bella-joy wrote: ↑Thu Apr 25, 2024 6:17 pm
..... I am not by nature the most dominant or "mean" person but right now I am trying to learn what I can and slowly embody the cuckoldress role more and more. If I'm honest I find the whole dynamic incredibly erotic and am eager to learn and grow. ......
I can speak to this from a guy's perspective. While you are finding the things that you enjoy most about your new freedom, we guys have a wide variety of fantasy surrounding this experience that we usually hope to satisfy.
It helps for the two of you to sit down and talk about each of the things that you find most enjoyable and exciting about it. We guys are usually much more fantasy and fetish driven than you women are. And, we have usually been thinking about this lifestyle for decades before you decided to try it. He very likely has an extensive set of fantasies and fetishes woven around this lifestyle. If you find out what some of his interests and Fantasies are, you can have fun playing with them.
Some of us like the feeling of powerlessness of our wife taking charge, and making decisions about her body and sex life, that we have no control over. Some have a fantasy for a lot of that, some just a little. Find out what he likes.
Some husbands like humiliation or belittlement. Some of us like being told that the other guy is a better lover than we are. Some guys like small penis humiliation (SPH).
Some guys like being made to watch and taunted and teased about it. Other guys just like to watch without the teasing and taunting. Some guys get turned on by their wife being dominant over them, bossing them around, telling them what to do in preparation for their date, and while they are watching.
Some guys like enhanced feelings of helplessness, like being tied up, or placed in a chastity device, while they are made to watch their wife with another man. This is the most intense feeling of helplessness, too watch another man enjoying your wife, but not being able to touch your own penis and pleasure yourself, until the wife grants permission later. Some of us are very much into this, other men absolutely not at all.
Some men like it if the lover acts a little dominant, like he is taking possession of the wife away from the husband. Some men like to have an equal relationship with the boyfriend, to chat with him and drink a beer with him before and after. Other husbands don't care to have any relationship with the boyfriend at all, but get excited about watching their wife leaving the house, all dressed up for a date, and then coming home a disheveled sexually satisfied mess.
Some guys have fantasies about being made insignificant, and being denied access to having sex with their wife. They get off on the wife telling them that her boyfriend is special, and is her lover now, and he expects to own her exclusively and the husband is shut out and denied. Other husbands love being allowed to do reclaiming sex, to reclaim their wife when she returns home from a date.
Some husbands like the element of risk and danger. Being teased with the prospect that they might lose access to their wife as a their lover. They get excited at being told that the wife now gets all of her needs met by her boyfriend, and intends to be exclusive with him, turning the husband into her house boy.
Some husbands like their wife exercising financial domination. They like being made to pay for sexy lingerie, date outfits and things that are solely for the pleasure of the wife's lover. Some husbands like knowing that their credit card is being used to pay for an expensive dinner, and a nice hotel room.
Some guys are very basic and just like knowing that their wife is enjoying pleasure with someone else, maybe hearing about the details afterwards, and possibly reclamation sex when she returns home. So I would suggest you find out more about what your husband likes and give him some excitement over whatever his fantasies are. Knowing his fantasy thank you wife, gives you more freedom to do things that fit within that.
If your husband enjoys you being dominant and mean, just think of it as a fun role play. A bit of theater. If you ever did any acting in a play in high school, just think of it as play acting and playing a role.
You were probably raised to understand that it is not nice for girls to be mean to boys and put them down. But some of us actually get very excited about that. Reframe your thinking to understand that, if he has those fantasies, you aren't being really mean, you are being a very giving wife, playing mean with him, to feed a fantasy for that.
I get very excited when my wife says, "Honey I'm sorry, I can't have sex with you. I'm a little sore from the long night of sex I had with him last night. I need a night to recover. And then I want to save myself for my next time with him, because he can give me incredible orgasms through intercourse, in ways that you have never been able to do. I'm sorry. It's just the way it is. But I'll hold you, and you can kiss me while you masturbate." This would normally be considered an incredibly cruel thing for a wife to say to her husband, but it fits my fantasies and gets me incredibly turned on to where I have very intense orgasms.