Potentially the Start

[frb]

How so many of you can hang out on a cuckolding web site and still not understand how a D/s relationship works is truly beyond me. Have you never heard of power exchanges? What does the person who is giving up their power get out of the deal? Can you really think of nothing? Why would anyone enter into such a relationship then? Yet people all over the world are doing it. What is a modern cuckold if not someone who has voluntarily given up power in a relationship?

I don't know why I have to explain this, but the person giving up their power in the relationship is doing it because they find it arousing. How can this be so confusing? I could see this being worrisome or offensive to someone ignorant of the lifestyle this entire site is celebrating, but... to the very people who hang out on this website? Honestly I'm just dumbfounded.

Here's a question for those of you who are terribly concerned about DDW and his wife. How much time has to pass before you'll be satisfied they're okay? If twelve months from now their marriage is still perfectly intact, DDWHW is still expressing love for her husband and he for her, they are still practically begging people to quit spoiling their fun, at that point will you give in and just stop with the annoying hand-wringing? How about two years from now? Five? Seriously how long must you go on needlessly expressing concern for two people who are having the time of their lives and show absolutely no signs of losing their connection to each other?

[frb]

Those of you frantically typing your responses, feel free to disagree with me all you like--hate on me even--but you gotta give me a number or I won't engage with you. Those of us who understand these two are not in danger but are in fact putting on a clinic--we deserve to know how many more months/years/decades of this dreary pearl-clutching we have to endure.

[WarrenOldcuck]

Dear frb, the thing is, if DDW just once posted that he is enjoying this dynamic then you wouldn't get any negative comments, but he hasn't. Instead you get the impression that he is just quietly going along with everything and tolerating it because it's what his wife wants. If you read back, the only comments he makes are things like he's envious of the boyfriend and he wishes it was him being physical with his wife. People like MattyG and InvisibleTwin are in extereme cuckold relationships, but both openly express how much they enjoy it and they get zero negative comments. Please for just once we'd like to hear from DDW that he is actually enjoying his current relationship with his wife.

[elina]

My wife sees it as the husband is really getting nothing back from his wife. Yes it might be seen as the domination of the husband. He is getting nothing out of this as a loving partner in a relationship. ......

Dear 70ferro

With all due respect for your Wife and you, I believe that what you are missing here is that the cuck initiated this,
His Wife did Her own carful studies before accepting the premises offered by Her cuck.
The Wife gradually informed the soon to be cuck how this would be going forward unless he called a halt to it.

The cuck did nothing to stop this, the fact is he wanted this to happen.

This is not for everyone, I realize. But also those who do not see this kind of relationship as somthing whey could contemplate for themselves, need to respect that there are males who wants nothing more than but to be used and abused by their dominant cuckolding Wives. To some of us, the bolder the Lady becomes, the more She enjoys Herself with Her partners, the more the cuck will love, worship and adore Her.

Not for all, but wonderful for those who actually enjoys this kind of relationship.

Sincerely
elina
(deeply submissive male)

[Long Lurker 34]

DDW & DDWHW - Hope all is going well and am enjoying reading of your exploits.
- There are some naysayers but that is to be expected. Do your best to ignore them as i would say the vast readers of your posts do not comment and they like myself find your journey of interest.

[grnlght]

Sorry to hear your not getting a raging hard-on and enjoying this as most cucks want to rip the cage off and tear into their wife after wards.

I had a hard-on about as much as the cage would allow. And yes, I would prefer to be the one in the back seat, but that isn't a possibility right now in our situation and I know that.

The cock don't lie, he is enjoying it.

[nutjob]

the person giving up their power in the relationship is doing it because they find it arousing. How can this be so confusing?

That's not a difficult question to answer: some people find it hard to understand what's arousing about giving up that degree of power. I think it's even more difficult for some people to understand when the man is not just surrendering relationship power, but also surrendering their own power over their own sexuality. A man who enjoys cuckolding as not having a say in who their wife fucks and when, but otherwise shares power equally in their relationship, is probably not able to immediately and intuitively grok why a man would get turned on from ceding total authority over their relationship to the point he doesn't even have control over his own body.

So instead of berating people for not getting it, maybe try and educate why that dynamic can be so arousing?

[danevans309]

It’s been nine days since he’s logged in. I fear the worst.

[Dream Weaver]

I follow on Substack a woman named Aella. Long story short, she's sort of this pop sex researcher who's in love with data. She recently had a BDSM breakdown of the "types" and I think in many ways it applies to the hotwife cuckold kink. It has a bunch of categories ranging from "willing submissive", to "forced pleasure" to "Sexy humiliation", you get the idea. The vast majority of men and women into BDSM are into those sorts of categories. But there are other categories that are maybe 10% as popular, but still there. "Callous". "Dark Mindfuck". "Dark Humiliation". And men more than women want it. I think that's where we are here. It's not a perfect analogy, but I'd say there are definitely callous and dark mindfuck/humiliation elements going on here. In any event, sure, not most people's cup of tea, but definitely a thing. I'd be curious what DDW thinks my thoughts, but not necessary.

