Young married guy here

[bean33]

Has Lauren brought the topic up again? Or you to her?

[bean33]

Has Lauren brought the topic up again? Or you to her?

[RunDannyRun]

Hey folks, I am not checking this site often. i don't have any positive news. Sorry for disappointing. We are just busy with our work and our runs. I didn't broach the subject and she didn't bring it up.

But I am fairly sure I fucked it up. I tried to have sex after the incident and she refused and since then she just said that she is not interested every time I bring it up. We still sleep in the same bed but we do not have any sex. I am fairly certain she is punishing me. I tried to have a conversation about this but she just shut me down. I am not sure how to broach this and every time I try to initiate any kind of physical contact, even a chaste hug, she moves away from me. I once tried to ask her what is wrong, she told me that she doesn't want to discuss it.

I am not sure what to do now. We just behave like roommates.

[Small]

Hmm - yeah it certainly does seem like she is pretty hurt by the experience and to some extent seem to blame you for it, based on her behaviour and cold shoulder she's giving you. Clearly, this can't continue forever but one thing's for sure - now is not the time to mentioning hotwifing again. Just treat her with respect and show her you love her, then hopefully she'll come around and start loving you back and maybe sometime hotwifing can be a topic again, but I don't see it happening anytime soon. First you need to get your relationship back on track. I wish the best for you.

[wannabecUKold]

This is unfortunate.

So she has brooded on it. And the problem has grown so it relates not simply to that episode but to all sex with you. From there it could build up to an issue/decision about you as her relationship partner as a whole.

You need her to get out of that mindset (regardless of how she got there). The most obvious suggestion I would have is to take her away on a romantic holiday together. Then you can be partners doing fun things together and she sees the good in you again. With luck the change of scenery will encourage romantic sex. Any sex will do, even if it's just touching to start with. Above all, remember the key words 'I love you'. Smalzy things like a rose on the bed will all help.

At some point, the elephant in the room must be addressed. I would say that you had better do something before she builds up to a unilateral decision. You are on holiday, so if you have an open discussion (ie a row), you can do it in a neutral space, and can leave it there when you return home.
But she will not want to hear you justify the cuckolding idea. Her attitude will be that she trusted you and now she has found that you are not the person she thought you were. Remember that she may have been talking to someone else, like a girl friend or even her mum, who may be giving her a wholly negative steer, so she sees herself as (she thinks) others see her, which is never a good view. She will be blaming herself for being a slut for wanting to try it (but transferring 100% of that blame over to you).

Be confident and don't lose your sense of humour. At some point, you need to beg forgiveness. A small but excruciatingly expensive diamond usually does the trick. Take your punishment like a man.

[Dream Weaver]

I think there is a bunch of wisdom in what wannabecUKold says above. My wife also went from red hot to ice cold on the idea, and it definitely effected our sex life negatively for a while. I suspect she did get "advice" from somebody. Nothing you can control.

Drop the idea, love the flowers idea, start over, ,don't lose your cool. Be forgiving. Cuckolding sort of put me in - what I absolutely did not intend but unfortunately it happened by default when she went cold to the idea - a selfish place from a sexual/mental perspective. That was the worst part. Like kicking a drug. Sex wasn't nearly as good. That's just the way it went for a while. So suck it up, beg for forgiveness as said above, and this too shall pass.

[Gulfcpl]

There has been some good advice on here and some cheerleading. Listen to the sensible stuff and ignore the cheerleading. Those who try to push too much aren’t the ones who have to suffer the consequences. Hopefully you’ll get your marriage back in order and if you do, you need to forget this fantasy or at least never verbalize it again unless she ever brings it up and only then.

I’ve said for many years on here that this isn’t for everyone. I only wish you the best.

[sandy691196]

Hey folks, I am not checking this site often. i don't have any positive news. Sorry for disappointing. We are just busy with our work and our runs. I didn't broach the subject and she didn't bring it up.

But I am fairly sure I fucked it up. I tried to have sex after the incident and she refused and since then she just said that she is not interested every time I bring it up. We still sleep in the same bed but we do not have any sex. I am fairly certain she is punishing me. I tried to have a conversation about this but she just shut me down. I am not sure how to broach this and every time I try to initiate any kind of physical contact, even a chaste hug, she moves away from me. I once tried to ask her what is wrong, she told me that she doesn't want to discuss it.

I am not sure what to do now. We just behave like roommates.

Your trying to have sex right after her bad trip sent a message to her.
What do you think was that message? Was it like you empathizing with her predicament and trying to make her feel cared for? Supporting her reaction and her revulsion towards what the guy tried?
Or was it a message that you found the situation hot and it turned you on?

Work out the answer to the above and you will understand her present state of mind. The way she sees you and your relationship.

[joel68]

Sandy,

I hope he comes back and reads this. Great way of looking at his situation!

