New marital developments

[elina]

Guys,

Please stop the speculations.
Tacoma has not logged on since Jul 4th.
We don't know why.
It is not uncommon for the OP to stop posting for a prolonged period of time, and then come back; putting all of the speculations to rest and shame.
He may be having a wonderful time with his Wife, now as Her cuckold, he may be struggling with being a cuckold, he may have a crisis at work taking all his time, there are countless explanations.

Lets just be patient and wait a little more.

Hopefully he and Betsy are both doing well and he will come back, and tell us.

Sincerely
elina

[Shiphead]

Guys,

Please stop the speculations.
Tacoma has not logged on since Jul 4th.
We don't know why.
It is not uncommon for the OP to stop posting for a prolonged period of time, and then come back; putting all of the speculations to rest and shame.
He may be having a wonderful time with his Wife, now as Her cuckold, he may be struggling with being a cuckold, he may have a crisis at work taking all his time, there are countless explanations.

Lets just be patient and wait a little more.

Hopefully he and Betsy are both doing well and he will come back, and tell us.

Sincerely
elina

Hmm,
We shouldn't post and speculate yet you just posted and speculated. Which is it?

[BallSpanking]

Kind of odd how Tacoma has been MIA ... It is anyone's guess as to why that might be, but, things might have gone much deeper between her wife and Joe than he anticipated. It would be nice to know, but who knows when/if he will return. I hope he is happy and loving having a HotWife.

[Shiphead]

Kind of odd how Tacoma has been MIA ... It is anyone's guess as to why that might be, but, things might have gone much deeper between her wife and Joe than he anticipated. It would be nice to know, but who knows when/if he will return. I hope he is happy and loving having a HotWife.

I keep vacillating between it was just a story and worrying about Tacoma. A number of us were concerned with the way Betsy excluded Tacoma from the experience in the story/post. It certainly seemed that Betsy was withholding info and likely lying to Tacoma because the time lines and her explanations of events were not syncing up. I hope it was just a story at this point.
This can be a possible warning to really work things out and that both married people need to be able to communicate with the other. It seems often, us guys are so into making our fantasies come true that we are unprepared for the time that it happens.
I keep seeing posts where the wife finally believes and has tested the husband enough that it's OK for her to proceed. But there is no communication from the husband as to how he can be involved. Guys are thinking with their small head, in most cases anyway. Sounds like some of these cocks may be bigger than the head on their shoulders. But I digress.
To often it appears to me that the wife, is told it's all her and just go ahead. Then she gets involved the first time and withholds the tryst from her man because that's what he told her was fine with him and the wife still doesn't trust her husband can handle it. As I said earlier, so many of the time frames and explanations don't add up. I have been suspicious of many of the posts where the wife first goes out with someone. That's just me though. Usually if something smells like fish, someone went fishing.

[hwc]

Great thread!

Hope to hear more of the developments soon...

[Tacoma75]

Thanks for all the interest everyone. It’s been trying times lately. My wife went out with Joe and slept with him. We’ve been arguing nonstop for weeks. I’m have been stressed out and pretty sure she has been seeing him on the side as well. She just blames me constantly for starting all this when I call her out for not respecting my wishes. We spoke earlier tonight about a long term solution. I suggested she see him once a month with
minimal contact outside of that. Which is clearly a pipe dream on my part. Lucky for me he has no interest in being her man or I’m sure she would be gone in a minute. It’s been terribly stressful and I’ve been sleeping in the guest room for weeks jacking it furiously late at night while thinking of the two of them together. Big time shame. I know that’s lame but it’s where I’m at. I think we will get through this together but it’s rough going for now. Take care all.

[Shiphead]

I'm sorry for your situation. I've been in a somewhat similar situation before. There are therapists who deal with ENM couples. That may help if you can get there together with her. The therapist could possibly help set up some boundaries that you can both work towards.

[Dream Weaver]

So talk to us…. Where do you think you went wrong or right? Was it too much for you… or did she simply not include you enough?

[Shiphead]

Tacoma, I sent you a DM.

[thinman]

Tacoma - I am so sorry to read your recent post. It sounds very similar to a situation I had with my wife that happened many years ago. After being married to me for a long time, she slept (one time!) with a friend from college (with my support) and then kind of went crazy. Luckily he lived far away, and was married (his wife didn’t know). My wife was in constant contact with him for awhile after their encounter, making plans for them to get together in the future, and lying to me about everything. Our marriage was in real danger. I finally had to contact him and put an end to it. She was unbelievably angry at me, and I don’t think she has ever really forgiven me. We are still married, many years later. But there was damage done then that I don’t think has ever completely healed.