[Scias]

I don't know, I think DDW is just processing those major changes, I don't think he's deeply unhappy about any of this. But more like "wow...this is really happening, huh"

DDWHW is also very loving towards him and seems to provide plenty of aftercare as well.

Just seems like a happy couple who are really enjoying these major change in power dynamic.

[Deepdownwannabe]

All is well here. DDWHW and I are dealing with what has happened and if we are going to continue. Basically it is as simple as that....

[MustBeDenied2]

Wishing you and your wife the best as you sort through things.

MBD

[frb]

Thank you for the update DDW. Best of luck with whatever is going on on that end. I'm sorry you've had something to deal with.

-frb

[davidm205]

“ If we are going to continue “ ? That can be taken either one way as relationship or this journey…..

[elina]

Thanks DDW

Really appreciate that you confirmed everything is OK.
Very glad to hear that you are in a dialogue with your Wonderful Wife about where to go next.

Sincerely
elina

[FFDriver]

With your sudden lack of updates and not knowing where y'all live, I feared one of the tornado's might have swept through your area.

I speculate one of those... "Hard NO's" may have surfaced. Whatever the case, I applaud both you and DDWHW for backing up and analyzing the situation before moving forward.

For DDWHW: if that's the situation, remember one thing... not all of us are assholes!

[mundyman]

I wonder if things are happening too fast for his wife…..
It’s one thing to take a lover/boyfriend. It was what hubby wanted and wife eventually felt comfortable doing….
It’s even understandable that she would dress very sexy for the boyfriend, low cut tops, miniskirts with stockings, translucent tops. They were in Vegas, a place known for people letting go and living outside their comfort zone b/c no one knows them…
Even performing at a strip club, in Vegas, what a once in a lifetime experience for a woman who is enjoying living outside her comfort zone, controlled by her boyfriend….
Back seat sex while husband drives, what a fantasy come true for a couple exploring the hotwife lifestyle. Not all that unusual considering everything else she’s done with her boyfriend. It is on many cuckold/hotwife lifestyle forums. A big turn on for both wife and husband…..
But now meeting another couple who are swingers, being with that couple sexually,
The wife exploring her bl-side, is she really bi??
Spending an overnight with the female partner as full on lovers in their marital bed and then spending a weeknight at her boyfriend’s house when he returns from a trip, away….
What else has the boyfriend recently wanted her to do that DDW hasn’t shared with us.
It sounds like things may be beginning to move too fast for either of them to deal with, or become comfortable with…..

This hotwife adventure appears to have taken a turn perhaps neither of them expected.
It’s one thing to have your wife take another male lover, it’s another to see that relationship turn into a swinging relationship.
It seems clear to me that the boyfriend has broken the physical/sexual connection between this couple,
He now appears to be attempting to refocus her sexual attention and needs to other outlets that both husband and wife were not expecting or were ready for.
The expectation of having sex with one man in a hotwife lifestyle is a very different mentality from seeing your wife in a swinging lifestyle and having sexy with many different people….
Or is DDW tired of being continually locked and not having PIV sex with his wife?
I am very interested in DDW or DDWHW providing more information…

[elina]

Mundyman,

What is the purpose of all of this speculation?
I am sure that when they have concluded on where to go next, they will come back and tell us what they are comfortable with.

Sincerely
elina

[Watchinu69]

Mundyman,

What is the purpose of all of this speculation?
I am sure that when they have concluded on where to go next, they will come back and tell us what they are comfortable with.

Sincerely
elina

Ohhhhh But, Your allowed to speculate -- got it

[frb]

I'll try to explain the difference.

Something has happened in the lives of relative strangers, and they have chosen up to now to keep whatever it is private. Speculating negatively and semi-publicly on what it could be is crass and insulting. Speculating positively may turn out to be just as inaccurate, but it is not crass or insulting.

Make sense?

[frb]

the person giving up their power in the relationship is doing it because they find it arousing. How can this be so confusing?

That's not a difficult question to answer: some people find it hard to understand what's arousing about giving up that degree of power. I think it's even more difficult for some people to understand when the man is not just surrendering relationship power, but also surrendering their own power over their own sexuality. A man who enjoys cuckolding as not having a say in who their wife fucks and when, but otherwise shares power equally in their relationship, is probably not able to immediately and intuitively grok why a man would get turned on from ceding total authority over their relationship to the point he doesn't even have control over his own body.