[sandy691196]

Sandy,

I hope he comes back and reads this. Great way of looking at his situation!

Well yah. I was tryin to sensitise him on this for a while..

[dadah]

still no renewed interest from lauren......??

[dadah]

after lauren was so actively involved in setting up her date with james after some rather explicit and suggestive flirtations between the two of them, and then became upset when he misread her willingness and overstepped, i am still surprised that she has not revisited it all, analyzed her own conduct and expressed some interest in perhaps continuing, though perhaps with another lucky soul.

[dadah]

any renewed interest from lauren ??

[Rogueuser1]

Shoot at this point i hope he has been able to fuck lauren again. His last post made me so sad. I hope they are both happy and doing well.

[Jujube]

I wish people would back off seeing if there’s any interest from Lauren. I guarantee there is NO interest from Lauren, and I’m willing to bet there never will be. What an idiot James was, knowing it was a meet and greet over coffee! The kissing was even surprising to me, having the impression how conservative and demure Lauren seems. I think the thing to do is chuck all the hot wife stuff and apologize for ever getting her in this situation in the first place.

[RunDannyRun]

Hey Folks,

I have some interesting news for you all. It has been around 2 months since my wife had that disastrous date with that tool. Lauren completely shut me off since then. You can look at my previous posts to get more details about her cold shoulder towards me. A few weeks ago I noticed that she changed her phone's passcode. We both knew each other's passcode since we started dating but this is completely surprising to me. But also made me realize that our relationship was probably gonna end.

After I noticed that she changed the passcode, I noticed a few other things. She was on her phone a lot and seemed to be texting someone. On some days, she is very distant and on some other days, there was some hope that our relationship was not over. She completely ignores me on some days and makes her own food and some days she proposes to go for a run or get some takeout. We still didn't have any sex since that disastrous date.

I sleep in the guest bedroom and for the past couple of weeks, I just tried to drown myself in work as I was fairly certain that she was gonna leave me. Yesterday, she asked me to go to our favorite spot and I assumed that this was where she was going to ask for a divorce. I have tried to put on a brave face and just didn't say anything while we went there.

We just started out into the woods and didn't say anything for a few minutes. I figured out that she wants to say something that has been weighing heavily on her but I don't want to bring it up as I really don't want to hear the D word. She finally tells (I am paraphrasing the conversation a bit),

"I haven't been the best wife for the past couple of months. The date with James was very confusing and I was ashamed of what happened. I also treated you unfairly during this."

I tried to interrupt her and tried to reassure her that everything is okay and she can take all the time to process how she is feeling. But she cut me off

"While the date turned out to be horrible, it was also very exciting. I am very sorry but I have been having having an online affair with someone for the past few weeks"

While I suspected that something like this was happening, I was still surprised. I just started at her.

"I met a teacher from my highschool a week after the date with James and we spoke for a few minutes. I looked him up on instagram and added him. It was just casual conversation at the beginning but things took a sexual nature a last month. We sexted and sent each other some sexy pictures."

At this moment, I was fairly certain that she was leaving me. She went on to tell me that they met each other on Wednesday and she told me that they made out for a few minutes. She then said that she felt immense guilt as she felt that she was destroying a marriage. He has four kids at home and his wife doesn't know anything about this affair. She told him that she was feeling guilty about what they were doing and told him that she doesn't want to continue it anymore.

I was still not sure what this means to our marriage. She was in tears at this point of time and she hugged me tight and started apologizing. Now, I am more confused than worried about my marriage. We went home and I cooked some dinner. She actually initiated sex yesterday but I didn't last too long. We had some more discussions about this affair.

I am not sure what this means for Lauren and me in future. I didn't bring up cuckolding. I did go through the chats between them. So I think our relationship is okay now?

[Cuckcuckgoose1]

Strange behavior on her part but very encouraging. I feel she wants to continue in this LS but has no guidance. You guys need to talk. And when you're done talking, talk some more. And when that is done, talk again. And when that is done.....well you get the point. Communicate. And more importantly get "her" to communicate better.

[joel68]

Interesting. I guess we will see how it plays out. But based upon what you posted, maybe she will be looking elsewhere with your approval.

But I doubt if this will happen anytime soon. But she has now has had a whiff of it.

But whatever goes on from now on will be up to her.

Please keep all of us updated.

[Rogueuser1]

Definitely could be a turning point - tread lightly and just focus on rebuilding your relationship is my best advice. Don't mention the affair or cuckolding for a bit. Consider asking for her new phone code as a sign of trust/rebuilding trust but think carefully before doing that since I don't have the full story.

[Topnotch]

I agree with cuckcuck... communicate.

[wannabecUKold]

Many thanks for the update and sharing with us.

Your young wife sounds a real sweetie. It would be a great shame if you two divorced.

