Advice - cuckolding gone wrong

[JamesandAmie]

Hi all,
My wife and I have been married for 35 years. I took M away from her boyfriend V way back in 1989 and we got married. I knew she could not just leave him like you turn off a faucet so I told her that it's better if she sees him until she gets over him than going behind my back. So I used to take her to V when she wanted to go or when V wanted her. This lasted for six months then she stopped asking. I did enjoy sloppy seconds, eating her creampie with V's sperm in it. Then sometime later, about 4 years into our marriage she strayed to another precis bf, K. It died quickly because she did not have to hide and it was K's current gf who peeped i on them and sent me the video. I was furious because of her hiding and we didn't discuss it. However, his size was very thick and a bit longer than me and seeing her enjoying K's cock turned me on, but I didn't tell her. We had no more cuckolding/hotwife experiences because she joined a church and it was immoral. I fully accepted that. We have three adult children, a medical doctor, and accountant, and a young economist.
Fast forward to June 25th 2024. Her high school bf,
R, contacts her. This is 40 years after. She entertains him without my knowledge then I bug her phone and find out they planning to meet on 13th July 2024. Knowing she can't go with out me she tells me. I didn't act surprised but told her that she must use condoms. It's arranged at a resort for Saturday night but he doesn't arrive until 1 a.m. Sunday morning. And 2 hours after he leaves and I go into the room and I'm looking for used condoms but find none. I asked and she says he took his cum filled condom with him. I don't believe it but have no other reason to think otherwise. I reclaim her by eating her, she says she has an orgasm and I make love to her. I sense something different. Her orgasm during oral sex was not the same as hundreds of times before. Her pussy does not smell as if he was there. I told her that she faked her orgasm. I said that I didn't expect her to cum because he had made her cum a few minutes earlier. She claims she didn't cum and was saving it for me. I told her that I know she didn't cum because I know her body.
Fast forward, Tuesday 16th 2024. I'm listening to their conversations and watching their video chats then, boom, at 4 a.m. I listen, he says that he wants to fill her pussy up with his sperm like he did Sunday morning. I go to bed and look at her in her, at eyes whilst she slept. She opens her eyes and closes it asking what happened. I continue staring and she opens her eyes again. I told her, you had unprotected sex with R. She says yes. I get feelings of hate, anger, love, excitement but the fact that we don't know his status is terrifying. So we visit the clinic where she is well known since she is the Matron of one of the nearby hospitals. To save her embarrassment I explain thar I exposed her by me not having protected sex. We get into counseling with the HIV Specialist doctor who puts us in PEP. We don't have sex since and we are constant talking with me being the one who is afraid of HIV infection. We are not in good terms because of that exposure. I want to leave her but I like the sex part but not the unprotected sex part. She said she is sorry many times but I'm drifting away emotionally from her. I'm feeling less in love with her. I feel betrayed by her for exposing me without my consent and judging it from me allowing me to eat her with his sperm in her. I don't know what to do but the testing sequence is on exposure, 28 days PEP, test again 4 weeks after exposure, we are in between, this and the 90 days test after exposure. Then there is the 180 days after exposure left. We are not having sex and we will not until all the testing is completed in January 14th, 2025. She and R continue video chatting and talking. They have not met again. He doesn't know that I'm aware of the affair. He refuses to test for HIV. if he tested and is negative, is be relieved but he doesn't want to. She gave up asking him to test. I love and hate my wife. R is living and talking to her in demeaning ways as if nothing happened. I need advice.

[JamesandAmie]

Update: She says she still wants to make love with R but I'll have to make all the arrangements from here on. I can use her messaging app they use and set it up, take her to a hotel, and give her 1 - 1/2 hours then come back to the room to reclaim her.
That message tells me she fell emotionally attached to him.
On the 11 September 2024, we are going for follow up HIV testing. We both had to take PEP after that exposure and we are not in good terms. We go to the same clinic with the same doctor and nurses. Aye, it's complicated.

Last night, 10th September, I asked her if she thought what if things go terribly wrong and I get jealous or it backfires. She said no.
I skee her, did he tell you he would have sex with you without a condom, she said yes. "RED-LIGHT "

DID YOU WORRY ABOUT CONTACTING HIV ? She said no.

[ugcp]

Dude, wtf.

You and your marriage sound toxic. Granted I don't have a hell of a lot to go on, but healthy relationships don't involve such invasions of privacy, exhibiting no trust, secrecy, and making your partner feel disgusting.

It sounds like you don't want to even be with your wife. And that you expect/demand to always maintain some sense of moral superiority in all things so that you get to retain power and privilege over her - maybe something left over from unresolved resentment from infidelity.

If you want her to be monogamous, then say so and decide together if that is the dynamic you will live by. And if that is decided, and the decision is violated, then end the relationship... don't carry on with this half-way, fetishized approach. It's like you're saying "well, you're not supposed to sleep with other men, but you can if you need to, but then I get the right to be a dick about it".

