Not a Cuckold, but Thought I'd Share My Situation

[severin]

Well next time, just lay your dick on her pussy, assure her that you won't penetrate her.

Then after you cum on her pussy lick it up (without asking first).

Then tell her if she wants that again, you need to have intercourse next time.

I've thought about that, but the combination of feeling totally uninspired to do so after I cum and the certainty that she'll be disgusted, has prevented it...

I know the feeling of losing the desire to eat your cum after you ejaculate. I find that after a partial or ruined orgasm, I'm still hungry for it. The first time I came partially and ate my cum off my wife's pussy, it was at my wife's insistence, which helped with the inspiration. It's now a regular part of our play, but I'm still pretty much incapable of eating it right after fully ejaculating.

I think part of what led her there was that if I was under orders not to come, but had come a little, I'd pull out and catch it in my hand and lick it off in front of her as a sort of penance. She definitely got the idea that I regarded it as fun domme/sub play. But I should note that my wife has been open to just about anything from the get-go.

[trdd]

Well next time, just lay your dick on her pussy, assure her that you won't penetrate her.

Then after you cum on her pussy lick it up (without asking first).

Then tell her if she wants that again, you need to have intercourse next time.

I've thought about that, but the combination of feeling totally uninspired to do so after I cum and the certainty that she'll be disgusted, has prevented it...

Thanks for checking in Dr Strangelove!

Completely understand that post. And, for many, doing a submissive act is one thing, but being told to do it is another. I couldn't imagine just doing that out of the blue. But having your wife tell you to clean it up with no tissues or towels.... that would be a different story!

[Read]

This thread is vanilla hot, and I love it.

[corey22901]

Perhaps something you might consider is ordering a stainless chastity device.

Try it on before and get used to it on your own time.

Then when the time is right, tell her that you have done some research and it is best for both of you if you were caged most of the time.

The selling point is that all of your energy will be focused on her pleasure and you accept that your needs come second. Believe me, being caged will put a lot more energy into your oral service and it sounds like she would welcome the training.

This take the pressure off you. Enjoy!

Corey

[drstrangelove]

So I know it's been awhile, but thought I'd make an update. Nothing earth shattering, but it could be a key moment in the gradual evolution of things. For the most part, nothing much has changed over the last few months--limited sexual encounters, with most still being me giving her oral and either cuming on her stomach afterward or in my boxers during (as I've mentioned, she GREATLY prefers when I cum in my pants so she can go right to bed after she gets off without dealing with the mess all over her). She gives me a BJ here and there as well, but virtually never swallows anymore, just runs straight to the sink. We had a vacation a couple week ago and she was on her period for some of it and we did have sex during the trip.

Anyways, on Wednesday we played a bit and ended up in a position that was very frequent for us years ago, but haven't done much recently -- her on her side blowing me and me using my hand to play with her pussy. I was a big fan of it back in the day because I'd be able to time it so she was super horny when I was about to cum and she'd always swallow to avoid breaking the flow of her pending orgasm. So it worked like a charm, haha...I came, she swallowed and then I went to finish her off. At that exact moment though, our one-year old started screaming her head off. It broke the mood and after we dealt with the baby, she just wanted to go to bed.

The next day (Thursday), I felt bad she was left frustrated the night before. I was super nice to her all evening and very supportive of her talking about her job, etc. I offered to give her head; she was tired, but agreed and we went upstairs for bed. I took my time though, sucking her nipples for a while, rubbing her entire body, gradually undressing her, until eventually working my way down to her pussy. I spent a long time down there building her up to a massive orgasm. I could have cum right away, but I prefer to not cum early and then still be giving her head for another 20-30 minutes, so I avoided getting myself off.

I tried to time it with her orgasm, but I was off a bit, so she came first. She exploded all over my face -- really incredible stuff. Directly afterward, I said, "thank you babe, that was awesome." She looked down and asked "wait, you didn't cum? How is that possible??" Nothing new, as she usually gets frustrated when I don't cum. So she just said, ok, come on, motioning for me to finish on top of her.

Instead I said "nah, its ok, we can avoid the mess on you, I'll just jerk off quick like this," and I lied on my back. I was super close already and I told her, honestly, I think with this becoming our usual routine, I prefer giving you head to having sex anyway -- you've trained me well!" In the moment, I was all turned on, so i also told her to promise me she wouldn't fuck me for the rest of the month. She just laughed and said sure, turning her body away while my hand groped her ass. And then I came all over myself and she said: "I knew that'd do the trick."

