul want someone who doesn't want to share her, especially if she really had to be almost pushed into it... And the new relationship energy can expose a lot of weaknesses in your own relationship

But it's this danger which is also arousing

And her leaving me for a better man, better not just in the bedroom but better all round is part of the enormous turn-on, even though I'd be broken if she left

[Dream Weaver]

I have to admit, I find the story fascinating and arousing, but I know it's real life for you. If you want to keep going, please do. I can see you're hesitant.

[mundyman]

Trigger warning: Having written this part out, it's not very sexy.

The thing is, my wife -- and as of now we are still married -- communicated to me, after things got really intense, that Kirk gave her something I absolutely never had, and that it was something she really, really needed. I had not thought that our sex life was that bad. And on top of that it wasn't only our sex life. And there were other parts to it that weren't about our sex life... and maybe this isn't the right forum to talk about those things.

I know many of you have been in longer marriages ... it's inevitable that there is strife, right? Somehow through Kirk it felt like she wasn't even respecting me anymore, like all of the smaller disappointments of our life together became, suddenly, dealbreakers. And I made it worse, in basically a series of missteps:

1) I encouraged it too much, and too selfishly. I was getting off on it, I was jerking off while she would tell me about him, and I would suggest things... suggest that she tell him I'm clueless, that she hide it from me, and she obliged. The biggest mistake here was that I think she really didn't like this "cuckold" fantasy of mine; she wanted someone who would own her, possessively, completely. The more I got into it, the less she felt that could ever have been me. And I was far more focused on my own orgasms than on where her affections were drifting.

2) Then, when she went what I felt a bit arbitrarily was "too far," I lost my cool, and she felt genuinely shocked and hurt, as if I'd set her up to betray me and was going back on what I'd said when I told her it turned me on. And this just made me look, by contrast, so much less mature than Kirk.

I have to say, it's easier using a pseudonym for him; his real name still has this intense effect on me.

When Kirk visited, she didn't want the two of us to meet. She went to an AirBNB he was staying at. I let her go, encouraged her to go. She did, that week, actually tell me some really, really hot details. How Kirk would inspect her, calmly, order her to undress, or to kneel. How he liked to spank her, how he used handcuffs, how he made her beg for his cock, beg for him to cum, how he could keep going as she came and begged for him to finish and felt herself wearing out, so that the begging was real and when he finally did cum she felt completely "his." But also how he talked down to her, in a way that she was embarrassed that she liked, but did. That he was "firm" with her and it made her feel "younger". It was hard to hear her say those things, because they really seemed to contrast with the women I'd been married to. What had happened? Was it Kirk that got inside her head? Was she going through a kind of mid-life crisis? Had I really been holding her back for all these years?

One night, she asked me to leave the house, because she wanted to cook for him, here. This was actually a unique kind of ask, because I am the cook in our household; she actually had me write out a recipe, and I went the extra step of setting out the ingredients and necessary kitchen items, for a dinner that I make her that she adores; she wanted to show it to Kirk. Wow, writing this I feel completely ridiculous. Why did I do that? Why was I hard about it?

At the end of the week, she told me that Kirk wanted her to spend some time with him. I said no, we are not doing that; that this was a difficult week for me and we needed to talk about it. And we did, we talked. And she told me more about how she needed this, and how she couldn't give it up now, and how it would only be for a little while until she got it out of her system. She looked so beautiful, her eyes were bright, she was clearly falling in love in a very real and youthful way. She seemed so far away from me. And we talked, and talked, and eventually went to bed.

I woke up, she wasn't in bed, I found her downstairs touching herself while on the phone with him, her eyes closed. I snatched the phone from her, she jumped up embarrassed and upset. She tried to get the phone from me, I pushed her away -- hard -- and I read some of the texts that had led up to the call, and it was all full of "love" and promises and just ... a lot of shit about how I was never good enough for her and she was just waiting to find him again and Kirk saying I was a loser and I was holding her back and not letting her be her true self and I was jealous of him and jealous of her. And I'm reading this conversation, and I've already shoved her, and I threw the phone down and shoved her another time in anger and then I left the room.

So... obviously that was really bad. But she didn't go with KIrk right after that; we had a really tense time together, during which time she was pretty cold to me, and obviously talking to him a lot. A few weeks later, she did go back home to see him, and stayed for a while.

Were there physical changes she made for him?
I’m assuming she eventually returned after staying with him for a while.
Had she changed things about herself?
Her hair, her makeup.
Did she lose or gain weight for him?
Did she change the way she dressed?
Please continue your story….

[Teensy1]

I have no fear that my wife ever would leave me. She’s not interested in an emotional attachment to another man. All she wants is a hard cock inside of her several times a week.

[FerranB]

Trigger warning: Having written this part out, it's not very sexy.

The thing is, my wife -- and as of now we are still married -- communicated to me, after things got really intense, that Kirk gave her something I absolutely never had, and that it was something she really, really needed. I had not thought that our sex life was that bad. And on top of that it wasn't only our sex life. And there were other parts to it that weren't about our sex life... and maybe this isn't the right forum to talk about those things.

I know many of you have been in longer marriages ... it's inevitable that there is strife, right? Somehow through Kirk it felt like she wasn't even respecting me anymore, like all of the smaller disappointments of our life together became, suddenly, dealbreakers. And I made it worse, in basically a series of missteps:

1) I encouraged it too much, and too selfishly. I was getting off on it, I was jerking off while she would tell me about him, and I would suggest things... suggest that she tell him I'm clueless, that she hide it from me, and she obliged. The biggest mistake here was that I think she really didn't like this "cuckold" fantasy of mine; she wanted someone who would own her, possessively, completely. The more I got into it, the less she felt that could ever have been me. And I was far more focused on my own orgasms than on where her affections were drifting.