If you want her to fuck other men, then you need to be reasonable about the things that will likely happen. The fact she hides things from you indicates she feels compelled not to be honest.. that being honest will lead to undesirable consequences for her. Given we only have your side of the story here, I can't fully identify the reasons she might have for this, so I have to speculate a little, but I'm guessing she ends up punished in some way, like you distancing yourself from her emotionally and/or physically. Which is exactly what it sounds like with your boycotting of sex with her (on the rather far fetched grounds of her having contracted HIV). Now you get to punish her in a continuous way for months while maintaining that moral superiority (and making her feel gross and bad). News flash, condoms break and shit happens. If sex is ever on the table (which you seemed to support if not outright push for), then you are already accepting these things may happen. But then you react after the fact like it is the most egregious violation of the purity if your marriage.

Humans break rules and push the envelope. Things evolve and change over time. Rules and plans get made, and then they go out the window in the heat of the moment. Mike Tyson's quote "everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth" comes to mind. If you aren't prepared for your plans or rules to not be adhered to to the letter, I'd advise you to not proceed. I'd also advise you, and really everyone, to work on your ability to retain resilience in the face of adversity... things don't always go to plan, and if/when that happens, you need to be able to get past it without melting down.

I wonder how you regard your wife as a person and partner. Do you hold her in high esteem, as an incredible person of impeccable character that you appreciate and cherish? If not, maybe ask yourself if you still want to be married to her. If so, then consider if your behaviour and attitude towards her is appropriate.

[JamesandAmie]

Thank you UCGP,

You are experienced and that is why I asked for advice. I didn't want compassion but direction. I read through your message and took things that will help. Especially if my attitude and behavior is appropriate towards her.

"Things don't always go to plan, and if/when that happens, you need to be able to get past it without melting down."
I believe I was melting down. So thanks for this as well.

Since it was not a regular guy, and we didn't have no regular since 1989, we went to the clinic after dinner it was in fact an exposure to desease. I see it all the time that copies on our hotwives that there is no bareback with out prior clean test results.
Today, 11th September when we did our follow up test they told us we can now have protected sex.
But all in all, you brought it some good pointers and for that I'm grateful. When we need advice, we ask for it and that's what I did and I'm very much appreciative.

[JamesandAmie]

Dear all, I read this from a post here. I share his sentiments. Yes, my wife is not expendable. She has the last day sheeter l whether she sees him again or not but we must agree on some boundaries. No clean test results = no bareback sex.
4herpleasure89 quoted
"Thank you for those comments. Everyone has their own unique dynamic, boundaries (or none) etc. For me, no amount of deception is acceptable, none. I recognize that my wife is at fault in this as he wouldn’t have been successful had she not been.

But we are through with him regardless. Guys are expendable, my wife is not. We are doing well and are going to be fine. But we will step away for the time being."

[JamesandAmie]

Hi friends,
Another update. We are both solving the matter now. She decided that since R caused so much turmoil in our lives, she will not see him again. She asked me what I would enjoy. Wow! This question was my turn to say what I would enjoy.

I told her I would enjoy watching her, guiding him inside her, giving her 69 whilst he take her from behind.

She told me that is something I always wanted since I told her many times during our marriage.

We now have that in the agenda but not actively looking yet.

[Watchinu69]

Just like that there is joy again in Mudville ... until next time

[Wisher]

then I bug her phone and find out

I need advice.

In many places this is a crime. In all places it's a violation of trust and privacy.

[JamesandAmie]

then I bug her phone and find out

I need advice.

In many places this is a crime. In all places it's a violation of trust and privacy.

In all places cheating is a violation of trust and privacy. In some places cheating is a crime as well.

[JamesandAmie]

then I bug her phone and find out

I need advice.

In many places this is a crime. In all places it's a violation of trust and privacy.

In all places cheating is a violation of trust and privacy. In some places cheating is a crime as well.

[JamesandAmie]

At times I wonder, if you ask for advice, why are you then judged so harshly.

[trecital]

She decided that since R caused so much turmoil in our lives, she will not see him again. She asked me what I would enjoy. Wow! This question was my turn to say what I would enjoy.

I told her I would enjoy watching her, guiding him inside her, giving her 69 whilst he take her from behind.

In one sentence you say she will not see him again, and then you discuss with her what you would like him to do.
Confusing.

"At times I wonder, if you ask for advice, why are you then judged so harshly." If you ask for advice then you must be prepared to get some advice that you might not want to hear.
What would be the point for asking for advice that was only what you wanted to hear?