Anyways, then last night, she looked great and I was like: "Let's drink some wine and watch TV and then forget what I said last night and have kinky sex all night!" She just laughed and was like, "ok, let's watch TV..."

At the end of night, I got tied up on my computer and we went to bed separately, but today I realize I'm putting her in a bad spot and sending mixed msgs. Ultimately, she'd prefer not having sex--an added bonus if it makes me happy, lol, but also I can tell doesn't want to hurt me, so if I ask her for sex, it puts her in a bad situation where she doesn't know if she's supposed to deny me or cave in.

As others have pointed out, I'm wondering if a chastity device would be a good next step. Give over all the control so there's less guilt from her....although without me being able to jerk off, she may end up with more guilt...

[drstrangelove]

Back to back updates...

So last night we head up to bed early, but my wife still said she was tired. We started to play anyway and after some brief foreplay, she pulled my on top of her and indicated she wanted sex. I was totally into it and focused on pleasing her--literally thought I was giving her the best sex of her life as she seemed really into it. I hadn't cum in a couple of days, but I had enough wine that I was able to hold it together.

After ten minutes, she asked me to stop and said it hurt (her moans of enjoyment were obviously fake). It was crushing to be honest. I tried to make it that it was no big deal and just said I'd jerk off quick...but she just sat there, silent and motionless and I was about to just give up.

THEN, she mounts me, pressing her pussy against the underside of my cock, and starts grinding on me. It felt good at first, but she must have just shaved the day before because there was slight stuble on her pussy lips that was rubbing against and hurting my dick. I went to roll her off me and she just leaned forward, pressing me down and kept riding until she eventually came. At one point I even tried to put my cock back inside her, but she stopped me. And it wasn't because she thought it was kinky or I'd like it, she just didn't want to fuck me.

After she got off, she tried to jerk me off to finish, but again, was quite and clearly not into it and I couldn't get off. I went to bed with blue balls.

So I don't know where I am or what to do. I'll update this thread when appropriate I guess, but right now our sex-life feels like a complete disaster.

[severin]

This must be so frustrating and confusing. I can imagine a similar scene, with the sole difference that she's into pleasing herself and denying you — for your mutual pleasure — and it's hot & fun.

Do you think she has a good handle on what *you're* looking for?

[Des 31]

Had my wife resisted my encouragement that long, I would have given up to avoid her feeling I was harassing her. She is happy with the way it turned out for us, but we each realize most wives can't bring themselves to even try it once. I wouldn't have risked my marriage by continuing to press her into fucking other men, but - like you - it would have been frustrating for me had she not ultimately agreed. I have told her that many times since and she says she now wishes she had agreed earlier. She once said, "Darn, I missed out on two good guys who wanted sex with me before we started down this path."

[drstrangelove]

This must be so frustrating and confusing. I can imagine a similar scene, with the sole difference that she's into pleasing herself and denying you — for your mutual pleasure — and it's hot & fun.

Do you think she has a good handle on what *you're* looking for?

Honestly, at this point, I’m just looking for a fun and interesting sex life. I’ve certainly made it clear to her that I like her having a dominant role in bed, but her actions are just so inconsistent that we haven’t been able to build on anything.

[drstrangelove]

Had my wife resisted my encouragement that long, I would have given up to avoid her feeling I was harassing her. She is happy with the way it turned out for us, but we each realize most wives can't bring themselves to even try it once. I wouldn't have risked my marriage by continuing to press her into fucking other men, but - like you - it would have been frustrating for me had she not ultimately agreed. I have told her that many times since and she says she now wishes she had agreed earlier. She once said, "Darn, I missed out on two good guys who wanted sex with me before we started down this path."

I could certainly see her having that attitude in one variation of our future. It seems more likely that I live out the rest of my life frustrated though.

And to be clear, I’m not pushing her to fuck other men right now. I can’t imagine that would be a good idea right now...

[jacksonjones]

This must be so frustrating and confusing. I can imagine a similar scene, with the sole difference that she's into pleasing herself and denying you — for your mutual pleasure — and it's hot & fun.

Do you think she has a good handle on what *you're* looking for?

Honestly, at this point, I’m just looking for a fun and interesting sex life. I’ve certainly made it clear to her that I like her having a dominant role in bed, but her actions are just so inconsistent that we haven’t been able to build on anything.

