Reconcilable Differences?

[tentativetalker]

My beautiful wife of 20+ years has cucked me several times and caged me for various stints over the past few years, but she doesn't like it. She is a super nice person and cannot muster any sustained dominance. She likes fucking other guys more in theory than in practice because they tend to communicate terribly and overhype their prowess. It's more the naughty double-life part that she enjoys. She also didn't like being my "everything" by which she means the sole target of my sexual desire, it was too much. So, we currently have an open relationship and date separately. I perform Dom services on some of the women I date, which they absolutely love but for me is just meh.

I'm average size and our sex is great. Wearing the cage for more than a day would make me cum too fast to satisfy her, so she didn't like that effect though she was pleased with my willingness to do so many chores while caged. Having a keyholder and wearing the cage is such a turn on for me, and having her lord over me after she comes home wet from a date and rubs her pussy in my face is absolute bliss, for me. It has also taken over me porn viewing.

We have tried many variants, and she ultimately wants me to lean into my manly side while still doing the extra chores that were made easier when I was caged. A couple months ago she declared that she can't do it anymore and there will be no more caging or cuckolding.

My heart just isn't into pleasing her in any way now. I love her dearly, but I resent her every day and pretty much treat her like a roommate. I'm nice, but I just do my own things, cook and clean for myself and avoid going to bed at the same time to dodge any chance of sex talk. I've begun to wonder if I'm so deep into this cuckolding stuff that it will ruin my marriage if she keeps it off the table.

Looking for any advice about navigating this situation. Either by migrating my thoughts away from this stuff (redo my whole Reddit, focus elsewhere), or by trying to get her to reconsider or try yet another variant. I have learned how to do BDSM things, delving into that world, but as soon as I came back across some cuck porn it was like an old shoe that fits perfectly into my deepest desires. Any helpful suggestions or similar experiences? Thanks in advance.

[venus-can99]

I am not in the LS so cant offer any "advice" - perhaps others with more experience can offer better advice. My only suggestion would be to perhaps see a marriage therapist, especially someone who is open and understanding of the LS, since you still love her but she is unwilling or unable to be the Domme. It takes a lot of effort to be a domme, given the amount of responsibility and trust place in you (you are already aware of it)

[Cdncuck]

Hi
Getting into this lifestyle, particularly the D/s end of things isn't something everyone can do. Your wife seems to have given it a reasonable try but if it doesn't excite her then that's it. You can't make someone like something if it's just not for them.

You say you have feelings of resentment which isn't good. In response, you're withdrawing from her which will just make matters worse. My advice to you is: you have to decide if you want this marriage or not.

If you feel you can't get past the need for a cuckold relationship, perhaps you should consider ending the marriage. If your marriage is important to you then I suggest you forget the cuckold action for now and work on fixing things with your wife.

If you want to stay together then get counseling. There's more going on here than you can fix yourselves.

[iloanmywife]

My beautiful wife of 20+ years has cucked me several times and caged me for various stints over the past few years, but she doesn't like it. She is a super nice person and cannot muster any sustained dominance. She likes fucking other guys more in theory than in practice because they tend to communicate terribly and overhype their prowess. It's more the naughty double-life part that she enjoys. She also didn't like being my "everything" by which she means the sole target of my sexual desire, it was too much. So, we currently have an open relationship and date separately. I perform Dom services on some of the women I date, which they absolutely love but for me is just meh.

I'm average size and our sex is great. Wearing the cage for more than a day would make me cum too fast to satisfy her, so she didn't like that effect though she was pleased with my willingness to do so many chores while caged. Having a keyholder and wearing the cage is such a turn on for me, and having her lord over me after she comes home wet from a date and rubs her pussy in my face is absolute bliss, for me. It has also taken over me porn viewing.

We have tried many variants, and she ultimately wants me to lean into my manly side while still doing the extra chores that were made easier when I was caged. A couple months ago she declared that she can't do it anymore and there will be no more caging or cuckolding.

My heart just isn't into pleasing her in any way now. I love her dearly, but I resent her every day and pretty much treat her like a roommate. I'm nice, but I just do my own things, cook and clean for myself and avoid going to bed at the same time to dodge any chance of sex talk. I've begun to wonder if I'm so deep into this cuckolding stuff that it will ruin my marriage if she keeps it off the table.

Looking for any advice about navigating this situation. Either by migrating my thoughts away from this stuff (redo my whole Reddit, focus elsewhere), or by trying to get her to reconsider or try yet another variant. I have learned how to do BDSM things, delving into that world, but as soon as I came back across some cuck porn it was like an old shoe that fits perfectly into my deepest desires. Any helpful suggestions or similar experiences? Thanks in advance.

Your situation doesn't sound healthy right now. I hope you and your wife get right. No kink, no matter how deeply ingrained into your persona, should push you and your wife apart. It sounds like you sense that, but you'd like to see how you can make this (i.e., cuckolding) work for both of you.

Like yours, my wife likes to be dominated. We've found what works is for both of us to be submissive to a man who can give her that. It sounds like that might work for you and her, if you could find the right guy.