[venus-can99]

J&A - the two of you need to be clear on what you want from your relationship. Fantasies ar one thing but reality may turn out differently since there are human beings involved. Perhaps a good discussion between the two of you and meeting with a marriage counselor who is prepared tp guide you thru ENM may be your best bet?
You may already know from your research that the foundation for hwing is mutual trust and a very strong marriage.
Just my 2 cents from some one who is NOT in the LS

[JamesandAmie]

J&A - the two of you need to be clear on what you want from your relationship. Fantasies ar one thing but reality may turn out differently since there are human beings involved. Perhaps a good discussion between the two of you and meeting with a marriage counselor who is prepared tp guide you thru ENM may be your best bet?
You may already know from your research that the foundation for hwing is mutual trust and a very strong marriage.
Just my 2 cents from some one who is NOT in the LS

Dear Venus-Can99,

Thank you so much for this advice. I felt your honesty and your genuine support. I appreciate that so much. We are both going through changes and I'm sure we'll overcome and more so with your advice and those who have had similar experiences and came up on top. Mutual trust failed us but the strong marriage is keeping us afloat as we weather this storm. We will continue our discussions and adherence to boundaries but more so we are discussing that I'll be present should it ever occur again. Thank you once again, I felt the love

[coastalkid]

Hi friends,
Another update. We are both solving the matter now. She decided that since R caused so much turmoil in our lives, she will not see him again. She asked me what I would enjoy. Wow! This question was my turn to say what I would enjoy.

I told her I would enjoy watching her, guiding him inside her, giving her 69 whilst he take her from behind.

She told me that is something I always wanted since I told her many times during our marriage.

We now have that in the agenda but not actively looking yet.

It has to be significant progress if she asked you what you would enjoy. Do you feel confident that R is out of the picture?

[JamesandAmie]

Hi friends,
Another update. We are both solving the matter now. She decided that since R caused so much turmoil in our lives, she will not see him again. She asked me what I would enjoy. Wow! This question was my turn to say what I would enjoy.

I told her I would enjoy watching her, guiding him inside her, giving her 69 whilst he take her from behind.

She told me that is something I always wanted since I told her many times during our marriage.

We now have that in the agenda but not actively looking yet.

It has to be significant progress if she asked you what you would enjoy. Do you feel confident that R is out of the picture?

Hi Coastalkid,

Thank you fir your response and for your caution.

She has assured me that R is out of the picture. Her asking me what I want was, in her words, "if we decide for it to happen again in the future, but not with R." I told her that my role as a cuckold is non-traditional. I want to be an active cuck, watching, participating, planning, preparing, organizing, setting and enforcing boundaries such as "no unprotected sex" and actively taking part.

Unprotected sex can lead to sickness including HIV and must only be done when we are fully tested and having only that one person and he only having us.

It's for both our pleasure - 'I don't enjoy being left out.' That's not what most cucks do but this is what I need out of it, to be a part of it.

Then, I told her that.

We are still healing over her activities with R so I don't see anything happening soon.

I'll post when it occurs again but I am hoping that it goes right the next time.

Thank you to all for your support.

[wannabecUKold]

He refuses to test for HIV. if he tested and is negative, is be relieved but he doesn't want to. She gave up asking him to test. I love and hate my wife.

Late response. It is obvious he should be tested, he should have done so before they started having sex. His refusal was indeed an absolute red light. She is right to dump him, and any other lover who refuses to get tested. This is a serious life-changing risk.

As for his excuse not to get tested, he should think what he is saying: that, if he's infected, he doesn't want to know he is. Instead he'd prefer to continue going round infecting others. That recklessness is appalling, and possibly criminal.

Incidentally, you had PEP, post-exposure prophylaxis. PEP needs to be started within 72 hours of the exposure, otherwise it is ineffective, because the virus has had time to establish itself.

[JamesandAmie]

He refuses to test for HIV. if he tested and is negative, is be relieved but he doesn't want to. She gave up asking him to test. I love and hate my wife.

Late response. It is obvious he should be tested, he should have done so before they started having sex. His refusal was indeed an absolute red light. She is right to dump him, and any other lover who refuses to get tested. This is a serious life-changing risk.

As for his excuse not to get tested, he should think what he is saying: that, if he's infected, he doesn't want to know he is. Instead he'd prefer to continue going round infecting others. That recklessness is appalling, and possibly criminal.

Incidentally, you had PEP, post-exposure prophylaxis. PEP needs to be started within 72 hours of the exposure, otherwise it is ineffective, because the virus has had time to establish itself.

Thank you for your response. I truly appreciate it. We did take the PEP before the 72 hours, so that was a relief. We are doing our ongoing tests and thus far it's all negative. We have a few more to go before the all clear is given but we are assured that is unlikely we got infected.

This has reinforced our commitment to open communications and not keeping secrets. After all, it's something we both want only that it be done as we agreed, I must participate. I know that in some topics here, the wife goes alone. In our case, I want to participate so it just means that we need to find someone who is willing for me to participate. Please don't flame me for wanting to participate, it's just how I want it. I don't agree that I sleep in the spare room. I don't agree that she is exclusive to her lover. I don't agree that they go out on trips together. I applaud my fellow cuckolds who enjoy that. I'm in the category that wants to always participate.

So we have agreed that it is the way it will be in the future. We are certainly not in a hurry to try again. We have a lot to recover from this past encounter.

I'll keep you updated.