As Shiphead suggested, if you can get the two of you into therapy with the right person, that might help. Also, if she will let you back in bed, I think you should probably be there, even if you are not having sex right now. Anything to keep the lines of communication going is good. She needs to recognize that she is an adult, and responsible for her own actions and the consequences of those actions, and stop blaming you. That is probably going to take a long time for her.

Back when this happened to me, I felt so alone. There is a good community of supportive people here, so please feel free to reach out.

[Xmatty1]

I too am sorry things are not going well. But this seems to be what you wanted, and encouraged her to do when she wasn’t so sure. It obviously still turns you on and is beyond your control at the moment. So why not be involved and enjoy that you are not in control.

Not being in control is what excited you initially. And being removed from their relationship is not helping your marriage.

Please keep us up to date, it must be hard for you if you think your wife is keeping things from you. That can really be tormenting. I’m sure the people here can help with that.

[Shiphead]

He didn't envision this situation according to his posts. He made the mistake of not sharing his expectations and then letting Betsy build a pretty serious emotional relationship with Joe in secret. This LS is meant to enhance their primary relationship. It has to have clear and shared communication of what is going on outside their marriage.
It was apparent she started cheating by lying to Tacoma. Not a goodway to start the LS or to protect his marriage.
Just because a guy asks his wife to try the lifestyle doesn't mean it's a lifetime pass to do whatever she wants. If it is causing problems for either of them, they need to sit down and figure out how they can continue in the lifestyle in a way that works for them both.
The excuse and accusations that he pushed her into it, so it's his fault and she can then disregard him and their relationship is bullshit and a horrible argument for lying, cheating and hurting him. That is not the LS unless a person expressly states that is what he wants. He was not interested in submission or a cuckold relationship.
Your suggestion that he deserves that treatment is not true and hurtful at best.

[BallSpanking]

I think Tacoma's latest post is revealing, albeit unfortunate. But I also think there is plenty of room for the two of them to sit down calmly and lovingly (not with a purpose to level accusations or angry reproach), and talk about the dynamic that Tacoma hoped to create within their marriage.
I think that if his wife understood that he did not, and does not wish to sabotage their marriage, but rather, enhance it, she would be a greatly relieved and understand she can continue to see Joe, and have a loving supportive marriage at home at the same time.
So Tacoma, I hope you can establish a loving and conciliatory communication along these lines so your wife does not feel put aside or dismissed by your desires for her, and for your marriage.
I would also suggest, Tacoma, that you come to terms with the fact that once your wife does decide to become a HW, you cannot dictate the terms or frequency of her affair with Joe. Remember, she has to be self motivated and enjoying that interlude, not stressed out that her husband will give her the 'third degree' over it each time she sees him. I think you need to relax and enjoy the fact she has a lover she (clearly) enjoys seeing, and you need to make this an activity that involves you as well. Whereas I doubt she is willing to let you in on her interaction during their trysts, I do think there is a great possibility for the reclaiming once she gets home, even if you only are allowed to please her orally. It will give your wife a new insight and appreciation of your love for her, and your excitement and acceptance from seeing her so well satisfied and pleased. Buy her some flowers, and some nice wine, and sit down with her for a loving one-on-one conversation.
Please keep us posted.

[Shiphead]

I think Tacoma's latest post is revealing, albeit unfortunate. But I also think there is plenty of room for the two of them to sit down calmly and lovingly (not with a purpose to level accusations or angry reproach), and talk about the dynamic that Tacoma hoped to create within their marriage.
I think that if his wife understood that he did not, and does not wish to sabotage their marriage, but rather, enhance it, she would be a greatly relieved and understand she can continue to see Joe, and have a loving supportive marriage at home at the same time.
So Joe, I hope you can establish a loving and conciliatory communication along these lines so your wife does not feel put aside or dismissed by your desires for her, and for your marriage.
I would also suggest, Tacoma, that you come to terms with the fact that once your wife does decide to become a HW, you cannot dictate the terms or frequency of her affair with Joe. Remember, she has to be self motivated and enjoying that interlude, not stressed out that her husband will give her the 'third degree' over it each time she sees him. I think you need to relax and enjoy the fact she has a lover she (clearly) enjoys seeing, and you need to make this an activity that involves you as well. Whereas I doubt she is willing to let you in on her interaction during their trysts, I do think there is a great possibility for the reclaiming once she gets home, even if you only are allowed to please her orally. It will give your wife a new insight and appreciation of your love for her, and your excitement and acceptance from seeing her so well satisfied and pleased. Buy her some flowers, and some nice wine, and sit down with her for a loving one-on-one conversation.
Please keep us posted.