Just want to point out that you have two little kids, including a one year old. Your sex life is going to be inconsistent for a while still. Take your time and enjoy what you do have - especially outercourse! What seems frustrating and confusing now can lead to deep and satisfying sex of all kinds in a few short years.

Keep the focus on her pleasure, the feelings and emotions of both of you and most importantly be patient. I know it seems like a normal (haha), regular and interesting sex life is out of reach but it will be back before you realize it, and this time will be in the rearview mirror.

[drstrangelove]

This must be so frustrating and confusing. I can imagine a similar scene, with the sole difference that she's into pleasing herself and denying you — for your mutual pleasure — and it's hot & fun.

Do you think she has a good handle on what *you're* looking for?

Honestly, at this point, I’m just looking for a fun and interesting sex life. I’ve certainly made it clear to her that I like her having a dominant role in bed, but her actions are just so inconsistent that we haven’t been able to build on anything.

Just want to point out that you have two little kids, including a one year old. Your sex life is going to be inconsistent for a while still. Take your time and enjoy what you do have - especially outercourse! What seems frustrating and confusing now can lead to deep and satisfying sex of all kinds in a few short years.

Keep the focus on her pleasure, the feelings and emotions of both of you and most importantly be patient. I know it seems like a normal (haha), regular and interesting sex life is out of reach but it will be back before you realize it, and this time will be in the rearview mirror.

I think you’re absolutely correct. When I step back and look at it, I realize I’m in the thick of it right now. Maximum stress. It’s still frustrating, but your advice to slow down and take it day by day is sound.

Who knows, one day this thread may all just be a preface to an epic story.

[dickhurtz472]

DrS...

i have read the first five pages over the last two days. at that point i stopped reading & chose to comment.

all the comments, so far, seem to be, instructional, as in, how they would do it, & that's fine. however,

i'm afraid my comments are not going to be taken in the spirit in which i intended.

in the 5 pages i have read, i don't recall you mentioning, one time, that you and/or wife have expressed your love for each other. your sex sessions sound, at least to me, very clinical,& like a discussion trying to determine where to go for lunch. i detect no passion.

do you guys ever get a night to your selves? no grandparents to watch the kids? any romantic anything in your lives? you know, a walk in park holding hands? out at night just watching the moon & the stars & maybe, making out on a park bench? ever send her flowers at work? ever leave a loving message in her suitcase when she is traveling? ever go to dinned & dancing on a saturday night & make out in the driveway because you are both too hot to make it inside?

i may be way off base, here, & i hope i am. it just seems to me that you & the wife are on different planets. i'm still confused if your wife is, tentatively, playing your game, or if she is totally uninterested in intercourse, with you or anyone else, unless it, just plain, suits her.

topping from the bottom just doesn't work, for anybody.

& before the flamers take exception to all this, there is no disrespect here. just concern & frustration or DrS's behalf.

please tell me i have it all wrong.

pete

[drstrangelove]

DrS...

i have read the first five pages over the last two days. at that point i stopped reading & chose to comment.

all the comments, so far, seem to be, instructional, as in, how they would do it, & that's fine. however,

i'm afraid my comments are not going to be taken in the spirit in which i intended.

in the 5 pages i have read, i don't recall you mentioning, one time, that you and/or wife have expressed your love for each other. your sex sessions sound, at least to me, very clinical,& like a discussion trying to determine where to go for lunch. i detect no passion.

do you guys ever get a night to your selves? no grandparents to watch the kids? any romantic anything in your lives? you know, a walk in park holding hands? out at night just watching the moon & the stars & maybe, making out on a park bench? ever send her flowers at work? ever leave a loving message in her suitcase when she is traveling? ever go to dinned & dancing on a saturday night & make out in the driveway because you are both too hot to make it inside?

i may be way off base, here, & i hope i am. it just seems to me that you & the wife are on different planets. i'm still confused if your wife is, tentatively, playing your game, or if she is totally uninterested in intercourse, with you or anyone else, unless it, just plain, suits her.

topping from the bottom just doesn't work, for anybody.

& before the flamers take exception to all this, there is no disrespect here. just concern & frustration or DrS's behalf.

please tell me i have it all wrong.

pete

A lot to unpack, but I will say that my descriptions are focused solely on our sexual experiences. I didn't think this was an appropriate place to talk about our romantic dinners and details on vacations, etc. I do think we have a genuine love for each other and share a great love for our children.