2) Then, when she went what I felt a bit arbitrarily was "too far," I lost my cool, and she felt genuinely shocked and hurt, as if I'd set her up to betray me and was going back on what I'd said when I told her it turned me on. And this just made me look, by contrast, so much less mature than Kirk.

I have to say, it's easier using a pseudonym for him; his real name still has this intense effect on me.

When Kirk visited, she didn't want the two of us to meet. She went to an AirBNB he was staying at. I let her go, encouraged her to go. She did, that week, actually tell me some really, really hot details. How Kirk would inspect her, calmly, order her to undress, or to kneel. How he liked to spank her, how he used handcuffs, how he made her beg for his cock, beg for him to cum, how he could keep going as she came and begged for him to finish and felt herself wearing out, so that the begging was real and when he finally did cum she felt completely "his." But also how he talked down to her, in a way that she was embarrassed that she liked, but did. That he was "firm" with her and it made her feel "younger". It was hard to hear her say those things, because they really seemed to contrast with the women I'd been married to. What had happened? Was it Kirk that got inside her head? Was she going through a kind of mid-life crisis? Had I really been holding her back for all these years?

One night, she asked me to leave the house, because she wanted to cook for him, here. This was actually a unique kind of ask, because I am the cook in our household; she actually had me write out a recipe, and I went the extra step of setting out the ingredients and necessary kitchen items, for a dinner that I make her that she adores; she wanted to show it to Kirk. Wow, writing this I feel completely ridiculous. Why did I do that? Why was I hard about it?

At the end of the week, she told me that Kirk wanted her to spend some time with him. I said no, we are not doing that; that this was a difficult week for me and we needed to talk about it. And we did, we talked. And she told me more about how she needed this, and how she couldn't give it up now, and how it would only be for a little while until she got it out of her system. She looked so beautiful, her eyes were bright, she was clearly falling in love in a very real and youthful way. She seemed so far away from me. And we talked, and talked, and eventually went to bed.

I woke up, she wasn't in bed, I found her downstairs touching herself while on the phone with him, her eyes closed. I snatched the phone from her, she jumped up embarrassed and upset. She tried to get the phone from me, I pushed her away -- hard -- and I read some of the texts that had led up to the call, and it was all full of "love" and promises and just ... a lot of shit about how I was never good enough for her and she was just waiting to find him again and Kirk saying I was a loser and I was holding her back and not letting her be her true self and I was jealous of him and jealous of her. And I'm reading this conversation, and I've already shoved her, and I threw the phone down and shoved her another time in anger and then I left the room.

So... obviously that was really bad. But she didn't go with KIrk right after that; we had a really tense time together, during which time she was pretty cold to me, and obviously talking to him a lot. A few weeks later, she did go back home to see him, and stayed for a while.

Please continue your story. I also lost her after opening our marriage. I've never talked about it here because I thought it contradicted the spirit of the forum...but I feel so connected to your story!

[hwc]

Yes, absoloutely!

It's not common, nor is it understood by most- not even on a forum as open-minded as this one, but it is of course definitely represented here, by atleast a handful of people. I must mention that in your opening introduction to the subject, you didn't mention Jealousy, which I think is my main driving force. I want to be as jealous as possible, to have my jealousy stoked purposefully by the one I am besotted with.

With that in mind, I would want my wife to develop a relationshp with a man she likes in to an emotional one, not just a sexual one, which although that would still make me jealous, couldn't do so to the degree one involving feelings could. Once an emotional affair is established, I would hope for it to progress to a commitment, that they both would want to be exclusive with each other (even if, realisticly this isn't acheived at first) as they become boyfriend and girlfriend. That would be a milestone in a relationship, that would really ramp-up the jealousy for me, along with other related emotions of angst, insecurity and a fear of losing her to him, emotionally and literally.

If you love your girlfriend, fiance or wife, it is counter-intuitive that you would ever wish to lose them, obviously. Most people wouldn't consider such a thing, even most people on this forum. Whenever this sort of scenario raises it's ugly head, their is a deafening chorus of disapproval from a majority of members, of warnings to stop, to quickly back-track. some say that the husband has been disrespected and needs to start divorce proceedings, if the wife admits she is falling in love, or wants an exclusive relationship with the boyfriend.

I don't really blame those people, as all they can see is one side of the equation. They can see a car crash coming up ahead, a marriage in jeaopardy, that is going to end in disaster it things continue down the same road- and they are often correct. But what they cannot see is the other side of the equation, they cannot see the deep need in some people for hurt, for pain, for humiliation. A need to be made to feel insanely jealous and some of us want to be involved. We want to actively encourage our loved one, the one who loves us, to replace us with the boyfriend, to fall deeply in love with him and out of love with us, to risk losing her to him, by having her develop a romantic relationship by spending as much time as possible to that end.

At this point a relationship is on a precipice... the wife will often warn the husband, "if you keep pushing me into his arms any further, you risk losing me to him, but I love him and cannot end it easily on my own, it is your decision". This is a dream moment for someone who is driven by a need for pain, torment, angst and jealousy. A sane mind will heed all of the advice and warnings at this point and row away from the rocks, pull back from the edge, but for those of us in the grip of the addiction, we might not be able to - or want to help ourselves and will deliriously encourage the wife to continue a love affair that may well end in her leaving to live with the man she has fallen in love with.

I know that everything I have said basicly mirrors your opening statement and question, but just wanted to highlight jealousy as being a major motivating cause.

Oh, an Eli208, please continue your story if you can.