So instead of berating people for not getting it, maybe try and educate why that dynamic can be so arousing?

That's a perfectly reasonable suggestion. And I'm sorry I was too cranky last Friday to take that tack.

I'm not a submissive but I know several well, so although it's generally a bad idea to speak on behalf of others I've had enough in-depth conversations with subs to relay a few things. I'm sure you've heard Oscar Wilde's famous quote: "Everything is about sex except sex. Sex is about power." Whether or not that's true across the board I think for most people courting and sex are more fun when there is a power dynamic involved. Think of any of the most common sexual fantasies and they all involve an imbalance of power. In hetero sex it's stereotypical for the man to have more power than the woman, but all you have to do is browse femdom porn to see there are plenty of men who enjoy an imbalance that gives them less power than their partner.

Even naturally dominant men like it. IRL they are expected to lead and take command, in the workplace, in their families, etc., and it's a relief to get a break from that by being ordered around for a while. For a few precious hours they don't have to make decisions, or take initiative, or compete with anyone, or expend energy defending their honor. With a trusted partner they can dispense with all that responsibility. The contrast between their lives in the bedroom and outside it is interesting and fun to them.

Other men are naturally submissive and much prefer to follow rather than lead, but they feel pressure to hide that "defect" in their masculinity. For these men giving up power in the bedroom isn't so much a temporary vacation as an expression of who they really are inside. Imagine how thrilling it would be to drop the veil and be yourself for once. I think that would be arousing for anyone, no matter what "being yourself" meant.

So there does seem to be a direct connection between power imbalances and human arousal. Meanwhile men are still expected by society to claim their territory and defend it. In the realm of hetero romance this means fully possessing one's girlfriend or wife. Some men do this without even thinking about it. To others it's a chore, and draining. Maintaining possession of something valued by your competition can take constant vigilance. Some men feel they aren't qualified to do this, either because they never were or because they've undergone physical changes to make it much more difficult. Think of the "king of the hill" game. Being king means you're the greatest target, and you live with the knowledge that your reign will last only so long as you are weakened by each battle. Some men find it mentally and emotionally exhausting to maintain romantic and sexual possession of their mate.

A man in this situation has a couple of choices. He can wear himself out trying to hang on to what's his and probably annoy everyone in the process. Or he can turn the threat to his advantage: consciously lose certain battles in order to win the war. What he often discovers is that he actually enjoys losing certain battles. He enjoys being "conquered" and "bested" by others, as long as he's part of the game, because it pushes his power imbalance buttons.

I'll give you one more very common example. A husband loves his wife. He has a high libido. She doesn't seem to. They don't have nearly as much sex as he would like and when they do he feels she's just going through the motions, more out of a sense of obligation than genuine arousal. They try lots of things but in the end nothing helps. This makes the husband feel unattractive and depressed, and the wife feels guilty about the situation but can't seem to change it. They love each other and want each other to be happy, but in the bedroom they're just not compatible.

The husband really wishes his wife had a higher libido. Partly for his own sake, yes, but also for hers. Just to see her excited about sex would make him happier than he is. By now he's given up on being that catalyst for her. Slowly his fantasies begin to revolve around her blossoming sexually, with or without him.

This is the budding hotwife/cuckold relationship. Every one is unique, traveling its own distance along a spectrum from mild to extreme. If done with love, creativity, and an intimate understanding of one's partner, everyone wins, and countless lemons are converted to lemonade.

[mundyman]

Mundyman,

What is the purpose of all of this speculation?
I am sure that when they have concluded on where to go next, they will come back and tell us what they are comfortable with.

Sincerely
elina

This thread and forum are full of speculation. Nothing I wrote was negative or demeaning and only my reaction to what was written. Since the last update was a couple of sentences and not very detailed at that, I would think that speculation on its meaning would be natural.
If you don’t like what was written that’s too bad, move along and enjoy the thread.
Wait for the next update like everyone else.

[Watchinu69]

Mundyman,

What is the purpose of all of this speculation?
I am sure that when they have concluded on where to go next, they will come back and tell us what they are comfortable with.

Sincerely
elina

This thread and forum are full of speculation. Nothing I wrote was negative or demeaning and only my reaction to what was written. Since the last update was a couple of sentences and not very detailed at that, I would think that speculation on its meaning would be natural.
If you don’t like what was written that’s too bad, move along and enjoy the thread.
Wait for the next update like everyone else.

This guy, he gets it

[tovid555]

I hope everything is ok.

[Mike4Fun]

DDW,
You know you have a dedicated audience. I have to question if this was inspired by a very creative mind and the makings of a masterful author or a real life experience. Either way you have us all waiting for the next chapter. Thank you for making our lives more interesting. You sure captured us!
All the best and then some!
Mike