[tentativetalker]

Thank you each, in order. Appreciate the responses.

[tentativetalker]

I am not in the LS so cant offer any "advice" - perhaps others with more experience can offer better advice. My only suggestion would be to perhaps see a marriage therapist, especially someone who is open and understanding of the LS, since you still love her but she is unwilling or unable to be the Domme. It takes a lot of effort to be a domme, given the amount of responsibility and trust place in you (you are already aware of it)

Thanks, we have gone to couple therapy a few times and learned some useful tools, but we did not engage deeply into this subject. Agree, and it takes extra effort to perform a role that doesn't come naturally.

[user322]

Hello
if your wife is nice and she loves you, treat her with respect brother.
Love is more important than anything. You must dominate your impulses, they must not dominate you otherwise you become their slaves.
And if you really want to become a slave at all levels, including a slave to your sexual impulses, then tell your wife, and maybe leave her if your relationship no longer fulfills you, but do it with respect towards your wife.

[trecital]

I'm not entirely sure what your ideal situation would be.
But it sounds like you are seeking a 24 hour cuckold lifestyle. And, understandably, your wife isn't on board. That's not what she signed up for when you got married.
It's a bit of a generalisation, but many men have an obsessive type of personality. And it sounds like you've discovered cuckolding, and now want that in your life 24/7, and expect your wife to follow your lead. And are now disappointed when she doesn't want to.

For me, cuckolding is for the bedroom (ok, it takes place elsewhere too, but you get the point). Outside of the bedroom, life is 'normal'. There's references to cuck type things, now and again, but other than that, life is non-cuck.

You need to sit down and try to work out a compromise that works for both of you. You should offer to keep your cuckold type urges within limits that are acceptable.
Don't let this obsession ruin your marriage. Think of cuckolding as being similar to addiction to drink or drugs. And understand that you probably have a similar addiction.

If your wife is not the dominant type, then accept that. We can't always get what we want. If it's not in her nature to Dom you, then it's very difficult for her to do it.

And, just supposing that you might have thoughts about leaving her, and finding another woman with the right dominant personality...... Chances are very slim of that happening. Plus, a woman with a dominant personality is unlikely to act in just the way you would like her to.

Reconcilable differences? Of course. But not without compromise.

[venus-can99]

Well put trecital.

[parklife]

Some conversations need to be harsh to get the point across.. this is one of those times….

You aren’t resentful…. You just acting like a petulant child who is t getting HIS way so he wants to avoid it and walk away. You’re just upset that you can’t make this cuckolding situation the way YOU want it to be…. That’s a YOU problem and if you’re delving into BDSM is akin to trying to Top from the Bottom.


You want a cuckold situation with her controlling your sex and making your cock useless in a cage? Step back and look, you’re in it minus the cage. She’s having sex in an open marriage, she telling you how she wants you to act and yet you’re so hung up on online fantasy, you can’t even recognize you’re being cucked and she’s the keyholder but because you can’t get your mind right, it doesn’t count?!?


Ridiculous.

You have a beautiful wife in a long term marriage with a woman that is super nice and provides great sex but also dabbles in the fantasy but doesn’t like when you’re a one pump chump because a cage. (All ways you’ve described her) yet you’re resentful? Give me a break.

Is this reconcilable.. YES… and I don’t even think you need therapy.. at least it couples therapy. You need to work on your mindset. Why is a cage and a key holder important? You’re denied now (even if it is self denial). She is being dominant and letting you know what SHE wants…. You to be a man and do your fucking chores but also be able to please her when and how she wants. Not lacking stamina because of a cage. Yet your too blind by Reddit to see her dominance and accept it.

Leave Reddit… leave here if you have to.. play mental gymnastics with yourself if necessary…. Keep an open relationship but guess what? Don’t open your side. Do the chores, fuck her as she needs…. Focus on her priorities and needs (isn’t that what being a submissive cuck really is about?!?). If you aren’t, you’re trying to make your subservience all about YOU. And that’s about the last sub/cuck thing I can imagine.


Change your mindset…. You’re amazing wife is showing you the way but you’re allowing outside forces to determine your fantasy. Life isn’t satisfying your fantasy? Change your fantasy (or recognize it differently) not your life.

[Gearup]

well said parklife

[Gulfcpl]

Some conversations need to be harsh to get the point across.. this is one of those times….

You aren’t resentful…. You just acting like a petulant child who is t getting HIS way so he wants to avoid it and walk away. You’re just upset that you can’t make this cuckolding situation the way YOU want it to be…. That’s a YOU problem and if you’re delving into BDSM is akin to trying to Top from the Bottom.


You want a cuckold situation with her controlling your sex and making your cock useless in a cage? Step back and look, you’re in it minus the cage. She’s having sex in an open marriage, she telling you how she wants you to act and yet you’re so hung up on online fantasy, you can’t even recognize you’re being cucked and she’s the keyholder but because you can’t get your mind right, it doesn’t count?!?


Ridiculous.