I would say I agree with most of your advice. To begin, the fb is Joe. Tacoma is the spouse. But to say like many others that once a wife becomes a HW, that the husband has no say in the LS is wrong. He may have wanted it and pushed to start it, but she agreed. So to cast all blame on him is ridiculous.
Their relationship should still be paramount. Do you really think he becomes just a used man/husband who no longer is part of any needs, especially sexual needs and deesires from the relationship or responsibilities from the wife. Sadly, that is not even close to true. There are so many stupid examples I can run past you. So Betsy wants to go shopping for a dress. They agree it is in their budget. So Betsy goes and max's out their bank account and credit card because he said he agreed she could shop for clothes within their budget. Does that make any sense too you? To anyone? Nothing in a relationship is positively infinite. Every minute is by agreement and often compromise. To think starting or agreeing for our spouse to become a HW is automatically excluding ourselves from any current or future relationship decision is just a babysitter and financial facilitator.

[Pecannut]

Me too.. I would suggest to have a friendly open hearted discussion with your wife. Tell her your aim but give her freedom to do as she sees fit without any drama. All the best!

[Tacoma75]

Thx for the advice all. We talk but she has been openly angry at me a lot lately. I asked her if she’s seeing him behind my back tonight and she disappeared for close to two hours. Said she had to get some cigarettes and wine which normally takes 20 mins max.

She used to go upstairs and talk to him on the phone before they met which I kind of felt was hot. Now she’s coming home close to am hour later with no explanation and still disappearing into her room after we eat and probably talking to him.

I’m super angry at her.

[sandy691196]

Thanks for all the interest everyone. It’s been trying times lately. My wife went out with Joe and slept with him. We’ve been arguing nonstop for weeks. I’m have been stressed out and pretty sure she has been seeing him on the side as well. She just blames me constantly for starting all this when I call her out for not respecting my wishes. We spoke earlier tonight about a long term solution. I suggested she see him once a month with
minimal contact outside of that. Which is clearly a pipe dream on my part. Lucky for me he has no interest in being her man or I’m sure she would be gone in a minute. It’s been terribly stressful and I’ve been sleeping in the guest room for weeks jacking it furiously late at night while thinking of the two of them together. Big time shame. I know that’s lame but it’s where I’m at. I think we will get through this together but it’s rough going for now. Take care all.

I wouldn't call it lame. I would say that your body and mind and heart are not in the same place. Your body is positively responding to things which are destructive for you as a human being and for the marital relationship. You have lost all leverage and control in the relationship now. She will do what she will do. You will go on accepting it since your body is responding.

So you need to come to terms with who you are and align your life accordingly. If you feel its ok to live on as a beta cuck with 0 self respect then you need to reorient your life accordingly, with whatever else it entails.
If you really want to get out of this situation but don't know how to, then seeing a therapist is an option. As of now you can expect 0 help and empathy/sympathy from her. And there is no one else you can turn to for help.

See what's best for you and proceed accordingly.
Regards..

[Shiphead]

Sandy,
Do you really think your advise will help?
You said "So you need to come to terms with who you are and align your life accordingly. If you feel its ok to live on as a beta cuck with 0 self respect then you need to reorient your life accordingly".
How does he align his life accordingly? Zero respect is the best he can do?
What are you talking about?
Your cuck LS doesn't fit with his situation. Please explain how he can live accordingly. Your therapy suggestion is good and there are therapists who deal with NM lifestyle.

[sandy691196]

Sandy,
Do you really think your advise will help?
You said "So you need to come to terms with who you are and align your life accordingly. If you feel its ok to live on as a beta cuck with 0 self respect then you need to reorient your life accordingly".
How does he align his life accordingly? Zero respect is the best he can do?
What are you talking about?
Your cuck LS doesn't fit with his situation. Please explain how he can live accordingly. Your therapy suggestion is good and there are therapists who deal with NM lifestyle.

1. He is wanking, when in misery about his wife's infidelity. His body is responding positively to that state of self negation

2. He is not I. So telling him what I would do, is not relevant. I would put a stop to all this the moment my insides told me that it's not ok. But his body is on a different tangent vis a vis his mind and "better judgment".

3. The way things are with them is like an impasse. At this moment his wife doesn't give a 2 penny damn about him or his feelings. She is on a roll with NRE and even his presence is pissing her off.