She is clearly a sexy and pretty girl. She got excited about the idea of extramarital sex - and was ready to give it a try. That's something to remember for the future (but not right now). Then she got shocked by the intrusiveness of James's behaviour and she switched 180 degrees to drop any idea of this sort of behaviour and to blame you as if you were some sort of freak who she should have nothing to do with. She near-immediately starts an online flirt, which then she stops not because of your relationship but lest it damage the guy's marriage. And then she confesses and she cries.

I think you have handled this well: patiently, letting her dictate what happens, letting her sort herself out. She has been round in a circle. She's has hopefully come back to square 1. She might have been surprised at how calm you were.

If I were her aged aunt, I would give her quite a telling off. She has behaved badly but blamed you. It wasn't your fault James went too far. She clearly wasn't as upset as she made out, since - with staggering hypocrisy - she started an online affair. The good news is that she does recognise she treated you unfairly during this.

Anyway, put that behind you now. I think you should now have plenty of sex together - get back into the marital bed. Dominate her a bit while also cherishing her. Tie her up and spank her. Take her bum. Get her back into talking about what sex she wants. You do have some pointers about what turns her on. And yes, there will come a time when she is ready to have sex with other guys, but that should only happen after you have put your relationship on a sure and firm foundation.

[Jujube]

Good advice. What an unexpected turn of events! The seed has been planted and she experienced how exciting it can be, until James fucked up. I’d play up the excitement and tell her her behavior after it went south was understandable. If you play your cards right, and take it really slow, things are looking good for a reset and continuation down this path.

[sccuck]

Sorry, but I’m not convinced you believe things are ok. What do you think about her pursuing the HS teacher behind your back? Her stopping the pursuit out of concern for his marriage and family and not her’s or you? Her telling you about it only after she decided that relationship was over? Her changing her phone passcode? Her withdrawing and distancing from you and your relationship for, in her telling, an incident that she accepts was out of your control, but she found exciting? If you’re not ok with any of this, and you thought she was punishing you by withholding intimacy and friendship, and you thought she maybe wanted a divorce, have you told her these things? I get the vibe your communication style is avoidance, and your wife knows that from your history together and from the fact that when you had the opportunity to mention any of these red flag concerns, you didn’t. Instead you apologized. At the same time, I don’t think you know what your wife wants, and maybe worrisome, she’s more than ok with that.

[sandy691196]

Unfortunately the entire flavour of the thread is whether something, any new development, may lead to cucking or not! That apparently is the sole yardstick for judging the situation!
Irrespective of whether the basic relationship is intact or at risk or damaged irretrievably!

[RunDannyRun]

Thanks a lot for your suggestions and concern.
We had a long chat yesterday about how things were during the past two months. I am not going to list the whole one hour conversation here but here is the cliff notes version of it.

I did express my concern over her behavior towards me for the past couple of months. I told her that her lack of communication was upsetting and I was not sure where our marriage was heading. I couldn't ask her why she changed the passcode as I didn't want to give her an impression that I was snooping.

She told me that the past two months have been very confusing for her. She reiterated that she loved me more than anything but then I asked her about treating me like a stranger the past two months. She was initially mad at me after the James debacle, for suggesting the whole cuckolding thing and just wanted to compose herself for a couple of weeks. She told me that she mostly thought about some conflicting feelings. She said the texting phase was very exciting and felt unreal but when she met James in real life, she had second thoughts and really didn't want to proceed. I then asked her about the online affair. She told me that she had huge crush on him while she was attending her highschool (He is 42 years old now) and she mentioned that she just flirting with him in the beginning. He knew that she was married to me and I saw in the chats that they both admitted to have dead bedrooms. I asked her why she did not mention that she was talking to Tom (her teacher) to me during the past month. She was a bit quiet and then mentioned that she just wanted it to be a texting thing and never intended to meet him in person. She just liked the feeling of texting and she was sure that she would never meet him. I told her that she didn't even let me hug her and she didn't reply anything to that. Finally she admitted that she felt very weird dealing with two men at the same time. She was beating around the bush but finally admitted that she felt that she would be cheating on Tom if she had done anything with me. I was dumbfounded and reminded that she was cheating on me with him in the first place. She didn't say anything after that.

I asked her what are we going to do now. She told me that she enjoyed the thrill of texting but when she meets people in real life, she freaks out and tries to end things. She says that she gets very anxious when things get a bit physical. She told me again that she loved me and she will communicate and be more open in the future. I asked her if she wants to continue the affair with Tom. She said no. she told me that she wants to meet someone different in future but she needs to focus on work till the end of the year as she kind of slacked off during the past month.

I do not think she was 100% honest with me. I still don't know why she didn't want to touch me while she had the affair. But she has been pretty open with me since last week. She even teased about cuckolding once (she asked me if I would like to see her date some hollywood actor). I also learnt that she has no qualms about dating an older man and that too a conservative guy (Tom seems to be a gun nut).