You have a beautiful wife in a long term marriage with a woman that is super nice and provides great sex but also dabbles in the fantasy but doesn’t like when you’re a one pump chump because a cage. (All ways you’ve described her) yet you’re resentful? Give me a break.

Is this reconcilable.. YES… and I don’t even think you need therapy.. at least it couples therapy. You need to work on your mindset. Why is a cage and a key holder important? You’re denied now (even if it is self denial). She is being dominant and letting you know what SHE wants…. You to be a man and do your fucking chores but also be able to please her when and how she wants. Not lacking stamina because of a cage. Yet your too blind by Reddit to see her dominance and accept it.

Leave Reddit… leave here if you have to.. play mental gymnastics with yourself if necessary…. Keep an open relationship but guess what? Don’t open your side. Do the chores, fuck her as she needs…. Focus on her priorities and needs (isn’t that what being a submissive cuck really is about?!?). If you aren’t, you’re trying to make your subservience all about YOU. And that’s about the last sub/cuck thing I can imagine.


Change your mindset…. You’re amazing wife is showing you the way but you’re allowing outside forces to determine your fantasy. Life isn’t satisfying your fantasy? Change your fantasy (or recognize it differently) not your life.

Spot on.

[tentativetalker]

I'm not entirely sure what your ideal situation would be.
But it sounds like you are seeking a 24 hour cuckold lifestyle. And, understandably, your wife isn't on board. That's not what she signed up for when you got married.
It's a bit of a generalisation, but many men have an obsessive type of personality. And it sounds like you've discovered cuckolding, and now want that in your life 24/7, and expect your wife to follow your lead. And are now disappointed when she doesn't want to.

For me, cuckolding is for the bedroom (ok, it takes place elsewhere too, but you get the point). Outside of the bedroom, life is 'normal'. There's references to cuck type things, now and again, but other than that, life is non-cuck.

You need to sit down and try to work out a compromise that works for both of you. You should offer to keep your cuckold type urges within limits that are acceptable.
Don't let this obsession ruin your marriage. Think of cuckolding as being similar to addiction to drink or drugs. And understand that you probably have a similar addiction.

If your wife is not the dominant type, then accept that. We can't always get what we want. If it's not in her nature to Dom you, then it's very difficult for her to do it.

And, just supposing that you might have thoughts about leaving her, and finding another woman with the right dominant personality...... Chances are very slim of that happening. Plus, a woman with a dominant personality is unlikely to act in just the way you would like her to.

Reconcilable differences? Of course. But not without compromise.

No, not 24/7, but more than she wants and I need to compromise. Thank you for writing, the 2nd half is spot on.

[tentativetalker]

Some conversations need to be harsh to get the point across.. this is one of those times….

You aren’t resentful…. You just acting like a petulant child who is t getting HIS way so he wants to avoid it and walk away. You’re just upset that you can’t make this cuckolding situation the way YOU want it to be…. That’s a YOU problem and if you’re delving into BDSM is akin to trying to Top from the Bottom.


You want a cuckold situation with her controlling your sex and making your cock useless in a cage? Step back and look, you’re in it minus the cage. She’s having sex in an open marriage, she telling you how she wants you to act and yet you’re so hung up on online fantasy, you can’t even recognize you’re being cucked and she’s the keyholder but because you can’t get your mind right, it doesn’t count?!?


Ridiculous.

You have a beautiful wife in a long term marriage with a woman that is super nice and provides great sex but also dabbles in the fantasy but doesn’t like when you’re a one pump chump because a cage. (All ways you’ve described her) yet you’re resentful? Give me a break.

Is this reconcilable.. YES… and I don’t even think you need therapy.. at least it couples therapy. You need to work on your mindset. Why is a cage and a key holder important? You’re denied now (even if it is self denial). She is being dominant and letting you know what SHE wants…. You to be a man and do your fucking chores but also be able to please her when and how she wants. Not lacking stamina because of a cage. Yet your too blind by Reddit to see her dominance and accept it.

Leave Reddit… leave here if you have to.. play mental gymnastics with yourself if necessary…. Keep an open relationship but guess what? Don’t open your side. Do the chores, fuck her as she needs…. Focus on her priorities and needs (isn’t that what being a submissive cuck really is about?!?). If you aren’t, you’re trying to make your subservience all about YOU. And that’s about the last sub/cuck thing I can imagine.


Change your mindset…. You’re amazing wife is showing you the way but you’re allowing outside forces to determine your fantasy. Life isn’t satisfying your fantasy? Change your fantasy (or recognize it differently) not your life.

Thanks Coach PL, you aren't wrong. I'm working on it, making a plan and executing it at the same time. The point aimed toward porn is very salient in this case, I think, it has shifted my thinking.

We had a long talk and agreed that I'll minimalize my focus in that direction and she will bring home a creampie from time to time as a surprise. We found some common ground and will take it from there. The initial post was sent out at a particularly low point, of course I'm going to work things out. She regrets saying she doesn't want to be my everything and we renewed our ideal of getting old together. (Think of the Adm Sndler song.)