4. He says that if the other guy wanted her seriously, she would be gone in a heartbeat. So he has no game left.

5. He is not finding it in himself to take a stand with all the consequences..So unless he is ready to walk when the chips are down, he has to do either of the 2 things I suggested.

6..Therapy could also lead to a break up, the way she is now. But then at least he would have the satisfaction of "I tried".

7. Finally if he is a beta cuck - then he is a beta cuck with all that it entails. Till now he is not finding the resources inside himself to be anything else.

So ..

[Dream Weaver]

Sandy,
Do you really think your advise will help?
You said "So you need to come to terms with who you are and align your life accordingly. If you feel its ok to live on as a beta cuck with 0 self respect then you need to reorient your life accordingly".
How does he align his life accordingly? Zero respect is the best he can do?
What are you talking about?
Your cuck LS doesn't fit with his situation. Please explain how he can live accordingly. Your therapy suggestion is good and there are therapists who deal with NM lifestyle.

I'd cool the jets a little bit. She's not the one who wrote "Her enjoying a guy that young seems like the best possible way to dip your toes into trying to get her to get laid. Your relationship with her are as safe as it can get. She won't catch feelings for a guy that young except maybe for more sex. "

Only Tacoman knows if Sally is right, or mostly right, or out of line. I suspect she's mostly right, but she could be spot on. So with a clear understanding of the situation, he can make rational choices.

Personally, I wish (and wishing isn't a strategy, it's just a wish) his wife sees Joe for what he is and realizes "I've made a big mistake". And I hope Tacoman isn't too full of bitterness at this point to start over and forgive. Words have obviously been said both ways. I hope they can get past it.

[Shiphead]

I gave or made that post BEFORE anything happened. He was still really excited and I was happy things were going well at that point.
Your comment came AFTER it fell apart and was horrible advice.
"So you need to come to terms with who you are and align your life accordingly. If you feel its ok to live on as a beta cuck with 0 self respect then you need to reorient your life accordingly".
Suck it up and act accordingly helps a guy with a troubled relationship AFTER it happened doesn't even make sense. Act accordingly. How does he do that?
BTW. I also don't even know if you're responding to the correct post. Who are Tacoman and Sally? This one is about Tacoma and Betsy.

[Dream Weaver]

I gave or made that post BEFORE anything happened. He was still really excited and I was happy things were going well at that point.
Your comment came AFTER it fell apart and was horrible advice.
"So you need to come to terms with who you are and align your life accordingly. If you feel its ok to live on as a beta cuck with 0 self respect then you need to reorient your life accordingly".
Suck it up and act accordingly helps a guy with a troubled relationship AFTER it happened doesn't even make sense. Act accordingly. How does he do that?
BTW. I also don't even know if you're responding to the correct post. Who are Tacoman and Sally? This one is about Tacoma and Betsy.

I mean Sandy (instead of Sally). I stand by the rest. Your advice "before" it went bad turned out to be 100% wrong. I'm not even really ripping you, we all know "the score" when we post here. Plenty of cheer-leading and encouragement. But it irked me how you poked at Sandy's advice, even though what she said was logical. I don't know how you don't know who "Tacoman" is. You know OP. The guy you encouraged. So maybe show a little humility and give other people with a little better track record a chance to contribute without bagging on them.

[Shiphead]

You cucks all give the same stupid advice. "You asked for it" which is ridiculous. Of course I encouraged him when it was going great. To say "have zero self respect" after is crazy advice. He didn't want to be a cuck. He want to be a Stag. No humiliation.
You are both ridiculous and hurtful to this man after it went bad. You can both go search out zero self respect for yourself. Some of us don't want to be a beta. We are both alphas. We don't want to be stepped on and humiliated. It isn't possible for us to live that LS.

[Shiphead]

BTW. You don't know my experience. I was living this LS probably before you were born. Before computers and ignorant advice. More experienced? Maybe you should follow that advice.
And I had no idea you were talking about Sandy. I thought you meant Betsy. How am i suppossed to know what you are talking about? I can guess at a lot of mistakes in posts. I make many guesses at making sennse of our posts. I figured Tacoman was Tacoma but it appears you didn't even read the whole post. Or at least your comprehension is bad.
And if you don't think advice before hand supporting their relationship and advice afterwards saying "too bad" aren't different, your thought process and empathy for others is zero.

[Cuckcuckgoose1]

This thread is getting ruined by all the commentary. Let Tacoma tell the story. If you want to offer advice then DM the OP. Otherwise you all are just bloviating.