Your point about topping from the bottom is inherently true--I've always just been looking to do thing that are going to get her interested in sex. Being submissive to her seems to check that box often, and also awakened the cuckold interest from me.

To be fair though, I'd be quite happy if she wanted me to bend her over and fuck her in the ass like a drunken bar slut too, but that's just not the case.

Ultimately, I'm confused as to what has been happening, what I'm trying to make happen, and what the future has in store, so it's not strange that you're having trouble following my listless narrative in this thread.

FWIW, I can tell she felt bad about the other night all day on Sunday. Last night (Monday) she went upstairs for a bath and suggested I join her. I ended up doing so and we chatted for a bit in a warm bath (not about sex stuff). Eventually, she somewhat initiated, which led to a BJ with me sitting on the edge of the tub (awesome) and tranisitioned into the bed room for doggy-style. She came first and then I finished up.

It was a genuinly fun, sexy, romantic sex session with nothing overly kinky about it. Unfortunately, it doesn't feel real to me--it's happened before after she messes up and feels guilty. I worry that I'm still back to square-one moving forward.

[dickhurtz472]

DrS;

thanks for responding. it sounds like you have a lot going on in several aspects of your journey. i must confess, i cannot read your wife, no matter how hard i try.

good luck moving forward.

pete

[SutterKane]

How about a therapist? Just for her or both as a couple. Finding the right therapist for what she/the marriage needs can be a pain, but if you do, they may be able to help her with whatever is going on with her and sex. When what you're doing ain't really getting you anywhere, try doing something new.
Sutter

[drstrangelove]

How about a therapist? Just for her or both as a couple. Finding the right therapist for what she/the marriage needs can be a pain, but if you do, they may be able to help her with whatever is going on with her and sex. When what you're doing ain't really getting you anywhere, try doing something new.
Sutter

I think that is exactly the next step, but I’m just doubtful that she will be forthcoming. It also would be a scheduling nightmare with our full-time jobs and young children.

FWIW, she did go to therapy for a year or so following a car accident she had. Her anxiety became overwhelming and she needed someone to talk to...it helped her. In this case, I’m not sure she is convinced there is actually a problem though.

We will see, but I suspect therapy is the eventual endgame.

[drstrangelove]

Still feel like I’m in purgatory a bit, but wanted to provide an update. We’ve had sex a few times in the last month (2-3), but it wasn’t very enjoyable for either of us. Unspoken, but obvious. She’s just in a rush for me to cum and I’m miserable knowing she isn’t having much fun.

One interesting session didn’t involve sex though. I was hard and fondling her ass under her pajama pants while she was cuddled up to me seemingly ready to fall asleep. So I just started jerking off. At first I wasn’t even sure if she knew, but she seemed to realize right away. She moaned a bit and said, “yea babe, just cum.” So I kept going and she kept giving feint moans. After a minute or so, she rolled onto her back, pulled down her pants, and said “just cum on me, I know you want to.”

So I did.

She then told me to get her a wet rag, she cleaned up and we went to bed.

It’s a weird dynamic because she clearly seemed to like that scenario more: it was quicker and less involving for her.

Us having sex seems very obviously only happening because she thinks that’s what I want, but I’m miserable fucking her because she is so uninterested. I’ve mentioned that to her a few times, and she knows me being denied sex turns me on anyway, I’m just not sure what to do from here. I feel like I’m stuck.

I had a thought last night of just suggesting I try a chastity cage to give her all the control, though I worry that with all the stress of the little kids, she’ll just completely shut off her sexual thoughts and leave me even more frustrated...and I wouldn’t even be able to jerk off.

So yea, not sure what to do next.

[drstrangelove]

So we played last night. She was in the mood and I got her worked up sucking on her nipples for a bit.

Eventually she took off her pants and I asked, "Is it ok if I just go down on you tonight?"

She smiled and said "absolutely."

I worked my way down and told her that I'd do my best to cum in my pants.

I ate her out for about ten minutes until she came. I was really focused--the last few times she mentioned I was too rough and my scruff hurt her pussy, so I made sure to keep gentle contact with my mouth and focus on my tongue work. Long story short, by the time she was cuming, I couldn't get myself there to time it.

Right on cue, she asked if I came. I told her no and she was annoyed: "You said you'd cum down there tonight though."

So I apologized and told her no need for sex and asked if I could just jerk off. She just said sure.

So I went on my back and started stroking. She was still coming down from her high and she draped her legs over me and let out a long "mmmm."

I then said, "See, we both enjoy this so much more. Can't this just be our sex life instead of having sex?"

She said something like, "mmm, do you really enjoy it more too?"

"Yeah, babe."

"Mmm, cum on my stomach."

So I told her no need for the mess (as I've mentioned, she sometimes dislike when I cum on her because of clean up), I can just cum on my chest.

So she responded, "no, just come up here and cum for me."

So I sat up and positioned myself between her legs and kept stroking. She spread her legs wide, rubbing her hands over her breasts, stomach and pussy and just let out a soft moan. I came hard humping my hand just above her pussy.

She then asked me to get her a wet towel to clean up and I did.

Once we were both in the bathroom, I mentioned again how much better that seemed to go. That neither of us have enjoyed the sex lately and both of us really enjoy when I give her head. She weakly declined not enjoying the sex, but didn't offer much more.

So now I'm left to consider things and I'm confident she enjoys getting head WAY more than sex 99 percent of the time. I also tend to think she doesn't always want to deny me sex if I keep asking. I think it's on me to stop asking and always be willing to go down on her if I want this to progress.

Truthfully, nothing about the session was all that different than times in the past, but this time there was more verbal communication and confirmation.

I suspect with NYE coming, we'll have a couple more play sessions this week, so we'll see how it goes.

[jratt85]

I still say it sounds like she's been getting some on the side for a while, or at least is fucking herself for someone else.. That time she went off on you when she was texting someone and then suddenly was fully in the mood moments later just sticks with me.. If you hadn't noticed women don't tend to flip flop like that so easily.. Whoever she was talking to had her in the mood. I'm betting you are getting cucked and just don't notice it.

[drstrangelove]

I still say it sounds like she's been getting some on the side for a while, or at least is fucking herself for someone else.. That time she went off on you when she was texting someone and then suddenly was fully in the mood moments later just sticks with me.. If you hadn't noticed women don't tend to flip flop like that so easily.. Whoever she was talking to had her in the mood. I'm betting you are getting cucked and just don't notice it.

That was her boss (female) regarding a work issue. I should have clarified as I can see why that would be a red flag.

[jratt85]

That was her boss (female) regarding a work issue. I should have clarified as I can see why that would be a red flag.

hmm.. have you ever asked her if she has any fantasies about having sex with a woman? She does love getting oral, maybe she's dreaming about her boss eating her out when you do it.

[drstrangelove]

That was her boss (female) regarding a work issue. I should have clarified as I can see why that would be a red flag.

hmm.. have you ever asked her if she has any fantasies about having sex with a woman? She does love getting oral, maybe she's dreaming about her boss eating her out when you do it.

Haha, yes, and she definitely does not. She’s as straight as can be.

Not to sound lame or boring, but there’s no affair, even though it would turn me on...

[jacksonjones]

You guys are having great sex, try not to overthink things. You must keep in mind that you have little kids (and jobs!) and the stress levels and set of priorities around your domestic life are just different right now.

No doubt she enjoys getting her pussy licked and you finishing yourself off, it feels good and it's orders of magnitude easier that intercourse. Take this as an opportunity to expand what your sex life is and hopefully in the future you can build on this foundation to develop some more kinky games and sex.

I went through a v similar phase with my wife after kids and really, just taking the time to relax, enjoy our bodies and get to a place where "sex" is not defined as a penis ejaculating inside a vagina but rather a shared experience of pleasure and intimacy has made all the difference. Our sex life now is intercourse, for sure, but also involves all manner of handjobs (which is love so much!) as well as pussy licking, foot worship, voyeurism, supervised masturbation and other types of tease and denial and mild femdom. And the time spent focusing on intimacy and mutual pleasure, rather than specific sex acts and definitions of kink has paid off now in terms of how well we communicate and trust each other, but also an openness to experimentation and new ways to get off, *together*.

Finally, I'd say that communication is super important but also make sure you're hearing and listening to HER as well. It's easy to let your dick lead, but trust me, it will almost always lead you astray! Try discussing things with her post-orgasm, and really make sure the focus is on your connection with her and the intimacy in your relationship, that will pay the biggest dividends in the long run.

[realcucklife]

Always great to hear how things are progressing